1 Introduction
Hi, my name's Remus Lupin (or "loony loopy Lupin" in case you've heard THAT), and this is my story. It is about me, me, me, me and of course Nifty. Oh, come on! You didn't believe that did you? It's about ME!! Okay, I'll stop that now, 'cause I'm starting to sound like Dannielle (you'll hear more 'bout her later).
I was born on June 29, 1958, a hot, humid day, or so I've heard. I have a brother named Romulus (or Rom) who is two years older than me, and an immensely huge dunderhead. I also have a pet Niffler named Nifty. But the two truly unusual things about me are that I'm a wizard and a werewolf. I also know where an escaped "homicidal" convict is, but as he's my good friend, I can't tell you that..
Chapter One
Now.where was I..ah, yes. At age eleven, I was accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I received a letter from Albus Dumbledore himself. I couldn't believe it. The letter read as follows:
Dear Mr. Lupin,
We are proud to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We know about your 'condition' and I am pleased to say that if we take certain precautions you can come to school on September 1st. Please ask your parents to send me an owl as soon as possible to arrange a date and time for us to introduce you to the steps that will be taken to ensure your safety as well as the other students. A list of books is enclosed.
Ciao!
Albus Dumbledore
Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts headmaster ect. ect.
I was shocked. My jaw must have been below sea level at this point. "MOOOOOOM!!!" I yelled. Really loud.
The news caster on the TV reported later that a strange something or other had scared the birds out of the trees three counties away. My mom came running in. "What is it darling?" she asked, sounding worried.
"This was in the mail." I told her, handing over the letter.
"Oh Remus! Go get me some parchment and a quill. I have to write Professor Dumbledore." She said, and ran off to somewhere or other.
Just then, my dweeby brother Romulus came in, his Nimbus 1001 over his shoulder.
"What's going on?! Who died?! What did you do this time!?" he said. Like I told you. Huge dweeb.
"No one died, Bludger-head. I got a letter." I told him.
"From who? The mental asylum?"
"No dungbrain, Hogwarts."
"What, to tell you can't go 'cause of your lack of cerebral functioning?"
"Ha ha. How funny. It was an acceptance letter, idiot." I told him, sticking my tongue out at him.
"Yeah. You wish, little gray hair!" Rom said, messing my hair up. That got me annoyed.
"Moooooom! Romulus is making fun of my hair again!" I yelled.
"Romulus James Lupin, you leave you brother alone!!" Mom yelled from the next room. She was looking for our stupid eagle owl Pigeon. He was old, annoying and always Disapparated when you needed him.
"Okay Mummy dearest!" Rom said. When my mom says your full name, you should definitely suck up. If you continue to be annoying, it's worse than being cornered by five Manticores, a Chimera and a flobberworm. I merely smirked at him. He looked daggers at me then came at me with his Nimbus. I growled and he SHUDDERED.
"Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone!" he whimpered, being the ninny he is. At that moment, Nifty the Niffler jumped though the window. The CLOSED window. Mom HATES it when she does that. When it comes to that, I do too. It's quite frankly annoying. Especially when you're standing in front of the window, like I was at that moment.
"Woof!" said Nifty.
"Ow!" said me.
"Ha!" said Romulus.
"A-HEM!" said Mom.
"Uh-oh.." Said all three of us.
"Got to your rooms boys! And YOU Nifty.." Said Mom exasperatedly. We never heard what Mom said to Nifty, for we were too absorbed with running down the hall to our rooms, as any sane person would do at that moment. I got to my room and closed the door. Just to be on the safe side, I locked it, and nearly burned my fingers off before I remembered the lock was made of silver. I turned around and flopped onto my bed, sucking my fingers where they'd been burned.
At that moment it hit me. Hogwarts. I was going to Hogwarts. Which House would I be in? Would I play Quiddicth? What 'steps' was Dumbledore talking about? What subject would I be best at? Would I make any friends? I decided then and there that no one I met at school would know my secret. I would not tell them. Not even if they shoved fifty IV's of Veritiserum into me at once would I ever tell (This DID happen and I didn't tell. It was when they added fifty more.). That was my first mistake. There were more, many more, and each one worse than the last.....
Chapter Two
After Mom cooled down a bit, we emerged from our rooms. I was told Professor Dumbledore would write back in a few days and that tomorrow we were going to London to buy my school things. I finished my dinner and went off to bed grinning.
It was one in the morning when I woke from that terrible nightmare, drenched in a cold sweat. There was a rat, two limp bodies, a sleeping baby, his forehead slashed, seemingly endless flashes of awful green light, and the laugh. The most blood curling laugh imaginable. It ran chills down my spine. I got out of bed and walked over to the open window. The slight breeze ruffled my gray and brown bangs and blew a twig into my eye. I sighed, rubbing my eye and went back to bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Three
The next morning, I received a wake-up call from Nifty. It was her slobbering all over my face. "Nifty, get off...come on Nifty, I mean it...GET OFF!!!" I said. Nifty got off. I gave her a pat on the head and headed for the kitchen.
My greeting in the kitchen was, "Morning sleepyhead! Mum made waffles, but you better wash your face first or they'll taste like Niffler drool!"
"Shut up before I smack you, merface." I said with a growl and gave him a fake yawn to show him my abnormally sized incisors. THAT shut him up, the weenie.
"When are we leaving, Mum?" I asked, stretching. She checked her watch.
"Twenty minutes, so you better eat or you're not coming." She replied, looking around for something in the kitchen junk drawer. I hurried through my waffles, 'cause when she says that she means it. Twenty minutes later we were in the car and on the way to London. Rom was singing the annoying song most of the way. We were nearly there when Mom said I could punch him if he didn't shut up.
We pulled up in front of the Leaky Cauldron and after ten minutes of senseless, boring adult talk between my mom and Tom the bartender, we were in Diagon Alley. Rom headed for Quality Quidditch Supplies, and mom mumbled something about Gringotts and hurried off while I stuck Nifty's mouth together with a waffle, blindfolded her and attached her leash to her collar. I heard Mom call me and yanked Nifty away from a fire hydrant and over to mom. She apparently had gotten in and out of Gringotts already (those carts go WAAAAY too fast), handed me a money bag and took Nifty. Looking a bit green, she headed for the Leaky Cauldron.
