Adrift

by Fat Puppy

Pre-TPM. Non-slash. Jaythen based story. Jaythen age 11 is concerned about his close non-Jedi healer friend on Kembar Lune and tries to help.

TITLE: Adrift

AUTHOR: Obi the Kid

RATING: PG

SUMMARY: Pre-TPM. Non-slash. Jaythen based story. Jaythen (age 11) is concerned about his close non-Jedi healer friend (on Kembar Lune) and tries to help.

DISCLAIMER: The characters and venue of Star Wars are copyrighted to Lucas Films Limited. I make no profit from the writing or distribution of this story. The characters of T'narr Kresson, Jaythen Talari and a few others in this story are mine, except for the whole Jedi part of them

NOTE: This story will make more sense if you've read some of my other stories involving Jaythen Talari. Especially these three: "Belong", "Change", and "Kota." All three can be found on or on my website.

I knew something was wrong. Eeshyn I had become such close friends in the last year, sharing so much with each other. Now he had shut himself off from me, sitting alone on the hillside overlooking the freshwater lake. He'd been given time off from his apprenticeship, that's all I knew. Each time I tried to speak with him, he pushed me away saying he just wanted to be left alone. I worried about our friendship. But more than that, I worried about Eeshyn.

I'd spoken to my master about him, subtly prying for information that Master T'narr did not have. And rather than rebuke me for prying, he simply told me to be patient. That whatever problem was plaguing Eeshyn, he probably needed time alone to deal, just as I had needed my own time during my recoveries of the past.

I tried to understand, but I still worried.

On the sixth day of Eesyhn's hillside exile, I sent Kota to sit with him. The small furry kooba had latched onto me a year ago, after helping to save my life, and never returned to his family in the woods. Noma legend considers gray-born kooba's sacred, an almost mystical being. This particular little one had become an unofficial part of my family so I eventually stuck him with the name Kota the Kooba. He'd spend some days and nights in our house. Then he'd vanish and return days later. Other than providing him a warm place to sleep, Kota was beyond self sufficient.

He did have several special abilities. There was some type of force sensitivity within him. He could nudge me through the force and he also seemed to be able to read emotional moods. Often times he'd be away for days, but return to stay with me when my own mood was down or if I was sick. Which is exactly why I motioned for him to go sit with Eeshyn on the hillside.

I stayed a distance away. I'm sure my friend knew I was there, but I don't think he minded, as long as I didn't pressure him. I watched Kota amble to Eeshyn and nuzzle up next to him. Eeshyn stroked the soft gray fur and scratched the large ears. Kota climbed into his lap. Eeshyn gathered him into his arms and clung to him, dropping his head down so that his face was lost in the thick fur. I knew he was crying. I've been there so many times in the past that I've lost count. Kota had helped him break through a barrier and given him a release for the pent up emotions.

I took a chance and slowly walked towards my friend. If he heard me approaching, he didn't lift his head. When finally I got next to him, I sat without talking.

Long moments passed and still I said nothing. I tried to be quietly supportive until Eeshyn was ready.

Eventually he lifted his head from Kota. The small creature licked and nuzzled his hand, knowing Eeshyn still needed the contact.

Eeshyn looked at me, his eyes red and puffy. "Thanks for sending Kota to see me."

"We've both been worried about you."

"I know. I've needed time to think. My head's been drifting in all different directions."

"You can talk to me if you want, Eeshyn. I can listen."

"I killed a child," he blurted out unexpectedly.

I sat shocked at the admission, unable to completely understand. "What?"

"I mixed two herbs together that should never be mixed. They can have deadly consequences. And they did. Me'da says ultimately it didn't matter. The girl was dying with or without our help, but my mistake cheated the parents out of several more days with her. My mistake cheated them out of being able to say goodbye to her. I don't know how I did that, mixed the wrong herbs. I've been so careful. Overly careful in the past. Me'da drills that into my head every day. It just happened. I don't understand what happened. I think maybe I was feeling the emotions and the stress to try and help, and thinking that maybe I could save a dying girl through a miracle of healing herbs. I guess I lost my focus or was working too fast or something. Me'da has warned me in the past that the first time something like this happens it would hit me harder than anything in my life. It's sucked the wind out of me. I've lost my confidence and all I think about is that little girl and her parents weeping over her dead body. Me'da told me to take a week away from everything. Spend time with my family. He's been very understanding, but I have this pain in my heart that won't go away. And it's like I'm alone and lost on some island where no one else can understand or help. It hurts, Jaythen. It really hurts."

