"The only thing worse than a brat is a brat who's full of himself."

Elie de Rosen, 2014.

Harvey McKenzie was many things, but he wasn't stupid. He realized he had few friends. At school, people would snicker in his face or avoid him. In class, the seats around him resembled the no man's land of a World War One battlefield. During recess, his attempts to join the games of kickball or soccer would invariably be met with a groan. No wait, scratch that. He had been allowed to play last Monday, but only because Wilson had been sick and one of the teams had needed another player. The truth was, the only people willing to hang out with him, whether inside or outside school, were Lee, Sonya, and Paddy.

He found little comfort in his life with the Kids Next Door. The truth was that no team wanted to work with Sector W anymore. They spread tales that Harvey was outrageously unpleasant to his teammates and threw pointless tantrums on a routine basis. They were wrong of course. His tantrums were usually justified and his manners weren't unpleasant, just unusual. But still the false tales persisted. And as a result Global Command had lost faith in Sector W. For the past three months, since Numbuh 362 had stepped down, his squad had received a grand total of five assignments. Even those missions would probably have been entrusted to Sector V had they been available.

It didn't make sense. Sector W had an oustanding mission success rate in the KND: with the exception of the big scavenger hunt, the team had always gotten the job done. Last month, they had even retrieved the Delightful Children's cake-a feat no sector had achieved in fifteen years.

And who could believe that all these missions would have been successful without his guidance? It was he who had orchestrated the elaborate deception campaign to make Knightbrace think his newest dental center was about to be infiltrated (when in reality the KND simply needed time to repair their space cannon). It was he who had captured Captain Clean, by having his teammates drop trees on him. Most importantly, it was he who had figured out that the Delightful Children were using electronic flies to eavesdrop on Sector W and Sector V.

But enough of that nonsense. He needed to focus on his homework. Why did the American Revolution begin? Well, the two main causes were apparently taxation without representation and the desire to expand into Indian territory. But Harvey quickly realized that the textbook was flawed. It said nothing about the immense distance between Britain and its colonies, and the desire for western expansion was actually negligible. Clearly he needed a more reliable textbook, or perhaps a textbook written by English, French, or German authors.

No, no, no, no. This wasn't working. He needed to deal with his problem now. He was a model student and an invaluable member of the science Olympiad team. He consistently lent his help to those smart enough to ask for it. So why was he treated like an outcast?

Okay, so maybe he reacted a little aggressively when people touched him. But who could blame him? It hurt to be touched! If Harvey started clapping people on the shoulder, they would probably shout at him too! And it wasn't just him-his grandfather didn't like being touched either. But only his family seemed to grasp that fact. The others thought Harvey's grandfather was simply trying to make him feel better. As for the six shrinks he'd successively visited, their diagnosis meant nothing: they were obviously working for the enemy. The idea that he had bratty-itis was preposterous. No kid was nicer to his parents and siblings than he.

Right then, the legislation. First, there was the Navigation Act and the Molasses Act. What did they involve?

Then there was his reputation for selfishness. Where had that come from? The only time when he could truly remember having acted selfishly was three months ago, during the scavenger hunt. He had refused to give up Father's pipe despite knowing that keeping it would arouse the villain's anger. With hindsight, he realized he had been justified in taking the pipe, since Father was always angry at the KND. But at the time, the gesture had indeed been selfish.

The basic problem was that the community enjoyed antagonizing him. To remedy the problem, he could ask Rachel for help. However, he already depended on his sister far too much as it was, so that option was out. Therefore, the only alternative was to talk to people himself. But what if they denied the accusations?

Harvey swept aside his history homework. It was no use; he was too flustered to focus. Maybe a walk to Konami playground would do him some good. He stood up and went downstairs. "I'm going to the playground, mom! If I'm not back by nightfall, don't worry." he shouted at the door.

"Did you finish your homework, dear?"

Harvey didn't bother answering-he always did his homework.

To his satisfaction, the playground was deserted. He ran to one of the swings and kicked off the ground.

He loved swinging at full speed. It gave him a rush of sweet exhilaration-the same emotion he derived from piloting the S.C.A.M.P.E.R. or leading Gallagher Elementary to victory at Science Olympiad. Now...about his earlier problem : how was he supposed to approach people?

"Numbuh 363? It's Numbuh 84."