I headed down the main drag, vaguely wondering where to go first when I heard angry voices and mean laughter coming from an alley between the shop Flourish and Blotts and the Obscurus Publishing house. I figured, hey, curiosity may have killed the cat, but that's because cats are dumb and besides, only silver bullets can kill a werewolf. In other words, I took a peek.
The angry voices were coming from a few guys, two of whom were my age, the others older. One of the kids my age had taken the other boy's wand and taunting him with it. This kid had greasy black hair and black eyes. The other boy my age was trying to get his wand back while injuring and being injured by the older guys, and apparently not gonna give up. He had black hair and copper eyes. The copper-eyed kid caught my eye and gave the silent, universal sign for 'Get your butt over here and help me!!!!' I nodded and silently snuck up behind them. I lifted my foot, centered my energy and did my high jump kick special move. I'd used it on Rom hundreds of times, and he was bigger and older than this guy. It was a piece of cake. Or, roast duck, to my preference. He whirled around, most likely expecting a kung fu pigeon or something. Instead, he got me, Remus J. Lupin, ninja werewolf!
"Where'd you come from?" he asked in a voice as oily as his hair, eyes narrowed.
"Owl order in the Daily Prophet." I replied sarcastically. He didn't take THAT too well, lemme tell you. He gritted his teeth and swung a punch at me. It came too fast for me to do anything about it. All I saw before I landed hard on my seat was his hand coming out of nowhere, wearing a silver ring. I was down, with a blister forming on my cheek and hearing the laughs of his cronies. This did upset me greatly, but I kept my cool. The greasy haired boy laughed. "Ha! So you can kick once and you're down. What a wimp!" he said with a malicious grin.
THAT was when I lost it. Now I was mad. REALLY mad. "NO ONE CALLS ME A WIMP AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" I roared, leaping on him, flailing my fists wildly. When I tackled him, we tumbled and his head hit a box of.pillows. Dang it. Anyway, I was mad, and my eyes were yellowing, and I knew he was freaked out, I could tell. I punched and kicked him repeatedly, as hard as I could, until I was hit with an excruciating pain. I saw my nails getting sharper, and knew my teeth were too. My hair was getting grayer, I just knew it. I rolled off him and pulled myself up between two crates. He was scratched, bruised and bleeding, with a fat lip and a bloody nose. He was looking daggers at me. I knew I probably didn't look much better. I looked into a puddle nearby and saw I had a huge blister on one cheek, a black eye, and a bleeding cut above my left eyebrow and I was missing one of my front teeth. It had been loose anyway, so I didn't really mind, but Mom was gonna KILL me. I fixed my face into an icy glare. The greasy haired kid's face was blank, but his eyes were burning with hatred and shame. He looked at me and I looked away. I looked back at my reflection in the puddle. My hair was back to its abnormal color, my nails were okay and my teeth were looking smaller. My eyes were still a bit yellow though. Oh well, not everything's perfect. I thought. When I looked up, the greasy haired boy and his followers were gone, and the copper eyed boy was sitting on the ground, panting, and his wand seemed okay. I walked over to where he was sitting. He looked up as I came over to him. "Hey, thanks for the help." He said. I helped him to his feet. "It was nothing." I told him, which was true. Nothing but pain, anyway.
He grinned. "I'm Sirius Black."
"Remus Lupin," I replied. "Who was that kid?"
"Him? The one you beat up? That was Severus Snape, most oily, greasy, disgusting living thing that ever walked the earth, or anywhere else, for that matter." He said, making a face.
"Ah, that clears everything up." I said with a grin. He grinned back. "So what exactly did you do to get him so mad?" I asked Sirius.
"All I did was call him a smelly rat-faced grease ball." He said with a mischievous smile.
"And I can't see why in the world that would upset him." I said sarcastically. Then we started laughing so hard we were back on the ground.
"Sirius, what in the name of Quidditch are you DOING?" came a voice from the street. Yet another black-haired boy was standing there. He had blue eyes and thick, round glasses. We had stopped laughing when he'd called out. We looked at each other and just started laughing again.
"Honestly Sirius, you are just so.so.so.."
"Weird?" Sirius supplied.
"Yes, weird, exactly." Sirius and I just cracked up again.
About ten minutes later, Sirius and I had managed to compose ourselves, though each of us let out an occasional giggle.
"Remus, I'd like you to meet **giggle** James Potter. James, this **giggle** is Remus Lupin. He actually beat up SNAPE!!!" Sirius said as James and I shook hands.
"HE DID???" James said, looking stunned.
"Yup. Haven't you noticed he looks a bit beat up?" Sirius said, rolling his eyes. James stood opening and closing his mouth for a few minutes until I said he looked like a fish. Then we just laughed for a few minutes.
After we'd once more composed ourselves, I said, "Have you guys gotten your school stuff yet? I still need mine."
"Oh shoot, I forgot! What time is it?" Sirius said. James checked his watch.
"About eleven. Where do you guys want to go first?" James asked us.
"Let's get our robes. Then we can worry about everything else." Sirius said sensibly. Well, almost sensibly, 'cause Sirius doesn't have any sense, and therefore cannot be sensible.
Anyway, we headed for Madame Malkin's Robes For All Occasions down the street, and I hoped Mom had given me enough money for all my stuff.and then some, for James had been talking about Dungbombs.
We walked into Madame Malkin's and an assistant ran up to us. "Hogwarts?" she asked, and we nodded. "Follow me." She said, and we followed her into the back of the shop. She motioned to three stools on the floor and we stood on them, and she left. A few minutes later, three more assistants came in armed with a number of things. One assistant held a silver tape measure.
"Oh boy.." I said with a sigh. First getting beat up, and now the tape measure. Oh joy, what fun that day was turning out to be.
Needless to say, I left Madame Malkin's shop in a considerable amount of pain (Sirius and James couldn't understand why I kept moaning in pain.Neither could Madame Malkin or her assistants), and we headed to Flourish and Blotts for our books. About twenty minutes later, we were back outside, each of us lugging three bags of books. James and Sirius were groaning under the weight of the bags, but they weren't that heavy, at least to me.
"One day I'm gonna build a little golf cart that runs on Dungbombs and use that to carry all my stuff." Sirius said, his eyes misting over, probably thinking about what stuff he'd have to carry in it.
"Why don't you just put it in a trunk and tie it to a broom?" James asked in a voice that just screamed duh.
"Because stupid, my broom'll be in a locker in the Puddlemere United team's locker room, duh." Sirius said.
"I still can't believe you think Puddlemere's the best. We all know the Arrows are number one!" James said with a sigh.
