Well, well, well, its been a very long time since I've posted anything new. Since the time I've been away, I have been recently pulled into the anime series Naruto and fallen head over heels in love with it. Hence begins a new series of fanfic one-shots. I hope you all enjoy, as I present you with my first Naruto fanfic, "Beautiful Apathy." Enjoy!!! Reviews are loved!
Disclaimer: *sigh* No. I don't own Naruto. I'm just borrowing the charries, I'll put them back when I'm done!
"Sasuke-kun!"
Sakura called out to the dark haired boy who was walking away. His footsteps were quiet against the ground, but each and every one resonated terrible fear and desperation within the girl's soul. This couldn't be happening! She needed him! He couldn't do this!
He didn't stop. He just kept walking. Every footstep against the ground was like a dagger in her heart. She knew that Sasuke only thought of her as an annoyance, someone who was always in his way, holding him back, weighing him down, but did she mean so little to him that he would walk away without even listening to what she had to say? Did he not respect her to give her even that?
She decided it didn't matter if he did or not. He mattered to her, and she was going to make him see it, even if she had to beat it into him. She'd do that for him. He wasn't in his right mind. She had to help him regain his senses. He couldn't possibly believe in his heart that going to Orochimaru would help anything.
But in her own heart, she felt a terrible twinge of fear. She knew deep in her soul, the part of her she hated existed, because it was a voice of truth, that Sasuke did believe Orochimaru would help him, would help him in his never ending quest for power and revenge. At one time, that fear would have held her back and bound her in silence and silent anguish. Now she ran forward, determined to not let Sasuke get away.
"Sasuke-kun!" she called again, catching up to him and grabbing his shoulder, spinning him around.
He reacted immediately. He grabbed her wrist, spun her, and flung her away just as easily as if she was a rag. She landed on her feet and skidded and walked back to him, frightened by his strength and how easily he used it against her but it didn't deter her. Fear would no longer hold her back. Not when it came to Sasuke.
"What do you want, Sakura, I have to go." He said, his voice cold and controlled like it always was.
Pain welled up inside her heart, like a fountain gushing water."Sasuke-kun, you don't have to go." She said, her voice soft and pleading. "You don't have to do this."
"Yes I do. You will never understand Sakura. Just go. Go back to the village and leave me to this." He turned to walk away.
"No!" she yelled. She snatched him again and this time didn't let him throw her off. She held onto him and grabbed a fistful of his silky black hair, hair she'd dreamed of touching for years. "Listen to me, it's not worth it! If you go to him, you will be throwing your entire life away! Please, believe me!"
He pushed her off again, breaking their contact. She could see his black eyes hardening up, but his tone was still the same as it always was. Cold and reserved.
"It's worth it to me." He said, no emotion passing across his face. Sakura's body shook, hearing the utter clarity in the boy's voice.
"Sasuke, please. Don't do this." She begged. She was so close to tears, but she was determined not to cry. Crying was weak to Sasuke. If he didn't hate her now, he would after she started crying, she was sure of it.
"Why not, Sakura? This is what I want." He said calmly, tucking his hands lightly into his pockets, staring at her with his black eyes, so cool and calm, like nothing was happening. Like her world wasn't crashing down around her.
"I love you, Sasuke-kun." She whispered, staring straight into his eyes, her hands clenching into fists at her sides as a breeze ruffled her pink hair. "I love you and I'm willing to do whatever I have to do."
"To do what?" Sasuke asked lazily, his tone projecting boredom. Every word chipped a part of her heart away and crushed it, but she didn't care. She loved him. She wasn't going to lose him.
"To stay with you." She whispered. She knew she was signing away the only chance of respect he might ever give her. She realized it. But it didn't matter. She wasn't going to lose him, not if she had anything to say about it.
He did the worst possible thing he could do. He did the thing that made her heart go from being chipped away at to being shattered in the space of about five second.
He laughed.
He laughed, his cold hard chuckle bubbling past his lips, taking dagger like claws to her heart and shredding it into hundreds of pieces. Beneath her skin, her body was screaming in emotional agony. She hated that he could do this to her. But even more, she hated that she still loved him.
"You don't even know me, Sakura." He said coldly, his laughter fading. "You don't know me, and you won't ever know me. You, and all the rest of the girls, and even Naruto, won't ever know me, because you all like to create the same lie about me to yourself, just so you can like me. Well, you can spare yourself the trouble. I don't need to be liked by any of you. I really couldn't care less." He hissed the word. "I have an ambition, and that's the only thing that matters."
"Then I'll help you!" Sakura pleaded as he started to turn to walk away. "I'll help you! I'll do whatever you want, whatever you ask. I'll help you kill the man you're after. I'll go with you to Orochimaru." She said, trying to keep the stuttering out of her voice, amazed at herself that she could say something so revolting so easily when it came to Sasuke.
