Tonight This World Is Mine

by BekdeMontfort

Mary-Sue. The girl everyone loves to hate. Everyone knows her as an air headed, unnaturally beautiful OC who shows up at random points in the story and falls in love with six or eight of the male characters. But what happens when Mary-Sue has had enough of being the nice girl? Is there any one with enough power to stop her? After all, everyone knows you can't kill a Mary-Sue...

A/N - Hello fellow readers! This is the first fanfiction I have put on this site...and it kind of is/isn't a fanfiction, per say. This is a story about Mary-Sue...the real Mary-Sue. It mostly takes place in the Narnia world, as a tribute to my favourite fanfiction author, but it does go briefly into other worlds as well, and uses some of those characters. Rated T for some language and also because I'm paranoid.

This piece is purely for comedic purposes. Any references to fanfiction authors living or dead is purely coincidental.

Please leave reviews! I love the idea of them! Good reviews I will cherish, as well as constructive criticism from writers who can form a decent sentence.

Alright I think that's everything...

Oh, except that I don't own any of the characters, places, or particles in this story. They all belong to whoever the hell owns the rights to Narnia now...but to make things simple I'll say they belong to C.S. Lewis. I mean, come on guys, if I owned all that genius, I wouldn't be writing fanfictions, would I? I only own Mary-Sue. And even that I don't technically own, as I stole the concept from the fanfiction subculture. So, really, I'm just a nobody stealing from everybody else's ideas legally because I can title in "fanfiction".

I have a feeling I'll have trouble explaining that when the revolution comes.

Mary-Sue slouched on her coach, scowling at the clock. The clock ignored her negative mental waves and kept ticking as loudly as ever.

"Any second now..." She muttered furiously to herself.

The clock struck twelve. There was a loud crack and a bang, and suddenly Mary-Sue wasn't on her couch any more. For some inexplicable reason, the couch was not zapped into the freak wormhole created by the ticking clock, (actually, it is really quite miffed about that), and so thus exits the story.

Mary-Sue found herself standing outside the gates of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, already fully dressed in her robes, her blonde her immaculate and all traces of the Krispy Kreme diet she had tried to actually put ON some weight, (long story), was gone. She glanced down at her tie and groaned loudly.

"Slytherin? SLYTHERIN? MALFOY AGAIN?"

Some surrounding students glanced at her oddly.

Mary-Sue scowled at them. "What? Get lost, stick-duelers."

She ducked her head as low as it could go and, mumbling furiously about the idiocy of some fanfiction writers who had the nerve to pair her with Draco AGAIN, she slumped into the school, ready to meet her sparkly fate.

...I'm sure many of you have stopped, frowned, and are staring in disbelief at the screen. What's this? A Mary-Sue reluctant to meet her soul mate? I am forced to report to you a horrifying truth. Mary-Sue has been horrendously misunderstood. It is not her fault fanfiction writers have chosen to make her an airhead, any more than it is Edmund Pevensie's fault he is made into a love-sick tragic hero by the same authors, (yes, I will constantly rant about poor Edmund). She has tried many things to avoid being made into a sickeningly beautiful blonde or brunette with a tiny waist line, (hence the Krispy Kreme diet and other various attempts like colouring her hair bright green), but unfortunately fanfiction writers have a sort of power over her, king of like...well, like one would have over a character, I suppose. But then, Mary-Sue wasn't one for following the rules forever. In fact...well, let's get that later...

Mary-Sue disappeared from the world of Hogwarts and reappeared in her lounge room. Her couch had mysteriously disappeared from her story, but then, so many unexplainable things happened to her while she was in a fanfiction that a missing couch really wasn't worth noticing. She yanked her hair out of its perfect bun and shook it out like a dog, letting the blonde knotty mess fall in front of her eyes. She pushed it haphazardly out of the way, and concentrated on throwing her uniform all over the room. The tie ended up on the lamp, the robe on the rug, her shoes embedded in the wall. She slipped and slid on the tiled floor in her stockings to the fridge. She yanked it open furiously, and started gulping down gallons of coke.

"Stupid Malfoy," She muttered angrily to herself, discarding the empty bottle casually over her shoulder. "He's a stuck up, bullying, whiny brat, not a damned misunderstood hero. Have those idiots even read the books? Have they even watched the movies? I hate that guy. And I have to wait for his whiny ass to act before I can do anything of use. Even then, all I do is yell at Harry for being 'mean to meh boyfriend!'"

