Hey guys, here I am with another FMA fic and this one isn't just a story for me, it's a test. Rather than writing in my normal style of 3rd person, this one is going to be in 1st person. It is also from my OC's pov. If you read Fullmetal High School then you know her. Ella.

She is the same person ish. You have to see for yourself. Just because this is from Ella's pov though doesn't mean that other FMA characters aren't in it. As always this is EdxWinry and AlxElla. Enjoy.

Also, I won't be quite as good about updating this fic as my others. College is starting and I have a ton of stuff to do. Sorry if you have to wait for updates.

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA.

Warning: this will be a little darker than my other fics, it's from an OC's pov, and this chapter doesn't have an actual appearance of any of the FMA characters, but they will show up in the next chapter Just trust me.

Chapter One: My Life

Don't make any noise. That was the first and most important rule I remembered the moment that my eyes snapped open from my nightmare. Hold your breath, stay still, and try to forget what you just experienced, that was the best way to deal with nightmares, at least in my case. Too many times as a child I had screamed or cried because of a dream, and that had always ended badly. I could now expect to get hit if I cried over something that stupid.

I squeezed my eyes closed just trying to forget the creatures of my imagination that always tortured me in my dreams. I would have thought that by the time I was eighteen I wouldn't have these sorts of dreams anymore. Guess I might have to wait another year to get over it. After all, maybe when I am nineteen the nightmares would stop. One could always hope.

Sitting up in bed, I rubbed my eyes gently trying to get them to wake up along with the rest of my body that I knew would refuse to go back to sleep. As I looked at the rest of my room, I came to the realization that it was later than I had originally thought. Musty sunlight filtered into the room meaning that soon I would have to go downstairs and get to work.

I laid back down in my bed, staring up at the ceiling in deep thought. My mind wasn't focused on anything in particular now, more that it was just letting memories of my life flit though and hopes and dreams of the future come to mind. While most may have found such thinking boring, I savored the moment more than any other part of my day.

Sure my mattress wasn't very comfortable with a few springs out of place, and the bed frame wasn't exactly even, but it was the silence of the room that was what I loved, the rest didn't matter. After all, I was trying to imagine the future… my future. Someday I was going to get out of this place and be free.

Freedom. It's just a word, but to me it meant so much more. Someday, I would get out of this house and go places. Warm places. I couldn't help but involuntarily shiver as a little snow was blown into my room though the fractured window. I really should have boarded it up weeks ago, and Laverna would kill me if she found out I hadn't. Literally kill me.

But I had decided to take a chance and leave it the way it was. It didn't matter to me that it was likely to get me killed by my master or if by some chance she didn't find out I was likely to die of hypothermia from all the cold it let in. No, the only important thing to me was the fact that it was my little breath of freedom. There goes that word again. Always on my mind.

Probably because I hoped and prayed all the time that someone would finally notice my situation and save me. I yearned for the day that I wouldn't be made to get out of bed because of someone ordering me around. Speaking of orders… three… two… one…

"Get the hell down here Ella and get to work!" a screechy voice yelled from downstairs. That would be Laverna, and if I wasn't downstairs and working in about two seconds that would mean some sort of punishment.

I couldn't help but involuntarily shutter at the thought of punishment. My body was already so broken and bruised from past punishments, it was hard to imagine that it could get any worse.

Before Laverna could scream for me again, I quickly slipped out from beneath my warm sheets and shivered into something a little warmer for the day. I sighed as I pulled on my long sleeve dress wishing that I owned a pair of pants. I shivered against the cold fabric, but ignored it for the moment knowing that it would warm up with my body heat.

Pants that covered the legs definitely would have been nicer to wear than just a dress. Not because I was a tomboy or anything of that sort, but because it would be warmer and easier to work in, and I wasn't particularly fond of walking though the deep snow to go to town while only having a dress on. Living so far north meant that it was freezing year round and warm clothes were essential.

Well, it doesn't help to be negative, so I pushed the thoughts of pants from my mind and slipped on my socks and shoes knowing that I would definitely need them today since I was going out. At least I had a full set of dresses that I could clean every week and that fully covered my body.

Then again, the only reason I did was because Laverna knew better than to send me to town with bruises and cuts showing from where she had beaten me when I had done a bad job with something or had messed up. If I showed up at town with all my scars showing from my life… well someone would have been sure to notice and might have come and bothered her about it.

Not like they would have actually gotten anywhere by confronting her though. Maybe if the whole town knew they might be able to stop the pain I went though daily, working for Laverna, but I couldn't be the one to tell them. After all, if I told anyone ever, Laverna would probably do something terrible to me. It was better to live a life of slavery than to not live at all. I sighed to 

myself as I rushed downstairs firs to the second floor and then down a second staircase to the first floor, taking it one step at a time knowing that otherwise I would probably trip.

I didn't understand why I couldn't have one of the many rooms on the second or even first floor, goodness knows that there was plenty of them. But Laverna had ordered that I stay in my attic like bedroom, and whatever Laverna ordered went.

