The faded inks on the age-silvered pages formed a beautiful looping script that frustrated Rey to no end with it's incomprehensibility.
Whether her eyes were as dry as a noon wind on Jakku from having spent the last few hours hunched over these dusty pages or from staring at a datapad screen translating them, she didn't know. What she did know was that the burning in her eyes was becoming almost as uncomfortable as the throbbing soreness in her spine. She flexed her back to try to relieve some it's discomfort and gingerly closed the tome, wincing as the binding crackled.
In the months she had spent working dilligently on the Jedi Histories she'd managed to translate only four of the ancient volumes. Frustratingly, no two books had been written in the same language nor in any language she was familiar with.
Rey had spent many hours, sitting alone in the former crystal-mine-turned-rebel-base storage closet that served as her room, translating the small stack of ancient Jedi manuscripts she had smuggled aboard the Millenium Falcon nearly a year ago. The same texts she had stolen from the Jedi Library before leaving the tiny island where she had spent several weeks getting to know Jedi Master Luke Skywalker... and his former student.
Forcefully, she shoved away the thought of *him* as soon as it entered her mind. The only time she would allow herself to think about *him* was when she was in the base training center working on her hand to hand with the person sized heavy bag or practicing with a variety of melee weapons.
Thinking of him always added an extra bit of determination to her nightly training regime. She knew now what he was capable of and she was highly motivated to learn as much as, get as fast as and as strong as she could before they met again... and she had no doubt they would, soon enough.
Frustrated and distracted, she stood up from the tiny sketch board eisel she was using as a work table and twisted her spine to stretch away the tension there. She bent over, touched the ground and stood back up. Not feeling any less compressed she decided that what she really needed right now was a good mind numbing, body punishing work out.
She wound her way through the labrynthine tunnels and caverns of the Resistance's latest home on some nameless moon in the Hadron system.
Though she spent most of her daytime hours working in her room, she spent her evenings working out until she was far too exhausted to toss and turn at night.
Even exhaustion couldn't guarantee a good night's sleep, though.
Nothing could prevent the dream.
Her days may be a haze of never-ending monotony, but her nights were a swirl of crimson and flames framing a hulking figure dressed in black. The overwhelming odor of charred flesh, burning silk and blood never failed to assault her senses. Her arm would throb from having been pierced by the vibrodagger-like weapon of one of the dead men that littered the polished floor. Everything, from the temperature of the room to the sweat pouring off of both of them and the tone of his voice, were exactly as they had been in life.
Everything… except the last words he'd spoken to her.
i"Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known?" His eyes bored into hers as he stalked toward her, "And you've just hidden it away?"
He searched her feelings and said confidently, "You know the truth."
His knowing words battered her heart like physical blows. "Say it." He cajoled, "Say it."
"They were nobody." Rey admitted - letting go of her fantasies for the first time in her lonely, often miserable life.
"They were filthy junk traders." He scoffed snobbishly. "Who sold you off for drinking money."
His cruely stated, "They're dead, in a pauper's grave in the Jakku desert." jerked tears straight down her face.
She flinched and looked away. She didn't want to believe him, but he seemed to be enjoying this too much to be lying.
His face softened slightly and he said with conviction, "You have a part in this story."
Her eyes skipped to his face, she looked closely for signs of the man she had thought him to be meer moments ago.
His black-brown eyes were locked onto hers from the moment she glanced upward.
In a tone that suggested he was stating the obvious, he continued, "You're my everything."
Her breath hitched.
He face became a jumbled mess of warring emotions, "Always were."
She couldn't believe the words coming out of him.
His head jerked slightly from side to side as if he didn't want to admit it and his mouth seemed to be trying to hold back the words, "Everything to me."
She searched his face, unable to imagine that Kylo Ren would say these things to her, but unable to see Ben Solo in his eyes, face, or posture as his hand reached out for her and he implored, "Trust me."
Rey could feel the Force around him churning with what she knew to be the struggle of Ben Solo's light trying to break free from the darkness that the monster Kylo Ren had plunged it into.
Unable to bear the intensity of his stare or the way his lips trembled, she looked down. His shaking hand swam before her as hot tears poured from her eyes.
Her heart twinged painfully but she wasn't even sure if she was looking at Kylo Ren or Ben Solo.
He inched forward his whole being begging her to stay, to never leave him alone, to accept him and love him.
Her eyes darted back to his.
A tear spilled down his cheek.
"Please." he rasped in a tone that was half a sob and half a plea.
Breathtaking pain exploded in her chest as her heart shattered upon hearing the wealth of almost hopeless desperation packed into that one lone syllable.
The sound of blood roared through her ears in time with her pounding heartbeats… Her breath caught in her throat... Her hand reached out... Her fingers inched forward... /i
Suddenly she'd be looking at the raw stone ceiling of her closet room through a pool of tears.
Every night for nearly a year she'd awakened from that same dream… sweating, crying, breathless and heartbroken.
Every. Single. Night.
She forced the memory from her mind and stalked purposefully through the winding tunnel to the base training center. She'd learned not to hold out hope of finding someone to spar with. Not since she'd momentarily lost control and smashed poor Finn in the head so hard with a practice sword that he'd spent three days in the base infirmary.
She found the dimly lit cavern completely empty and sighed her relief. No one was there to eye her warily or comment on the force of her new-found savagery.
Feeling particularly agitated she passed by the racks of practice weapons and went straight for the heavy bag to unleash the fury within her. The big black bag was anchored to the floor on a short tether that prevented it from flying wildly about as she attacked it with every ounce of her anger, disappointment and rage.
She often found herself imagining it was Kylo Ren's big, black shrouded body that she was pummeling and tonight was no different in that reguard.
"Why?" She growled. "Why did you have to be such an insufferable ass?" She kicked the bag squarely in the center.
"Why couldn't you just stop being a jerk?" She punched it once with each bare fist then rammed her knee into the exact spot her kick had landed.
"Damnit Ben!" She spun around and drove her elbow deep into the sand-filled leather. "I trusted you!" She attacked in a flurry of fists, knees, feet, and elbows until she could barely catch a breath and her muscles were trembling from exertion.
Her rage finally somewhat sated and her muscles aching she sank to her knees and wept with all her heart.
An all too familiar tingle danced outward from her spine, raising gooseflesh on her sweat-soaked skin. It had been nearly a year since she'd felt that sensation but it was unmistakable. She wiped her face and lurched to her feet.
"Leave." She demanded, turning to face him. She never wanted to see him again and she made no pretense otherwise.
"You've been crying." He said after a brief pause.
"Go away and stay away!" She said more forcefully.
"You know I can't." His voice was soft. It gave her the impression that he was trying to sooth her. She had no interest in being soothed by him.
"Fine!" She said sharply and stomped away.
His blackclad form materialized in front of her in the doorway of the training center. Her voice vibrated with reignited rage as she stepped around him. "Stay out of my life, Kylo, I never want to see you again!" She spat his name out of her mouth like it was sour.
Anger surged through her as he walked beside her with his eyes seemingly glued to her face. "Kylo?" His voice was laden with bewilderment. "What happened to Ben?"
She snarled. "He was murdered by a monster!"
He jerked to a halt, "You believe that?" His voice was barely more than a whisper, so soft she couldn't be sure if it was a question or a statement.
She whipped around, ready to unload all of her pent up anger on him but growled, "Coward!" instead as he withdrew from the connection.