She glanced around the room and frowned.

"Who freaking wrote out my couch?"

...Shush, guys! I'm not here!

Mary-Sue, receiving a stony silence from me, (I ain't stupid. Bitch has super powers), grumbled and sat on her bench top.

"I wonder where I'm off to next?" She grumbled aloud. "All I'm saying is, if I have to do another Hunger Games fic, I'm going the way of my couch. Those are just depressing. I die in half of them...and the other half I only survive because of plot holes, so really I'm screwed either way. I need a vacation, but if I go on one, then what are all these authors going to do with their lives?"

She sighed heavily and looked up at the clock.

"Can't I just...kick ass in one fic? Just one? Like, actually USE the superpowers people keep giving me instead of just mentioning them and then forgetting about them. Or have a happy background story for once. I mean, do both my parents need to be dead or abusive, or do I have to have some sort of 'dark story line' in which it turns out the darkest part is that I wasn't very nice to my little sister when I was six?"

Suddenly she sat up straight, ignoring the various bottles and cans of cokes and ginger beer that clattered to the floor.

"What if...for once...I was the evil chick? And not the 'misunderstood, inwardly good' evil chick...but the full on, kick ass, 'kill you all', old-fashioned evil chick? I already know the plot lines to almost every single story on the planet...I could use it to my advantage."

She stared triumphantly into space, and then sighed again, deflating back onto her slumped position.

"Pff. Like that would ever happen. Keep dreaming, blondie."

The clock ominously struck twelve once more. Mary-Sue sighed and buried her head in her hands.

"Um...miss...are you ok?"

Mary-Sue groaned loudly even before she was fully conscious. Not this opening again.

"Yes I'm fine," She grumbled irritably, not opening her eyes. "Go away."

"You...seem to be in some distress, my lady." The male voice continued, somewhat confused.

"How do you know?" She popped open her eyes. "Oh, hi Ed. But seriously, how do you know I'm in some distress? I could be having a siesta for all you know. You could have just woken me up from a refreshing sleep."

Edmund was looking thoroughly confused by this point.

"Um...well I saw I beautiful maiden lying in this meadow like she was dead, so logically..."

"Don't try to use logic in a Mary-Sue story, Ed," She sighed. "It only makes things more complicated. Believe me, I've tried."

"I...uh..." Edmund looked this way and that. "How...how did you know my name?"

"We've met at least 3,876,456 times in alternate universes." She explained matter-of-factly. "At least 1,986,333 have started exactly the same way you greeted me. Now, be a gentleman and help me up, would you? I feel like an idiot lying around on the ground."

Edmund shrugged and held out a hand. She took it and was pulled to her feet. She brushed away the author's giggling whisper in her ear that she thought he was "like tots strong and like super hot". Instead, she touched her hair and groaned loudly.

"Flowers? Really?" She fixed Edmund in her glare. "Tell me the truth. Was my hair fanned out around my head when I was lying down?"

"Yes..." He said hesitantly. "You have nice hair, by the way."

"Thank you," She replied absently. "But that still doesn't detract from the fact that my hair was fanned out LIKE A FREAKING HALO and COVERED IN FLOWERS!" She screamed up at the sky. "AND - what the hell am I wearing?"

She looked down and saw she was clothed in a long, pink, floral dress covered in lace and random pearls. She eyebrows and lips quivered and her nostrils flared.

"I take everything back, Eddie my boy. I am in distress. Deep distress. In fact, I've never felt more distressed in my life. I feel so distressed I feel...angry. Really really angry. I want to...punch someone."

Edmund frowned. "Are you quite alright, miss? Do you need a physician?"

Mary-Sue erupted in an enormous cackle. I really don't know how else to describe it. She cackled like a witch, but she did it as loudly and violently as any normal person could scream. Dark clouds suddenly covered the sky and the sound of thunder could be heard in the near distance. Edmund paled and backed up.

"Do I need a physician? No! I need an army! An army as great and terrible as the raging sea! From this moment forth, I'm done playing the good girl! I've had it with falling in love with every cute guy in every single fandom! If I'm going to be trapped in this miserable world yet again, I'm doing it my way! BE WARNED, MARY-SUE WRITERS! This day...through this world...I DECLARE WAR ON YOU ALL!"