"You're both wrong." I said with a grin. "The Falcons kick both your teams butts."
"Yeah, literally." Sirius said with a groan. He then proceeded in whistling the Puddlemere anthem, "Beat Back Those Bludgers Boys, and Chuck That Quaffle Here". I changed the subject.
"Do you guys play Quidditch or just watch it?" I asked.
"I want to be a beater on my house team." Sirius said, swinging at an imaginary Bludger.
"Chaser." Said James. "What about you, Remus?"
"Seeker," I said, "My older brother's a Chaser on the Gryffindor team."
"Cool!" said James and Sirius in unison.
"Believe me, there's nothing cool about Rom. He's a dweeb." I told them, speaking the truth. You know it's true, right? You've seen him! Anyway.
James stopped walking abruptly. "Uh, guys? Where exactly are we?" We stopped too and looked around. We were DEFINITELY not in Diagon Alley anymore. There were stores here with poisonous candles and three-headed snakes and one window even had a book called "Evil Laughs and How to Get Them" displayed.
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I said quietly. Sirius laughed nervously. "I do believe we've wandered into Knockturn Alley." he said with a gulp.
"Well, well, well..Look who we have here..Sirius and.um, his two odd friends." Said an oily voice behind us. We whirled around, and came face to face with none other than Severus Snape.
Chapter Four
"I recommend you keep that abnormally large nose of yours out of other people's business, Snape." Sirius said, fixing Snape with an icy glare.
"Yeah, it could get you in trouble one of these days, scumbag." James said nastily.
"One of these days?" I said to Sirius, who looked puzzled. "I'd say it already has."
"Too true!" said Sirius, "I see you're lip is still swelling, you-"
But what ever Snape was, no one ever found out, for at that moment, an explosion went off between us and Snape. James had dropped a Dungbomb and was now hauling us up the fire escape of a nearby building. When we reached the roof, Sirius glared at James and said, "Whaddid ya do that for? I was gonna give him what was coming to him!"
"Save it for Hogwarts." Said James, "We need to find our way out of here."
"He has a point.." I said, "But we can still throw things at him.." I said with a grin.
"Yeah!" said Sirius and James in unison. So we proceeded to throw things at Snape and his gang, and watch their bewildered faces. In about twenty minutes, they got fed up and left.
"Okay, now can we concentrate on getting back to Diagon Alley please?" said James with a sigh.
"Yeah, James, we're way ahead of you." Said Sirius. We were already back on the street. James was still on the roof. When James came down, we headed back in the direction of Diagon Alley. In about fifteen minutes, we were in front of Gringotts, wondering where to go next.
"I've got an idea. Let's go to the apothecary for our Potions stuff, and then go for ice cream." Sirius said. James and I hesitated until.."My treat." Sirius said with a sigh.
"Okay!" we replied. We headed to the Apothecary down the road. In fifteen minutes, we had each gotten our ingredients, and Sirius and James had already paid and we waiting for me outside. The witch behind the counter had rung up my stuff and I gave her four Galleons. Then, she handed me my change, a handful of Sickles.
"Uh, keep the change." I said.
"No darling, I insist. Take it." She said with a smile.
"Uh, I can't. Keep it." I said, grabbing my stuff and heading outside as fast as I could with all my supplies.
"What took you so long?" asked Sirius as I stepped outside with a sigh.
"Um.. allergies." I said. James took this to mean the subject was closed. Sirius however.
"What kicked up your allergies? Does Dumbledore know about it? Cause if it's food you could get the house elves into major trouble." His eyes misted over, most likely thinking of what kind of trouble the house elves would be in and ways to make it last a long time.. But that would be Sirius for you. The pre-Azkaban Sirius anyway.
Just then we found our selves in front of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Place or whatever the heck it's called. James, seeing how, um, "question-y" Sirius was being, shifted the attention away from the mysterious allergy to his weirdness by being weird.
"Oh my good golly gosh I've got no idea what I'm gonna have, cause it all looks so good! Should I have a Flobberworm Hot Sludge Banana Split or the Billywig Fizzy Fantasy Fruit Drink? Why, goodness gracious me, I just can't decide!" Sirius and I were staring at him, as were a good many other people. I caught his eye and wordlessly said, "Thanks for the help, but you're being a bit TOO distracting." He got the point and said to the guy at the counter, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream please."
Sirius and I got our ice cream, and we sat down under a tree. (In case you were wondering, I got chocolate cookie dough with hot fudge, caramel and rainbow sprinkles - The toppings kept escaping the cone, and I had about sixty napkins wrapped around the waffle cone - and Sirius got Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Ice Cream.) After I'd been de-stickyfied and Sirius finished gagging, we headed to Ollivanders.
Sirius went first. He ended up (rather quickly) with a 10 and a quarter inch birch wand with a unicorn tail hair. James got an 11 inch mahogany wand with one unicorn tail hair. Both wands, Mr. Ollivander told us, were good for Transfiguration. Then it was my turn.
I was glad my mom wasn't there; she would have been snapping pictures faster than you can say "undercover flobberworm". After about ten wands and one broken chair, Mr. Ollivander unearthed a 14-inch holly wand containing a dragon heartstring. I waved it once; it shot off purple sparks and flew out if my hand ("OW!" "Whoops, sorry James, good thing you've got such thick glasses!"). It circled the room like a boomerang and flew back into my hand.
"I guess that means it's the right wand, huh?" I said to Mr. Ollivander with a small smile. He nodded, and then went over to the cash register. "You have to pay for those you know!" he said.
Ten minutes and six galleons later, we were outside, figuring where to go next. "I know!" Sirius said, "We could go to my brother's store!"
"I thought you said it was in Hogsmeade?" James said, frowning.
"No stupid, he's got a chain of stores! One in Hogsmeade, one here, one in Paris and one in New York City. He'll give us stuff for free if I blackmail him!" Sirius said excitedly, a grin on his face.
"COOL!!!" James and I said, and we ran off to the shop.
When we got there, a small explosion sounded from somewhere instead of a bell. We heard someone moving boxes around in back, and then I saw Romulus, standing with one of his friends, looking at the Biting Teacups. I groaned audibly, and Rom looked my way. I cursed under my breath and made a mental note not to groan so loudly. Rom saw me and grinned.
"Weeeell, lookie here, it's none other than my brother the we-"
"Say it and die, ratface.!" I said, a hint of a growl in my voice. He shut up, motioned to his friend and they left. A voice came from the back.
