Ok I got all the sayings Edward says in bold from VampGrlz271 they rock because I have no idea where they live but I read their story 17 Things Edward Cullen Would Never Say reviewed on it asking if I could turn it into a story and about 4 minutes later Tirzah messaged me back and said it was cool. Because this took place about 11:45 pm my time if she was still on fan fic at that time too well then we both rock!
So thank you very much and without any further ranting!
17 Things Edward Cullen Would Never Say the Story!
"Edward! I just got the phone bill! Who did you talk to for six hours straight?" Carlisle asked.
"Idk my bff Jill?" I said back remembering the conversation that was actually with Bella while she was visiting her mom.
Flashback
"No Edward seriously!" She said.
"No really! Jacob Black is my best friend!" I said.
"Edward you know that's not true you almost killed him when you found out he taught me how to ride a motorcycle!"
"Well that's just because I am indeed, a badass. That is why Charlie hates me you no!" I said.
"He does not!" She screamed back. "Besides you play piano how can you be tough?"
"I hate the piano"
"No you don't" She said.
"OMG… like, LOL I know I was just kidding!"
"Why am I dating a gay guy again?" a/n Edward is not gay I love him so don't hate me please!
"Bella, I lied. I actually prefer blondes."
"Like who Jasper!" She fired back laughing now.
"Oh and I forgot to tell you I'm failing biology."
"Edward there is no possible way for you to fail biology!"
"Yah well you tell that to my Report Card!" I said.
"Edward are you drunk?"
"Nope! I'm blitzed" (means 'drunk'. Its 60's slang)
"Bella, I have a confession to make. I married Tanya before coming back to Forks when we first met." I said starting to giggle now. "Oh yah and my hair is dyed this color." I was full out laughing on the floor now and she could tell.
"You so better be joking!" She said.
"Well I better be going I want to go shopping with Alice and Rosalie!"
"Ok Edward I love, no matter how strange you are." She said mumbling the last part.
End Flashback
"Carlisle, I just realized something." I said
"And what's that?" He asked.
"I DON'T WANT TO MARRY BELLA"
"Why?"
"Pshah like I even know!" I said.
"Ok Edward" Carlisle said in a concerned tone.
"I love you Carlisle" I said.
"Um I love you too Edward just lay off the minute usage for awhile." He said probably considering sending me to a shrink again.
I got out my phone and texted Jessica Stanly.
'Jessica, you are one HAWT chick' I wrote. When that message was sent I texted Jacob. 'Hey Wazzup dog?'
When neither of them replied I skipped to Alice's spectacular room.
"Alice, my room needs a makeover. I want everything to sparkle, and everything has to be pink and white. There has to be pictures of ponies and rainbows everywhere. There needs to be butterflies hanging from the ceiling, and I need a canopy bed, and- you're writing all this down, right?"
"Um sure Edward I will get right on it." She said hesitantly while she mumbled something about Bella being right about the whole 'gay' thing.
The End! Did you like it? Well like I said all the bolded quotes were not mine but they were to funny no to right about! But in case you were wondering I asked Tirzah's permission first so I hope her and Julia like it the most. If not I have failed as a writer and am sorry so yah. Well that was fun and I did it all in one night! No I'm not hipper! Ok a little but who cares any way! Please review and also read 17 Things Edward Cullen Would Never Say it is so funny along with the whole 17 series!
Bye!
Twihard/Starz/Me!