Lighting and thunder punctuated her speech and -

"Hang in a minute," I interject, rather affronted. "What about me? Here I am, slaving away so you can have your say-"

"Alright, alright," Mary-Sue cut me off, glaring up at the sky. "Fine, I don't declare war on my narrator. Just one thing...did you just switch tenses for your line?"

"Well, I am in the present, Mary-Sue, while you are in the past."

"How could you do that? You know I have PSTD. Can't you just pretend you're in the past for the sake of my ailment?"

"Oh, I am so sorry. I completely forgot about that. My bad." I shrugged, and wrote my part in last tense.

"Thank you," She sighed. Then she frowned. "Now where was I?"

Edmund was cowering behind a rock down the meadow. Mary-Sue snapped her fingers at him. Lightning arched from the sky and hit his rock. He yelped.

"You, Eddie. What was I saying again?"

"S-s-something about...m-m-m-Mary-Sue writers?"

"Oh yes, thank you. AND I WILL GATHER AN ARMY AND-"

...I think we'll leave her to rant as the storm clouds once again gather and crash, terrifying poor Edmund. To be fair, if this were the Edmund from the books or even the movies, he would not have flinched before this onslaught, and would have most likely fought and destroyed Mary-Sue in the blink of an eye. He is in reality one of the bravest characters in the Chronicles of Narnia, and I do love him dearly. However, quite often in the world of fanfiction, especially in the stories Mary Sue is forced to star in, his character has been whittled down to a hopeless and weak romantic, and it breaks my heart to see him in such a condition. Unfortunately, Non Canon Weak Character Disorder, or NCWCD, is a virulent and devastatingly common disease for many characters in many of these stories.

Yet another common disorder is Post Switching Tenses Disorder, or PSTD. Normally, however, this only affects those who possess proper knowledge of the English language after they have read the contaminated story. As you have already read, Mary-Sue herself has this disorder.

But back to the story. I think she's finished ranting now...

"-AND THEN I WILL TAKE THAT UMBRELLA AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR-"

Nope...bear with me...

"-AND AN AQUATIC PLATYPUS-"

She does like to carry on, doesn't she?

"AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME!" Mary-Sue glared at Edmund.

Edmund was going through an interesting transformation...in the far off distance he could hear a voice giggling at him to "KISS HER! Then she'll, like, tots come back to normal and you can live together in a beautiful sparkly house and-". But he could hear another voice...a strong male voice saying, "Go, my child. Thou art brave. Gather thy royal brother and sisters. Defeat this evil witch. Be the man I wrote you to be!"

Edmund felt his courage return. He remembered everything he had done, every battle he had won. He met her glare with one of his own.

"I can stop you." He said in a dangerously low voice. ("NOOOOOOOOO!" The fanfiction author wailed. "Don't listen to, like, that weird Lewis dude. I'M your creator! You like, have to tots kiss her and love her!") "I can beat you. Me, with my brother and sisters."

Mary-Sue grinned fiercely. "That's the spirit, Ed my lad! This...THIS will be a fight to remember!"

Cackling like a witch once more, she promptly teleported herself from the meadow to the middle of Tashbaan. The people around her screamed with fright, scurrying away from the terrible figure before them.

"I need your armies!" She yelled manically. "And I'm happy to crack heads until I get it!"

It took a surprisingly short time (and the replacement of three consecutive Tisrocs) for the Calormenes to see things her way.

"Send your warriors into the desert!" She ordered the generals. "I think I retained my earth-bending from the last Avatar fic, so I'll make a series of caves for your people to stay in. Use only one of the caves...the others will be for the rest of my army."

"The...the rest?" A General asked hesitantly.

Mary-Sue grinned wildly. "Oh yes. I have connections in other worlds. I will return with more to add to your army...and we will crush the Narnians once and for all!"

"Peter! Peter!" Edmund rode into Cair Paravel.

"Ed?" Peter looked up from his sword practice in surprise. "What on earth is the matter with you?"

"A witch!" He yelled. "The most powerful witch I've ever seen! She's raising an army against Narnia!"

Instantly Peter was moving. "Assemble the army!" He called to the knights closest to him. "Send messengers to Archenland and the Lone Islands. We need as big a force as we can muster. Summon our royal sisters to the throne room immediately."

