Twichild369: Hey, this is my first collab with my bestist friend evah, Jazzeh! By the way, this Mr. Miller character is not a character. He's a real dude. He's my science teacher. I hope he is not offended by this in any way.
Jazmin Torres: Hullo, like my bestest friend in the whole universe (who I call Crazy) said this is our first collab! Hurrah! Crazy and I went a little overboard on the sugar and came up with this thing. Woot for random chats! I love this story, and since I love it you should love it too. And you should love Crazy. And Mr. Miller, and … just read the story already.
WARNING: This story is UTTER AND COMPLETE Crack/Cocaine. In fact, even printing this out and having it near a cop will get you arrested for drug possession. If you are uncomfortable with homosexuality, crack fics, Alice, Mr. Banner, Jasper, Edward, Jacob, two teenagers with internet access and Brooms, leave, now.
Disclaimer: We do not own Twilight, Stephanie Meyer, Ed Miller or Elmer's Glitter Glue. We do, however, own all Gum Slots featured in and out of this story (unless they're on a gum machine). ;)
Gum Slot
I walked out to the mailbox to get the mail that had accumulated in it but as I opened the metal box, there was a package in there, which was a surprise for me, because I wasn't expecting anything. I grabbed it along with the envelopes and brought them inside. I protected it from the usual Forks rain. I took the package to my room on the second floor of our small house and opened it.
There was a small card that read:
"Use it wisely young one.
Sincerely, Mr. Miller"
It was written in pink glitter glue. Huh. I wanted to scoff, a man had written in pink glitter glue. I really hoped this wasn't one of Emmett's stupid pranks.
"Odd," I said as I opened up the colorful box a came face to face with a small grey angular item with a slot in its side and a small circle like hole where it seemed you could plug something in. I turned it around and around but could understand what in the world it was for.
After a few seconds of frustration I looked back into the box and pulled out a small thin booklet that looked suspiciously like an instruction manual. The cover said Gum Slot in bright colors. I shrugged and read through the instructions.
It said to plug the gum slot into the adapter that connects to the phone's microphone. I did so and when I did, I watched the Gum Slot dangle gently off the phone from a short thick red cord. Now what?
I finally got bored of staring at the small boxlike thing and called Edward.
"Hello, love." He answered immediately.
I couldn't waste time with pleasantries. I wanted to know what was up with this 'Gum Slot' I made mental air quotations at the words."Hey, did you get something in the mail from this Miller dude?"
"Yeah, wanna test it out?" He asked skeptically.
"Sure," I said as I removed the phone from my face and heard the mechanical whirring of the Gum Slot as a flat piece of gum slid through the gum slot. I unwrapped the gum and popped it in my mouth. It tasted so normal that I was almost incredulous.
I practically screamed into the phone. "Oh my God! It worked! I can't believe it Edward! It tastes normal." I felt like doing a happy dance but contained myself.
Edward sounded startled. "It did? But … that's not possible."
I ignored his denial and quickly ripped off a piece of paper, wrote "Told you it worked." on it and slipped it into the slot. "I sent you something as proof." I couldn't mask my smugness.
"Woah … woah … woah." Edward seemed speechless.
Pressing the phone to my ear I was overwhelmed with all the strange possibilities that this could provide. It could be the ultimate entertainment!
I spoke into the phone urgently. "Edward did anyone else get a Gum Slot?"
"Yes, everyone in our family got one. Why do you ask?" his voice was confused, I couldn't blame him, I was never very enthusiastic about technology.
"Because it could be fun!" I almost yelled in excitement.
His voice was quiet and even more confused. "I don't understand how it could be fun. I also don't understand why vampires even need a Gum Slot. Vampires can't chew gum."
I rolled my eyes at nothing. "Edward don't you see we could pass notes and stuff without either of us having to move in class. Or something like that."
Edward hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know. Hmm, I wonder if this could send other objects besides gum and paper."
"Like what?" I asked. I imagined trying to stuff a pillow in the quarter sized slot.
"Big things, like cars, cheese wheels, Emmett, dead bodies … and whatnot." He said flippantly. Edward was not flippant frequently. Strange, very strange.
I cocked an eyebrow and put my hand on my hips as I leaned my weight on one leg as if I was chastising someone, I knew it was an empty gesture because he couldn't see me, but I hoped he could still hear the tone that posture created. "Do you have something to tell me, Edward?"
"No, just wondering." He said innocently. Far too innocently if you ask me; which you didn't, but that's not the point,
"Right" I dragged out the word almost sarcastically. I didn't believe him for a second.
We were silent for a minute and then I had an idea, such a bright idea that I was almost surprised that a big cartoonlike light bulb hadn't lit up on my head and spouted fireworks.
"Edward I have an idea!" I squealed in a very Alice fashion and moved off the bed to stand in front of the room.
"What would that idea entail darling?" he asked amusedly.
I thought for a moment as I prepared to take the chance to shove my finger through the slot in the Gum Slot. I knew that my finger was far too big to fit in the tiny opening, but I'd never know if I could use it as a sort of portal like device until I tried.
Finally, I thought of something to say. "You'll see, or not. Wait a bit."
I pulled a deep shuddering breath into my lungs and thrust my finger forward so hard that a bit of my skin was pinched forcefully in the slot.
Suddenly it was like I was being pulled in to the Gum Slot. Bright colors surrounded me, there was purple and blue and red and every other color I could imagine. Just as I was beginning to feel a bit dizzy I felt my feet come in contact with the ground.
I spread my arms out, trying to keep my balance, but was unsuccessful. Bella Swan clumsy even when traveling through Gum Slots, I was so awesome. I fell back on my butt and heard a loud fearful girlish squeal.
My eyes dizzily searched for the source of the sound until I spotted Edward pressed into a corner of his room with his eyes closed, his hands in front of his face and his leg up in a strange protecting pose, as if he was expecting a hit.
I felt frozen for a moment. I just stared at him. Edward … screamed like a girl! I felt pressure building in my chest and burst out laughing loudly. I was laughing so hard that I almost choked on my gum, because I had forgotten that I had been chewing it …
This was just too good! I couldn't wait to tell Emmett about this new discovery. I'd help Emmett with his pranks just to have the chance to hear Edward scream like a girl again.
Speaking of pranks, I have one for dear, dear Emmett.
Twichild369: Sorry this was a shawty; but if it wasn't, we couldn't work on Emmett's prank. Also, If you wanna see Miller, PM me or Jazz, he's on YouTube.
Jazmin Torres: What Crazy said. I hope you guys had a good laugh. If you at least giggled a little bit please drop a small review. ;) Or review even if you didn't laugh. S'all good.