After all, she was one of the best known alchemists in all of Amestris. Probably the best known alchemist outside the military. She was well known around the country for wanting privacy, or that's at least what I read in her notes, and I believed it.

Whenever I went to town for the two of us, I was under strict orders to discourage anyone from coming and visiting us up at her mansion that was just a few miles outside of town. Most the people from the town had no desire to come up here anyways; it was too long of a walk, especially in this weather. After all, it was the dead of winter and everyone was busy with harvesting the Winferls.

As I ran to the kitchen where I was sure that Laverna would be, I only stopped once by the hall mirror to check my appearance and make sure I didn't have anything on my face or my hair was sticking up in an odd way. It wasn't like I didn't keep myself well groomed; I just didn't have time to this morning before I got to work.

Thin eyebrows, small nose, normal ears, delicate smile, dark brown hair that now came down to my mid back, a little longer than what I was used to. I would need to put it up before I went outside; otherwise it was going to get tangled with the sharp winter wind. It curled slightly at its tips but for the most part it was pretty much flat as a board, not that I cared. There wasn't time to care about looks when I was busy working all the time.

My skin was as pale as ever, probably because I was indoors most of the time cleaning house and other chores, although I had always had the slight suspicion that I just didn't tan as easily as most. However, I was lucky in that my face for the most part remained unblemished. Laverna never hit me there, she knew better than to. Still I couldn't say how many times I had tripped, fallen, and scratched my face. All the same, for the most part it remained unscarred.

Then there were my eyes. I would never admit it to anyone, but I really did like them. They were the darkest brown that they could be without being black. I didn't know why I liked them so much, someone with blue or green eyes probably would have been prettier, but all the same, I loved my dark eyes.

I watched in the mirror as a soft frown made my way to my lips as I realized just how long I had been looking at myself. It wasn't like me to just stand around and waste my time looking at my reflection. I had work to do.

Quickly I ran to the kitchen hoping that I wouldn't trip on the way there. Unfortunately, I didn't trip and instead I ran smack dab into Laverna.

Maybe it was because I was smaller, or maybe it was because I was just more clumsy, either way it probably didn't matter. What did matter was that I was the one to fall back on to my butt. When I looked up at my master, I couldn't help but flinch at the look she was giving me. I knew what was coming next, but it was my fault so I really couldn't complain, could I.

I scrambled to my feet trying to get it over with as quickly as possible. I didn't have long to wait before her fist came into contact with my stomach, causing me to double over in immense pain. Something else that you would have thought I might have gotten used to over the years, and yet still every time she hits me I couldn't stop the fresh pain. "I'm sorry" I managed to stutter out still leaning over looking at the ground. I don't know how I was able to speak, I only knew that if I didn't then I might get hit again, and the second is always worse than the first.

Laverna harrumphed at me before turning on her heel to head back to the dining room where I would bring her some breakfast. I knew because that was the routine every morning. I peered up slightly to watch her walk away from me silently. As much as I hated to admit it, she was beautiful.

Her long elegant silver hair that always seemed to just flow perfectly all the time, and her facial features were all so sharp and yet because of that they seemed so faultless. Her eyes were the most brilliant blue that I had ever seen and always seemed to shine. And despite her age, she still managed to keep in perfect shape. I knew from the murmurs I overheard down in the village, that most of the guys in the town, at some point or another, had a crush on her. I could understand why, she was quite… shapely.

I blushed at the thought while straightening up to look down at my own body. By no means would I ever call myself ugly, but when compared to Laverna… I was just so plain.

Shaking such depressing thoughts off, I hurried to the kitchen to make Laverna's breakfast before I was punished again this morning. I should have known better than to run like that in the hall though. It was my own fault that I ended up punched.

As I grabbed two eggs out of the icebox though and started cooking, I couldn't help but wonder, in the back of my head, if I really was to blame completely for getting beat. A girl could hope, right?

Without thinking I put a smile on my face as I finally finished breakfast. I had to admit that I was constantly getting better at this sort of thing. Cooking and cleaning for Laverna wasn't nearly as bad as it had been when I was younger.

Back then I had such a hard time with just carrying a bucket of melted snow around the house to wash the floors, or being able to reach the highest shelves to dust them. Getting in trouble was a daily thing back then. I was careful to flip the eggs without spilling any grease on me as I remembered how much Laverna's punches and slaps had hurt back then.

I watched as something wet dropped onto the skillet immediately sizzling. Strange, what was that? I looked up expecting a leak, but that wouldn't have made sense, there were two stories to the house so for water to get this far would have meant three leaks in the same place.

Looking at the ceiling, everything suddenly got a lot more out of focus and I finally realized what it had been. Tears. My tears.

