AN: Hi, so I have never written a Grey's Anatomy fic before, so bare with me on some of the characters. This story is going to be set somewhere in season 2. Addison and Derek are still trying to make their marriage work. All the original characters will be there, except for Burke probably and Teddy is causally replacing him. So no Cristina and Burke because who the hell wants to read that. Maybe like Lexie or Arizona will show up in the future if I actually make this a full blown story who knows.

Meredith Grey faced the industrial sized bathroom mirror while the soap washed off the palms of her hand. Cristina pulled a piece of paper towel from the dispenser. Izzie leaned against the sink near Meredith and licked chocolate pudding off of a spoon. "You know I don't really know why everyone complains about hospital food. These pudding cups aren't bad at all," Izzie said throwing the empty cup in the trash.

"Yeah you probably think that because your stomach is a bottomless pit," Cristina said making one of her usual quips towards Izzie. "You are like a human garbage can."

"Mean!" Izzie exclaimed.

"Mere are you ready to go?" Cristina asked, ignoring Izzie's comment. Meredith continued to stare in the mirror. "Meredith!" Cristina said, she put her hand on Meredith's shoulder, which made her jump.

"Sorry," Meredith apologized.

"Are you okay? You seem really sad," Izzie said, giving her a sympathetic frown.

"I'm fine."

"Really, because it seems like you need a hug," Izzie said, she stepped behind her friend and wrapped her arms around her back in a bear hug. Meredith stepped away and shook Izzie off.

"I said I'm fine." she said and walked out of the bathroom.

"Is it McDreamy stuff?" Izzie asked Cristina.

"I don't know, she hasn't told me anything."

"That's so weird. Usually she is a talk it out type of person."

"Not if it is really serious," Cristina said, heading out the door.

"Oh god. Do you think it is really serious?"

"I don't know, but just give her space. I'm sure she will figure it out."

"George you are a surgeon. Are you seriously telling me the smell of nail polish bothers you that much?" Izzie said, she was sitting on the edge of the bathtub while George tried to shave.

"Izzie you are a surgeon. Are you seriously telling me you need you nails to look good?'

"Uh I'm painting my toe nails," Izzie said sarcastically. "Shoot, you made me mess up," she stood up to get some toilet paper and saw Meredith trying to sneak into her bedroom. "Hey Mere come join in this bathroom party. I'll paint your nails."

"I'm okay," Meredith said.

"No seriously she is driving me crazy. We need some sane Meredith Greyness in here to balance her out," George joked.

"I take some offense to that George. Meredith come on with you here George will be out numbered," Izzie laughed.

"Don't let her paint your nails, she's horrible at it. Which is kind of ironic considering she is a sugreon."

"I'm really tired. I'm just going to go to bed," Meredith said, her bedroom door was closed before any futher discussion could happen.

Meredith walked into the kitchen the next morning knowing she would be drilled with questions about her behavior last night. She thought it would be best to try and pretend everything was okay, but that turned out harder than she had anticipated.

"Hey Mere do you want some coffee?" George said, already pouring her a cup.

"Yeah, thanks," Meredith replied even though she did not feel like drinking coffee today.

"What about breakfast?" Izzie said, placing a muffin in front of her. "They're blueberry".

"Thanks, we better hurry up before we are late for rounds," Meredith said quickly she took the coffee cup and the muffin before she anounced, "I'll wait outside"

During the car ride to the hospital, Meredith didn't say anything. Izzie noticed she nibbled at the muffin a little bit, but she barely had enough to give her enough energy to last her until lunch. Izzie became increasingly worried and decided she needed to ask a Meredith Grey expert what was wrong. She instructed George to make sure Alex and Meredith leave the locker room so she would have time to talk to Cristina.

Meredith got dressed the fastest and left the room without saying a word to anyone. Alex started making fun of George, which was perfect for Izzie because they left the locker room together. Cristina was about to leave when Izzie slammed herself in front of the door.

"Geez, Izzie what is your problem?" Cristina asked.

"I seriously think there is something wrong."

"With what?"

"Meredith!"

