The Zelda Characters Go To Denny's (For Breakfast)
Written By Austin Hale and Graham Johnson
(I'm sure that you are wondering what the $#& a Denny's is doing here in Hyrule. Just think of it as… one of those Gameshark codes that everyone say's works, but really doesn't. And if you must know, it's built right next to the entrance to Gerudo Valley. Enjoy).
Our favorite Zelda characters awake the next morning to get ready for the breakfast ahead.
Link: Oh man. I wet the bed. AGAIN!
Navi: So what! You always wet the bed you idiot.
Link: Yeah, but I haven't wet the bed this bad since I was 10 and having that bad dream about Ganondorf, only to awake and find you flying there in the air.
Navi: SORRY! I have that effect on people.
Link: That's a surprise.
Navi: HEY…LISTEN (Navi says in that annoying tone of hers in Ocarina of Time)today's the day we go out to breakfast.
Link: JUST US TWO?! NO WAY!
Navi: I am seriously beginning to think that hat of yours has really cut off the circulation to your head; due to the fact THAT YOU NEVER TAKE IT OFF! Remember? With Zelda, Ganondorf, Mido, all the sages from all the temples, Skull Kid and me.
Link: Well stuff me with lard and call me a Likelike(lame) I better get dressed.
Navi: Which tunic, the red one or the blue one?
Link: Just the green one…hey, I already have it on. Now which pair of boots should I wear? (Opens closet. All boots exactly the same)
Navi: Does it really matter? I mean, how could you possibly tell which one is different?
Link: They are all like children to me(takes him an hour to decide). I'll wear these ones.
Navi: And which one's would that be?
Link: The ones that are already on my feet.
Navi: Oh for the love of Nayru! Can we just go?!
(Link and Navi finally get to Denny's only to find that the rest of the crew is already there. Everyone except for Skull Kid)
Ganondorf: Well, it's about time you two showed up. You almost got beat by Skull Kid.
Link: You can thank Navi for that. If it wasn't for her "short cut," we would've beaten all of you here, and I'd have that seat by the window!
Navi: You forgot to mention the hour it took you to find the right pair of boots. You ended up choosing the ones you already had on your feet.
Nabooru: Would you two sit down. The waitress and Skull Kid will be here any minute.
(They wait yet another hour for Skull Kid to show)
Skull Kid: HHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY GUY'S. Sorry I'm late. Couldn't find my favorite shorts so I just wore my black swimsuit. You know, the ones with Majora's Mask on the butt.
Ruto: Didn't you wear those yesterday at our pool party?
Skull Kid: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Waitress: Hello. Welcome to Denny's. Could I start you off with a glass of cold water, or are you ready to order?
Darunia: No water for me, thanks, as I am made of solid rock.
Rauru: Water is fine. And could we get a booster seat for Skull Kid and Mido.
Skull Kid & Mido(crying) WE DON'T NEED BOOSTER SEATS!!!
Impa: Yes you do. You can't even see over the table.
Saria: Yea. And could they get some crayons and those kiddy little paper things to go with that?
All: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Waitress: Sure thing. I'll be back with your water, and the booster seats(leaves)
Skull Kid: It's not fair. Why doesn't Saria have to sit in a booster seat? She can't see over the table either.
Saria: I don't need one because I'm a sage and you're not.
Mido: Saria, you and I can share one…together.
Saria: I wouldn't sit with you if you where the last person on Earth!
Mido: Ok(sob)
Zelda: Excuse me. Nature calls(leaves)
Zelda: (outside bathrooms)now which bathroom should I use? The ladies room as Zelda, or transform into Sheik and use the men's room? …I've never used the men's room before; so the men's room it is(takes care of business and goes back to table)
Waitress: Here's the water and the booster seats. Now what color crayons do you kids want?
Skull Kid and Mido: WE DON'T WANNA COLOR!
Waitress: Well! What misbehaving kid's you are. You guy's ready to order?
Link: But where are the menus?
Impa: (slaps Link on head) you moron. It's been sitting in front of you this whole time.
Link: (anime sweat drop) I knew that.
Navi: Considering the amount of time it took him to decide on a pair of boots to which all where the same, maybe we'll need a few more minutes(waitress leaves)
(They finally reach a decision on what they will have)
Waitress: Ok. You guys finally ready?
Ganondorf: Yes. I will have the Cucco Omelet with a side of sausage.
Link: I would like the Scrambled eggs with Hash Browns on the side, and extra ketchup on those Hash Browns.
Rauru: But you're allergic to potatoes.
