A/N: I hate making up titles and usually try to draw them from songs. This title, if you know the song by Wynona, has nothing to do with the story, but it was the only thing I could come up with besides "Demons," and, as much as I love that song, it's title is currently overused.
The second thing I hate is story descriptions. I hope the one above isn't too dorky. :D
The reader should note that this is a sequel to my story, All This Time. It would be a good idea to read that first since most of this won't make any sense without it. Also, the one-shot "The Pool" is referenced here, and at least one other time in the story.
Please note, as well, this does not take place within MCU or Comicbook canon. It's somewhat compliant up to TWS because I started the series before that film was released. So, if you don't like A/U, well, you shouldn't watch the movies, just read the comics. ;)
Please R&R. Note that if you leave an anonymous negative review it will be deleted. I happen to also hate the way FFN does comments as 1) the author cannot respond to anonymous comments, and 2) When the reader looks at comments it seems as if the author hasn't responded at all. They need to fix this issue, it's probably why so many people go to AO3, well, probably just me. Other people go because AO3 is a million times easier to use and navigate. :D
"Everyone has their weak spot. The one thing that...will always bring you to your knees, regardless of how strong you are otherwise" - Dessen.
Steve was in that place between sleeping and waking, where everything was always as it should be, and none of the terrible things had happened. In the first year, or so, after waking in New York, he was sharing the dance with Peggy he never had, surrounded by the friends who had long since passed. At the end of the dance he would lean down to kiss her, but, to his misery, he would always wake just before their lips met. Then, something changed. One night he got that kiss but when he pulled away it wasn't Peggy smiling at him, it was Maria. After that, Peggy rarely visited him in any dreams.
For the past six months, the place had been occupied by the hope that what was happening with Maria wasn't real at all. In this space he would find himself with Maria wrapped in his arms as they woke together, he would kiss the top of her head and say, "Maria, I just had the worst nightmare."
"Really? I was hoping that sleeping with me would produce pleasant dreams."
Steve's eyes shot open in a flash and he looked around him, then down at the woman in his arms wearing a sleepy grin and...
"Uh, Maria," he swallowed hard to fight the rising panic. "How did you get my shirt?"
She smiled and pulled herself up to kiss him gently.
"Relax, you've still got yours on," she said. "I stole this from you a long time ago."
"You did?"
He really wasn't sure what else to say. If anyone had told him yesterday that this morning he would wake in Maria's bed, with Maria in his arms, he would have considered them the biggest fool. But now he was here and he was the one feeling the fool. He kept opening his mouth to say something to her, but no words would come. Finally he shook his head and smiled, then leaned in to kiss her.
Deepening the kiss, he reveled in the way her lips felt against his, the way her body felt in his arms. He ran one hand up her back into her hair and pressed himself against her. He didn't think he could get close enough to her. He felt as if in this moment he could, and wanted to, forget everything. Who he was. Who she was. SHIELD. The Avengers. The past and future. Nothing mattered more than this one moment.
Slowly, though, he noticed his physical reaction to her and knew he needed to cool things down. He cupped her face with one hand and pulled back, then worked to catch his breath.
"This is dangerous," he said.
"Yes, it is," she agreed.
He looked into her eyes and smiled at what he saw there. Her trust in him, her care for him, had returned to them and Steve thought that if he died in this moment, he would have had everything he ever needed.
She touched his face gently and smiled.
"I love you too much to make you do something I know you're uncomfortable doing," she said.
For the second time since he awoke, Steve found himself rendered speechless. He wanted to say something, anything, to tell her how happy he was to hear those words from her. But no words came to mind, nothing he could think to say could adequately convey his feelings. So he just smiled a surprised smile at her.
After a few moments, her demeanor changed, but before Steve could ask what was wrong, Maria said, "I'm sorry."
Steve was confused for a second and replayed the events of the morning to figure out what she was sorry for.
"For making me the happiest I've ever been?" he asked, unable to land on anything significant.
She shook her head, her face becoming more serious as a sadness crept into her eyes.
