"It's not healthy, England!"
"Whatever do you mean, it's not healthy?"
"I mean what I say. You cannot sleep with him."
"And why not, I see nothing wrong with it!"
"England, you're supposed to be sleeping with me."
"Well you'll just have to settle for the both of us, I suppose."
"I'm not having a threesome with… with… that… thing!"
"Don't insult him! You imbecile. Do you want to sleep on the couch?"
"Are you seriously threatening me?"
"Yes of course! If you can't sleep with the both of us and be nice, you'll just have to sleep alone."
"Has it occurred to you that this is actually my house? And I don't have to sleep on the couch if I don't want to."
"…You bloody yank, stop saying stupid things."
"You just know I'm right"
"Now that's bollocks if I've ever heard any! I haven't seen an American being right since the damn loyalists."
"Babe, that was mean."
"Refrain from ever using that word. Or I swear you will wake up with your eyeballs shoved up your arsehole."
"ooh, somebody's feisty. Are you sure you're not PMSing?"
"You are beyond inconsiderate. Has it occurred to you that there are neurological stresses and sexual tensions that I have to deal with on a daily basis, without you're blubbering mouth?"
"I dunno, babe. I seriously have no idea what you just said, but I'm pretty sure you said 'sex.' "
"No, America."
"Aw. But babe, I'll let you top!"
"I am not your babe you childish wanker. And I don't trust you. Last time you said I could top you flipped me in the middle of our sex and ignored our agreement. I bet you were planning on doing it again, weren't you?"
"Ah, yep. Right-o, darling!"
"And this is why you're not getting sex."
"Imma cry. Like seriously look at me!"
"Yes, I see you. It's not very convincing."
"Look! I'm begging. See, I'm on my knees. Does your majesty wish to grant me the favor, no, the honor of lying with me in this here futon of –"
"Oh all right! Let's just go to the bed before we ruin your furniture, not that I particularly care for it."
"Yess! I get sex."
"You are disgusting."
"But you love me."
"And I cannot fathom why."
"But seriously dude. It, or him, or whatever- he's coming off the bed."
"No! There is no way."
"I promise I'll let you top! Like, cross my heart, hope to die."
"Really. You let me top, and he goes off the bed?"
"Yup."
"Fine. I'll play your bloody game."
"I love you so much Iggy!"
"Lord, I didn't know you could get so jealous of a stuffed animal, America."
"You are so not topping. I take that back."
"Oh, but darling, I most definitely am."
"Dude! Where did you get the hand cuffs from? Why are you looking at me like that? No! Dude what the- seriously, you're scary-mphffff"
"Hmm. Does my little pet have nothing more to say? Ah well this position looks like it is a bit taxing on the body, and gags are a little difficult to talk through, I suppose."
"mphhfophfio!"
"No, nothing? Then I suppose we will get started, love. We'll see what these Americans are made of."