When finally Eeshyn stopped talking, he drew in a deep breath. I wasn't sure how to respond, but I knew the feeling of aloneness and heartache he felt right now. I needed to say something. Perhaps it was time to share some of my past with one of my closest friends.

"I know those feelings, Eeshyn. To feel lost and alone as if there is no one to understand and help you find your way back. I had some difficult times before I was taken as a Jedi apprentice, and sometimes felt like no matter how much I learned or how much I moved forward, I would always be alone. I've been to that island that you're on. It's remote and isolated. So, it's okay to share with me if you want to. I can understand."

He looked surprised at my admission of similar feelings and asked me about my past. I told him about the death of my parents when I was two, and how I still remember the details of their death. I told him about the death of my crèche friend, Kele. How one minute he was healthy and alive and the next minute he was lifeless. I told him about Master Valree, the only person before Master T'narr who ever loved me for me, and how she died in the fire and I failed her by not being able to withstand the heat and flames to pull her back out.

"I knew with all my heart that I let her die. If only I could have been stronger. If only I wouldn't have backed down from the flames. I sat on the island a long time after she died. I was alone. And when master after master passed me by for apprenticeship, I knew I was destined to be alone."

"But you got off the island."

"I did. Master T'narr found me. I think you need to reach out to your teacher, Eeshyn. Me'da will help you, but he should know the extent of which this had affected you."

"I know he'll help me, Jaythen. But part of me feels like such a failure. He's been so careful in his teaching, I've always dreaded letting him down. And now I've finally done it."

I shook my head. "I don't think you've let him down, Eeshyn. You're learning."

"And my learning killed a child."

This wasn't working as I hoped. Eesyhn was getting upset again. I was getting upset. My eyes warmed over. We both felt miserable. I decided it was best if I left.

"Eeshyn, I'm making you more upset. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry. I should go."

To my surprise he grabbed my tunic sleeve when I started to stand. "Please, Jaythen. Don't leave. I'm tired of being alone. I'm just nervous about going back to see Me'da. He told me to take time, but I keep thinking he did that just to get me away from him for a while."

"He cares about you, Eeshyn. And he's a kind man. He's probably as worried about you as you are worried about making everything okay again. Please go see him."

Absently wiping his hands across his eyes, Eeshyn nodded uncertainly. "Okay. But will you go with me?"

Quickly I reached for the bond I shared with Master T'narr.

*Master, I'm with Eeshyn on the hillside. May I go into the village with him to see Me'da? He's nervous about returning.*

*Certainly, Padawan. But take Saber. It'll be dark in an hour and I don't want you walking home after sunset.. Saber will make certain you are safe.*

*Thank you, Master. I think Eeshyn will be okay, but he's struggling right now.*

*You're a good friend, Jaythen. Stay with him as long as you think necessary. Just keep in contact with me.*

*I will, Master.*

I turned my attention back to my friend. He was still unaware of my ability to speak to my master through our bond, so I had to be careful to keep my conversation with T'narr short. It took only seconds.

"Let me get Saber and I'll ride back with you. Do you have your horse?"

"No, I've been walking to try and clear my head. Saber won't mind carrying both of us, will she?"

"Not Saber. She's tiny, but strong. Come on."

We arrived at Me'da's modest cabin, dismounting and giving Saber free reign to wander. I knew she wouldn't go far.

The common room and kitchen were empty, but Eesyhn knew his mentor was there. Slight sounds of concocting were heard coming from the most rear room of the home.

Eeshyn paused. "Maybe I shouldn't disturb him while he's busy. I'll just wait out here."

I nudged him ahead. "Go in and see him."