They bowed and scurried off.

"It won't be enough," Edmund fretted. "I heard her talk about...other worlds. If she can call armies from them, we don't stand a chance."

"Come to the throne room, Ed," Peter clapped him on the shoulder. "Tell us all what you have seen..."

"So you see, Lord Voldemort, give me your Death Eaters, or I will kill your snake," Mary-Sue concluded, wand levelled a Nagini.

Voldemort glared at her. Mary-Sue responded with a devastating grin. She knew Voldemort's soft spot for the snake...she's been in too many fics where she was his daughter for her to miss it.

"Fine," He finally hissed. "But bring them back once you're done. I need them."

"Thanks Voldy!" She beamed, and promptly disappeared, taking the Death Eaters with her.

"You say she appeared first as a helpless maiden?" Susan asked, a frown creasing her beautiful face.

Edmund shrugged. "That's what I thought at first. Though...to be honest, I should have been on my guard. A woman lying causally in the forest for no apparent reason? Definitely suspicious."

"Don't beat yourself up, Ed," Lucy smiled at him. "You found out she was a sorceress, and that's what matters."

"What confuses me, though," Peter tapped his fingers on the arms of his chair thoughtfully, "Is why she got angry in the first place. She could have pretended to be a helpless maiden and charmed you into taking her to the castle. She would have had plenty of opportunity to take us down then."

Edmund shook his head. "It was almost like...she wanted a war. Like it was...fun, or something."

"But none of this is as troubling as her bringing soldiers from another world," Susan reminded them. "What are we going to do about that?"

Peter frowned and then smiled. "It's perfectly simple. Aslan brought us from another world. If we talk to him, then maybe..."

"...he can bring us our own soldiers!" Lucy squealed in excitement.

The three siblings stared at her.

"Don't...don't make that noise ever again," Peter commanded.

"It really was...quite horrific," Susan added.

"It was incredibly...incredibly..." Edmund paused, struggling to find the right words.

"Out of character?" I suggested.

Edmund snapped his fingers. "Out of character! Yes, thank you, narrator. Lucy...you've never squealed in your life. Obviously the strange witch is having an effect on us."

"I...I don't think it's her..." Susan looked like she was struggling with something. "I keep hearing this...terrible, grating voice screaming at me to 'find Caspian and like totally start making out and get married.'"

"Who's Caspian?" Peter frowned.

"I have no idea..." Susan rolled her eyes. (After all, this fic is set in the Golden Age. Why on earth would Caspian be there?)

"Don't...don't rush me..." Lucy frowned, her thinking face on. "I...I think...maybe this is what the witch was rebelling against. This...terrible voice telling me to be cute and go and hug everyone."

"Maybe..." Edmund said dubiously. "Alternatively she could be completely mad."

The others nodded.

"That too," Lucy agreed.

"But we're running out of time." Peter returned the subject back to the invasion. "If we're going to call on Aslan, we had better do it now."

"Ok," Mary-Sue stood in front of the huge army and started counting the sections. "We have Calormenes, Death Eaters, Titans, Wargals, Sith, Daleks, Ra'zac, half of Dauntless, Capitol Soldiers, Uruk-Hai, Firebenders, Equalists, a few High Priestesses of the Old Religion, Inigo Montoya, and last but not least, the Sheriff of Nottingham's guards, BBC version, of course." She frowned as she surveyed the group. "I feel as though I'm missing some people..."

"Forget that!" A Titan boomed at her. "Let us spill the blood of our enemies!"

"Interrupt me again, and I'll send you back to Tartarus where you belong," She warned him, frowning thoughtfully to herself. Then she clicked her fingers and smiled. "Of course! Hang on..."

She promptly vanished. A few minutes of awkward shuffling and mumbling passed, and then suddenly she reappeared with a lot of very confused looking men and women in futuristic uniforms.

"The Army of the Alliance!" She smiled triumphantly. "I would have preferred Brown Coats, but you can't have everything..."

The newest members of the army shuffled to their place, looking about awkwardly.

"Right, I think we're all assembled!" Mary-Sue clapped her hands and they all disappeared from the cave.

"Are you sure about this?" Susan whispered to Peter as they surveyed their new army.

