Amortentia for Two
"Hello and welcome to a new episode of Amortentia for Two. Today I have a very special guest – Hogwarts' resident muggleborn, Santana Lopez!"
Brittany flashed a smile at Santana across the bubbling cauldron and wiggled her fingers.
"Britt… there's loads of muggleborns at Hogwarts. It's not just me."
"Well, that's debatable. Question one – is it true that muggles all have brown blood instead of red?"
"Uhh no, you need to stop listening to Slytherins."
Brittany frowned and gestured to a long, sharp knife balanced precariously on the edge of the table.
"Does that mean you're not going to let me show my faithful viewers the difference between magic and muggle blood?"
Santana's eyes widened. A second later her wand darted out and the knife was transfigured into a silver feather. "No."
"Well. Some people just aren't accommodating at all. So Santana, you're the captain of the Gryffindor quidditch team. Did you have any flying experience before Hogwarts?"
Santana began to roll her eyes, then paused and shrugged. "Depends if you count the flight to Puerto Rico."
"That is an extremely long flight!" Brittany exclaimed. "Tell us more! How long did it take? How did you stay replenished?"
"About 10 hours? We had microwaved pasta."
"Mi-cro-wave." Brittany's tongue stuck out from between her teeth as she jotted it down, then looked directly at the camera. "I will talk to the house elves tonight and see if they can arrange microwaved pasta for us all. The muggles have some extraordinary dishes."
"It's a way of cooking. Not a very good way. It'll blow up in Hogwarts, you'll send the house elves into a panic."
The potion in the cauldron fizzed loudly, sparks jumping out of it. Santana's eyes widened but Brittany just poked it with her wand and lobbed another sprig of herbs in it.
"What do you even have in there, Britt? It can't be Amortentia, even if it smells…"
Brittany beamed across the cauldron. "Nothing important. Question three. Do you plan to become Minister for Magic or Prime Minister?"
"Well, I'd go for both. Duh. But I thought that was your plan?"
"I'll be too busy as Supreme Mugwump and Secretary-General of the UN." She turned to the camera again. "The UN is the muggles' organisation to stop themselves finding out about wizards. Plus some healing and fighting. They try to do more of the healing. Final question – one that has mystified many at Hogwarts since the incident at the Yule Ball. Who is Scaramouche, and did they do the fandango?"
Santana smirked. "That is a muggle mystery which I cannot answer." She pointed her wand at the camera to shut it down, just in time before she started giggling.
"Britt, that interview was insane."
Brittanny shrugged with a wide smile, picking up her list of notes. "Point out idiocy of "mudbloods". Give examples of muggle technology. Explain the basics of muggle politics. And I still just don't get that song."
Santana shuffled over to wrap an arm around Brittany, kissing her on the cheek. "Sorry love. Gotta keep some secrets. You're starting to be better at muggle stuff than me," she said, nodding at the huge camera.
The potion hissed again and Brittany hurried over to it.
"Seriously Britt, what is that?"
Brittany didn't reply for a few seconds, before finally turning around with two sloshing goblets. She held one out to Santana who took it warily. "Well real amortentia is banned… normally I just put milk in there, but with you on the show I thought I'd make a few modifications to the real thing."
Santana sniffed it again, her head suddenly swimming with Brittany's perfume, Brittany's stinky potion clothes, Brittany's hair… With anyone else it would have been alarming, but for Brittany it just intensified what was already there in an exhilarating headrush.
Brittany lifted the goblet and downed hers, pausing only to send a locking spell at the dormitory door then stepping forwards to scoop Santana up. "Come on dearest muggleborn of mine."
Santana lifted the goblet to drink hers quickly, several drops spilling down her cheek as she pushed forward to kiss Brittany. She could feel the potion spreading through every inch of her body. Brittany Brittany Brittany. Britt. Brittany Pierce. Brittany S. Pierce. Wait. Brittany S. Pierce?
"Brittany," she mumbled, pulling away. Her grin was as lopsided as Britt's. "I just realised. I forgot to tell you about the most important thing in the muggle world. Brittany Spears."