Mavis: Welcome to Domus Flau, the largest arena in the country and the only place suitable for the epic competition that is to follow. The Fairy Tail Couple's Competition! Yes, we are here today to see who is the best, the cutest, the most wonderful couple in all of Fairy Tail. I am Mavis Vermillion, the first guild master of Fairy Tail and I will be you commentator today!
Makarov: Ahem.
Mavis: Oh, and I am joined by Makarov Dreyar, the third? Sixth?
Makarov: It's seventh, actually.
Mavis: Now, it is time to introduce our five teams! We've only chosen those couples who are canon so I'm sorry if your favourite couple isn't here. Blame Hiro for not pairing Laxus, Mira or Cana.
Makarov: Please stay in character, First.
Mavis: We've asked each couple to choose a team name. *looks at sheet* Oh dear. Maybe not the most creative people in the world, but oh well. Now, we introduce the first couple, our Pink-haired boy and his beautiful girlfriend, from Team Burning Spirit, Natsu Dragneel and Lucy Heartphilia!
Down in the arena the pair entered, Natsu raising his arms as he shouted to the cheering crowd.
Makarov: Now, here comes the shining star of the guild and her reformed boyfriend, Erza Scarlett and Gerard Fernandez of Team Armoured Heart!
The cheering reached a fevered pitch for the armoured Maga, crimson hair flowing behind her as she fiercely clutched Gerard's hand.
Mavis: Now, the most awkward pair in the guild, Gray Fullbuster and Juvia Loxar from Team Gray-Sama Love-Love! Really, that's the name?
Juvia clutched onto Gray's arm and happily wriggled away as Gray entered with her. In the crowd, Lyon could be heard booing.
Makarov: Here come the most surprise couple in the guild. At a combined 12 feet tall, most of it belonging to the man; Elfman Strauss and Evergreen from Team Fairy Soul!
Evergreen and Elfman didn't hold hands as they entered, instead keeping an embarrassment-length away from one another.
Mavis: And lastly, with the same height difference we have Fairy Tail's oddest couple. The big bad brute and the adorable bookworm, Gajeel Redfox and Levy McGarden from Team…really…that's the name?...okay…Team Iron Shrimp!
Gajeel carried Levy upon his shoulder as he entered, daring anyone to laugh. Levy smiled and waved at the crowd.
Mavis: Now that our teams have arrived, we're going to move on to the first event immediately! Now, the scoring is simple; it's 10 points for first place, then 8, 6, 4 and finally 2 for last place. We don't know how many rounds there will be yet…
Makarov: Because the author's a lazy asshole.
Mavis: …so everyone try your best from the beginning! *hey, you said to stay in character!* Anyway, let us reveal the first round, an easy game to let our couples get used to the event. Round one is a three-legged race for a full mile! Four laps of the track!
Makarov: Hmm…I can see Levy and Evergreen seeing the same problem.
Mavis: Yes, this round tests compatibility of their physical bodies, as well as the teamwork necessary to pull together in the same direction at all times! Who will win? Does everyone have a favourite? *listens to crowd roar*
Makarov: They are taking their starting positions now. On my mark. Three. Two. One. Go! *makes a loud magical bang on the word go*
Mavis: Look! Erza and Gerard take an early lead!
Makarov: Indeed. Not only are they both very strong S-class mages, but they have hearts that are perfectly in sync with one another. Even now, as Gerard casts Meteor, Erza switches to her soaring armour! No one can catch such speed and teamwork! First place to Team Armoured Heart!
Mavis: Amazing! Now, there's a fierce competition for second place! Gray and Natsu are not letting the other get the advantage. Can the girls keep pace with the strength of their boyfriends?
Makarov: Juvia is an expert with keeping in Gray's wavelength! She can do it! Lucy looks like she's flagging, but she's hanging in there! Who will be second? Ah, Gray lays down an ice field to slip up the other team!
Mavis: Natsu looks angry, but he can't easily burn it away with Lucy next to him! What can they do?
Makarov: Lucy summons Gemini! Amazing, she is able to make a copy of Natsu on the other side of her! Her magical power must have come a long way to copy him!
Mavis: With two Natsus, they leap the ice field and are gaining ground! They are basically carrying Lucy between them! Can they catch up in time? There isn't long to go! The finish line is approaching and…
Makarov: Natsu and Lucy win at the last moment! Second place to Team Burning Spirit!
Mavis: Oooh, Gray is not happy with Natsu! And Juvia is alternating wildly between apologizing to Gray and staring daggers and Lucy! Still, they worked well together and scored a respectable 6 points.
Makarov: Indeed. Now it's a battle to escape last place.
Mavis: Oh dear…
Makarov: The last two teams aren't even halfway around yet! Elfman and Gajeel are not holding themselves back properly for their girlfriend's much shorter strides!
Mavis: At least it's not Elfman and Levy together.
Makarov: That'd be awful.
Mavis: Now both teams are arguing amongst themselves. Despite their obvious differences, all four are hot-blooded and not backing down! The question is; which one will find the better common ground? Oh my word…look at that!
Makarov: Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle! Evergreen activates her wings and Elfman apparently has a Wyvern beast shift! I had no idea that he had a flying beast soul! They are only attached at the leg, so his wings are free to flap! Evergreen supports her own weight and can fly next to him! Their teamwork is completely independent of one another!
Mavis: Fourth place to team Fairy Soul! Oh, Gajeel does not look happy. He appears to be making fun of Levy's height.
Makarov: He does that when he's happy too. Ooh! A handbag to the face! Levy claims that he is too tall!
