Title: Too Closed-Minded
Author: codenamelily
Rating: PG-13
Length: 4300
Characters: Luna, with Xeno and Dean
Summary: But you're just like her. You're TOO. CLOSED-MINDED!
Warnings: Implied child abuse of a sort
Author's note/Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. Written for omniocular's August Challenge for Deathly Hallows on LJ. My prompt was about whether Xeno Lovegood was just as weird before his wife's death. This turned out pretty Luna-centric but the prompt is still there.
----
"Luna, love, you know your father doesn't like you to be down here while I'm experimenting."
"Please, Mum, let me stay. He's working on that silly magazine again and every time I make a bit of noise, he tells me to be quiet. I don't understand half the things he puts in there and he gets so annoyed when I ask."
"Luna, be supportive of your father's magazine. You know it was a giant risk for him, but he felt he had to do it. He's trying to create a credible resource for less common topics."
"I know. But he doesn't like it when I'm up there. Please, please can I stay?"
Her mother contemplated for a moment. "Well, I don't suppose it could be too terrible."
Luna grinned. She had just lost a tooth – an eyetooth, her mother said – and she poked her tongue through the hole at her mother.
"You look so silly when you do that," her mother said, tickling her. "Silly-billy."
"Silly-billy," echoed Luna, giggling madly. She squirmed away from her mother and raced across the room, ducking behind a chair.
"Alright, then," said her mother. "You know what to do."
"'Sit in that chair and don't move while I put the charms on you,'" Luna said, trying to imitate her mother's voice.
"Good girl. Just protection charms. I don't expect anything to go wrong, but…"
"It's better safe than sorry," Luna finished. "What are you doing today?"
Her mother glanced nervously at the door, and Luna was confused. "Your father mustn't know," she said quietly. "He'd be furious if he knew I was trying this again."
"Trying what again, Mum?"
Crouching in front of Luna, her mother took her hands. "Tell me about the Unforgivable Curses," she said.
Luna shuddered. She didn't like the idea of those curses, but she repeated them anyway. "The Cruciatus," she started, "causes immense pain. The Impervius…"
"Imperius."
"Right, the Imperius means the caster has complete control over someone. And the… the…"
"The Killing Curse."
"Please don't make me say it."
"I won't, dear, but the name can't hurt you."
Luna nodded, but looked away. Even the words made her feel uneasy, like saying them aloud would cause a team of Aurors to descend on her.
"Well, those three curses are terrible, terrible things, you know," her mother began. Luna nodded in agreement, and she continued. "They could send a person to Azkaban for life, just for using one of them. But what is most terrifying about these curses is that they're so strong that it's almost impossible to block them. That's what I'm trying to do."
"Make them less strong?"
"No, though I would if it were possible. No, I'm trying to create a shield that will protect from those curses."
Luna thought about it for a minute. "It sounds wonderful," she finally said. "Like it could really help people."
"It could," said her mother, a grin popping on her face. "It could save lives, tons of lives, and pain, and… and so much more."
"So why doesn't Daddy want you to make it?"
"He thinks it's dangerous. That I'll hurt myself. But don't you worry about that, love, I'm the woman in this relationship and as such, I am always right."
Luna giggled and her mother stood up.
"Alright, I've cast the charms on you, cast them on the room, and we are ready to go!" She crossed into an open space facing a wall full of diagrams and words Luna did not understand, and began to wave her wand, muttering things.
The lights coming from her wand mesmerised Luna, even though none of them stuck around for very long and Luna could tell her mother was growing impatient.
"Luna," she finally called. "Get me a glass of water, please, love."
"Yes, Mummy," Luna replied, bouncing out of her chair and bounding up the stairs.
"Thank you, dear."
Luna filled a glass with water and ice and threw the door to the cellar open. Her mother was still waving her wand and there seemed to be a misty, shimmering window between her and the wall.
"Look, Luna, I've almost done it!" she cried.
"Good job, Mum! I've brought your water."
"One moment, I've got to see if this works."
Luna was standing still, seven steps from the bottom, as her mother flicked her wand. A jet of light came out of the tip and shot towards the shimmering window. The window absorbed the light, momentarily becoming a translucent red. Luna's mother turned to the stairs.
"Isn't it marvellous?" she asked.