"Is that you Sirius? Come back here, and bring your friends too!"
"Why should I, Phe?" Sirius called. An insult followed by "Cause I said so!" made Sirius sigh. He motioned to follow him and headed toward the back.
"Hey Sirius, who're your friends?" said a guy around eighteen, who obviously had to be Sirius's brother. They were almost identical, except he was older and had red hair instead of black.
"Phoenix, this is James Potter and this is Remus Lupin. Guys, this is my brother Phoenix." Sirius said. "Okay, now we wanted to know if we could have some stuff. Ya know, as in FREE stuff. Can we?"
"Sure! I've got way to much here, take a crate full each!"
Twenty minutes later, we had two bags of stuff each and it was nearly three o' clock.
"Uh-oh.." I said, checking my watch, "I have to meet my mom outside Gringotts at three-fifteen."
"Don't worry! We'll go with you. I f we run, we should make it in time." Sirius said.
"Okay, let's go!" I said and took off running. Well, walking fast, in my opinion. If I ran, I'd have been there like THAT! But I had to wait for my friends, so I just sorta strolled. But it DID take them a while to catch up with me. Fourteen minutes and thirty seconds later, we were in front of Gringotts, and Mom was standing there with Nifty. She said hello, helped me with my bags (or in other words piled them into the little cart behind Nifty) and hurried me off. I waved to Sirius and James.
"'Bye guys! See you September first!!!!" I called. I couldn't wait until September!
Chapter Five
When we got home, there was an owl sitting on the porch railing, looking at the television inside, which Romulus had left on. I poked in the back of the head, relieved it of its letter and went inside. Mom turned off the TV and half an hour later it was still sitting there, obviously trying to figure out where the picture had gone. I opened the letter and it said:
Dear Mr. And Mrs. Lupin,
The date you have set (August 29) is fine and I will be pleased to see you and Remus. On this date I will introduce you to the precautions taken to insure the safety of all the students, as I have already explained. See you soon!
Ciao!
1.1 Professor Albus Dumbledore
1.1.1 Professor Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts headmaster thingamajigger
All this greatly frustrated me. WHAT STEPS WAS HE TALKING ABOUT???? Maybe Rom was actually RIGHT about something, in saying Dumbledore was a loony. I thought about that and decided he was a NICE loony, as he was accepting me at Hogwarts, when no other Headmaster would. I shrugged to myself and gave the letter to Mom. I looked out the window and tried to stare into space and think, but that stupid owl was trying to ram the window and get to the TV. I gave a frustrated sigh and blinked several times, then decided to go to my room, to try and think there. But, alas, no luck, as that BLASTED OWL was trying to find another way into the house, and ended up at my bedroom window. Annoyed, I opened the window, grabbed the owl, and threw him in the linen closet down the hallway. Then, in my room again, I sat down to think. But I could not for the life of me remember what I was trying to think about. So I stomped into the den (which was right across the hall from the linen closet), turned on the TV, and sank into a chair. I ended up watching the Wizard's Home Shopping Channel, and right as I was about to pick up the phone and order a solid gold flobberworm, that OWL burst out of the closet with a pillow case stuck on it's head. I threw down the remote in frustration, pulled the pillowcase off the stupid bird and stomped into my bedroom (Half an hour later my dad came home from work and asked me why there was a barn owl in his recliner watching a Russian soap opera).
We sat down for dinner that night, and ROM just HAD to open his big mouth and say: "Poor Remus, wait till his wittle fwiends find out he's a vicious killing machine! I'm gonna have the camcorder for THAT, may I say!"
"Romulus, that is quite enough! Your brother already told them about that, didn't you Remus?" said my mom. I picked at my meatloaf and looked at the ceiling vaguely.
"You mean you didn't-" my mother was cut off by the owl, which began sobbing hysterically. I think it was because Mishka kissed Nikolas's evil twin, or something like that. I hurried away from the table with a muttered "'bye", bowed thankfully to the owl, and headed to my room.
I started to think about what Dumbledore might be doing when he said "steps." My first stupid thought was it had something to do with stairs, but I couldn't see how that would have anything to do with safety. My next thought was Dumbledore might get a possessed tree and dig a hole, then put the tree over the hole. Solitary confinement wasn't too appealing to me, but little did I know. Anyway, I wasn't far off from the actual thing. But I just had to wait till August 29th to find out.
Chapter Six
August 29th was a Saturday. I was a bit peeved about missing my cartoons, but I shoved that aside as me, Romulus and my mom drove to London. We pulled up at King's Cross and after we parked, we went in and walked thorough the barrier onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters. There was a great big scarlet steam engine on the platform, chugging as it waited. Mom hurried us aboard, and it left. A few hours later, we pulled up at Hogsmeade Station, and on the platform stood Albus Dumbledore and Professor McGonnagall. I saw Rom's eyes widen with fright at the sight of Professor McGonnagall, which may have been because of his record concerning transfiguration class.It wasn't exactly the cleanest slate to been seen, anyway. When we un-boarded the train, Professor Dumbledore walked over, smiling and his blue eyes twinkling. He held out his hand, which me and my mother both shook. Romulus was cowering behind Mom.
"Get over it you weasel!" I hissed to him. He looked at me like, Are you insane?? This is MCGONNAGALL!! I rolled my eyes, grabbed his ear and pulled him away after mom and my future professors.
As we were walking I saw McGonnagall eyeing Romulus oddly. I almost cracked up. Then Professor Dumbledore said, "Alright Minerva, I'm sure that Romulus here is absolutely famished. Why don't you show him into the Great Hall for some lunch?" At these words, Romulus looked like Dumbledore had announced his beheading. Professor McGonnagall, however, looked like she'd been told that she could now rule the world with an iron fist and super- strictness. She pretty much looked elated. Romulus looked very, very pale. I was shaking with laughter and Dumbledore was smiling. Mom looked a bit troubled. "Professor, you do know that Romulus is allergic to carrots, grapes, squash.(I would continue but really, who gives a hoot about Rom's allergies?) He knew and five seconds later, Romulus was walking towards the Great Hall looking like he was headed to the gallows. McGonnagall was skipping. SERIOUSLY!! About two minutes later, we could hear the professor yelling. I think my ears are STILL ringing.
