disclaimer; I do not own Ouran High School Host Club or its characters.

summary; Unsent emails. All addressed to someone who won't (can't) reply. Ever.

notes; Sorry if this gets confusing at any point. This is my collision of poetry and story. This will be continued, though I can't promise when.

june

rokugatsu

June 3rd

Hey, Tono.

How're you doing, anyway? Haven't heard from you in a while. (But that's to be expected, I suppose.)

I'm sure you want to hear about your precious 'family'.

Well, Mom still looks the same, with 'her' glinting glasses hiding any and all emotion 'she' could, god forbid, let slip. The Shadow King (Queen?) is relentlessly guarded against 'her' children.

Your darling daughter is fine. At least, she is if that's what you want to hear. She doesn't cry, anyway. (Though, really, she doesn't do much of anything. I've tried to make her see reason.)

Mori-senpai and Honey-senpai are together again, now that they've graduated. I must admit, it's a relief to all of us, seeing the familiar sight of a blonde boy (man) laughing atop strong shoulders.

The two of us are okay. (No, we're not, Kaoru. Stop feeding him lies.) We still pull pranks when it gets too quiet and put on the 'brotherly love' act for the ladies at our university. (They eat it up.)

Hikaru's hair is still black. (Of course it is, moron, I like it this way.) Mine is still red. We're still individuals, just like you always wanted us to be. (For our own good.)

I should go. I am in dire need of a shower (I can smell you from my bed) and I should get studying for the English test I have tomorrow. (English test? Shit!)

See you (not),

Kaoru.

(And his devilish brother.)

June 9th

'Sup, Tono?

So Kaoru's been writing to you, eh? (Don't go through my files, Hikaru!) Should've figured. He's always been like that. (Like what, exactly?)

Here's the truth about your precious 'family'. (I told him the truth!)

Kyoya-senpai's a damn robot. Frankly, it scares the fuck out of me. Guarding his emotions? Yeah. Right. More like he shut them down. (It's the same thing.)

Haruhi's a mess. (No, she's not!) Yeah, she doesn't cry. In front of us. (But...she seems better now.) I'm willing to bet she's just as torn up as Kaoru is.

Fuck, I'm torn up, too.

Mori-senpai is quieter than ever, and Honey-senpai's cheerfulness makes us all feel like we're suffocating. (It is a little irritating...) He makes it seem like he's not affected in the slightest.

Yesterday, Renge burst into tears. That in itself isn't an unusual occurence, but she didn't dramatize it or anything. Kaoru had to comfort her. (She was a complete wreck.)

I don't mean to blame you or anything (oh, he totally does) but it really fucking sucks that you're not here to clean up the mess you made.

Thanks for being here for our birthday, by the way. (He can't exactly help it, Hikaru.)

Won't be seeing you,

Hikaru.

(Bastard.)

June 11th

Hi, Tono.

Hikaru's an ass, going through my documents like that. (Oh, like you're one to talk.) Don't listen to him. No matter what, we don't blame you for anything.

Except Antoinette. We have to take care of her (cause Kyoya flat-out refused to) and she's a handful (to put it mildly). So I'll blame you for that.

Don't feel guilty or anything. We're fine. (Stop SAYING that! We are not, dammit!) Besides, there's nothing you can do to fix it.

Hope you're smiling,

Kaoru.

(I hope your mom's smiling, too. Wherever she is.)

June 18th

Boo.

So Haruhi broke down today. Ranka-san had to show up and take her home to bed. (She's been feeling sick lately.) Proud of yourself?

Sorry, uncalled for. (At least you can admit it.) I'm just pissed at the world right now. These past few weeks have been hard.

I'm learning piano, by the way. (I didn't know that.) Well, I mean, I played around with the keys a bit until it sounded like music. (That makes more sense.) But still, I like it. It reminds me of you.

I'm turning into a sap, and it's all your fault. (There's another thing we can blame him for, I guess.)

Have fun,

Hikaru.

(He really is a sap. 'Hope your mom is smiling, too?' As true as it is, it just looks cheesy.)

June 24th

Goddammit, Tono.

I don't think I've ever seen Kyoya cry before. (Frankly, it scared the fuck out of me.) I'm going to go ahead and blame you for this, too.

Did you even remember that picture? The one Fuyumi-san took of the two of you, months ago. Kyoya was sleeping, which we expected, but you were, too. (All snuggled up to him, might I add.)

You two looked so peaceful. (For once in your lives.)

Do you remember putting it under Kyoya's mattress when Fuyumi-san gave it to you? (Probably not, his memory isn't that good, Kaoru.)

Well, he found it. When he was cleaning out his room, preparing to move from the Ootori mansion. (Finally. His dad treats him like shit.) And he cried.

I just hope that you're having a better time than your best friend is,

Kaoru.

(And I'm supposedly the bitchy one?)

June 30th

Tono.

(Tamaki.)

René.

(This has probably been the hardest month of our lives.)

It's hard to smile.

(Hard to eat.)

Hard to sleep.

(Laugh.)

Cry.

(It's hard to do much of anything, really.)

We don't blame you.

(Not much, anyway.)

If anything, we blame ourselves.

(We were supposed to be on that plane with you.)

We were supposed to help you find your mother.

(We got delayed.)

Kaoru took too long in the shower.

(Hikaru couldn't find his cell phone.)

We're the ones to blame.

(Sorry we weren't with you.)

But really, what could we have accomplished?

(We're only two people.)

We can't rebuild an engine in the air.

(We're not invincible.)

Even if we held on to you as tightly as possible -

(- it still wouldn't have helped.)

Your oxygen mask would still be defected.

(Your nails would still rip the armrest.)

You'd still be gone.

(Even if we couldn't do much -)

- we still wish that we could've been with you -

(- in those last seconds -)

- to see you smile one last time.

We (love) you,

Hikaru(&Kaoru).