Flashback:
He saw me standing there, tears streaming down my face, "I just came to say good-bye love," and that's all I could say before he stormed out. "Roger.." I understood, he didn't want me or my baggage. I understood he wanted a life…with me I wasn't for sure…but I did know he didn't want to see me die. I didn't want to see me die..I didn't want to see anyone. "I need to go away.." "I know a place," Mark added, "..a clinic." "…a rehab?" Benny was no here, great! "Maybe, could you?" "I'll pay," he offered. Roger was now halfway down the block in his clunker he called a car. I cried, but he didn't hear. Good-bye love, good-bye love…hello….disease…
Present Day:
It's hard to concentrate lately, what with the noise and all. Rehab totally sucks ass! When I said that I needed to go away..I meant leave…runaway, escape all the fear of dying…maybe dying would have been better. "Room check!" Lolita, the nurse on my floor came to do her orderly "room check" as she called it. Ya, like we're really going to start using. 1. Why? 2. Where in the hell can we get some? It's not like we have the run of the place. We are on fucking lockdown 24/7 for god's sake! We can't even go to the bathroom alone. We have to be watched when we take a shower and they won't even let us shave! And let me tell you…I'm so close to being mistaken for a French woman it's not even funny! I can't sleep at night because the shaking is so bad, and it's hard staying awake because all the girls and some select chiquitas look and whistle. It's not so bad when you're living on the streets and they do it because then it's expected, but it's like they know what I'd be willing to do to even get a hit. Didn't I come here to get away from all that! How do you leave the past behind when it keeps finding ways to get to your heat? It reaches way down deep until it tears you apart!
It's the early morning now, about 3a.m. and everyone is asleep…everyone that is except me…I never sleep. The hall monitors have even gone for the night. Oh Roger! I miss you baby! I love him. Why couldn't I just tell him that? "Roger, I love you." It sounded so perfect in my mind, but so wrong out of my mouth. I need to find him! I check the rat-hole I've been cutting in the wall planning for my escape. Just a couple more bricks to remove..then..FREEDOM, then life, then…Roger! I grab my cutting tool that I've been using to get free. A crow bar I smuggled in at the beginning, pathetic, I know, but it got the job done…so far. "C'mon, c'mon..just a little bit more." I whispered to myself as I was slicing my way through the concrete. Almost there…YES! I quietly got off the floor and checked the door to make sure the coast was still clear. If I was busted now, I would see Roger forever! Great…one of the hall monitors was down the hall. But my adrenaline was pumping way too fast to care. I made a dummy of myself with my things from around my room, placed it on my bed and tucked myself in. I checked the door again and he was gone. Thank God! I quietly slid out of the rat-hole and creeped out of that hell deep into the darkness. Thankfully I grabbed my AZT and I was ready to find him. "Roger, baby, here I come!"