Hi, my name's Remus Lupin (or "loony loopy Lupin" in case you've heard THAT), and this is my story. It is about me, me, me, me and of course Nifty. Oh, come on! You didn't believe that did you? It's about ME!! Okay, I'll stop that now, 'cause I'm starting to sound like Dannielle (you'll hear more 'bout her later).
I was born on June 29, 1958, a hot, humid day, or so I've heard. I have a brother named Romulus (or Rom) who is two years older than me, and an immensely huge dunderhead. I also have a pet Niffler named Nifty. But the two truly unusual things about me are that I'm a wizard and a werewolf. I also know where an escaped "homicidal" convict is, but as he's my good friend, I can't tell you that..
Chapter One
Now.where was I..ah, yes. At age eleven, I was accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. I received a letter from Albus Dumbledore himself. I couldn't believe it. The letter read as follows:
Dear Mr. Lupin,
We are proud to inform you that you have been accepted to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We know about your 'condition' and I am pleased to say that if we take certain precautions you can come to school on September 1st. Please ask your parents to send me an owl as soon as possible to arrange a date and time for us to introduce you to the steps that will be taken to ensure your safety as well as the other students. A list of books is enclosed.
Ciao!
Albus Dumbledore
Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts headmaster ect. ect.
I was shocked. My jaw must have been below sea level at this point. "MOOOOOOM!!!" I yelled. Really loud.
The news caster on the TV reported later that a strange something or other had scared the birds out of the trees three counties away. My mom came running in. "What is it darling?" she asked, sounding worried.
"This was in the mail." I told her, handing over the letter.
"Oh Remus! Go get me some parchment and a quill. I have to write Professor Dumbledore." She said, and ran off to somewhere or other.
Just then, my dweeby brother Romulus came in, his Nimbus 1001 over his shoulder.
"What's going on?! Who died?! What did you do this time!?" he said. Like I told you. Huge dweeb.
"No one died, Bludger-head. I got a letter." I told him.
"From who? The mental asylum?"
"No dungbrain, Hogwarts."
"What, to tell you can't go 'cause of your lack of cerebral functioning?"
"Ha ha. How funny. It was an acceptance letter, idiot." I told him, sticking my tongue out at him.
"Yeah. You wish, little gray hair!" Rom said, messing my hair up. That got me annoyed.
"Moooooom! Romulus is making fun of my hair again!" I yelled.
"Romulus James Lupin, you leave you brother alone!!" Mom yelled from the next room. She was looking for our stupid eagle owl Pigeon. He was old, annoying and always Disapparated when you needed him.
"Okay Mummy dearest!" Rom said. When my mom says your full name, you should definitely suck up. If you continue to be annoying, it's worse than being cornered by five Manticores, a Chimera and a flobberworm. I merely smirked at him. He looked daggers at me then came at me with his Nimbus. I growled and he SHUDDERED.
"Okay, okay, I'll leave you alone!" he whimpered, being the ninny he is. At that moment, Nifty the Niffler jumped though the window. The CLOSED window. Mom HATES it when she does that. When it comes to that, I do too. It's quite frankly annoying. Especially when you're standing in front of the window, like I was at that moment.
"Woof!" said Nifty.
"Ow!" said me.
"Ha!" said Romulus.
"A-HEM!" said Mom.
"Uh-oh.." Said all three of us.
"Got to your rooms boys! And YOU Nifty.." Said Mom exasperatedly. We never heard what Mom said to Nifty, for we were too absorbed with running down the hall to our rooms, as any sane person would do at that moment. I got to my room and closed the door. Just to be on the safe side, I locked it, and nearly burned my fingers off before I remembered the lock was made of silver. I turned around and flopped onto my bed, sucking my fingers where they'd been burned.
At that moment it hit me. Hogwarts. I was going to Hogwarts. Which House would I be in? Would I play Quiddicth? What 'steps' was Dumbledore talking about? What subject would I be best at? Would I make any friends? I decided then and there that no one I met at school would know my secret. I would not tell them. Not even if they shoved fifty IV's of Veritiserum into me at once would I ever tell (This DID happen and I didn't tell. It was when they added fifty more.). That was my first mistake. There were more, many more, and each one worse than the last.....
Chapter Two
After Mom cooled down a bit, we emerged from our rooms. I was told Professor Dumbledore would write back in a few days and that tomorrow we were going to London to buy my school things. I finished my dinner and went off to bed grinning.
It was one in the morning when I woke from that terrible nightmare, drenched in a cold sweat. There was a rat, two limp bodies, a sleeping baby, his forehead slashed, seemingly endless flashes of awful green light, and the laugh. The most blood curling laugh imaginable. It ran chills down my spine. I got out of bed and walked over to the open window. The slight breeze ruffled my gray and brown bangs and blew a twig into my eye. I sighed, rubbing my eye and went back to bed and fell into a dreamless sleep.
Chapter Three
The next morning, I received a wake-up call from Nifty. It was her slobbering all over my face. "Nifty, get off...come on Nifty, I mean it...GET OFF!!!" I said. Nifty got off. I gave her a pat on the head and headed for the kitchen.
My greeting in the kitchen was, "Morning sleepyhead! Mum made waffles, but you better wash your face first or they'll taste like Niffler drool!"
"Shut up before I smack you, merface." I said with a growl and gave him a fake yawn to show him my abnormally sized incisors. THAT shut him up, the weenie.
"When are we leaving, Mum?" I asked, stretching. She checked her watch.
"Twenty minutes, so you better eat or you're not coming." She replied, looking around for something in the kitchen junk drawer. I hurried through my waffles, 'cause when she says that she means it. Twenty minutes later we were in the car and on the way to London. Rom was singing the annoying song most of the way. We were nearly there when Mom said I could punch him if he didn't shut up.
We pulled up in front of the Leaky Cauldron and after ten minutes of senseless, boring adult talk between my mom and Tom the bartender, we were in Diagon Alley. Rom headed for Quality Quidditch Supplies, and mom mumbled something about Gringotts and hurried off while I stuck Nifty's mouth together with a waffle, blindfolded her and attached her leash to her collar. I heard Mom call me and yanked Nifty away from a fire hydrant and over to mom. She apparently had gotten in and out of Gringotts already (those carts go WAAAAY too fast), handed me a money bag and took Nifty. Looking a bit green, she headed for the Leaky Cauldron.
I headed down the main drag, vaguely wondering where to go first when I heard angry voices and mean laughter coming from an alley between the shop Flourish and Blotts and the Obscurus Publishing house. I figured, hey, curiosity may have killed the cat, but that's because cats are dumb and besides, only silver bullets can kill a werewolf. In other words, I took a peek.
