England was excited. He was so excited, that he ran over to his spare room to find flying mint bunny and yell the great news into her ears. He was so excited that he decided to make scones, and not give a flying fuck about the mess, or the fire. Grinning, he took the device out of its elaborate box, lovingly and carefully peeling all of the tape off the sides, and removing all of the inner protection. Finally, he held it in his hand. Its flawless form caressed his hand, and he nearly orgasmed at the beautiful white finish. Cackling with glee, he turned it on, and waited. He was a bit impatient, and he fidgeted as it took it's time turning on. Finally, he was able to unlock it, and he glanced, mesmerized at the screen of his very first, brand new, Iphone 5. Hearing a ping, he looked down to realize he got a text. 'I'm so popular!' he thought happily. After a minute of frowning, he managed finally to read it.
"Hey old man. Congratulations on entering the 21st century. –Alfred"
…England hated Iphones.