He snorted. "I don't believe you."
He turned and started to walk away. She stood there, stunned for a moment before she lunged after him. She grabbed a fist full of his shirt before he whirled and struck her hard in the head. She dropped to the ground like her bones had evaporated.
"Sorry, Sakura." He said, looking down at her. There was nothing in his tone to say that he meant it, but in his eyes, there was the tiniest flash of something other than his cold, unfeeling gaze. There was something lurking beneath the dark light that usually glinted there.
It gave her hope. It gave her the smallest sense of hope. And for now, that would have to be enough.
This was it. It had come to this. She was going to have to kill him. She was going to have to kill Sasuke. The boy she'd loved, the only one she'd ever loved, who she still loved, even after all this time. She was going to have to kill him, because if she didn't, he was going to destroy everything she'd fought for her in her entire life. And as much as she loved him, his life was not worth the lives of the people who she was fighting for now. Not Naruto, Kakashi, or anybody else in Konoha. Sasuke had become a monster. And no matter what, that was the brutal truth, and she wasn't going to let him destroy anything else important to her.
"You think you can kill me?" Sasuke scoffed at her. "You really think you can?"
"I know I can!" she snapped back. Her hand gripped her knife deftly, poised to lunge and strike.
"Liar." He hissed. And then they clashed.
It was a whirling blur of colors, lines, skin, hair, and burning flashing eyes as they fought with each other, trying to land a blow. Sakura's body worked in double overtime, trying to keep up with Sasuke's speed and strength, not to mention his Shangiran which was going to make it next to impossible to kill him.
"Is that the best you can do, Sakura?" he taunted her as they finally split and broke apart, standing several feet away, gasping for air after their furious clash.
Sakura straightened her body and glared at him, readjusting her grip on the knife. "Is that the best you can do, Sasuke? You can kill Itachi, but you can't kill me?"
She knew the jab would make him fly into a rage. She was counting on that anger to make him blind, and in that blindness, she'd have one change. She made tiny, but necessary adjustments to her stance in the heartbeat of time it took for Sasuke to throw himself at her, hatred burning in his now red eyes.
They crashed to the floor, rolling repeatedly. Sakura seized her moment. She flung herself on top of Sasuke and rendered him immobile, pinning his body down with her weight, using her knees to crush his shoulders, making him howl with pain. The sound grated against her ears as she now laid her knife against his pale, sweat slicked throat.
He looked up at her, hatred, pain and something else shining in his unnervingly red eyes. Maniacal laughter bubbled up from his mouth, even as he squirmed beneath her. "You can't do it!" he laughed at her.
Sakura gritted her teeth and forced the blade closer but Sasuke just continued to laugh. "You can't!" His whole body seemed to shake with the force of his laughter, and every peal made her body burn.
She hated him, and she loved him, and what she hated more was that she wanted to be like him. She wanted to not care. She wanted to not feel anything so she could kill him. So she could protect everybody else she cared about. And his laughter was an insult to her. He knew she couldn't do it, and he was mocking her because of it. How could he be so cruel?
Because someone was this cruel to him.
That realization hit her so hard in that moment, it threatened to break her. "Sasuke." She said, looking down at him, her green eyes moist with tears.
"You can still change." She whispered, staring straight into his red eyes. "You can still change."
"You don't get it!" he spat at her, anger coloring his tone, all trace of laughter gone. "None of you have ever understood! And that's why I hate you all! If you would just understand and accept the fact that I don't want to change!"
He thrust her away, his amazing strength throwing her clear across the room. She crashed to the floor and he was on her in a split second. He kicked her knife away and snatched her up by the throat. His fist squeezed tight, cutting off her air supply.
"Understand this. I hate you all because none of you understand that this is what I am. This is me. Everything you see is me! And you are as sick as I am if you truly care about me."
Sakura clawed weakly at his hand as he choked off her air supply. Her heart was broken inside her chest, and she began to no longer see a reason to exist. Oh how she wished she didn't care! Why did she have to care? Why couldn't she be like him? He cared about nothing, and she knew he never cried for any of his old Team. But she cried for him, so many times that she was sure her tears could have filled a small ocean. If she didn't care, she could kill him and he would never be able to hurt anybody else ever again.
But she did care. Even now, as he was killing her, she did care. She still cared about him and she knew, even if she had another chance, she wouldn't be able to kill him.
She was vaguely aware of her body smashing into the ground as he flung her away. She lay there in a crumpled heap and finally let her tears spill down her face. She wept in her despair, knowing that she'd never reach the apathy she'd need in order to kill him. That beautiful apathy that made everything as crystal clear as the tears that washed the blood from her lips.