The angry voices were coming from a few guys, two of whom were my age, the others older. One of the kids my age had taken the other boy's wand and taunting him with it. This kid had greasy black hair and black eyes. The other boy my age was trying to get his wand back while injuring and being injured by the older guys, and apparently not gonna give up. He had black hair and copper eyes. The copper-eyed kid caught my eye and gave the silent, universal sign for 'Get your butt over here and help me!!!!' I nodded and silently snuck up behind them. I lifted my foot, centered my energy and did my high jump kick special move. I'd used it on Rom hundreds of times, and he was bigger and older than this guy. It was a piece of cake. Or, roast duck, to my preference. He whirled around, most likely expecting a kung fu pigeon or something. Instead, he got me, Remus J. Lupin, ninja werewolf!
"Where'd you come from?" he asked in a voice as oily as his hair, eyes narrowed.
"Owl order in the Daily Prophet." I replied sarcastically. He didn't take THAT too well, lemme tell you. He gritted his teeth and swung a punch at me. It came too fast for me to do anything about it. All I saw before I landed hard on my seat was his hand coming out of nowhere, wearing a silver ring. I was down, with a blister forming on my cheek and hearing the laughs of his cronies. This did upset me greatly, but I kept my cool. The greasy haired boy laughed. "Ha! So you can kick once and you're down. What a wimp!" he said with a malicious grin.
THAT was when I lost it. Now I was mad. REALLY mad. "NO ONE CALLS ME A WIMP AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!" I roared, leaping on him, flailing my fists wildly. When I tackled him, we tumbled and his head hit a box of.pillows. Dang it. Anyway, I was mad, and my eyes were yellowing, and I knew he was freaked out, I could tell. I punched and kicked him repeatedly, as hard as I could, until I was hit with an excruciating pain. I saw my nails getting sharper, and knew my teeth were too. My hair was getting grayer, I just knew it. I rolled off him and pulled myself up between two crates. He was scratched, bruised and bleeding, with a fat lip and a bloody nose. He was looking daggers at me. I knew I probably didn't look much better. I looked into a puddle nearby and saw I had a huge blister on one cheek, a black eye, and a bleeding cut above my left eyebrow and I was missing one of my front teeth. It had been loose anyway, so I didn't really mind, but Mom was gonna KILL me. I fixed my face into an icy glare. The greasy haired kid's face was blank, but his eyes were burning with hatred and shame. He looked at me and I looked away. I looked back at my reflection in the puddle. My hair was back to its abnormal color, my nails were okay and my teeth were looking smaller. My eyes were still a bit yellow though. Oh well, not everything's perfect. I thought. When I looked up, the greasy haired boy and his followers were gone, and the copper eyed boy was sitting on the ground, panting, and his wand seemed okay. I walked over to where he was sitting. He looked up as I came over to him. "Hey, thanks for the help." He said. I helped him to his feet. "It was nothing." I told him, which was true. Nothing but pain, anyway.
He grinned. "I'm Sirius Black."
"Remus Lupin," I replied. "Who was that kid?"
"Him? The one you beat up? That was Severus Snape, most oily, greasy, disgusting living thing that ever walked the earth, or anywhere else, for that matter." He said, making a face.
"Ah, that clears everything up." I said with a grin. He grinned back. "So what exactly did you do to get him so mad?" I asked Sirius.
"All I did was call him a smelly rat-faced grease ball." He said with a mischievous smile.
"And I can't see why in the world that would upset him." I said sarcastically. Then we started laughing so hard we were back on the ground.
"Sirius, what in the name of Quidditch are you DOING?" came a voice from the street. Yet another black-haired boy was standing there. He had blue eyes and thick, round glasses. We had stopped laughing when he'd called out. We looked at each other and just started laughing again.
"Honestly Sirius, you are just so.so.so.."
"Weird?" Sirius supplied.
"Yes, weird, exactly." Sirius and I just cracked up again.
About ten minutes later, Sirius and I had managed to compose ourselves, though each of us let out an occasional giggle.
"Remus, I'd like you to meet **giggle** James Potter. James, this **giggle** is Remus Lupin. He actually beat up SNAPE!!!" Sirius said as James and I shook hands.
"HE DID???" James said, looking stunned.
"Yup. Haven't you noticed he looks a bit beat up?" Sirius said, rolling his eyes. James stood opening and closing his mouth for a few minutes until I said he looked like a fish. Then we just laughed for a few minutes.
After we'd once more composed ourselves, I said, "Have you guys gotten your school stuff yet? I still need mine."
"Oh shoot, I forgot! What time is it?" Sirius said. James checked his watch.
"About eleven. Where do you guys want to go first?" James asked us.
"Let's get our robes. Then we can worry about everything else." Sirius said sensibly. Well, almost sensibly, 'cause Sirius doesn't have any sense, and therefore cannot be sensible.
Anyway, we headed for Madame Malkin's Robes For All Occasions down the street, and I hoped Mom had given me enough money for all my stuff.and then some, for James had been talking about Dungbombs.
We walked into Madame Malkin's and an assistant ran up to us. "Hogwarts?" she asked, and we nodded. "Follow me." She said, and we followed her into the back of the shop. She motioned to three stools on the floor and we stood on them, and she left. A few minutes later, three more assistants came in armed with a number of things. One assistant held a silver tape measure.
"Oh boy.." I said with a sigh. First getting beat up, and now the tape measure. Oh joy, what fun that day was turning out to be.
Needless to say, I left Madame Malkin's shop in a considerable amount of pain (Sirius and James couldn't understand why I kept moaning in pain.Neither could Madame Malkin or her assistants), and we headed to Flourish and Blotts for our books. About twenty minutes later, we were back outside, each of us lugging three bags of books. James and Sirius were groaning under the weight of the bags, but they weren't that heavy, at least to me.
"One day I'm gonna build a little golf cart that runs on Dungbombs and use that to carry all my stuff." Sirius said, his eyes misting over, probably thinking about what stuff he'd have to carry in it.
"Why don't you just put it in a trunk and tie it to a broom?" James asked in a voice that just screamed duh.
"Because stupid, my broom'll be in a locker in the Puddlemere United team's locker room, duh." Sirius said.
"I still can't believe you think Puddlemere's the best. We all know the Arrows are number one!" James said with a sigh.