Another moment of delay before he opened the door and knocked on the wall pane. I saw Me'da hard at work mixing and churning. I felt frustration around him, an emotion unusual in the Noma shaman. Usually the feelings surrounding him were calm and confident. I suspected this incident with Eeshyn had hit him almost as hard as it had hit his apprentice. I nudged Eeshyn again to step into the room.

He did and gave a small wave. "Hi Me'da."

The big red man turned at the familiar voice and all at once I felt the feelings surrounding him change. Relief pooled out as he stepped forward and placed both hands on Eeshyn's shoulders.

"Eeshyn. My apprentice. I've been so worried. How are you?"

"I'm okay, Me'da. You were right to have me take time away. I'm sorry I've been so long. I've had a difficult time accepting what happened. I don't think I'll ever accept it completely. I need your help to move through this last part though. I need to know that I can still train with you and that you still trust me to be at you side. I need to know that I'm not alone in my pain."

The words spilled out just as they'd done when Eeshyn had finally spoken to me. The feelings surrounding him were confused and complex, but all that changed when his teacher moved his large hands from Eeshyn's shoulders and wrapped his arms around him.

"Of course you're not alone in this, Eeshyn. I would never allow such a thing. You are but a learner, with so much yet to soak in. This burden is not yours alone, bala-da. The child's parents do not know how the mistake was made, nor that there was a mistake. It's best for them to deal with the loss and the loss only."

I watched the man release his apprentice and hold him away. Eeshyn wiped his face and looked at his mentor. "But my mistake…"

"Is in the past. We will work on what may have caused it and I will keep you from taking the lead in the most critical of cases for now. But it's how you learn and grow. You won't be perfect. If you are, then you didn't learn that from me, because I am far from it. I've made my mistakes. Noma healing is an art, not a science. We must nurture it as it nurtures us. You'll make many more mistakes, Eeshyn. I'd be disappointed if you didn't. Never will you be alone in the time that follows. You must know that."

Eeshyn nodded and I watched as he too was flooded with relief, in body and mind. I knew things would be okay.

"I'm ready to come back to work with you now, Me'da. May I start today?"

"No. Go with Jaythen and spend the rest of your day anyway you wish. Just tell your parents. Tomorrow report to me in the morning and we'll begin. And Jaythen?"

I raised my eyebrows, surprised that the healer's attention was turned to me.

"Yes, Me'da?"

"Thank you for whatever part you played in helping him return to me. I am grateful."

I smiled and bowed my head slightly. A Jedi custom. "He's my friend."

"I'm glad. Now off with the both of you. I've got work to do. Eeshyn, tomorrow morning, bright and early."

"I'll be here, Me'da. Thank you for understanding."

"I've been where you are, bala-da. It will get better."

Outside, I gathered Saber with a whistle. She returned to me with Eeshyn's horse in tow. A stout black gelding named Tonic. A large white feather was woven into his mane as a symbol of a healer's horse. Eesyhn stroked the animal's strong neck and straightened the feather. Then he reached into his own hair to straighten his own white feathers. Without assistance, he pulled himself onto the horse's bare back. A feat I had yet to master.

"I'm ready, Jaythen."

I crooked a smile at him as I still stood next to my own mount. "Yeah well, I can't do that." Saber led me to a rock where I stood to get my foot in the stirrup. With me still being a bit on the vertically challenged side, and a left arm that was mostly useless, my body had no desire to ride without a saddle.

Finally I was up. "Where should we go?"

"I should see my parents. When I left this morning, I told them not to worry, but I know they do. Then maybe we can just ride and talk."

"Master T'narr always encourages me to talk, even when I think it won't help. I can talk to him easily though. He doesn't judge me like so many of the Jedi my age do on Coruscant."

"It's too bad they have to be like that, because they're missing out on a having a good friend."

My cheeks warmed as Eesyhn looked at me with the most sincere face. To have someone accept you for you, no matter what else, was a desperate need of mine. Master T'narr accepted me. His master, Kaai did as well. Obi-Wan. Qui-Gon. I could count them on one hand. Eesyhn was one of only two my age who appreciated me for being me. He and Eryck, my best friend on Coruscant, were almost as important to me as T'narr, because I could grow up with them. They would be my lifelong companions.