Link: There's potatoes in Hash Browns?! Ok. Make those Hash Browns bacon.
Zelda: (muttering under breath)Link, you little $$$ stupid #$$. OH sorry. I'll have a salad. I'm on a diet.
Ruto: I'LL HAVE THE FISH AND CHIPS!!!
All: (GASP)
Ruto: What?
Navi: I've lost my appetite.
Darunia: If you could go outside and find me a big rock or two, that would be great.
Waiter: Ok. Two big rock's for the stone man. What about you, cutie(looking at Mido)
Mido: (looking at Saria, dreaming (ewwwwwww)) I'll have whatever Saria's having(sigh)
Saria: Oh brother. Just get me your pancakes.
Nabooru: What sounds really good right now is a tall Cactus Burger with a chocolate shake. That's a favorite entrée in Gerudo Valley.
Waitress: Ok. That only leaves the ugly kid in the high chair. What'll it be?
Skull Kid: CAN I HAVE A BIG CHOCOLATE PANCAKE SHAPED LIKE MAJORA'S MASK?
Waitress: What does a Majora's mask look like?
Skull Kid: Here I'll show you(hops out of high chair)it looks like this(bends down and flashes her the picture of Majora's Mask on his butt)
Waitress: I've GOT YOUR MAGOORA'S MASK RIGHT HERE!!!! (kicks him in the butt right out the window)
All: GOAL!
Saria: That was the best shot I have ever seen. You kicked him right into the Death Mountain Crater.
Waitress: Thanks. And as for the old man, I have a very special breakfast for you.
Rauru: OH BOY! OH BOY!
(Waitress leaves and comes back orders)
Waitress: Here you go everyone. And for the old guy, here's your special breakfast…
Rauru: OH BOY! OH BOY!
Waitress: …Apple Sauce and medicine. Do you need an IV drip to help eat?
Rauru: No(sob)I'll eat it with my gums.
Waitress: Ok. Enjoy everyone.
After everyone finishes eating…
Ganondorf: Well, that was the best breakfast I've had in a long time.
Waitress: When you guys are ready, here's the bill.
Darunia: Ok. Link, I believe this is yours(hands him the bill)
Link: I thought Zelda was paying.
Zelda: No. I heard that was Mido's job this time.
Mido: Don't look at me. Saria and Impa told me—
Saria: We're sages. We don't need money.
Link: Now think about it guy's. By simple process of elimination, divided by the square root of a piece of pi, multiplied by the reciprocal of 2, once upon a time, plus 37, minus the radius of the city of Wisconsin, until death do you part, 4 score and 7 years ago, one nation indivisible, finders keepers, losers weepers, and they lived happily ever after, blah blah blah, the person who is paying is…(thinks long and hard) SKULL KID!
Ganondorf: SKULL KID ISN'T HERE, YOU IDIOT! HE GOT KICKED OUT THE WINDOW.
Waitress: Well, if none of you can pay, then there's only one thing you can do…
All: (gulp)
Hours later…
Nabooru: Well, that was one of the most embarrassing times of my life. Hours of dish cleaning all while Zelda kept slacking off.
Zelda: Well, if Link hadn't gotten a hold of that water faucet hose and spraying everyone in sight we would've gotten done a lot sooner.
Impa: Shut up, Zelda! You should've let me dry those dishes in the first place, because you dropping every other dish and increased our debt through the roof.
Zelda: You forgot Ruto. SHE'S the one who wouldn't stop swimming in the sink.
Ruto: At least I can swim.
Zelda: SHUT YOUR FISH LIPS YOU CANNIBAL!
Ruto: CREAM PUFF!!
Zelda: COTTON SWAB!!!
Ruto: HERMAPHRODITE!!!!
Zelda: That does it…
(Fight erupts between Zelda, Ruto, Impa, and Nabooru)
Link: Ladies, ladies. Just break it up. Let's shake hands and go get some lunch.
Everyone else: ...AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!
WiLl ThE zElDa ChArAcTeRs EvEr Go OuT tO lUnCh? DiD zElDa AnD rUtO eVeR rEaLlY sToP fIgHtInG? iS sKuLl kId AlIvE? (Well, we don't care) iS tHeRe A lOvE aFfAiR bEtWeEn MiDo aNd SaRiA? wHy Am I mAkInG eVeRy OtHeR lEtTeR cApItAlIzEd? DoEs ThAt HaVe SoMeThInG tO dO wItH zElDa DrOpPiNg EvErY oThEr DiSh? ThE aNsWeRs WiLl Be ReVeAlEd SoOn. Or WiLl ThEy?