"Calm down Izzie, you are probably over reacting," Cristina said she moved towards the door again.

"Will you just listen to me. She has barely said anything to George and me in the past two days".

"Yeah well maybe she is tired," Cristina said, "We are working 80 hours weeks."

"Have you talked to her recently?"

"No not really. We've been busy."

"This is different. If you could just talk to her, I know you don't think anything is wrong, but this is driving me crazy. I just have to know if she is okay. Please, just do this for me," Izzie begged.

"Fine, but get away from the door,"

"Yang, Stevens you're late!" Bailey exclaimed as Cristina and Izzie joined the rest of her interns. Izzie started to give her an explaination but was quickly stopped. "Stevens I don't care what your excuse is, you're with Shepard today."

"Uh okay, sorry. Which one?"

"Addison. Yang Cardio, Karev Ortho, O'Malley with me and Grey's with the other Shepard."

"Uh actually, can I be with the other Dr. Shepard," George said.

"You don't get to make special requests," Bailey said.

"I know but, I think he needs a lot of help today," George said. Normally Miranda Bailey would have never let George decided who he wanted to work with. However, today was one of those rare days her mind was not completely focused on her work.

"What ever, Meredith you and George can be with Dr. Shepard. I don't need any of your help anyways. Go!" She watched as her interns ran in different directions before she started walking up the stairs.

"You didn't have to do that you know," Meredith said to George. "I don't need protection from him or something".

"Hey I'm not here to protect you. I'm just here because I really like brains," George explained, even though they both knew he was lying.

"Okay George," Meredith said not wanting to argue any furthur, especially not infront of Derek.

"Oh two interns today," Derek said as Meredith and George approched him.

"I just really wanted to be on Neuro today. I hope that's okay," George said.

"Of course. I can always use the help. I actually have this one nineteen year old patient who is a little freaked out, but you could probably help calm her down."

"Sure. I'll just convince her its just a little brain surgery, what could go wrong right," George joked.

"Oh I love that vote of confidence in my ability." Derek said as George's face fell.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it like that, it was suppose to be a joke."

"No I'm kidding. I thought it was funny. The patient is in room 204," Derek handed George one of the files he was going over.

"Okay. Are you coming Meredith?" George asked.

"Actually Meredith you're coming with me," Derek said. Derek started walking in the opposite direction of room 204 and Meredith followed him. George wanted to protect Meredith, but he knew she would be angry if he did. So instead he did as he was told, thinking Meredith probably didn't need his help anyway.

"What do you need me for?" Meredith asked, a little too harshly.

"I wanted you to do post ops on one of my patients and then maybe scrub in on that surgery later."

"George should scrub in," Meredith answered. "He's the one talking to the patient right now."

"No I want you. If you really want to you can go talk to the patient with him."

"Can you please just treat me like any other intern. I don't need you to always let me scrub in."

"You aren't just another intern," Derek tried to explain, but Meredith grabbed the patient file from his hand and walked alway. He was going to follow her, when Addison called his name.

"Hey I was just wondering if you want to eat lunch with me," she said.

"I can't I have surgery," Derek said somewhat hostile.

"Well what about dinner?" she asked, Derek's angry facial expression made Addison feel awful "I'm trying Derek. I just wish you would too."

"I don't want to discuss this right now," he said walking away before she could say anything.

Cristina held the scalpel in her hand, excited Teddy had allowed her to make the first cut. She could feel the energy radiate through her body as she placed the tip at the top of the man's chest. She was just about to apply the pressure necessary to make the cut when Izzie bursted in the room.

"Cristina, you need to come with me right now!" She said holding a mask in front of her face.

"Dr. Stephens, Cristina is a little bit busy at the moment," Teddy said, annoyed her procedure had been interrupted.

"I'm sorry, but it's Meredith. This is really serious,"

"Can you tell her to wait?" Cristina said, repositioning the scalpel.

"No. She really needs you," Izzie said.

"Why can't you help her."

"Cristina, if you need to help your friend it's okay. You can cut another time," Teddy said, annoyed the interns felts they had the authority to interrupt in her operating room.