Mavis: A shame, but two points to Team Iron Shrimp. Hopefully they will do better in a round that allows their abilities to complement rather than compete. Let's go to our live reporter on the field to see what the contestants think after round one. Mira?
Mira: It was great! So cute! I mean, I'm here on the ground talking to the contestants. Erza! How do you feel after winning?
Erza: Wasn't it obvious? Some people don't train enough. *Has Gray and Natsu in a headlock as Juvia cheers for Gray in the background*
Mira: Typically odd there. I want a word with Evergreen, but oh my that glare could turn me to stone! Gajeel! Gajeel! How do you feel about you position?
Gajeel: This is bullshit! If Shorty wasn't so short!
Levy: It was your fault for not slowing down!
Gajeel: It was a race! You're meant to go fast! *Levy puffs out cheeks* Stop being so cute! I'm trying to be angry here!
Mira: They'll be fine. Juvia, are you…stop crying! Third is great!
Juvia: I failed Gray-sama! Juvia must try harder! Ahhh, Juvia was tied to Gray-sama! I will never wash this leg again!
Mira: You wash? I mean, you're made of water…never mind! That's it for me! Back to the booth!
Mavis: Great insight from the teams there.
Makarov: Really?
Mavis: No, but let's go to the scoreboard to refresh everyone's memory!
1st Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 10pts
2nd Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 8pts
3rd Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 6pts
4th Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 4pts
5th Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 2pts
Mavis: Despite the position, listen to the crowd cheer for Iron Shrimp!
Makarov: That's just Jet and Droy…and they aren't cheering for Gajeel. Anyway, let us move directly onto round two! There is no time for waiting, since this fic is only three pages long so far! The contestants are now heading to a runic barrier set up by Fried. Once inside, they will not be able to cast any magic!
Mavis: They look confused by the five water bottles inside. This is a contest of kindness and a lack of embarrassment about public affection! Each bottle contains water heavily laced with Wasabi!
Makarov: That's right! The goal is for each team to finish their bottle first. But without magic to protect them, it is impossible for a person to finish it by themselves! They must share it between them. But can they drink from a bottle that their lover has just touched with their lips?
Mavis: This is not stolen from the Beezlebub manga!
Makarov: In character! Now, for this round, let us head to the observer cam for a direct feed!
Natsu was grimacing. He could take any spice with his magic, but like this? Juvia was wriggling. To touch the bottle that Gray-sama had graced with his magnificent lips? She had to go first!
"Do you want to go first?" Erza asked Gerard.
"I-I have no idea how my life has led to this point," Gerard sighed.
"A man should drink first!" Elfman shouted, reaching for the bottle.
"Oi, oi! Don't go thinking that you're better because I'm a woman!" Evergreen huffed.
"That's not what I meant!"
"Gihihihihihihihi! I've got this one!" Gajeel crowed. "I have the perfect strategy to win this round! Shrimp, this time our differences mean that we win!"
"Really? How?" Levy asked, eyes shining brightly. A strong arm wrapped around her waist as Gajeel picked her up, and he grabbed the bottle with his other hand.
"Because I can overpower you," he replied with an evil smirk. "Baby want her bottle?"
"No!" Levy cried as Gajeel shoved the bottle in her mouth.
Mavis: Oh my! With complete disregard for his girlfriend's wellbeing, Gajeel takes the lead! He forcibly makes Levy drink the whole thing! She doesn't look well. I thought only Natsu could breathe fire!
"I have to do the same!" Juvia cried. "I must make up for failure!" She pounced on the bottle and began to knock it back as fast as she could. She winced as she began to realise how spicy the drink was and just how much Levy was going to kill Gajeel later.
"Here, let me," Gray said placing a hand on her arm. Juvia swooned under the touch and the concern and passed the bottle to him. Natsu and Erza had started on their own bottles.
"A man must be a man!" Elfman declared, beginning to knock back his own bottle.
Makarov: It's a fierce battle for second place! Gray has the lead, but surely he'll have to stop soon! No! He takes one look at Natsu and gains a second wind! He's going to finish it! Gray and Juvia take second place!
"The hell!" Natsu shouted. He should have handed the bottle to Lucy, but male pride forced him to keep going. Slower and slower. Erza handed the bottle over to Gerard and he took up with renewed speed.
"Oi, Elfman!" Evergreen cried, concern tingeing her voice. "Don't think about me so much!"
"A man..glug-glug…must be a MAN!"
Mavis: Elfman finished the bottle by himself with no coercion! His willpower might be unrivalled in the whole guild! What concern he has to not let Evergreen suffer! And now he's breathing fire too! Third place to Elfman and Evergreen!
Makarov: Fourth place as Gerard finishes. Damn Natsu was too stubborn to share the bottle properly and didn't have the fortitude to keep the speed up. Lucy does not look happy. Looking at the scores, we have two ties, and Gajeel's gambit brought his team up the rankings.
1st Team Armoured Heart – Erza and Gerard – 14pts
1st Team Gray-Sama Love-Love – Gray and Juvia – 14pts
3rd Team Iron Shrimp – Gajeel and Levy – 12pts
4th Team Burning Spirit – Natsu and Lucy – 10pts
4th Team Fairy Soul – Elfman and Evergreen – 10pts
Mavis: However, his gambit may have also cost him bedroom time.
Makarov: I've never seen a book wielded so efficiently as a weapon…but he'll be fine! That concludes round two of the Fairy Tail Couple's Competition! It's still all to play for! The scores could flip on their head within one round! Please stay tuned while we take a short break!
Mavis: And if any of our readers have an idea for a round, please let us know!
Makarov: Stop breaking the fourth wall already!