"They come with Aslan's highest praise," He whispered in return. "And beggars can hardly be choosers."

Below them stretched the great combined army of the Narnians, the Order of the Phoenix and some students from Hogwarts, residents of Camp Half Blood, Rangers and Knights, Jedi, the Shadow Proclamation, Dragon Riders, the other half of Dauntless, freedom fighters and their Mockingjay, a last alliance of Men, Elves and Dwarves, every other type of Bender, some knights of Camelot, and Robin Hood and his men (BBC version, of course). Apparently, Aslan had tried to get some Brown Coats, but Peter knew they couldn't have everything.

"Let's see that witch try to best this!" Edmund said savagely. "Like she could find so great an army!"

"Um...Ed," Lucy tried pulling on his arm.

"These are people from other worlds...other worlds! The best of the best-"

"No, seriously, Ed..." Lucy pointed past their army.

"Don't interrupt, Lu," Edmund admonished. "And when I say the best, I really mean-"

"EDMUND!" All three siblings screamed. He paused, mouth open.

"Look. Over. There." Lucy annunciated carefully to avoid hitting him.

Edmund squinted in the direction Lucy pointed him, and his jaw dropped.

"I have a feeling we are so screwed."

Mary-Sue was being borne on a litter on the shoulders of four Uruk-Hai when they reappeared behind the Narnians army. Her eyebrows shot up.

"So they've been world skipping as well. Excellent. It would have been to easy otherwise."

"What's the plan of attack?" Lucius Malfoy asked.

"Our plan is simply that, Malfoy. Attack."

Those closest to her looked at her in shook. Then Darth Maul flexed his muscles, drawing his lightsaber.

"Works for me," He said simply, and promptly led his Sith into a charge. He was quickly followed by the rest of the army.

Mary-Sue cackled wildly. This was the best vacation ever.

"Die, you miserable nice people!" She screamed. "My armies will destroy you all!"

"She's completely mad!" Susan declared as the opposing army charged with little care in the world down the hill to meet them. "What do we do?"

"The only thing we can do," Edmund drew his sword. "FOR THE NICE PEOPLE!" He bellowed.

Peter winced. "Leave battle cries to me in future, Ed."

"They're charging!" A Capitol soldier called.

Mary-Sue rolled her eyes. "I can see that! Now comes the fun part."

Someone had to get to the witch. Edmund could see her sitting on some type of litter, laughing evilly. As the two armies clashed, Edmund made his way to her position, killing any opposing member that got in his way.

"Hey! Hey, Narnian!" A voice called from behind, and Edmund found himself facing a dark-haired boy with glasses and an interestingly shaped scar.

"I'm Harry Potter," The boy told him breathlessly, firing off a curse at an enemy. "You're going after She-Who-Must-Be-Destroyed. I'm going too."

"And me!" Another boy stumbled forward. He was wearing an orange shirt with "Camp Half Blood" written on it and was firing water off at unsuspecting souls.

"Percy Jackson." The boy introduced himself.

He was soon swamped by people from many other universes.

"Avatar Aang."

"Katniss Everdeen."

"Eragon Bromsson and Sapphira." (um...spoiler about the Bromsson, I guess...)

"Will Treaty."

"My name is King Arthur of Camelot...and this is Merlin."

"Aragon, son of Arathon. This is Gimli son of Gloin, and Legolas of the Woodland Realm."

"Tris."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker."

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. I got a ride with the Shadow Proclamation. TARDIS doesn't work here. Other universe and all that."

"Robin Hood. This is Much, Little John, Alan, Will, Djaq and Kate."

Edmund nodded at them all.

"I'm Edmund Pevensie. Let's take her down."

"Ma'am, there's a group coming this way!"

Mary-Sue's eyes snapped up and she cackled once more.

"Excellent! Oh marvellous! How they all come to see my doom! It is a refreshing change! You may all go and join the battle, now. I will deal with this strike team myself."

The hill was soon cleared of everyone except Mary-Sue.

"The moment of truth," She squinted up at the sky and smiled at me. "Thanks for being here."

"It's no problem, Mary-Sue." I smiled at her. "But remember, no matter if you win or lose, I'm always going to be here for you. Say the word, and I'll send you home."

"Thanks, narrator." She then turned to face the group.

"It's over, witch," Edmund informed her cooly.

