All's Fair in Love and War
Chapter I
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The whole thing started at school. Prince Belphegor was just strutting around, stabbing people left and right and generally minding his own business, when he saw his best friend Viper, a sarcastic, hoodie-wearing introvert, seated under a tree. He plopped down next to her, and Viper turned and gave him one of those eyeless glares she was so famous for. Bel just stuck his tongue out at her. After ascertaining that no, the blonde wasn't leaving anytime soon, Viper returned to her book.

They sat there like that for a long time, until that Chinese exchange student suddenly approached them and asked Viper a question. And—oh holy Trinsette—Viper answered without snapping or demanding money.

That got the seed of evil princely plans planted.

The next time he saw her that day, Bel noticed that she was talking to the same Chinese exchange student, who was carrying her books in a chivalrous manner. They parted ways in front of the library, with the boy waving cheerfully as he left.

That was the first drop of water.

Bel slipped in behind Viper, and tried to jump her from behind. But Viper, with her freaky third-eye or voodoo magic or whatever, threw a book over her shoulder at Bel's face before he could do anything.

"Who was that?" Bel asked curiously. Viper gave him a blank look that he translated to 'I have no idea what you're talking about. Now pay me five hundred yen or leave me alone.'

"I'll call him Noodle-chan," the Prince decided when Viper said nothing. Still, Viper was silent, merely selecting a few novels.

"Shishishi, I wonder how much he'll bleed when I stab him?" the blonde wondered out loud. That earned him another Sherlock Holmes book to the face, and Viper strode away, in her arms a large stack of tomes.

The next day was a Saturday, and Bel was bored, so he decided to stalk someone. He followed Lussuria for a while, but decided that yes, there were definitely more interesting things to look at then his fellow Varia member's posing. He contemplated going after Levi, but decided that the huge jock was probably trailing Xanxus again, and dropped the idea because he already knew what the Boss would be doing: muttering "Trash. Go die" and inhaling as much raw meat as possible.

Then his thoughts switched to Viper. Maybe his best friend would be doing something interesting.

And so he flitted around Namimori searching for a girl wearing a black hoodie, and eventually found her walking with her sister Chrome Dokuro and her biological cousin Fran, whom Bel enjoyed using for target practice.

In Chrome's hands were a lot of groceries, and when they passed by Viper's apartment the younger headed off, her cousin assisting her with a few packages. Viper continued on her way, however, striding off in the direction of the high school. Along the way she was met with one of the few female members of the 'Arcobaleno', the highest ranking student council members, Luce, and the two reached the school in the same company.

Then Noodle-chan came into the picture.

Viper was just turning a corner when she bumped into the handsome young man and tumbled onto the floor. Immediately Noodle-chan hastened to help her to her feet and apologized. Bel saw Viper dust off her clothes and hold out her hand in a gesture that the Prince knew immediately as her 'give-me-money' sign. That didn't surprise him.

However, Bel was quite surprised when Noodle-chan readily handed over five-hundred yen; after all, most people would argue, albeit without success.

Second drop.

Bel had a feeling the third drop was coming when, later that week, he and his favorite punching bag were waiting for Viper (Varia business.) They saw her walking towards them from the gym, followed by Noodle-chan. Bel and Fran watched as the two came closer until the two were in earshot.

"…should try working out," Noodle-chan was saying, tucking his book under his arm as they came into earshot. "It would do you wonders."

"I should try punching your face," Viper said sardonically as she joined Bel and Fran. She turned to scowl at Fran and Bel. "Muu. What does boss want?"

"Ushishishi," Bel said, completely ignoring Viper as he stuck his face up at Noodle-chan's. "Hey, commoner, what's your name? The prince wants to know."

Noodle-chan blinked at how close the blonde was, looking slightly uncomfortable. Bel could see that he was an extremely good-looking boy, maybe good enough for the prince's favorite baby. (Maybe. Just maybe.) Noodle-chan smiled graciously and extended a friendly hand.

"My name is Fon. May I ask what is yours?"

Bel peered curiously at the outstretched appendage. I wonder what will happen if I try slicing it off? I wonder how much blood will result? "No."

Fran clucked his tongue reproachfully, throwing his hands up in an apathetic way. "For a royal, you've got horrible manners. No wonder you're a fallen Prince. The stupid hairy brat's name," the teal-haired boy said, jerking a thumb in the blonde's direction, "is Belphegor. It's such an ugly name, it fits him so well—it's like a match made in heaven!"

Fon started when Bel stabbed a silver knife into Fran's arm, but at the nonchalant look on Viper's face, knew instinctively that this was daily business. He didn't look particularly happy, though. "And your name is?" the Chinese boy asked politely. Fran stared at him.

"Areh? Me? I'm the Apple-headed Top Magician. Ouch," the teal-haired boy whined as Bel jammed a huge frog-head that the prince had procured from nowhere onto his head. "Oo-kay, maybe not anymore. Feel free to call me T. M. The first two initials are always changing, anyway."

Fon looked at Viper as if to say, Is he serious?

The petite purple-haired penny pincher drawled," Fon, that's my cousin, Fran. Muu, Bel, what do you want?"

"To kill Froggy," the Prince answered promptly, a wide grin splitting his face. "Ushishishi."

"Muu, I'll rephrase. What does Boss want?"

"Sirloin steak."

"That's too expensive."

"…Perhaps I should leave," Fon interjected mildly as he watched as Bel wrapped an arm around Fran's neck and proceeded to choke the boy. He turned and ruffled Viper's head playfully before heading off towards the dojo. Bel caught sight of the small flush on Viper's cheeks and grinned to himself. Screw the third drop—this was all the water the little seedling needed.

And with that, the ever polished cogs in the Prince's genius brain began to turn, and it was in a few moments that Belphegor, prodigy of the Varia and resident nut-case , formed a very evil plan to play with Viper's love life. The Prince would help the little snake get her Noodle-chan, yes he would!

(It wasn't like he had anything better to do, anyway.)

"Ushishishi! Ushishishshishi! Ushishishishi~! Because I am a Priii~iince~! Ushishishishishi~!"

Fran and Viper both watched vacantly as the Prince cackled gleefully and gamboled around the school, eliciting the attention and worry of several unfortunate bystanders.

"Hey, Viper-nii," Fran began, watching as the blonde somehow got himself on one of the rooftops and began dancing the cha-cha. "I don't think I like this."

"Muu, I concur," Viper agreed, narrowing her hidden eyes warily. "Bel's got that weird look on his face again."

"The one that says 'I'm gonna screw with you'?"

"Yes."

"Oh shitake mushrooms. We're in trouble, aren't we?"

Viper sighed resignedly. "Probably."

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A/N: Aaaah, I love Bel to death, I really do. He's just so hilarious in his own princely way! I also like the idea of Bel and Viper/Mammon being best friends. And I love torturing Fran too. *bad, bad me!* The silly Fran-apple is probably my favorite KHR character to bully, along with Dino and Skull. Buahahahaha!

Expect a few more chapters—maybe one or two—but not too many. This story wasn't meant to be very long. (Especially since I can't write long multi-chapter stories.)

Anyway, I hope you liked it so far!