I'll Fight For You Sephiroth!!!

***

A work of literature by Cereal Experiment

"For love and honour and the warm embrace of my beloved Sephiroth, I will defeat you!" Christine roared, her massive folds of flab swinging wildly as she hurled herself towards her unknown opponent. Her XXXL Sailor Senshi outfit was tearing at the seams from the stress. Cloud, Vincent, Sephiroth, Squall, Zell, Seifer, Irvine, Kuja, Tidus, Wakka and Jecht sat in the audience of the huge coliseum, cheering the two battling enemies on. The boy dodged easily out of her pudgy grasp.

"Never!" He replied passionately. "All Squaresoft prettyboys are mine and mine alone!"

"No! Not Kuja! Not Tidus! You'll never take my loves away from me! We were meant to be as one forever! Look, I wrote this poem…"

She unfolded a piece of paper and began to recite a beautiful and wonderful poem about her perfect love for all Squaresoft prettyboy characters. Each verse was filled with heartbreaking emotion as she told of how each bishounen had perfectly eased away the pain of virginity.

Christine's opponent took the opportunity while Christine was distracted, to run towards her, pulling out two large and sexy phallus-like handguns from his ultra-rad black trenchcoat. He leapt into the air and began firing in slow motion, bullets streaming slowly towards Christine. The red-hot projectiles crashed into Christine's mighty belly with a sound reminiscent of bullets hitting a bowl of jelly.

"You fool," she cried, laughing insanely. "My power is greater than you can ever imagine. Only I can truly wield the flame and melt down their hearts of coldest ice!"

With that she began to expand and deform, contorting into a huge mass of flesh. Soon she towered majestically over the large amphitheatre and its audience of bishounens. Christine could barely maintain her shape now, and was folding in on herself like a huge formless blob of putty.

"Oh Jesus fucking Christ," her opponent rolled his eyes. He pulled out a large rocket launcher from his back pocket and fired seven nuclear warheads in a row at what Christine had now become. They blasted towards her in slow motion, jets of smoke trailing behind them dramatically.

"Game over, bitch!" the boy cried. "All those angsty bishounen are mine!"

He turned to the audience of prettyboys and leered at them.

"Who wants to make out with me first? Sephy-chan?"

But Christine wasn't finished yet. As the rockets neared their destination, a huge gaping maw opened in Christine's formless mass and swallowed the phallus-like projectiles. She began to move towards the boy, quivering and pulsating like a well-animated big-budget Hollywood CGI extravaganza. She inflated suddenly as the several megatons of explosive energy were released inside her, and slowly contracted back to her original, yet still massively obese size.

"I-I Mmm-AHH!" she cried. "Uh… S… Sephiroth… Uhn… KEEYAH! SEPHIROTH! AHH!"

She fell to the hard flagstones beneath her feet, realising now that even her mighty belly was unable to contain such a huge explosion. The boy walked over to her prone form and kicked her in the sagging bosom. She squealed in delight at the pain.

"KEEYAH!" Christine shrieked again. "This reminds me of the poem I wrote about how much I love bondage and humiliation… Even though I'm just a little virginal fourteen year-old girl."

The boy, this unknown opponent from a far-off land, who had come to take away Christine's Squaresoft bishounen collection, he stared at the middle aged, hideous beast that lay helpless before him.

"Yuh-huh. Sure."

Suddenly and without any warning whatsoever, he pulled out a huge phallus-like sword from nowhere and plunged it into Christine's deep and angst-filled heart.

"No!" Christine gurgled, choking on her own blood. "Don't take away my kawaii bishounen! You could never understand my pain. I was supposed to become a famous doctor/artist/author/singer/actor, and you have taken away my dreams forever! I kurse you! I will never be able to feel the soft delicate warmth of a prostate… ever… again…"

Those words were her last, as she lost her tenuous grip on life. The mysterious boy kicked the beached whale one more time for good measure, and turned to the cheering collection of prettyboys.

"Squall-kun!" he crooned. "Wanna go somewhere private?"

"…Whatever."

They kissed passionately. The boy then proceeded to break down the walls of ice around Squall's heart, and they wept together with sheer joy. He did this for all the angst-ridden prettyboys, filling their lives with bliss and wonderment. Then they all made out some more and had hot yaoi buttsex, then some sensual massages and spongebaths.

They all lived happily ever after.

TEH END!