Luna opened her mouth to answer but the enormous bang emitted by the shimmering window cut her off. Her mother's eyes widened and she whirled around to see the window expanding, growing…
"Luna, get out of here," her mother shrieked. Luna tried to turn around but her feet seemed glued to the stairs. The entire cellar seemed to pulsate and glow.
"Mum…" Luna whimpered. Her mother turned and looked up the stairs, her face distorted with fear.
"Luna…" her mother whispered.
Things seemed to move in slow motion. Her mother whirled slowly back towards the expanding light, her wand out, her mouth saying any spell she could think of that might help. The light pulsed, grew, until it was almost bursting out of the shimmering window. Luna's mother walked closer to it, closer, trying to stop its growth.
It exploded – no, not exploded. It shattered and the light engulfed the entire cellar. It was like being inside the window had frozen it. Instead of simply shining, like light tended to do, it broke and flew around, bouncing off everything and sounding like shattered glass. The force of it threw Luna against the stairs, the water glass falling from her hand and breaking into pieces upon hitting the steps.
"Mum!" she screamed. She could see the figure of her mother crumpling to the ground. The light pieces began to fall, clattering to the floor.
Luna somehow pulled herself from the stairs and rushed down to her mother's side. "Mummy," she sobbed, falling to her knees in front of the woman. "Mummy, what happened."
"Something… something went… wrong." Her mother's voice was strained. "L-Luna. Okay?"
"I'm okay, Mum," Luna whispered, grasping her mother's hand. "I'm fine. Please, you be fine, too."
"Not… fine." Her voice was fading. "Your f-father. L-love him. Love you. Luna… Luna l-love…"
"I love you, too, Mum," said Luna, tears springing in her eyes.
Her mother made a face which Luna later supposed must have been a smile. Her hand tightened momentarily around Luna's, then loosened. Luna heard a sigh – she wasn't sure whether it was her mother's last breath or her imagination – and then her head tilted and Luna knew she was gone.
----
"Luna?"
She opened her eyes to see Dean looking at her worriedly.
"Hello," she said, stifling her surprise behind a yawn. "What brings you to my room?"
"I heard you screaming. Well, not screaming. Kind of like sobbing."
Luna sat up and stretched her arms.
"Were you dreaming?"
She nodded. "About my mother."
"And that made you scream?"
"I dreamed about her dying."
"Oh." Dean shifted nervously. "Well, I'm sure she's alright. I mean, we're all worried about our families…"
"No," said Luna. "She's dead. She died years ago."
"Oh."
Dean looked uncomfortable, so Luna swung her legs out of bed and pulled on the night robe Fleur had leant her. "It's alright, now," she said. "How did you sleep, Dean?"
"Well," he replied. "Haven't slept this well in ages. A real bed is a lot better than the ground."
"I agree," Luna said. "I'm still getting used to all this. It's wonderful, having a bed and real food and clean clothes."
Dean nodded in agreement. Luna looked around the room.
"What time is it?" she asked. "It's still dark."
"It's about three," he replied. "I was heading back from the loo when I heard you."
"Well, I'm glad you woke me. I don't particularly like dreaming about my mother. I miss her, but it's not exactly fun to dream about."
"I would suppose not," Dean said. They sat quietly for a moment.
"Are you sleepy?" Luna asked.
"Not really," Dean admitted. "It's hard getting used to this."
"I know. I'm not the least bit tired now. When I was in the Malfoy's dungeon, I was tired all the time. They must have had a Zapsucker down there."
She knew Dean was confused, but like most people, he pretended to know what she was talking about and didn't ask. "How long were you down there?" he asked instead.
"Much too long. I can't even remember. Not as long as Mr. Ollivander, though."
"What did you do all that time?"
"Sat. Thought about things. Dreamt. Remembered. It wasn't all that pleasant."
----
Luna would wake to the sound of sobbing almost every night. The sound scared her, not in the way a ghoul might, but in the way that she knew things weren't okay.
Two weeks went by and she would lie in bed, listening to sobbing coming down the hall. In the morning, she would go downstairs and the sobbing would have stopped and all that was there was her father, red-eyed, but smiling, making her breakfast.
One night, the sobbing became too much. She slipped out of bed and tip-toed down the hall, the stone floor cold on her feet. There was light coming out from under her father's door, splayed across the floor. She stepped into the light and knocked softly.