"For what I've done to you these past months," she said.
"I don't care about that anymore," he told her, but she only shook her head at him again.
"It's important that we deal with this if we are going to move on," she said. "I can't let you sweep it under the rug. I'm glad you are happy, but you haven't been because I've been such a b-."
Steve put his hand quickly on her lips and shook his head vigorously.
"Not even you can use that word to describe yourself," he said, and tried to be as stern as he could considering the level of contentment he had recently achieved.
She smiled at him again.
"I really do love you, Steve," she said, as she kissed his palm before he moved his hand away from her face.
He turned onto his side, keeping her next to him wrapped in one arm and propping himself up on the elbow of the other.
"I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to say that now," he told her. "You know, I've always known you did."
She nodded to acknowledge that fact.
"I took advantage of that," she said. "I knew you wouldn't mind, so I kept it from you because..."
She paused, and Steve watched her war with her desire for self-protection.
"You don't have to tell me the reason," he said.
She looked up at him quickly, a brief question in her eyes before she could contain the shadow of doubt that had quickly flashed on her face.
"I want you to tell me," he assured her. "But only when you're ready. I want to know everything there is to know about you, but only when you want to tell me."
"I was so stupid," she said, as moisture filled her eyes.
Despite the closeness of their relationship it was a rare thing for Maria to cry in front of him. Steve could still count on one hand the times she had, including the previous night.
She buried her head in his chest and he held her and stroked her hair.
"I was so afraid, so I ran," she whispered. "I should have told you, but by the time I came to my senses I knew you'd never want me back."
She pulled back and looked at him. He wiped his thumb across her cheek to dry her tears.
"I should have known you weren't like other people," she said.
"In that I love you more than any other possibly can, yes," Steve said. "But I'm not perfect. I still make huge mistakes. Like, well, like the other night."
He felt himself blush in embarrassment as he thought how he had lost all sense of reason and knocked her out using a pressure point just so she wouldn't go to her boyfriend.
"It was my fault, I drove you to it," Maria said.
"No," Steve said firmly. "Never blame yourself for someone's wrong actions toward you. I was really out of control by that time."
He felt himself grow warm again, thinking about that night.
"Even when you kissed me?" she asked, a smile starting on her face. "Because that felt very controlled."
Steve surprised even himself by issuing a growl and burying his face in her neck. He spoke to her between the slow kisses he laid along the column of her neck.
"Do you have any idea what kissing you does to me?" he asked, his voice husky with the desire he forced himself to control.
"Not exactly," she laughed, and Steve thought it was the most beautiful thing he had heard in ages.
He raised his head so he could see her smile and she kissed him.
When she pulled away, she rubbed his face with the back of her fingers.
"But I look forward to finding out one day."
Steve stared at her as the meaning of her words sank in. Then he smiled and felt his own eyes tear up as he pulled her into his embrace.
A knock at the door broke the moment and Steve yelled at the offending party.
"Go away."
Maria gasped, "Steve, you're not supposed to be here, you know."
He just laughed and kissed her.
Another knock and Bruce's voice came through the door.
"Everything alright, Maria?"
"Banner, I thought you were a genius," Steve yelled again.
Maria was trying, and failing, to control her laughter.
"How can you not understand what 'go away' means?" he finished through his own laughter.
"Damn it, Rogers," Tony's voice came through the door now. "Zip up your pants. We have work to do."
Steve bit his tongue, he wasn't laughing now. He thought of a few thing he wanted to do and say to Tony right then, but before he could act on them he felt Maria touch his lips with her finger. He looked at her and she cocked an eyebrow at him.
"Want me to go out there and defend your honor?" she asked, the smirk on her face so much like the old days it caused his insides to twist.
He looked at the door and pretended to think about it until she playfully slapped his arm and started to extricate herself from his embrace.
He mock whined and she laughed.
"Come on, soldier," Maria said, pulling at his hand to get him out of her bed.
