Okay, I know that almost every fanfiction writer does these lists and whatnot, but how could I not? I'm honestly a little afraid to write anything else for fear I'll piss off a bunch of Twilight whores (such as myself) with something inaccurate, or just a really lame story line. I'm going to try to be funny, but I sure as hell can't make any promises ;)

Rosalie is not allowed to:

1. Give Renesmee a bunch of condoms and tell her they're balloons.

2. Feed Jacob Black out of a dog dish (again)

3. Convince Bella to wear a short skirt around Mike Newton while Edward is able to hear his thoughts.

4. Or where Jasper is able to feel the feelings Mike is feeling.

5. Or anywhere near Mike Newton.

6. Confess her undying love for Aro Volturi.

7. Lock Bella in a bathroom with Edward and Jacob Black. It doesn't go well.

8. Try to sell Jacob Black dog biscuits.

9. Try to invent a form of Werewolf repellent.

10. Sing "Clumsy" by Fergie every time Bella walks by her.

11. Shave Leah Clearwater when she's asleep. Bald werewolves might be funny to look at, but not to have to talk with.

12. Agree when Jacob Black says "Bite me"

13. Go to the treaty line of La Push and start singing "Takin' Over"

14. Singing "Who let the dogs out" whenever Jacob Black comes over.

15. Convince little children that the Voldamort's [I know I didn't spell it right, w/e] real name is Aro Volturi.

16. Use the computer when there are any minors around.

17. On second thought, better spare all of our eyes. No using the computer at all.

18. Donate all of Bella's clothes to the Salivation Army.

19. Give Renesmee a puppy for her birthday as long as Jasper lives with them. Poor Spot!

20. Search for the Holy Grail.

21. Or any form of Biblical memorabilia.

22. Give Bella any form of clothing that comes from La Senza.

23. Join a cult created by Emmett.

24. Try to sell Emmett.

25. Picture what Emmett and her do for "entertainment" when Edward is around.

26. Answer the phone with "Vampire Inc. You love 'em, we bite 'em."

27. Sing "Disturbia" by Rihanna. Especially at school.

28. Threaten Edward to tell Mike that Bella has feelings for him if he doesn't eat an entire pizza.

29. Wear skirts above the knee around Emmett in public. Or around more people then JUST Emmett.

30. Watch "Saw" or any movies like it around humans.

31. Tell Emmett that Dracula exists and is bffls with the Volturi; he'll believe it!

32. Encourage Alice to take Bella shopping.

33. Or anybody else.

34. Come on to Mike Newton to piss Emmett off when she's mad at him.

35. Drink the blood of human's pets.

36. Dye all of Jacob Black's hair pink when he's asleep.

I know that this is a really short list, but I couldn't think of anything else. Sorry it's as lame as it is. Please rate and review so I can get better! (: