Okay, I had to write this 'cuz it was floating around in my head. It got triggered by Page of Cups review comments in 100 Steps to Somewhere stating that originally Cloud and Riku were going to break-up. If you like Cloud/Riku definitely check out any of her stuff.

Usual disclaimers apply and PLEASE, pretty please leave a comment.

The End of the Affair

In the past, silence was something I rarely took the time to note. It was simply a naturally occurring part of communication. I began to appreciate it greatly my first few months on Hollow Bastion. Silence meant I was still sane. No voice whispering in the back of my mind of darkness and power.

I'd never been a really big talker, often letting my actions express my thoughts and feelings. This sometimes troubled others. Some worried that I didn't know how to trust people, others just thought I was arrogant. I didn't socialize because I believed I was better than everyone else. At least my friends had understood me.

They always knew if I wanted to talk about things I would and respected my somewhat loner attitude. Selphie would childishly put on a frown and threaten that if I didn't start acting "normal", she'd get me with her jump rope. Tidus would ask once if he could help, then leave me be. Wakka was found of the "hit him in the back of the head with the blitzball" method of snapping me out of any negative mood. And all three were always up for a good fight.

Sora and Kairi, however, refused to let me get too caught up in myself. Whenever one of them, or more often both of them, found me lounging on the papou tree they had to come join me. Depending on the day, they'd either find a way to get me away from my self-proclaimed thinking (Sora called it brooding) spot or they'd simply stay there with me. I never minded our silences as we'd just hang out, watching the waves.

Right now, however, I would give just about anything to break the oppressive quiet that had formed.

Cloud was staring at the ceiling, blue eyes faintly glowing in the diffused moonlight. His breathing had steadied itself quickly as it usually did and he hadn't spoken a word since before we'd hit the bed in a tangle of limbs. Not that we had ever really been vocal during sex or even after it but something this time was different.

This silence was an uncomfortable prelude to a conversation that I somehow knew I wasn't going to like.

"This has to stop."

The words were spoken in Cloud's quiet tone, no infliction or emotion. While I knew I'd heard him, I couldn't process them. The silence returned, heavier than the first time as neither of us knew what to do next. For the moment, we did nothing.

We lay there, side by side separated by only a few inches. That was something that told me he was completely serious about this. We weren't big cuddlers but we had desperate needs for contact and after making love always had at least a hand or a length of leg touching the other.

Cloud finally turned his head toward me. His expression was neutral but something in his bright eyes glittered. "We have to end this."

"Why?" I found myself whispering. Something in me already knew the answer but I couldn't bring myself to bring that knowledge to the surface.

"You know why, Riku. I can see it in your eyes." Cloud shifted onto his side. "I don't want to be a substitute."

"You're not." I said with absolute honesty.

"Maybe not," He agreed slowly. "But you and I both know I'm not and never will be first in your heart."

I wanted to protest. I wanted to tell him it wasn't true but that would have been a lie. I loved Cloud. He had become the only positive thing I had through all of this darkness. He'd gotten me through the worst of it and I truly believed if we hadn't discovered each other, I would have been completely consumed. I owed everything to him.

I wasn't in love with him.

We studied each other for a long moment, each thinking our own thoughts. Neither of us would ever regret the time we've had together but he was right. It was time to move on.