"Aw, come on, I think he's adorable." Jack smirked at the deer's vacant expression. It really was kind of cute, in a brain-dead sort of way. Like a pug.
"No, Jack, come on. Look at him. He's obviously diseased, or high, or something. Let's just get going and leave him alone." Emma tugged on her older brother's arm, trying to steer him away from the animal. She huffed impatiently; Jack would get fixated on the weirdest things, and she just wanted to get to the pond.
"But look at him! He's all like 'I wuuvvvv you.' I bet he'd make a really good pet." Jack reached his hand, probably to pat it on the head. The deer didn't react to Jack's outstretched arm. It gurgled, and looking Jack straight in the eye, it snapped its head forward sharply and vomited.
Jack burst into hysteric laughter, hopping back nimbly. Emma fake-gagged and pulled harder on her brother's rough wool shirt.
"Ew, Jack, come on. It's probably got like, Lyme disease, or something. Can we pleaaase-"
"Scurvy." The deer's voice was guttural and wet.
"Woah, hold up. Did- did that deer just talk?" Jack's eyes were wide with awe.
"Scurvy. I… Melvin. Scurvy."
"Ja-ack. Please, this is really creepy, let's get out of here-"
"Melvin… so… EURLGH" The deer, in lieu of further conversation, gushed what looked to be a gallon of partially digested carrots from its mouth, over the course of several long seconds. The entire time it remained more or less motionless, its cold eyes fixed on Jack.
"Melvin… want… party hats." It punctuated this sentence with a neck spasm.
"Uh, sure buddy, I'll get you a hat." Jack could hardly contain his glee. He'd found a talking deer, a possibly severely handicapped deer, with scurvy, but a talking animal nonetheless. He immediately began planning possible ways to make this situation into another one of his escapades.
"Hey, buddy, Melvin, you ever gone sledding before? I bet you'll-"
"SLEDS? MELVIN NO… SLEDS. MELVIN IS HISPANIC." Melvin then bit his own jugular vein, blood splashing across the gleaming snow.
Emma screamed shrilly, and Jack grabbed his sister by the hand and pulled her away from the self-cannibalizing freak of nature that was Melvin the Deer.
"Woah, Melvin, what-"
"MELVIN NO MELVIN. MELVIN WISH FOR… FOR..." The blood spilling from his neck had stopped flowing. Instead, small, wrapped candies began tumbling out of the deer's gaping neck wound. They were labeled "HA-HA Flavored. May Contain Sand.:
"MELVIN REALIZE. MAN NOT WHO HE IS, BUT WHAT HE DOES. MELVIN MUST GO." At that, Melvin's legs popped off cleanly. Small turbines, whirring and humming, extended from several holes at the bottom of his torso, and began to ignite. The extraordinary creature than began to chortle warmly, like a loving grandparent, and ascended gradually and with purpose into the evening sky.
Jack and Emma stood together under a tree, mouths open. Jack blinked and cleared his throat.
"Uh… well… why don't we… um…"
"Let's just not talk about this-"
"Yeah. Yeah. Definitely."