I looked through the stuff in Sirius' old room.
He was gone now. Killed in the Ministry. It crushed me more that it had crushed Harry.
Past memories filled my thoughts and young Padfoot seemed to fill my sight; his smile taking over half of his face.
The face that I had grown to love.
Yes, it does sound odd, doesn't it?
The youthful, funny, Sirius Black, paired with the book wormy, party-pooper, Remus Lupin.
What?
You were expecting a girl weren't you?
Nope.
I'm more crushed than Harry…
Of course it's not like I'm going to tell anyone about the times that we had together. That…. That's between Sirius and I… But Sirius is gone. So it's my secret now.
I felt another pang as I remembered that Sirius is no more.
I picked up an old box of Sirius', hoping for something to cheer me up or just take my mind off of reality.
Memories filled my head and practically my sight as I looked through the pictures and notes we had passed back and forth.
I know it sounds cliché, but I had a flash back.
The flashback was when Sirius and I had walked into a school dance, hand in hand. I was a prefect of course.
"How do I look?" Sirius had asked me, straightening his tie and smoothing his mess of a head of hair. We were in an empty corridor, making last minute adjustments.
"Hot." I had answered and his face broke out into that grin.
"I can say the same about you." He kept his grin and linked his arm in mine and began to lead the way towards the Great Hall, I could hear the music down the main corridor and the music and lights hit us like a wave as we walked in.
We walked over to the most talked about couple, Lily and James, and James' jaw dropped when he saw us arm in arm. Lily knew that we were weird from the beginning, so she just rolled her eyes and went to get herself some punch as we went over to James.
"What's up?" I had asked him, totally casual.
"What's up with me? What's up with you two?" He freaked.
Sirius laughed and held my hand. "Is our being together a problem for you, James?"
"N-No." He had croaked.
"Good. If you had said yes it wouldn't do anything anyways." Sirius laughed his cocky laugh.
James just stared as Sirius and I went to the dance floor. I was shorter at the time; Sirius had just had a huge growth spurt ; so my head laid on his chest comfortably. I was the girl is the best way you can put it I suppose. Snivillus looked at us funny, but I shrugged it off. It was pure bliss.
I woke up from my flashback with tears running down my face. I had to forget about it. Tonks was all over me…
She reminded me of Sirius in a way.
Both out there and not caring of what people think.
Neither liked their names too much.
Pettigrew knew of us, but who knows where he is.
Snivellus too, but I dislike him with a passion.
James… Well we all know what happened to him.
Nobody else was really paying attention to us at the time…
I could go off with Tonks.
It'd sure make her happy anyways…
But Sirius…
I had worked so hard to find him Harry's third year.
I desperately wanted to see who I loved and… Harry needed someone.
Sirius told me that Harry /couldn't/ know about us.
I understood, hurt, but I understood.
Sirius didn't want Harry thinking anything bad about him and didn't exactly know where he stood in the gay department and wasn't willing to take chances with his godson.
When I hugged him after we found him, it felt like I was home again. He had facial hair this time and of course he was rather dirty and greasy, but I could care less. He was mine and I was his again, even if it was for a brief moment before the children freaked as we had expected them too and aimed their wands at us…
I sighed and shook that out of my mind.
Only good memories…
But a memory that couldn't help by seep in was Harry screaming and yelling when he disappeared behind the drapery and I had to hold Harry.
That was the worst of it.
I had to hold it in as I watched my best friend, my lover, and the person that kept me sane go, while holding my other best friend's son.
I will marry Tonks…
Only for three reasons.
One, it'll make her happy.
Two, it'll make for a good cover up.
Three, she's so much like Sirius.
I sighed and tucked away the photo albums and the letters; The trinkets and the clothes. We'd read his will tomorrow, and I'll just hope that he bothered to leave me something to remember him by.
Sirius was my love.
Always has, always will be.