We accepted each other's flaws and mistakes and still remained close friends. I would do whatever I could to maintain my friendships with them both for as long as I live.

"You're a good friend too, Eeshyn. One of my best friends. How about we ride to the lookout and do some fishing?"

"The lookout it is. I bet I'll catch more than you!"

"Don't be too sure, Master T'narr has been teaching me all those Noma fishing secrets lately. He was holding out before. But now…"

"Loser has to clean, scale and cook the fish."

Saber shifted under me and tossed her head at the challenge, as if she was involved. "You're on!"

We laughed as we rode for his parents house, and then to the lookout where the fishing competition commenced. I was perplexed to notice that the techniques Master T'narr had been teaching me, were not working. I began to think he'd tricked me into using incorrect methods so that he could win our own personal weekly competitions. I'd have to remember to get on him for that. For now, Eeshyn was enjoying my inability to catch anything other than a random stick. His laughter began small and then escalated into hysterical. It became contagious and before long, each time we pulled our lines out of the water, no matter what was hooked on the end, all we could do was laugh.

When the day began darkening around us, Master T'narr sent me a nudge through the force. He was calling me home.

"We should just let the fish go, Eeshyn. It's late anyway. And they've been tortured enough listening to us laugh and carry on like we did." He agreed and we emptied the bucket into the water.

"I should get home, Jaythen," Eeshyn said as he whistled for Tonic to come near. "I've got a lot of work tomorrow starting back with Me'da."

"It'll be a busy day for you. But a good day too, I'm sure."

"It will. Thanks in part to you. I'm glad we shared some of our pain today, Jaythen. I didn't know the types of things you went through when you were younger. I'm sorry you had to go through those things, but they led you to Master T'narr, so some good came out of them."

"It did. And some good has already come out of what you're going through too. You know how much Me'da cares about you. You can always talk to me, Eeshyn, if you just need to get away."

"I know. And you can always talk to me, Jaythen. That's what we…that's what real friends do."

We exchanged a quick hug, then gathered our fishing gear and mounted our horses. We rode together for a short while until our paths divided towards our separate homes.

"I'll see you soon, Jaythen."

I waved goodnight as he and Tonic hurried off into the dusk, then I clicked to Saber to hurry us home.

Master T'narr greeted me with a late dinner. His cooking still left much to be desired, but it was comforting to just sit with him and share a meal. We talked for a while. I shared my day with him. He listened.

When my story was done, he said, "You and Eeshyn are good for each other. Feels nice to have a close friend your age that you can share with now, doesn't it?"

"It does, Master. With Eeshyn here and Eryck at the temple – and you of course – I have all I need."

"Most important is that you gave to Eeshyn when he needed someone to understand without judgment. That's the best thing a friend can do for another – just listen."

"You think he'll be okay, Master?"

"I know Me'da. I have known him for a very long time. He takes his healing seriously. But he also cares. And Eeshyn is someone he cares deeply about. Things will be okay. Eeshyn just has to get back into his work without second guessing himself. It won't be easy, but he's got the best teacher for the job." He stopped for a minute and put a hand on my shoulder. "And he's got a good friend in you, Jaythen."

I smiled a genuine smile at my teacher as he then reached up to ruffle my growing hair.

"Get washed up, Padawan. You've had a busy day and I want you to get to bed early."

I did as I was told and settled into my warm bed. Candles illuminating the dark corners as their dancing shadows lulled me towards sleep. The force comforting around me, I reached out for Eeshyn. He wasn't force sensitive, but usually I felt a certain awareness in the force when I reached for his presence. When emotions were the most intense, I could feel them clearly.

This last week, I'd felt only pain, confusion and anguish coming from my friend.

Now, there was only peace.

A small softness brushed against my hand. Kota had found his way into the house and to my room. He snuggled against my chest, his dark eyes peering into mine as they struggled to stay open. I'd almost forgotten how Kota had helped today. Certainly he'd earned himself a warm place to sleep. Wrapping him in my arms, I again reached for Eeshyn. I found him content. Kota nudged me through the force with a silent yip as if telling me to leave Eeshyn alone now. All could be okay.

I knew Kota was right so I let my eyes close with a friend at my side and a friend in my thoughts.

END