Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings or any of the characters I mention. Unfortunately, I don't own the science of Chemistry either.
Three vials for the Basen Kings under the sky;
Seven for the Bohr-lords in their halls of stone;
Nine for the Covalents, doomed to die;
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne.
One Vial to rule them all;
One Vial to find them;
One Vial to bring them all;
And in dilution bind them.
Prologue
I, Galalandrium, intend to explain to members of the current world what happened during those previous ages that few remember. I took part in some of the events, and others I learned of firsthand. The following is the record of the events transpiring in Middle Earth from before its First Age to the War of the Vial.
In a time when few remember, a great, Dark, Evil Lord, Silicon, rebelled against our King over the waters. His appearance was that of a Base, so few recognized him for what he was. He was desperate for power. Day and night, the thought of it ravaged within him. He rebelled against the King in search of this power, of which he thought he deserved a part—a part far greater than that he had been given.
After many years of work, the vague idea of a plan came to him. Because the world, by that time, had disintegrated somewhat from its former glory, very few things completely pure were left. Those of us Great Ones that yet remembered the perfect, pure world of yesterday yearned for those things that might remind us of that time. Silicon knew of our thirst. To ensure our cooperation, he found and offered to us small Vials of what pure substances were yet left in the world. He knew we could not refuse them. Some he gave to nine great Covalents, who had not seen the perfect world, although the stories we told made them long for it. Three were given to my kind, the Bases, of which I was one. Then seven were given to the Bohr lords. This, no doubt, was the beginning of the feud between the Bases and the Bohrs—Many bases believed it unfair for the Bohrs to receive more than the immortal kind.
Although each of these three kinds were grateful for what bit of purity they could get, they were all of them deceived, for, in private, Silicon had kept back the greatest of all pure substances: Ammonium. This is the rarest and most powerful weapon in our world, and he kept for himself an entire sample of it in its purest form. While the holding of any of the other vials gave him who held it great power, strength, and rule, the Ammonium controlled each of the other samples, although in such a way as it was hard to detect. Fortunately, we Bases hid our samples when we realized what Silicon had done. We remained outside of his power. Many of the Bohr-Lords did the same. The Covalents, however, who have thirsted for control since the dawn of their day, kept their Vials. They became the Polys.
Even though many resented his rule, Silicon gloried and lavished in the power he had stole. Thinking himself a great creator, he built an army of Acids to neutralize us, the immortal Bases. He knew that unless we were rendered useless, he would never have complete victory. These were bred of rebellious Covalents, Bohrs, and a few untrue Bases. Few things equaled them in horror and evil.
In a last attempt to defeat Silicon, the Bases, Covalents, and Bohrs still standing against him joined together in a battle to end all battles, in the faint hope of destroying him and his Vial. The King of the Covalents approached Silicon in the battle and attempted to stab him, but was thrown aside by his great repulsion. The King's son came to his rescue, but found it was too late. The King was dead. The new King stood and, in his rage, gave Silicon a crushing blow. The Vial became the possession of Silicon's conqueror, the Prince, who became a King on the field of battle. Elronion encouraged him to dilute the Ammonium immediately. But, drawn by its power, he refused.
Because the Vial yet remained intact, Silicon's spirit did not die. He had put much of his power and life into the Vial, and as long as the Ammonium within it remained pure, he would live on and return someday to again wreak havoc on Middle Earth.
As the new king returned home, he dropped the Vial into a great, flowing river. In an attempt to save it, the Covalent king drowned, and the Vial was lost for a very long time.
History became legend, legend became myth, and nearly all memory of the Great Vial faded. Until, one day many years later, it was discovered again.
A young Mole, Sulferagol, found the Vial and became obsessed with it, calling it his "Precious." Eventually, he moved away to a cave in the Misty Mountains, where he could be alone with it. The vial gave him unnatural long life, and he grew distorted in the dark. It then came into the possession of a Mole named Barium who, at the time, was on a quest completely unrelated to the Vial. Even he fell under its spell, not revealing its presence to others for some time. After returning to his home, Barium kept the Vial hidden, although he looked at it often.
In the meantime, Silicon's new plot, since the temptation of the Vials did not decieve the Bases, was to dilute Middle Earth. In Morphine, he built a huge plant that brewed a special compound. When it was the proper time, he would release the special compound into the streams of Middle Earth. The mixture would cause the waters to rise up and turn all the banks for miles and miles around to sludge, rendering it useless. The only compound that could repair the sludge enough to be useful was, at the moment, only a secret formula in the hands of Silicon. Once the lands of Middle Earth were destroyed, the Bases would either leave, or come and beg of Silicon his formula for repairing it. Either way, Silicon would win dominion over Middle Earth.
As the great Alchemist Gadolinium discovered, however, the vial of Ammonium could stop Silicon's plan from the start. If dumped into the waters of the dilution plant in Morphine, the ammonium would destroy his carefully plotted dilution ratios, rendering his formula useless. In fact, watching his prized ammonium mix itself in with the solution, thereby becoming impure, would destroy Silicon once and for all.
These, then, are the more explanatory sections of the tale recorded elsewhere. The first describes the Great Alchemist, Gadolinium, as well as the young Mole, Frodine. Then, an explanation of the Polys. There is the story of the Great Council of the Vial. And then, the story of the bond between the Covalant Argon and the Base Arwiena. Listen to the story carefully, good reader, and learn what you may.