Cristina sighed, but left the room taking her mask and gloves off. "What happened this time? Did she tell you to mind your own business?"

"No, she locked herself in the on call room and won't come out."

"Maybe she is tired," Cristina said.

"You know that isn't true," Izzie said.

When they got to the room George was on the other side trying to get Meredith to open the door. He had his ear pressed to the door and kept asking if she was okay.

"Hey, Cristina thank god you are here. It sounds like she is crying," George said. Cristina pressed her ear to the door and called to Meredith on the other side.

"Meredith, it's me! Will you open up the door?"

"She won't let anyone in," George explained.

"Yeah, but Cristina isn't just anyone," Izzie said.

At that moment Alex walked by eating a banana "Umm in case you forgot the operating rooms are that way," he said.

"Stop it Alex, Meredith is in there," Izzie said rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, maybe you should stop telling people Izzie, I'm sure Meredith doesn't want her shit all over the hospital," Cristina said.

Doctor Bailey looked up from the forms she was reading and realized her interns were standing outside the on call room and not working. "What are you fools doing?"

"Umm Meredith is in there," George said.

"She won't open the door," Izzie said.

"Is McDreamy in there with her?" Alex asked before receiving a punch by Izzie.

"Ugh," Bailey sighed. She stood by the door and called to Meredith "Grey, open this door. I'm going to send Yang in to calm yourself or fix whatever is going on and I'll send these three idiots away." She said, giving Alex, Izzie and George a look which made them all announce they were leaving and run back to the respective services they should have been working at in the first place. Cristina and Bailey heard the door unlock.

"Take care of her," Bailey said, before leaving Cristina alone.

Cristina took a deep breath and opened the door. Meredith was sitting in the dark room on the floor. "Mere what happened?"

"I can't do it," Meredith whispered

"Can't do what? See him with her?"

"No, I can. I didn't think I could, but I can," Cristina sat down next to Meredith. "But I don't want to."

"You can transfer services, you can work with Teddy if you want, i'll switch with you,"

"No, I don't want to. You don't get it. I don't feel like doing anything anymore". Meredith said, starting to sob "I don't want to live anymore".

"What? Don't say that," Cristina said.

"But it's true. I just, its all too much. I wake up feeling miserable, all the time. It's been like this for a while. But like with Derek it was better a little bit at least, but now since he's with her... I feel like my mother is killing me and I don't know how to be happy again. I just want it to stop."

Cristina, for once, was quiet. She thought about how to respond to Meredith, but she didn't want to say the wrong thing. "I'm sorry." Was all she could manage, but that only made Meredith cry more.

"I'll.. get out of here soon.. I just need to stop crying," Meredith said, attempting to take deep breaths.

"Is there anything I can do?" Cristina asked. "I can bring you a glass of water if you want?"

Meredith nodded her head yes and Cristina quickly left the room. Alone, Meredith lied down on the floor. She stared up at the ceiling, wishing she could stop feeling this way. She turned her head towards the sound of the door opening and sat up, slightly resting on her arms.

"Here's the water," Cristina said, Meredith took it and drank the entire thing in one sip.

"Thanks," she said, lying back down. Cristina joined her and stared up at ceiling.

"Everyone is so worried about you," Cristina said, Meredith didn't answer. "I'm worried about you."

"I'll be okay," Meredith said quietly.

"But will you? You know I love you and I don't know what I would do if something happened to you."

"It might be bad at first, but you will adjust to life without me. I know you can do it,"

"Mere, why would you say something like that," Cristina said, clearly upset.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that. I'm fine,"

"I think you should see someone,"

"What?"

"A therapist, honestly Mere. It's not normal to feel this way."

"It's not going to help."

"You haven't even tried."

"I just know it won't," Meredith stood up. "I need to get out of here, just for the day."

"Okay, I'll go with you."

"No, I want to be alone." Meredith left the room before Cristina could get up off the floor.

Meredith walked out of the hospital and had to squint because of how bright it was. It was suppose to be raining and sad all the time, she liked it that way because it often matched exactly the way she felt. But today she felt as if Seattle betrayed her.