"Daddy?" she called. "Is that you?"
The sobbing stopped abruptly and she heard someone come to the door. It swung open and her father stood, staring at her. His face was wet and his eyes were puffy, and Luna knew he had been crying.
"Luna? It's the middle of the night. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Are you okay?"
Her father looked slightly surprised at her question. "Yes, dear," he replied. "Yes, yes, of course."
Luna studied her father carefully. He had changed since her mother had died, no doubt. It had only been two weeks, but somehow the majority of his hair had gone from a rich brown to streaked liberally with white, and had thinned noticeably. His eyes seemed to be permanently glazed and puffy and red, and he had taken to wearing old, raggedy clothing rather than dressing in smart robes like he used to.
"Are you crying because you miss Mum?" Luna asked him. He stared at her for a moment.
"Don't you miss your mother?" he said.
Luna nodded. "I miss her a lot. But I cried for a few days before I remembered her telling me about the Veil. Did Mum tell you about the Veil?"
Her father motioned for her to come into his room and she settled herself in an armchair.
"Tell me about this veil."
Luna cleared her throat. "Well, Mum said that when people die, they go through a veil into the other side. And when you go through the Veil, everyone you loved who has died is there waiting for you. She said that you then have a choice, whether you want to go with all the people you love or if you want to go back to this world and just be a shadow and that most people would rather die again than go back, because on the other side everyone is happy and things are perfect. And then, when you're on the other side, you can watch over the people you left behind so you know when they're going to be crossing and go wait for them. And so even if people die, it's not like you'll never see them again."
The room was quiet for a few moments, and Luna shifted nervously. "Aren't you happy, Daddy? You'll see Mum again."
"Yes," he said quietly. "Yes, I suppose I will."
Luna grinned and hopped off the chair. "I'm going to go back to bed. I'll see you in the morning."
Her father stood up and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You are a lot like your mother, Luna," he said. She smiled, though the look he gave her made her slightly nervous. "Just like her. Very smart."
She pulled away from him and headed toward the door. "Good night," she said. He was still looking at her as she shut the door behind her.
----
She woke up on her own time in the morning. It took her a short while to dress and wash, and when she was finished she headed happily down to the kitchen.
Dean was sitting at the table with Bill, empty plates in front of them. Bill looked up as she entered.
"Morning, Luna," he greeted. "Good timing. Fleur's just about done breakfast." He got up to get another plate from the cupboard. "Eggs, bacon, and toast. Pumpkin juice okay?"
"It sounds wonderful," Luna said, grinning as she sat next to Dean.
Dean looked at her for a moment but said nothing. She was certain he wanted to ask her something. She supposed it had to do with their conversation the night before, but she wasn't about to bring it up.
Fleur brought breakfast as promised and Luna ate heartily. After living on stale bread for so long, she had resolved never to take a good meal for granted again. Even after she was so full she felt as though she would burst, she would not allow a single morsel to remain on her plate.
She offered to help Fleur clean the kitchen but Fleur waved in dismissal. "You are ze guest," she said, pulling the dishes from Luna's hand. "And you 'ave 'ad such a 'ard time, being captured."
"But you've been so good to put us up here, it's the least I can do," Luna said.
"Not at all," Fleur replied. "Go out to ze garden, or to ze parlour, and relax, and I will finish cleaning."
Luna obliged, and let herself out into the yard. She picked some wildflowers and arranged them on Dobby's grave, then wandered toward the sea. She sat on the edge of a cliff and stared out at the water.
"Pretty," a voice said behind her. She turned and saw Dean standing behind her.
"Very," she agreed. "I wish I had my paints here. I'd love to paint it."
"You're an artist?" he asked, sitting beside her.
"I wouldn't say that. I enjoy painting."
"I do, too."
"I know," she said. "I've seen your drawings. They had a banner at Quidditch a few years ago that everyone said you drew. It was wonderful."
"Thanks. It was nothing, though. Just a doodle."
"I thought it was brilliant. Do you draw anything other than lions?"
"People. I like to draw people."
"Me too. I painted portraits on my ceiling at home."
"You'll have to draw something for me, sometime. What else do you draw?"
"Animals. I always draw Crumple-Horned Snorcacks for Daddy's magazine."
"Luna, what exactly is a… one of those?"
