Guys I think it says something if I am seriously writing a fanfic like this.
I just finished HoH today and… wow. For so many reasons. But I can't get Nico out of my head. That poor boy has just a suckish life and now Riordan has him crushing on Percy who we all know is ramrod straight and head over heels for Annabeth. Not to mention the time he was from… talking about something like that was basically a death sentence unfortunately.
So here I am, the girl who said she wouldn't write any sort of yaoi, writing one-sided gay Fanfiction. Because Nico is a sad and angsty character and I hurt so much for that poor boy.
I just had to get this out of my system. And Sara Bareilles is a wonderful inspiration.
Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson or Heroes of Olympus.
Manhattan
Nico liked to be by himself because solitude seemed to be his only friend at times. Solitude and loneliness were safe. They didn't ask questions, they didn't cause guilt, or heart-wrenching sadness. They say misery loves company; Nico never really felt that to be true. He didn't really count ghosts and skeletons as company; he learned his lesson after his dealings with Minos. They were more or less servants, beings below him that did his bidding and answered his questions.
More often than not on the seemingly too long journey on the Argo II he spent his time in the rigging of the airship, lost in his thoughts… a very dangerous thing. But he wasn't part of the seven. He was there merely as a guide and occasional expert on mythology. It was better than being cooped in his room; he felt vulnerable in that small space, too prone to crying over things lost and things unattainable. Besides, after being imprisoned in that jar, tight spaces unbearable. Even worse, being in dry air for too long reminded him of his time in Tartarus…
Nico shook his head, clearing his thoughts. He was alive. He was no longer there. At night he was tormented with dreams of that hellish place, but at day he was able to push those dark thoughts aside and look to the future… for now. It took some work, but he was able to function during the day. Function. He felt like a machine at times.
Maybe Leo could check and make sure I am functioning right, he thought bitterly, casting his gaze to the haul of the ship. Leo was happily chatting with Hazel and Frank, probably going on and on about some mechanical blah. He shifted his eyes over, Piper and Jason talking with each other, sharing some fruit from Piper's cornucopia. Jason briefly looked up at Nico, a worried look in his gaze. Nico narrowed his eyes and glowered at him. Taking the hint, Jason quickly looked back at his girlfriend.
The meeting with Cupid was disastrous. Nico was bitter and resentful that now Jason knew of his past feelings for Percy. Even though he promised to keep it a secret, Nico couldn't help but begrudge it.
But the idea of Percy being down in Tartarus made Nico worry. If he wasn't sulking, he was worrying. And the idea of seeing him again made him seethe and feel guilty and sad and his hear flutter all at once. And knowing he was down there with Annabeth… his blood boiled with jealousy and then cooled with the chill of shame. Jason said it was fine, but Jason was also forgetting that Nico was from the 1930's. Things like this were unheard of, no one talked about it and no one wanted to talk about, even the people who "suffered" from homosexuality. Nico just couldn't let go of that. He was raised in that environment. He already felt out of place living in the 21st century with concepts and ideas much bigger than he could ever imagine. Modern technology still shocked him at times, though he never let it on. But he couldn't forget how he was raised, when he was from. Even with it being more accepted in these times, he still couldn't accept himself.
Nico tucked his knees under his chin, clutching his body tightly like he was trying to hold himself together. Maybe he was. His life, in a word, was shit. His mother and sister were dead, he barely survived Tartarus, he was constantly in trouble… He was an outcast to start off with as a son of Hades, but on top of this, these… feelings…
A tear slide down his cheek and Nico touched it, surprised. He attempted to bury his emotions—all emotions—unless they were too strong to contain. Anger and bitterness often took place of those normal feeling, those two emotions projected outwardly to protect his feelings inside. But this uncommon occurrence where he was physically crying… Nico cracked a smile. Tears. He was sad and it showed.
He lied to Cupid and Jason when he had a crush on Percy. He used past tense. His current feelings were not in the past. This was now. Another tear slide from his eye and he furiously wiped them away. There would be no tears over a lost cause. Percy was head over heels for Annabeth and Nico knew in his heart that he would never stray from her side… or any girl's side for that part.
He sighed deeply and sadly. Admitting his crush was difficult in itself. Admitting that Percy could never feel the same way back… that proved an even more trying task. A crush doesn't just go away. He knew it would he hard to see Percy again once they got him out of Tartarus. Seeing him with Annabeth would be even worse. But Nico couldn't help that.
So he'd slip back into the shadows, disappear again and never come back once this quest was finished. They could have their Manhattan. He would no longer be part of it.
I feel better now. I'm actually surprised this is my first fic that had to do with an actual canon character. Who knew?
Review?
Over and out,
Mahersal