She said yes, when he asked her she just said yes...

He was good to her and after all the trauma she want through she just needed someone. The wedding was plant in a few weeks. She couldn't believe that she was getting married, especially to Brian. A month before the wedding she asked Fin to go for drinks and catch up, they haven't had the time to do that in so long.

"So Liv, how is it going? With Cassidy I mean" he wanted to be sure that she was gonna be happy.

"It's nice. He is nice to me."

"You don't sound exited for a bride-to-be!" From the look on her face Fin knew that she wasn't really happy.

"Fin ,the important thing is that I feel safe." Olivia tried to not look him in the eyes and she popped the question that's been eating her up for months now.

"Have you talked to him?" her hand started to shake.

"Brian, no!" Fin knew who she was talking about.

"Come on Fin, you know I don't mean Brian... I just want to..." he cut her off.

" Olivia, what are you trying to do?" he asked

"Nothing... nothing I just want to know how is he, if he is ok." she said with her heart paralyzed.

"He is fine. Now drop it."

"So you talked to him..."

"I did, a few weeks ago"

She didn't say a word. She kept looking at the floor feeling the heat in the eyes. He talked to Fin but he didn't talked to her? He's been gone for 3 years now and all she got from him was a note. A note! After all these years of friendship and partnership and... No there was nothing else between them! Just that! But why wasn't that enough for him to peek up the damn phone!

"Liv, you ok?"

"Yeah... yeah I'm ok" she turned her eyes to his. "Do you have an address?"

"WHAT?"

"Well don't react like that! All I asked was an addr..."

"Why Liv? Why do you wanna do that to yourself? The guy has been ignoring you for so long, just let go, ok?"

She felt a wave of loss running through her body. Let go? But how could she just let go? It sounded so easy but it really wasn't!

"I can't just "let go" Fin! I need answers! How can I have closure to my relationship to him without having an actual conversation?"

"I have the address but I want you to call me when it's over. I wanna make sure that you'll be ok after this"

"I will. Thank you for understanding Fin!" she put her hand on his.

Fin could see that little sparkle in her eyes within all the sadness and sorrow.

"When can you give it to me?" she asked

"Tomorrow at work."

"Ok"

She couldn't sleep. Her mind was just stuck on the address. That little piece of paper on the counter. Could she really do it? Could she really just show up on his doorstep? What would she say? What if he wanted nothing to do with her? What if Kathy through her out? What if... She couldn't leave like that! Olivia Benson wasn't a "what if..." woman!

The wedding was in two week. She had to go and get the heavy weight off her chest. She wanted to see him one more time, his blue eyes, those blue eyes that haunted her for years. Brian walked in the living room. She didn't hear him.

"Liv..."

She jumped and turned to face him with her one hand on her chest.

"Wow... you scared the hell out of me"

"I'm sorry honey. You just weren't next to me then I woke up."

"I...I just couldn't sleep"

"Do you want me to warm you up some milk?"

"Em...no, no thanks I'm ok. You go back to bed and I'll be right there"

"Ok sweetheart" He kissed her forehead gentle and walked back to the bedroom.

She watched him walking away and felt horrible. He was such a nice guy. How can she do this to him? He made her feel safe, secure, loved in a way but he wasn't Elliot. She wished she could give her heart to Brian but who could she give something that wasn't hers anymore to give? She just had to do something to get out of this mess. Tomorrow. She would go tomorrow!

Olivia asked Cragen the day off. She just wanted to prepare herself. She just needed time to feel sure about it. She took a bath, did her hair and choose an outfit. Jeans and a T-shirt will do. And there she was, in her car, right outside of a huge building, she had a bottle of vodka with her. She needed a push to do this and she figured that vodka will do. Her thoughts when to her mother, no she wasn't going to become like her, she just needed to get some strength. Olivia looked at the address again. Yes that was it. His apartment was 8D. She got out of the car and entered the building. She found his door. Took a deep breathe and felt dizzy maybe from the vodka. He was just a knock away. Olivia raised her hand and knocked...