She tried to think of how best to describe it, how it looked, what it was. But the truth was, she really didn't understand how to describe it. The Crumple-Horned Snorcack gave her a feeling of… well, she wasn't sure what.
----
"But Daddy, what IS that?"
"It's a mystical creature with amazing abilities. I'm going to report about it in the next issue of the Quibbler in case any of our readers have seen one."
"Why are we going to find it?"
"It has amazing properties. If we find it, it's blood may be able to help us… to help us bring your mother back."
Luna dropped her fork. It clattered on the table and fell to the ground.
"Bring Mum back?"
Her father looked at her angrily. "Don't you want to see your mother again? Don't you miss her?"
"Yes, Daddy, but bringing her back… don't you remember the tale about that stone that could bring people back and they were all unhappy?"
"That was the Resurrection Stone. That's different."
"How do you know? What if Mum doesn't want to come back? I'd rather wait and see her happy when I die than bring her back and have her unhappy here."
"It's different, Luna." Her father was angry now, and Luna frowned. Her father had rarely gotten angry before her mother died. In the few months since it had happened, his hair had grown long and wild. It was almost all white, now, and he had lost so much of it that it looked like he had sporadically glued the rest of it on. He never wore normal clothes anymore – only flowing robes or tunics, when he had to dress like a Muggle.
Luna picked up her fork and placed it gently next to her plate. "I don't like it, Daddy," she said.
"How can you say such a thing?" he asked her. "How can you not miss your mother?"
"I miss her!" Luna cried, her eyes pricking with the familiar onset of tears. "But bringing her back won't be good, I know it!"
"Go to your room!" he roared, standing up. The table shook as he slammed his hands on it. "Stay there until you realise how horrible life is without your mother! What kind of child are you, who doesn't even miss her dead mother?"
"I know it's bad, but…"
"I said GO!"
Luna burst into tears and shoved her chair from the table. It fell backwards, but she did not stop to pick it up. She raced up to her room and slammed the door, threw herself on her bed, and sobbed into her pillow.
She stayed that way for awhile before her sobs turned into sniffs, and when they did she rolled over and looked at the picture on her night table. Her mother was hugging her and she was hugging her mother and they looked so happy. Just the thought of her mother made her want to sob again, but she knew her mother wouldn't want her to.
Luna's parents had always been obsessed with the idea of death. Her mother, with protecting against it, and her father, with defeating it. Her mother created Shield Charms to protect people from the Killing Curse. Her father hunted for Deathly Hallows and Crumple-Horned Snorcacks to hide from Death, to reverse it. Her mother was comfortable with death, because she knew that life was merely a waiting process. Death would come when it came and it was alright, because the soul would live forever. That's all bodies were, just a protective case for the soul.
She missed her mother dearly, but her mother had made sure that Luna knew there was something after death. It was the reason that she didn't feel she had to sob all the time. She mourned, just as everyone did, but she was comforted just by the thought that her mother was watching her and that she would see her mother again.
What her father was doing was wrong, and Luna was passionately against it. Her mother would be happy in death, Luna knew it. Bringing her back was wrong, completely wrong.
The unfairness of the situation made Luna's face contort and caused tears to fall again. She pressed her face into her pillow and sobbed, grabbing the picture off her night table and holding it close to her.
"Mummy," she groaned. "This is all wrong…"
----
She told Dean what Crumple-Horned Snorcacks looked like. He listened sceptically until she was sure there was nothing she missed.
"Alright, then," he said when she finally looked at him expectantly. "So why are you looking for these things?"
Luna started. No one had ever asked her that before. True, very few people had even asked her what a Crumple-Horned Snorcack was, but they just seemed to accept that it was more of Looney Lovegood's ramblings and left it at that.
"Well…" Luna stuttered. "It's more of… my father wants to find them. Because… well, just because."
Dean frowned. Luna moved her gaze to the window, staring out at the rain that had forced them to come back into the house.
"So you want to find this thing, just because it looks strange? There's nothing special about it?"
"There is," Luna blurted. "But that's… it's just better not to… I don't want to talk about it."
Dean glanced around. "Are they Dark creatures?" he whispered. "Could they hurt someone?"
"They're not Dark creatures!" she exclaimed. "My daddy would never…"
"What's with them, then?" he pressed.