He slowly obeyed, then, watching her watch him out of the corner of his eye, he grabbed his shoes and put them on. He walked toward the door and waited for her. Leaning down, he gave her as brief a kiss as he could manage.
He was about to open the door when Maria grabbed his arm. He wondered if there was any way to stall the others, or maybe make up some lame order just to get them to go away so he could spend more time with her.
But when he turned back to Maria her face was serious so he forced himself to sober.
"Steve, I wouldn't have gone the other night," Maria informed him. "With Matt, I mean. After you showed up, I couldn't. I knew you were serious and that I was being foolish."
Steve thought about her words a moment, then the guilt of what he did began to weigh upon him.
"Don't feel bad about what happened," she said. "We'll work that out later. I just wanted you to know that you showing up that night, trying to get me to stay away from him, was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me."
Steve thought of all the suffering he knew she'd gone through in her life. It hurt him to think that his kindness was something she'd known so rarely.
He touched her face and pressed his lips to hers again.
"Oh, for crying out loud," they heard Tony from outside. "If you two don't stop lip-locking."
Quickly, Steve pulled away and opened the door. He came face to face with Ironman. Pushing him aside, he stepped out of Maria's quarters into the gawking view of the other Avengers.
He stared at them a moment, trying to assess their varying degrees of surprise. He was momentarily stunned that he'd apparently surprised even Black Widow, who raised her eyebrows and ran her eyes up and down him, and Steve found himself dealing with the irrational fear that his fly might be open. He didn't want them to get even more of the wrong impression.
Clearing his throat he began to walk across the open courtyard to his own quarters. He was half-way there when he heard Maria whistle behind him, an odd act in itself, but when he turned she was standing in her door in what appeared to be only his t-shirt, and holding his uniform shirt in her hand.
"You forgot something, soldier," she said, her voice conveying things that he normally tried to not think about, and he felt the heat of embarrassment rise on his face.
He walked back through his teammates to take the shirt from her.
"What are you doing?" he whispered, more than a little confused by her behavior.
"Staking my claim," she said, with her sly smile, then she tilted her head to indicate a spot behind him.
Steve turned and looked.
More than a few women from the base had gathered and were watching him. This wasn't the first time it had happened. But this was the first time Maria had openly acknowledged their relationship in a physical way. He knew that the attention he constantly received from other women had always put her on edge. He'd always thought her too private a person to do what she had just done. But as he weighed all he'd learned of her in the past few days he realized that maybe it was more that she had been too insecure in their relationship. Steve considered the implication of her act for a moment, then smiled and turned to her.
"Well, let's make sure they really get the idea," he told her, playing along with her game, and enjoying every second of it.
He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her close as he lowered his lips to hers for a slow kiss.
Behind him he heard Tony groan and mumble something about puking up his breakfast.
Finally, he allowed reason have its way with him and he pulled away. They really were here to do a job, after all.
"I love you," he told her.
She smiled up at him, "I love you, too."
He turned, and walked back to his quarters, slinging his shirt over his shoulder and whistling a tune he'd learned years before. As he approached the door, he turned back to his friends. He could see Maria behind them, still standing in the doorway. He smiled at her, then turned to Clint.
"Don't worry, Barton," he said. "You're still going to win the pool."
Steve laughed as that garnered raised eyebrows and wide eyes from the whole group, and an expletive from Stark, who was still hiding behind his Ironman mask.
A/N: Well, that was just a little clean-up from the last story. I needed to make them happy again, huh? At least until I make them miserable, also again. :D
So, I have the first few chapters done, as well as the epilogue. I normally wait until it's almost completely done but I've been putting off writing this coz I am trying to write more action in this story and it hasn't been easy for me. I'm more of an inner thoughts/turmoil kind of person, I guess. :D Anyway, hopefully having a deadline will motivate me. I'll be posting one chapter a week so I can have time to work on the later chapters.
Please, stop by my dreamwidth. Been trying to post more articles and helps on writing and stuff I'm learning about writing. And tons of Arrow videos as that is my new obsession. :) captainhillshipper dot dreamwidth dot org