Wake Me From My Nightmare.
Roxas revels on the memories of his beloved Axel. He thinks about his death.
Roxas then goes to Axels apartment and tries to follow after his lost lover.~Depression, & suicide
Consumed by darkness, I hear nothing around me. I feel nothing, almost as if I'm numb. The words spinning around endlessly in my head. Those damn three words;
"I love you"
They curse me, ringing through my ears.
Why did he have to leave. Why did he have to go!? ...Axel.
I love you too, But I dare not say those words. I can never say them again because you are no longer here.
Roxas Opens his eyes and see the night sky above him. Snow gently falls as he tries to forget those words. The precious words that he so desperately clings to, the words that hurt him yet gave him great joy. There is nothing else left in this world for him anymore right? Axel fought so desperately to protect Roxas from Xemnas's wrath, Axel freed him, but at what cost? Axel was no longer here, his only friend,his lover, the only person that ever cared for him, and made him happy. He lay in the snow for some time, the snow melting through his clothes making him wet,cold,numb. But he didn't care. He was already numb. His mind rushing after receiving news of Axel's death. All he wanted was to be with Axel. He thought about the deep fiery red hair that smelled of sweet strawberries,the deep emerald eyes that always looked at him so lovingly, he missed Axel's arms around him that Roxas always just felt so safe in,but most of all he missed his lips, those wonderful soft beautiful lips that he wished he would have been able to kiss again. He just missed Axel, it killed him so much thinking about the memories of him knowing that he can never have them back yet he never wanted to forget, keeping every bit of the good and bad replaying the memories over and over again like movies in his head. What was there left to do anymore. Life was no longer worth living, it no longer had a purpose..Roxas was so terrified of dying but the thought of living without Axel was a punishment worse than death. Even though Axel had sacrificed his life for him, Roxas couldn't stand to be without his companion. There was so much he wanted to say to Axel, he had always known the redhead had loved and cared for him, but the blonde never got the chance to confess his true feelings to him.
Roxas then stood up, not caring about the the cold. He was in a park, no one else was around and he preferred to be alone, but being alone with his thoughts was just as terrible. "Why did he do it? Why couldn't he just take me with him, my life has no point if Axel is not in it. nothing will ever be the same." His blue eyes burned as he fought the tears threatening to fall. All he wanted was to die, the constant thought kept repeating in his mind. He decided it was best for him to disappear, and thought of going to the only place that once always made him feel safe but will probably now haunt him with memories,and that place was... Axel's old apartment.
Roxas reached the apartment and stood in front of the door, pulled out the set of keys Axel had given him many years ago. He found the key that unlocked the door to his apartment. He stared at it and a slight smile went across his face, it had red and orange flames on it. Axel always loved that style, hell it suited him. He was all about fire, as if he was a part of fire himself. He loved playing with fire, adored the color red and his personality was always upbeat and happy like an ongoing flame, he was almost never sad.-He walked into the house and it still smelled of apple-cinnamon which Roxas knew was from the candles he had given Axel for Christmas. He took a deep breathe, inhaling the wonderful smell..More tears welled up in his eyes remembering all the happy times he had with Axel there. Roxas was positive now, he wanted nothing more than to die and be with man he loves.
He stood in the entrance of the apartment, just looking around, thinking about how he and Axel had many great times here, the memories hurt until they were unbearable. He swallowed hard then began thinking about different ways he could end his life. He could hang himself, but there was no-where to hang a rope, hell he didn't even have a rope he could use. Pills were not an option because Roxas had difficulty swallowing a bunch at a time, he would just probably throw it all up if he got them down anyways. He decided upon cutting himself. He used to do it before when Xemnas had raped and abused him. Because of all the suffering Roxas went through, he became masochistic and addicted to the pain. When Axel found out he was at first furious, but then treated Roxas better than anyone else ever could have. Roxas didn't want to ever hurt Axel so he stopped, he was happy as can be with him so he never felt the need to ever hurt himself. Axel healed his broken life and completed him.
He went to the kitchen and found the sharpest knife he could, and then proceeded to Axel's bedroom. Flopping down on the bed, he lay there momentarily knife in hand. The bed still smelled of him, and the faint memories stabbed at him, at this point Roxas's mind was all over the place he wanted nothing more than for the pain to stop and to be able to see Axel once again Roxas brought the knife to his forearm, and started from the very top of his wrist dragging down the blade with just enough pressure that blood poured out in large beads, then dropped down, he continued to drag the blade down to the bend of his elbow. The open wound stung, oh god did it ever sting but he enjoyed every second of it. "This is for you Axel, I love you" He said as he began to cut again. He continued until he started to feel dizzy and Faint, He did one last cut so deep that the blood was very dark. This was it, He was going to die. His head spun, he was completely numb..so much blood was pouring out. "This is like going to sleep" he thought. He took a last look at his arm with so much blood pouring out, he lay back onto the bed and then everything went black all in that instant.
Roxas awakens sitting in an upright position with a light sheen of sweat covering his body. He looks to his arm, which was completely untouched, and looks to the side of him, Axel lay sleeping soundly. It was all just a terrible nightmare~
What do you think guys? This has been my very first published fanfiction, if you like it pleaaaaaase let me know and also if you want to read more stories like this. Your feedback is greatly appreciated! ~xoxo Redmangafan