Breaking asunder
Your hands glide across the cold and unforgiving wall that separates you from all what you have known – separates you from all that your heart is seeking.
Your desperate cries fill the air, torn from your trembling lips they sound so foreign even to you that you have troubles recognizing them as your own.
Inside you feel your essence shatter as yet another wail leaves your mind. There's nothing else you know to do, no other thing but one: You scream for the home you have been ripped apart from, scream for the only one you never wanted to leave.
If you could you would run, would tear down the walls that stand so tall and firm between this world that keeps you a prisoner and the one you belong to; would run as you have done since the day you two first met.
But you know there is no path anymore that can lead you to him and so you just remain here, clutching at the lifeless surface as if you could hold on to what you lost.
His warmth, so fresh in your memory, seems like a distant truth to you as your fingers trail over the roughness beneath them. The sensation of his hand wrapped about yours so often felt that just for a second you believe his fingertips to touch yours in a ghostly move. Just as if in this other reality, the one you long for so much, the one you miss with every beat of your single heart, he was mimicking your pose – gentle fingers following the trace of your own while his ancient soul is crying out in silence.
Your breaths are ragged, your spine bending in its need to fight the agony that spreads throughout your very system – a pain that is very physical indeed although you know that your body remained unscathed. That for one last time he did live up to his promise of keeping you safe.
His missing presence to you feels like you were bereft of the very air you need to breathe, your chest heaving in its desperate need to draw in more of what it cannot have. Every move that you make pains you, every heart beat aches.
You want to go back, want to make it all undone. You wish you could just turn around and figure out how to fix it all, see his brilliant smile and know that he'll find a way. And if you could, you would walk straight back into what has become your haven, would look into her heart again and become the Bad Wolf once more - would do it if only it meant that you could return. But she isn't part of your reality anymore, and neither is he. And the knowledge that they aren't is choking you, slowly, steadily.
In your mind you reach out to him, plead for him to hear you, pray that this is but a nightmare, that he will tear you from it like he has torn you from the Dalek fleet.
Like he has torn you from the life that you never were quite happy with.
In your head you can see him look at you with those pale eyes that you haven't seen in so long, and you wonder if the universe was just toying with you both when it let you meet back on that fateful day at Henrik's.
You have seen him die, you have seen him be re-born, you have done the impossible – together with him you conquered the shadows, helped a scarred heart to heal. Only to shatter a new. And together with him so are you now breaking to pieces.
Behind you, you know your mother and Micky watch in silence as they bear witness to the one moment something inside you dies. Now they are the only remainders of a life that still feels so real to you, a life you cannot yet comprehend has been taken from you for good, but never before have they seemed to be so far away. Like echoes of a distant past they linger where their love cannot reach you, because you are surrounded by emptiness. An emptiness that losing him leaves behind.
His presence, you miss it more than you had ever deemed it possible to miss anything or anyone. And as you stand there, in the darkness, hearing your pained cries fade away and dwindle, you wonder whether for you there can be a tomorrow at all.
You had been told that you would become a victim of this war, had known but not believed. Had trusted that, like always, you two would be fine, defying all the evil in this universe, defying even death itself.
But as your hand slides limply down the cold stone wall you finally understand that you cannot run forever, that now you both have to pay the price for your hybris.
A price that seems just too high to bear.
And as quietly your family joins hands, giving each other strength when they, too, are hurting because you are, you rest your head against the border of this realm. Emptiness is closing in on you, leaving you alone and battered whilst unbeknown to you on the other side he feels just the same.
Together you mourn, each on your own, wishing for a miracle that you both know won't happen, while around you the world continues to turn. Cruelly and uncaring, dividing what should never have been split in two, marking this as the day you both have so stubbornly refused to even think possible:
The day that your forever ended.
o.o.o
o.o.o
A/N: So I detected this amonst my old files, and decided to finally share it. I know it's most likely been overdone but back when I watched "Doomsday" for the first time I just had to get rid of all the anguish this ep brought me, and this is part of the result.
I certainly hope it was worth your time. :)
Disclaimer: Down own anything - it's all the BBC's. I just borrow and play around with those amazing characters and their story, and return them when I'm done.