"You're both wrong." I said with a grin. "The Falcons kick both your teams butts."
"Yeah, literally." Sirius said with a groan. He then proceeded in whistling the Puddlemere anthem, "Beat Back Those Bludgers Boys, and Chuck That Quaffle Here". I changed the subject.
"Do you guys play Quidditch or just watch it?" I asked.
"I want to be a beater on my house team." Sirius said, swinging at an imaginary Bludger.
"Chaser." Said James. "What about you, Remus?"
"Seeker," I said, "My older brother's a Chaser on the Gryffindor team."
"Cool!" said James and Sirius in unison.
"Believe me, there's nothing cool about Rom. He's a dweeb." I told them, speaking the truth. You know it's true, right? You've seen him! Anyway.
James stopped walking abruptly. "Uh, guys? Where exactly are we?" We stopped too and looked around. We were DEFINITELY not in Diagon Alley anymore. There were stores here with poisonous candles and three-headed snakes and one window even had a book called "Evil Laughs and How to Get Them" displayed.
"Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore." I said quietly. Sirius laughed nervously. "I do believe we've wandered into Knockturn Alley." he said with a gulp.
"Well, well, well..Look who we have here..Sirius and.um, his two odd friends." Said an oily voice behind us. We whirled around, and came face to face with none other than Severus Snape.
Chapter Four
"I recommend you keep that abnormally large nose of yours out of other people's business, Snape." Sirius said, fixing Snape with an icy glare.
"Yeah, it could get you in trouble one of these days, scumbag." James said nastily.
"One of these days?" I said to Sirius, who looked puzzled. "I'd say it already has."
"Too true!" said Sirius, "I see you're lip is still swelling, you-"
But what ever Snape was, no one ever found out, for at that moment, an explosion went off between us and Snape. James had dropped a Dungbomb and was now hauling us up the fire escape of a nearby building. When we reached the roof, Sirius glared at James and said, "Whaddid ya do that for? I was gonna give him what was coming to him!"
"Save it for Hogwarts." Said James, "We need to find our way out of here."
"He has a point.." I said, "But we can still throw things at him.." I said with a grin.
"Yeah!" said Sirius and James in unison. So we proceeded to throw things at Snape and his gang, and watch their bewildered faces. In about twenty minutes, they got fed up and left.
"Okay, now can we concentrate on getting back to Diagon Alley please?" said James with a sigh.
"Yeah, James, we're way ahead of you." Said Sirius. We were already back on the street. James was still on the roof. When James came down, we headed back in the direction of Diagon Alley. In about fifteen minutes, we were in front of Gringotts, wondering where to go next.
"I've got an idea. Let's go to the apothecary for our Potions stuff, and then go for ice cream." Sirius said. James and I hesitated until.."My treat." Sirius said with a sigh.
"Okay!" we replied. We headed to the Apothecary down the road. In fifteen minutes, we had each gotten our ingredients, and Sirius and James had already paid and we waiting for me outside. The witch behind the counter had rung up my stuff and I gave her four Galleons. Then, she handed me my change, a handful of Sickles.
"Uh, keep the change." I said.
"No darling, I insist. Take it." She said with a smile.
"Uh, I can't. Keep it." I said, grabbing my stuff and heading outside as fast as I could with all my supplies.
"What took you so long?" asked Sirius as I stepped outside with a sigh.
"Um.. allergies." I said. James took this to mean the subject was closed. Sirius however.
"What kicked up your allergies? Does Dumbledore know about it? Cause if it's food you could get the house elves into major trouble." His eyes misted over, most likely thinking of what kind of trouble the house elves would be in and ways to make it last a long time.. But that would be Sirius for you. The pre-Azkaban Sirius anyway.
Just then we found our selves in front of Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Place or whatever the heck it's called. James, seeing how, um, "question-y" Sirius was being, shifted the attention away from the mysterious allergy to his weirdness by being weird.
"Oh my good golly gosh I've got no idea what I'm gonna have, cause it all looks so good! Should I have a Flobberworm Hot Sludge Banana Split or the Billywig Fizzy Fantasy Fruit Drink? Why, goodness gracious me, I just can't decide!" Sirius and I were staring at him, as were a good many other people. I caught his eye and wordlessly said, "Thanks for the help, but you're being a bit TOO distracting." He got the point and said to the guy at the counter, "I'll have two scoops of chocolate ice cream please."
Sirius and I got our ice cream, and we sat down under a tree. (In case you were wondering, I got chocolate cookie dough with hot fudge, caramel and rainbow sprinkles - The toppings kept escaping the cone, and I had about sixty napkins wrapped around the waffle cone - and Sirius got Bertie Bott's Every Flavored Ice Cream.) After I'd been de-stickyfied and Sirius finished gagging, we headed to Ollivanders.
Sirius went first. He ended up (rather quickly) with a 10 and a quarter inch birch wand with a unicorn tail hair. James got an 11 inch mahogany wand with one unicorn tail hair. Both wands, Mr. Ollivander told us, were good for Transfiguration. Then it was my turn.
I was glad my mom wasn't there; she would have been snapping pictures faster than you can say "undercover flobberworm". After about ten wands and one broken chair, Mr. Ollivander unearthed a 14-inch holly wand containing a dragon heartstring. I waved it once; it shot off purple sparks and flew out if my hand ("OW!" "Whoops, sorry James, good thing you've got such thick glasses!"). It circled the room like a boomerang and flew back into my hand.
"I guess that means it's the right wand, huh?" I said to Mr. Ollivander with a small smile. He nodded, and then went over to the cash register. "You have to pay for those you know!" he said.
Ten minutes and six galleons later, we were outside, figuring where to go next. "I know!" Sirius said, "We could go to my brother's store!"
"I thought you said it was in Hogsmeade?" James said, frowning.
"No stupid, he's got a chain of stores! One in Hogsmeade, one here, one in Paris and one in New York City. He'll give us stuff for free if I blackmail him!" Sirius said excitedly, a grin on his face.
"COOL!!!" James and I said, and we ran off to the shop.
When we got there, a small explosion sounded from somewhere instead of a bell. We heard someone moving boxes around in back, and then I saw Romulus, standing with one of his friends, looking at the Biting Teacups. I groaned audibly, and Rom looked my way. I cursed under my breath and made a mental note not to groan so loudly. Rom saw me and grinned.
