The Salmon Ladder Challenge
An: I do not own Arrow
Summary: The Salmon Ladder thinks everyone who challenged Oliver to see who could last longer on him were idiots. Oliver was the King of the Salmon Ladder workout. Eilowyn suggested a salmon ladder fic, so if you're reading this, this is for you.
The Salmon Ladder stands in a corner of the sports equipment store. This was a speciality store as not all stores carried equipment like that. Most persons that bought equipment at this store were familiar with his purpose but he did get one or two curious stares that resulted in the sales clerk giving a demonstration. The Clerk wasn't very fit and often struggled to get the bar up one rung. Sometimes he fell on his ass and the customers would laugh. Customers weren't allowed to try because the store was afraid of lawsuits.
He wasn't a popular piece of equipment. Most persons tended to go for the weight sets and elliptical machines. He was intimidating and he was proud of that fact. Only the best of the best could use him. He separated the men from the boys. One day a male in a tailored grey suit came into the store and stared at him.
"I'll take it," he said to the store clerk.
"Are you sure?" the store clerk said and the Salmon Ladder thought the same thing.
The man in the grey suit stared back at the store clerk in an intimidating manner that made the store clerk gulp. He liked that, an owner as intimating as he was. He expected to go to a home gym with lots of other equipment and collect dust. He thought the man would try him once and then leave him alone. He was pleasantly surprised.
He was placed in a dark basement with a lot of other weird items. There was an archery range. Who had an archery range in a basement? When he saw what his new owner, Oliver, did to tennis balls he was thankful he was made of metal. Oliver was a beast at working out and was very good at moving the rung up and down. He was soon joined by a man named Diggle who only eyed him suspiciously. He never tried to move his bar up.
From his height, the Salmon Ladder had an excellent view of everything that went on. Oliver did not have a specific routine that he stuck to but that all changed with the arrival of the blonde, Felicity. His workout routines tended to occur when she was there seated behind her computers and he seemed to use them just to show off to her. Her eyes would always be glued to him when he was on the ladder. Her outfits gradually changed to shorter tighter outfits and this resulted in more intense physical displays from Oliver. It was the human equivalent of the mating dance he used to see on Animal Plant back at the store.
The glances and the touches got worse the next year. It didn't escape his attention that when Felicity revamped the entire basement he was placed in a position of prominence near her. Nor did it escape his attention that Oliver started syncing his routine to hers either consciously or unconsciously. Sara entered their lives. She was good with the bar as well. Quite impressive but he frowned when he noticed Oliver and her hooking up. Felicity stumbled a little bit initially but eventually picked herself up and moved on with life. Oliver still worked out for her though and she still wore tight skirts for him. He was supposed to be with Sara but they fought a lot where as Felicity tended to support Oliver in his deeds. There was a day that a man in a skull masked, Slade, appeared in the lair. He was dangerous. He didn't like the gun in his hands; he especially didn't like it when it was pointed at Felicity who was in the lead coming down the stairs. He was relieved when Oliver reacted immediately, removing her from danger. He definitely didn't want to be stuck with the broody Oliver for the rest of his life which would have been the case had Felicity been killed. Things soon escalated with Slade. Sara and Oliver broke up somewhere along the journey to defeating Slade but Felicity was there to support him.
By the following year, he had now become a feature of the Wednesday routine. Wednesday was also the day that Felicity's skirts were the shortest. He wondered how long they would continue beating around the bush. One day he finally asked her out only for her to end up on the med table. He knew that was going to be a set back to their relationship and he was right. He watched the angst build between them. He wanted to take his bar and beat them both over the head with it. The physical displays never ceased. The police came one day and took him away. By the time he returned, to a new lair, they were finally together. He was happy he got to fast forward on their relationship. He didn't do the relationship sap.
One day, the young hot mouth, Roy, told Oliver he was getting old. Oliver proceeded to beat him to a pulp on the training mats. Roy obviously didn't get the message and proceeded to say that he could prove it and challenged Oliver to see who could last longer on the Salmon Ladder. To that day, Roy had never used him so he couldn't understand the logic behind that move. The challenge snow balled and everyone except Felicity, who obviously had the brains to realise it was pointless to try to beat Oliver, was participating. He had never felt so used in his lifetime. In the week leading up to the challenge everyone was on him. As soon as one person got off another one started. None of them even came close to Oliver's regular routine.
The day of the challenge arrived and the girls went first, Sara lasting the longest. That surprised the Salmon Ladder since he thought Nyssa would beat her. It was now the guy's turn. Diggle was up first, followed, by Ted, then Ray, Roy and Oliver last. The girls were certainly going to enjoy this if the bags of popcorn Felicity brought in were any indication.
As Diggle walked up to the bar Felicity called out, "You have to take off your shirt,"
"Excuse me,"
"Rule number 1, you cannot do the Salmon Ladder with your shirt on,"
"I didn't see any of the girls take their shirts off,"
"It doesn't apply to ladies. Only guys," Lyla told her husband. "Shirt off now Johnny," she commanded.
Digg obediently followed his wife's instructions.
"You're one lucky woman," Thea commented.
Diggle was impressive. The Salmon Ladder guessed he would probably come in second. Ted was up next and Laurel looked like she was ready to pounce on him by the time he finished. Ray started unbuttoning his shirt on the way up to him like some male supermodel. At least he had some sense of style but The Ladder was expecting him to crash and burn.
"Wow, I didn't realise Ray had all that going on under his shirt," Thea commented.
"Yeah there is plenty going on under those clothes," Felicity commented before snapping her mouth shut.
The Salmon Ladder watched Oliver's growly face appear. Realising she may have pushed her boyfriend into one of his jealous moods; Felicity jumped up and approached him, swinging her arms around his neck.
"No one compares to you," she reached up on her tip toes and gave him a smouldering kiss.
"Ok break it up now!" Thea called. The two lovebirds reluctantly pulled away from each other.
The Ladder distinctly remembers a rule about no sex in the lair but it never seemed to apply to Oliver and Felicity. Ray grabbed the bar and started his progression up and down. Ten minutes in, Ray missed getting the bar into one groove and fell off. Oliver laughed so hard despite the glare that Felicity threw him.
Next was the cocky little boy. The Ladder was looking forward to this. As the Ladder expected the boy was a dismal failure compared to the other competitors. His form was terrible which drastically reduced how long he could have gone. He still managed to do better than Ray but both Nyssa and Sara had gone longer.
Oliver was last and he proudly showed everyone who the boss was. Felicity's eyes never left her boyfriend and The Ladder was sure that Oliver's eyes were glued to hers as well. After he passed Diggle's time, he made one more set up the ladder and then jumped down.
"How old do you feel now Roy?" Oliver asked the young boy who grumbled. The Salmon Ladder was proud that it was his owner that showed the room how it was done!
Soon everyone left the lair in darkness and the Salmon Ladder was alone with that sarcastic fern and the computer system that was always working and beeping, can someone say workaholic. At least now he had a little break, though he was sure come Wednesday Oliver would be working out for his girl again.