"Oh, Eddie dear," She shook her head, smiling. "It is far from over."

The first person to fall was Kate. She took a lightning strike to the head. The others roared and entered the fray.

The battle didn't last long. Mary-Sue was incredibly powerful, but even she couldn't defend herself from a killing curse, a dragon attack, a flood and multiple sword strikes at the same time. In the end, it was Katniss' sneak arrow that ended her. She lay still on the earth, completely lifeless, a sly grin transfixed on her face. Panting, Edmund grinned at the rest of the group.

"Well, that wasn't so bad. Who did we lose?"

Obi-Wan surveyed the damage. "Um...I think we just lost Kate and Aang."

"No, I'm still here!" Aang chirped up brightly.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you. I thought you'd been disintegrated."

"So we didn't lose anyone we would be too upset about losing," Edmund nodded.

"Are you kidding? Kate dying is the best thing to ever happen to me!" Robin jumped into the air, and the group burst into a rendition of "Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead!"

"Well, the important thing is that the witch is gone," Edmund smiled at everyone. "Hey, we're actually pretty awesome together. I mean, we beat that woman-"

Everyone was staring behind him.

"Ahh...Pevensie?" Katniss slid an arrow to the string.

"Don't interrupt! What I was saying was that we work really well as a team-"

"Seriously, lad," Gimli gripped his axe tighter. "You might want to turn around."

"Why is everyone-"

"TURN AROUND!" Everyone yelled.

Bowing to peer pressure, he turned, and what he saw made his heart sink to his feet.

"I knew it was too easy," Eragon muttered.

"You can never just kill them once, can you?" Harry muttered.

Mary-Sue's body was encased in a golden light. The arrow has disintegrated, and the hole was rapidly disappearing. The golden light lifted her off the ground and turned her around into an upright position. Her eyes opened and she cackled madly.

"NICE TRY, BITCHES!" She screamed. "YOU CAN'T KILL MARY-SUE!"

Then she hit them with a fierce, hot wave of light, and Edmund felt only darkness.

He was lying on grass. He was in his armour. He felt like hell. He groaned and opened his eyes. Standing over him was the blonde witch herself.

"You died, you know," She told him matter-of-factly. "I killed you. In fact, I killed everyone."

"How...how..." He muttered, and then groaned as a wave of nausea hit him.

"I brought you all back to life again." She shrugged, waving it off like it was nothing. "Limitless power. One of the perks of being me. Actually...it's the only perk of being me. I sent everyone back to their respective worlds and erased their memories. Everything is back to normal. Your brother and sisters are currently living life as if none of this had ever happened."

Edmund struggled to sit up.

"Then what...what was the point of all of this?"

She sighed and sat down next to him.

"I'm a Mary-Sue. My life is entirely dictated by the whims of stupid simpering authors who write me in to various works of fiction and make me fall in love with the various male characters."

Something clicked in his head.

"Ah," Edmund nodded. "That explains your rather random appearance a few days ago."

She grimaced. "Yeah. Well...the long and short of it is, I hate every minute of it. I hate being forced to be a stupid airhead with unlimited powers I never use, and never being able to do anything without a male. So, I finally snapped. I declared war against Narnia because...well, because I was bored and sick to the teeth of everything. I needed to prove to myself that I could be amazing. That I could win on my own."

"You did," He pointed out, rubbing the back of his head. "You did a damn good job of it too."

"Thanks, Ed." She punched him lightly in the arm. "And thanks for the battle. It was great fun."

"Hey, any time." Edmund grinned. "I'll be ready for you."

"I'm immortal," She pointed out.

"I'll be ready," He promised. He reached out his hand, and Mary-Sue shook it.

In the distance, she heard the clock strike twelve. She smiled brightly at her friend, winked, and promptly disappeared from Narnia.

Back at her flat, she whistled, feeling better than she had in a long time.

"Ah, that felt so good!" She stretched. "Nothing like domination to freshen up morale!"

She waltzed over to the fridge and pulled out a coke. She turned around and was pleasantly surprised to see her couch had returned. She plunked down on it gratefully.

"I should do this more often, hey, Narrator?"

"I'll be here if you decide to freak out again," I winked at her.

She smiled and took another long draft.

"Be afraid, fanfiction authors," She grinned slowly and evilly, bearing all of her teeth. "Be very, very afraid."