The Wind Calls My Name

I slowly dragged my feet up the stairs to my awaiting room. After opening the door, I carefully looked around. Nothing had changed since I left it this morning. My desk in the corner, papers scattered all over the surface. My old rocking chair in the other corner, where He used to sit and watch me sleep, was now covered in dirty laundry instead. My bed, where I spent many sleepless nights thinking about my lost love, was unkept on one side, and perfectly neat on the other. Where He used to lie.

I sighed heavily and went to sit on the edge of my bed, dropping my schoolbag on the floor carelessly. School had been boring as ever. There just was no point anymore, now that He wasn't there. It just wasn't worth the pain to go through the day. To go to Biology and see the empty seat next to me. To go to lunch and sit at their table by myself. I didn't mind eating alone though; all my friends had abandoned me anyway. Mike and Angela stuck with me for a while, trying to get me out of my state of hopeless loneliness. They tried everything. Talking to me, inviting me to places after school, disregarding the glares from the rest of the table. But after a while, they gave up altogether and let me be miserable by myself.

I tried, I really did. There just wasn't any point in happiness anymore. I hated worrying my friends and Charlie, but every time I would feel even a speck of happiness, his face would pop up in my head, and I would feel ten times worse than I did before. So, I just gave up trying to be happy. I went back to my zombie ways. Taking my usual routine; get out of bed, more tired than ever, skip breakfast, get through another miserable day at school, come home, skip dinner, and lay in bed only to toss and turn from the many nightmares of that awful day that changed my world forever.

I let myself fall back onto the bed, to stare at the plain white ceiling. I studied the streaky paint marks, with no care of the world around me when I heard Charlie come home from the station. How long was I sitting here? Five minutes? An hour maybe?

"Bella? You home?"

"Yea Dad, I'll be right down." I reluctantly got out of my position on the bed and all but crawled out of my room. When I got downstairs, Charlie was sitting on the couch, about to watch some game.

"Dinner will be ready in a minute Dad."

"That's alright. Take your time." He glanced over at me as I walked into the kitchen, a frown on his face when he saw my appearance. I had gotten painfully skinny ever since Ed—I shivered. Ever since He left. I was paler and had heavy, dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep. I basically looked like the walking dead.

I let my mind wonder as I got ingredients for dinner. Where was he? What was he doing? Does he think of me as much as I think of him? I frowned at the last thought. Of course he doesn't think of me. He said it himself. He doesn't love me anymore. He never did. I was just something to entertain him during the dull moments. A silly, foolish human girl he could play with. I was nothing but a toy thrown away when it got boring. I knew I was never good enough for him. How could I be so stupid? I should have seen it right away. But no, I fooled myself into thinking he actually cared about me. I was nothing to him. I am nothing to him. After setting Charlie's dinner on the table, I started my way back to my own prison.

"Aren't you going to eat Bella," Charlie looked at me from the couch.

"No, I'm not hungry."

"Bells, I really think you should eat something. You've gotten so skinny. I can't stand to see you like this anymore. You need to get over Edward and get on with your life." I looked up at Charlie with wide, shocked eyes. I just can't stand hearing that name. It brings back too many painful memories. How dare Charlie do that to me.

I quickly stumbled up the stairs to my room, my eyes stinging with hot tears threatening to spill over. I slammed the door shut with as much strength as I could and fell on my bed, crying into my pillow. Why does this keep happening to me? I just can't take it anymore. I want my life back. I want my friends, my dad, the family that abandoned me, my lost love. I want to be happy again. How could he do that to me? How could they all just leave? Did they really hate me that much? Have you ever thought about those little newborn babies that people abandon on the street? How they leave them without so much as a glance to fend for themselves in the cruel world all alone? That's what happened to me. My family abandoned me, cold, defenseless, and alone.

My pillow was completely soaked when I lifted my head, still crying my eyes out. Get a hold of yourself Bella. Don't fall apart now. I rubbed my sore bloodshot eyes and stood up. I turned around to go apologize to Charlie when I heard a noise by the window. I could have sworn I heard my name being called. Slowly, I made my way to the window and forced it open, sticking my head out and looking out into the darkness. Silence.

Silent tears ran down my cheeks from my pointless hopefulness. I pulled myself back inside and shut the window. 'It was only the wind' I thought. The wind tormenting me some more, as if I don't suffer enough pain. It was only the wind. I turned my back to the window, walking to my bed, and I could have sworn I heard the soft cry of an angel carried away with the breeze.

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