"Weeeell, lookie here, it's none other than my brother the we-"
"Say it and die, ratface.!" I said, a hint of a growl in my voice. He shut up, motioned to his friend and they left. A voice came from the back.
"Is that you Sirius? Come back here, and bring your friends too!"
"Why should I, Phe?" Sirius called. An insult followed by "Cause I said so!" made Sirius sigh. He motioned to follow him and headed toward the back.
"Hey Sirius, who're your friends?" said a guy around eighteen, who obviously had to be Sirius's brother. They were almost identical, except he was older and had red hair instead of black.
"Phoenix, this is James Potter and this is Remus Lupin. Guys, this is my brother Phoenix." Sirius said. "Okay, now we wanted to know if we could have some stuff. Ya know, as in FREE stuff. Can we?"
"Sure! I've got way to much here, take a crate full each!"
Twenty minutes later, we had two bags of stuff each and it was nearly three o' clock.
"Uh-oh.." I said, checking my watch, "I have to meet my mom outside Gringotts at three-fifteen."
"Don't worry! We'll go with you. I f we run, we should make it in time." Sirius said.
"Okay, let's go!" I said and took off running. Well, walking fast, in my opinion. If I ran, I'd have been there like THAT! But I had to wait for my friends, so I just sorta strolled. But it DID take them a while to catch up with me. Fourteen minutes and thirty seconds later, we were in front of Gringotts, and Mom was standing there with Nifty. She said hello, helped me with my bags (or in other words piled them into the little cart behind Nifty) and hurried me off. I waved to Sirius and James.
"'Bye guys! See you September first!!!!" I called. I couldn't wait until September!
Chapter Five
When we got home, there was an owl sitting on the porch railing, looking at the television inside, which Romulus had left on. I poked in the back of the head, relieved it of its letter and went inside. Mom turned off the TV and half an hour later it was still sitting there, obviously trying to figure out where the picture had gone. I opened the letter and it said:
Dear Mr. And Mrs. Lupin,
The date you have set (August 29) is fine and I will be pleased to see you and Remus. On this date I will introduce you to the precautions taken to insure the safety of all the students, as I have already explained. See you soon!
Ciao!
1.1 Professor Albus Dumbledore
1.1.1 Professor Albus Dumbledore, Hogwarts headmaster thingamajigger
All this greatly frustrated me. WHAT STEPS WAS HE TALKING ABOUT???? Maybe Rom was actually RIGHT about something, in saying Dumbledore was a loony. I thought about that and decided he was a NICE loony, as he was accepting me at Hogwarts, when no other Headmaster would. I shrugged to myself and gave the letter to Mom. I looked out the window and tried to stare into space and think, but that stupid owl was trying to ram the window and get to the TV. I gave a frustrated sigh and blinked several times, then decided to go to my room, to try and think there. But, alas, no luck, as that BLASTED OWL was trying to find another way into the house, and ended up at my bedroom window. Annoyed, I opened the window, grabbed the owl, and threw him in the linen closet down the hallway. Then, in my room again, I sat down to think. But I could not for the life of me remember what I was trying to think about. So I stomped into the den (which was right across the hall from the linen closet), turned on the TV, and sank into a chair. I ended up watching the Wizard's Home Shopping Channel, and right as I was about to pick up the phone and order a solid gold flobberworm, that OWL burst out of the closet with a pillow case stuck on it's head. I threw down the remote in frustration, pulled the pillowcase off the stupid bird and stomped into my bedroom (Half an hour later my dad came home from work and asked me why there was a barn owl in his recliner watching a Russian soap opera).
We sat down for dinner that night, and ROM just HAD to open his big mouth and say: "Poor Remus, wait till his wittle fwiends find out he's a vicious killing machine! I'm gonna have the camcorder for THAT, may I say!"
"Romulus, that is quite enough! Your brother already told them about that, didn't you Remus?" said my mom. I picked at my meatloaf and looked at the ceiling vaguely.
"You mean you didn't-" my mother was cut off by the owl, which began sobbing hysterically. I think it was because Mishka kissed Nikolas's evil twin, or something like that. I hurried away from the table with a muttered "'bye", bowed thankfully to the owl, and headed to my room.
I started to think about what Dumbledore might be doing when he said "steps." My first stupid thought was it had something to do with stairs, but I couldn't see how that would have anything to do with safety. My next thought was Dumbledore might get a possessed tree and dig a hole, then put the tree over the hole. Solitary confinement wasn't too appealing to me, but little did I know. Anyway, I wasn't far off from the actual thing. But I just had to wait till August 29th to find out.
Chapter Six
August 29th was a Saturday. I was a bit peeved about missing my cartoons, but I shoved that aside as me, Romulus and my mom drove to London. We pulled up at King's Cross and after we parked, we went in and walked thorough the barrier onto Platform Nine and Three Quarters. There was a great big scarlet steam engine on the platform, chugging as it waited. Mom hurried us aboard, and it left. A few hours later, we pulled up at Hogsmeade Station, and on the platform stood Albus Dumbledore and Professor McGonnagall. I saw Rom's eyes widen with fright at the sight of Professor McGonnagall, which may have been because of his record concerning transfiguration class.It wasn't exactly the cleanest slate to been seen, anyway. When we un-boarded the train, Professor Dumbledore walked over, smiling and his blue eyes twinkling. He held out his hand, which me and my mother both shook. Romulus was cowering behind Mom.
"Get over it you weasel!" I hissed to him. He looked at me like, Are you insane?? This is MCGONNAGALL!! I rolled my eyes, grabbed his ear and pulled him away after mom and my future professors.
As we were walking I saw McGonnagall eyeing Romulus oddly. I almost cracked up. Then Professor Dumbledore said, "Alright Minerva, I'm sure that Romulus here is absolutely famished. Why don't you show him into the Great Hall for some lunch?" At these words, Romulus looked like Dumbledore had announced his beheading. Professor McGonnagall, however, looked like she'd been told that she could now rule the world with an iron fist and super- strictness. She pretty much looked elated. Romulus looked very, very pale. I was shaking with laughter and Dumbledore was smiling. Mom looked a bit troubled. "Professor, you do know that Romulus is allergic to carrots, grapes, squash.(I would continue but really, who gives a hoot about Rom's allergies?) He knew and five seconds later, Romulus was walking towards the Great Hall looking like he was headed to the gallows. McGonnagall was skipping. SERIOUSLY!! About two minutes later, we could hear the professor yelling. I think my ears are STILL ringing.