"They just… they require further study," she said, blinking rapidly. There were tears in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. I am a calm person, she told herself. I do not, will not, cry about this. Her head began to feel stuffy, clogged.
But Dean did not seem willing to let it go. He kept asking her questions and Luna could feel herself become more and more flustered, finding it harder and harder to breathe, until finally she burst into tears.
"Do you want to know?" she sniffed, willing the haze around her to go away. "Because when I tell you…"
"I want to know," Dean said.
----
She was surprised when she woke up, unaware that she had even fallen asleep. Her nose was slightly stuffed and her face felt dry, like she had cried all the water out of her body. The picture of her and her mother was digging into her upper arm and she shifted uncomfortably, pushing it back onto the night table.
It was when she tried to stand up that Luna realised something was wrong. Not only did her mind feel foggy, her entire body felt it, too. Like there was a bubble around her full of hazy air. She waved her arms in front of her, and it was like trying to move them through water. Her breathing felt forced, like the air so heavy she almost had to lift it into her lungs.
"You're awake." The sound of her father's voice made Luna jump, and she turned her head
(it feels so slooww)
towards the sound. He was standing against the wall, pressed against the shadows, holding something.
"Daa…" her voice caught in her throat, and she started to cough.
"Don't try to talk, Luna," he said. His voice was quiet, too quiet. "Just listen to me."
He stopped talking until Luna had finished coughing. She looked up at him, and he stepped forward.
"Luna, we have a problem," he said, his voice still
(so quiet, soo quiet, not riiighhht)
soft. "More precisely, you have a problem. You see, I expected you to be happy about the possibility of seeing your mother again. But you're just like her. You're TOO. CLOSED-MINDED!"
The sudden shout startled her and Luna gasped, only to find herself coughing again.
"Your mother didn't think so, oh no. She thought her experiments and acceptance of certain things made her just godly. But you know why she was closed-minded? DO YOU?!"
(nooooo)
"She couldn't accept that there was more to accept than what was inside that little box. Oh Luna, I loved your mother. But she laughed when I told her about the Deathly Hallows. 'Who wants to conquer death?' she said. 'Why would you want a stone to bring back people?' She just didn't understand at all, and she refused to. But I loved her anyway."
He took another step towards her bed, and Luna realised the object in his hand was a vial of potion. She pressed her lips closed tightly, knowing that whatever he was holding couldn't be good.
"Oh Luna," he said again. "I want to see your mother again so much. Don't you understand? I don't want to have to wait until I die to see her. That's why we need the Crumple-Horned Snorcack. Imagine, if we brought her back. She could keep researching spells and that. Helping everyone. Just like when she was alive."
(daddy no it won't be good)
He sat next to her on the bed. "If you won't believe by yourself," he said, twisting the vial between his fingers. "Oh Luna, I didn't want to do this. But don't you understand?
(nooo i don't)
I have to. I have no choice."
Luna started to cry.
----
When she woke up, again, her head had cleared. Her mouth tasted foul, but she could see again.
She pushed herself out of the bed and bounded down the stairs. "Daddy?" she called. "Daddy, I want to go find those animals now."
She ran into the kitchen, where her father was sitting at the table. He looked up and grinned.
"Oh Luna," he said. "My Luna. I knew you'd see things my way."
Part of her screamed to run away, but it made her feel hazy again. She ignored that part and ran over to him. He hugged her and she felt the haze go away.
----
"He did what?" Dean exclaimed. "Luna, that's practically abuse!"
"No, no!" insisted Luna. "He just did what he thought was right for me. He was right. I was just a child."
"Yeah, you were just a child, but he had no right to do that to you! All for a stupid animal that probably doesn't even actually exist."
"It does!" Luna insisted. "There's been sightings. We just need to find one now."
"Luna, your father's crazy. That's not right."
"He's not crazy. You don't understand at all, Dean. Before my mother died, my father was still a bit strange. But he was more normal. It was like when she died, a bit of him died, too. But he's not crazy. He just wants her back so things can be like they were before."
"Things will never be like they were before, even if you did bring her back."
The haze that Luna had began to push away was coming back quickly, and she batted her arms at it. "Please, Dean, just believe me. I can't breathe properly if you don't."
He opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't seem to.
"It's brilliant, really," Luna said quietly. "He made so that I couldn't tell anyone without it hurting me. It's good, though. He was right."