I wiped them away with the back of my hand surprised. I had been crying and didn't even know it. Was that possible? And why exactly was I crying? Over the years things had gotten better for me. True they weren't the best, but I still was breathing, I still could move, I still had all my senses. I had so much to be thankful for still that it didn't make sense to cry. Plus one of these days Laverna was going to stop hitting me. I just knew it.

After all, she had been the one to take me in when my parents had died, so she couldn't be all bad. She was just sad. I knew that her husband had died just after they had taken me in. I couldn't even remember him or my parents, I had been much too young. But I did know that she had loved him more than anything.

She was always getting this far off look in her eyes whenever she was alone, and once I had even seen her crying when she didn't know I was looking in the room. The strange thing was that whenever I came in, she always gave me a hard look that even today I flinch at. Whenever it happened, I always felt extremely guilty. It was as if all of her pain was my fault. Sometimes, I hated to admit it; I almost wanted her to slap me, because whenever she did it seemed to ease her pain, even if it was just barely.

I hated to see that sad look on her face all the time. All that pain, it made me want to cry. Maybe I was just too caring for my own good though, I had always been told that by the people in town.

That's right though, even if she didn't stop hitting me, I could always tell the people in the town what she had been doing to me all these years and they would come to my rescue immediately. Things were so much better than they used to be, and now they were just going to get better. No reason to fret. No reason to cry.

I couldn't help but smile, after all that was the best way to get past the bad stuff right? Moving the now cooked eggs to a plate I hurried to take it to Laverna along with some fruit. When I set it in front of her, she didn't say a word and just began to eat, slowly like always. I quickly backed out of the room thankful for the silence.

Now was the time that I had to myself. I hurried upstairs not daring to run, in case of a repeat of last time, even if she was still eating. I knew that if I hurried to brush hair, brush teeth, get something for breakfast, and all that other kind of stuff, then maybe I'll have time to sneak a peek at some of Laverna's notes.

I knew it was bad for me to do, but I couldn't help it now. Whenever I knew that she was busy with something outside of her study I tended to sneak in and read her alchemy notes. That's how 

I had discovered that she even was an alchemist. Even being the only one that lived in a gigantic house with her, I never would have known that she could perform alchemy.

I don't know when I had started reading her notes, but now sometimes it could be what got me though the day. Most of it I didn't understand, like how to activate transmutation circles and all the different types. But I did know all about the many alchemists that she wrote about in her notes.

Such marvelous stories of alchemists, state alchemists in particular, going out and helping the people. I never quite understood why exactly Laverna had all this information but I did know that I certainly appreciated it.

There were two brothers in particular that I loved to read about the most. The older one, Edward Elric, was a state alchemist, and had been one for years. He was better known as the Fullmetal Alchemist, although Laverna hadn't figured out quite why, so I didn't know either. But then he had a little brother that traveled around with him helping him with all of his assignments. The thing was, the little brother wasn't a state alchemist, he just went around with his brother because he wanted to. Although oddly he was always reported as wearing a giant suit of armor and being a lot taller than his older brother, something that I found a lot of humor in.

Every story that I read about them just couldn't help but make me smile. Edward was known as "the Alchemist of the people," and together the brothers seemed to be able to do anything. They caught thieves, brought freedom to whole towns, and they were even have rumored to have gone up against homunculi. To think, homunculi existed and the Elric brothers had fought and supposedly won against them. That was a story that I would have loved to read.

Unfortunately, it seemed as though Laverna wasn't colleting any more information on the brothers ever since Edward had gone missing almost four years ago. The only thing that she had was something about the younger brother still doing alchemy and helping out around the country a few times, despite that he wasn't a state alchemist.

I couldn't help but feel bad for this unnamed little brother though, all those years he had been with his brother and then Edward had just disappeared. Supposedly he was dead, but I hoped he wasn't for the little brother's sake. I couldn't even imagine how hard it was for him. Sure I didn't have any parents, but I had never really met my parents. I couldn't even remember their faces. Laverna was the closest thing I had ever had to family, but I didn't really want her as a part of my family.

While part of me still felt bad for Laverna and didn't think she was bad really, I knew that in the end, I didn't want this life.

I had read some of Laverna's reports that were from about a year ago, when there had been a strange battle in central with suits of armor and flying machines, that Edward Elric was said to have been there. Although most seem to disagree with this knowledge because the battle was short and afterwards he was nowhere to be found. Still I hoped that he had been there, and that his little brother had gotten to see him, maybe even talk to him.

As much as I hated to admit it, sometimes I dreamed that the Elric brothers would come swooping in and take me away from this life. What notes there were of the boy's hometown, Resembool, I thought that would be a nice place to live. Not so much snow. I smiled at the thought.

Not so much having the Elric's saving me, but more so me having a family that always would stay by my side and cared for me. Wouldn't that be nice.

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm—Winston Churchill

Normally I won't have an author's note here but I had something to say just for this chapter. There will always be a quote at the end of the chapter that has something to do with the chapter. That's it, trust me Ed, Al, Winry, and maybe some others, will be in this and they will play a big part. Just trust me.