Captain's Log, Stardate Ineedtogopee.now
(deep voice) WE have arrived at planet gamma gummy yummy 589 in the the bathroom quadrant. We have just stopped at Starbase Bed, Bath & Beyond for 100,000,000,000 rolls of toilet paper, and have reinstalled gravity-sensitive toilets.
"Ferengi lollipop 0 meters away" Data called from the Ten-Forward chair he had dragged to Ops. "HUH?? What did I just say?"
"lollipop firing what my sensors say is a early 21st century apple pie."
"Viewscreen on."
The viewsreen blinked and then showed a dripping pie filling on the hull of the enterprise.
"Damage report!"
"Delicious 25 meter wide pie aimed at Data's quarters."
"Permission to go eat it, sir," Worf's voice rumbled.
"Request denied; I want to eat it."
"No fair!" Wesley cried out. "How come you get to get all fat?"
"Because I'm Captain," Picard replied, sticking out his tongue. "Mr. Crusher, lock on tractor beam."
The sulking teenager brought the pie smashing into the viewscreen.