"SHEPARD!"

There was no time to think. Ignoring Joker's outcry, Shepard fumbled with the holographic launch control, trying to hold on as the Normandy died around him. The stream of energy that was tearing through her was a mere two meters from him. He could feel its intense heat, adding to the layers of sweat covering his forehead.

An explosion to his left shook the ship, his grip slipped. He only had a few seconds, reaching as far as he could, the tip of his finger just barely made contact with the launch control, propelling Joker to safety. As Shepard listened to Joker's pod escape his dying ship, he wondered how, if at all, he was ever going to get out this time. If he survived the ship blowing up, would the Alliance be able to pluck him from the emptiness of space? Would they even find him?

Another violent explosion rattled the ship and before he could even register what happened, he was dealt a heavy blow to the back of the head.

There was blackness for a short time.

Shepard quickly came to, the stars danced over his eyes and it felt like his helmet was suddenly 4 sizes too small. As his vision cleared, he could now only watch in horror as the Normandy took one last gasp and was ended forever. Large chunks flew past him, so long as nothing small and fast penetrated his suit he may be able to survive this yet.

It suddenly occurred to him that his ears were ringing. Not from the explosion. It was his suit; the alarms had gone off indicating a breach.

What he had quickly dismissed as smudges on his visor, he now realized was the air he needed to survive. He quickly grasped the cable that fed oxygen to his helmet trying to block whatever hole that ran along its vital path.

It didn't help. His oxygen was draining quickly; there was nothing he could do.

This is it.

Many people have heard the story that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That's not always the case. If your life is about to be ended in a split second, then you only have that short flash. Shepard has experienced this plenty of times, noticing a sniper aiming directly at his head, followed by the unmistakable sound of a gun firing. Luckily the sniper had missed. It wasn't until the fighting was over that he remembered that feeling; the flashes.

But this is different.

As your life slowly exits your body, life plays one final insult. Instead of flashes, it pulls you to those moments and they feel like they last forever. Reminding you of everything you're about to loose, everything you're never going to experience again.

He was 5 years old. He had lived his entire short life on ships and at last he was going to know what a real planet felt like. He was standing in a park with his parents, the grass tickling his sensitive feet, the wind softly kissing his cheeks and whistling in his ears. He was used to the feeling of air blowing against him from the fans on the ships. But they always had a constant temperature and speed. This was different. The wind changed constantly, it felt warm and cold at the same time; it was alive. He had forgotten that moment, he was so used to the feeling now. He tried to convince himself that it was natural to not notice things like that after a time. But no rationalisation could excuse the fact he made the one mistake his parents never told him to make; to take life for granted.

He was standing in the girl's toilet. He was 14, at school and dodging class, his parents wouldn't be happy. But she made sure they never found out. Over the months he had developed a friendship with a girl named Natalie. She was a genius to put it simply. She was able to do things with her Omni-tool that made Shepard's head spin. The technology teacher had said Natalie knew more than he did. So naturally Shepard had asked her to be his tutor. It took some time but before long he was acing the class. He wasn't as talented with tech as she was, but he was still better than most.

Today she had asked Shepard to dodge class with her, she used her Omni-tool to make it seem like they had permission from their parents to leave class. He didn't know what she had planned. Next thing he knew, they were in a cubicle in the girls bathroom. She had said something about 'like liking' him. It was all a bit of a haze, since he was so focused on not messing up kissing her. He didn't know what he was doing, but she seemed to be enjoying it. The warmth of her lips, the feel of her hair; it was a sensory overload.

They were a couple for a time, but as all young love goes it ended with tears. Shepard's parents were leaving for some military mission and he had to go with them. He never saw her again. Even during his military years as an adult he tried to get in contact with her. But unsurprisingly, the galaxy is a big place. Remembering her now made Shepard want to try to find her again.

Then it hit home. He never will now.

Another thing he took for granted. Another thing he wished he could have done. Was there nothing he was proud of? Was there anything that could make him go in peace without the crushing loss he feels right now?

The memories came quicker now; he was experiencing his training as a soldier, the Skyllian Blitz, his graduation from the N7 Special Forces program. Why were these memories so quick? What was it about the last memories that made them feel so long?

Then came hiss mission to hunt down Saren. Eden Prime, the Citadel, Noveria, Therum, and all the places he travelled on his mission. Then came the faces; he saw them all, Joker, Adams, Pressly, Chakwas, Ashley, Kaiden, Garrus, Wrex; those were his friends.

He saw Liara next; her cute freckles, her nervous speaking and remembered what it felt like when they shared that moment together before Ilos. It was special, there was no denying that. But even now Shepard knew something was off. It didn't feel right. He had excused that feeling as a sign of him not used to being with an Asari. It never went away though. Even as the feeling became familiar it still wasn't right.

He saw Tali last. Why was she last? He was in the red alley way on the Citadel. They had to find this Quarian before Saren's thugs killed her. When he offered his hand to pull her up from the ground, he marvelled for a moment at her hand. He still wasn't used to seeing a hand with three fingers, let along holding one. Later aboard the Normandy he went down to see how she was coping. She was overjoyed, she loved ships and the Normandy was the best ship in the Alliance fleet.

Over the weeks Shepard made an effort to talk with his crew. They always appreciated it, especially Tali. After months of being treated like a second class citizen, the way Shepard treated her like everyone else was a relief. He always admired Tali, she was entirely selfless, intelligent and fun. He especially admired her eyes, small lights behind a purple mask. There was something compelling about them.

Why is he thinking so much about Tali?

The answer made him want to slap himself for being so stupid. He would have done except he could feel his life begin to slip away. His memories were fading. But Tali remained. That was all he needed. Shepard had lived a life surrounded by death. His father died, his fellow soldiers died, his crew died, and everyone who ever went up against him died. Now death came for him. He went with a smile on his face.

A/N: This is my first attempt at fan fiction, not very original I'll admit but I wanted to see how people would find my writing style. Any constructive criticism is appreciated. If this is well recieved I'll consider writing more.