Reluctantly, Harvey jumped off the swing and unclipped his walkie-talkie from his belt.

"What is it, Numbuh 84?"

"Just got a message from the Moonbase. Global Command wants to give us an assignment."

Harvey felt his exhilaration return. "Are you sure? What's it about?"

"Don't know, but the Supreme Leader wants to brief you in person. She's waiting for you at the Moonbase."

"Tell her I'm on my way."

Without another thought, Sector W's leader raced back to his house. To the camouflaged hole in the lawn, which gave access to the team's auxiliary subterranean hangar. To the rusting S.C.A.M.P.E.R., which lay parked at the center of the dusty, unlit cave. He buckled up and set a course for the moon.

When they arrived at the Moonbase, ten minutes later, Harvey eagerly made for the Command Bridge room. He wondered what assignment Numbuh Five had in store for them. Well, he would find out soon enough. As the operative reached the door to the Supreme Leader's antechamber, his excitement mounted. The wind was finally blowing his way.

Or maybe it wasn't. He had scarcely entered the plasteel antechamber when four people pounced on him. Two of them handcuffed his hands, whilst two more grabbed his shoulders. Harvey recognized them as Decommissioning Guards.

"What the heck are you doing? Let me go!" he demanded.

"Well done girls." said Numbuh 86. She was far removed from the rest of the group, at the other side of the room. "Take him to the Decommissioning Chamber and let's get this over with."

"Decommissioning?!" Harvey yelled fearfully. He felt the familiar tingling warmth of fear spread on the back of his neck. "What are you talking about, Numbuh 86?!"

"I'm sorry, Numbuh 363, but you're being decommissioned." replied Numbuh 86 in a downcast voice. He didn't recognize that, anymore than the bashful expression she was wearing. "Numbuh Five feels that you've become a liability. She says that you've got an incurable case of bratty-itis."

"WHAT?! How many times do I have to tell you morons! I do NOT have bratty-itis!"

"Yes, that's how I reacted at first. Now if you'll excuse me..." she began to amble away.

"What's bratty-itis?" he heard Numbuh 92 whisper to Numbuh 91.

"It's what the name says. Apparently you catch by not receiving enough love from your parents. Or too much of it."

"That sounds awful. So which category does Harvey fit into?"

"Numbuh 86, wait! Can I at least talk to Numbuh Five?!"

"Don't bother. She doesn't want to see you. She's worried you'll put up a fight."

"But she can't decommission me because of some made-up medical condition! That's a violation of article 2 section 5!"

"Not anymore, Harvey. Numbuh Five changed the rules yesterday. She can do that, remember?"

"But-this doesn't-so what?! As Head of Decommissioning, you can challenge her decision. Then the High Council will decide who's right."

To his consternation Fanny-after blinking stupidly-shook her head forcefully. "It wouldn't do any good. The High Council hates me."

There was no arguing that point. Regularly the High Council held a debate on whether they should dismiss Fanny from her post. Had it not been for her generous bribes, she would be long gone by now. But that was okay. With a little effort, Harvey could turn any problem into an opportunity.

"Then bribe them with some cookies, genius! You get them for free from your local girl scouts."

"Bribe them with-what are ya talking about?! I would never bribe any of my colleagues!"

"Yes you would. And you've been doing it a lot lately."

"And what makes you think that?"

Harvey motioned toward a multi-coloured beady bracelet on Fanny's right wrist. "You've been wearing a girl-scout bracelet for three months now-ever since your job's been under threat. Also, for the past three months attacks on girl scouts have mysteriously been receiving more KND assistance. Oh and I almost forgot, hardly anyone eats the cookies from the High Council lounge anymore. The conclusion: you've been paying off your executive pals not to fire you with some better-tasting cookies." Harvey stopped to draw his breath. In his spite of predicament, he smiled from ear to ear.

But though the guards were shocked or impressed, Fanny wasn't. Instead she scoffed haughtily. "Okay, so maybe I have given a few gifts here and there. But even if I did want to help you, I couldn't. I only have two hundred cookies left and I'm saving them for a personal emergency."

"Then I'll buy you some replacement boxes. Now let me go." He spoke as politely as possible but let a shade of impatience color his voice. They needed to wrap up this negotiation now-it wasn't safe talking just outside the Supreme Leader's work station.

"How? You've got no money!" she countered, placing her hands on her hips and growing tomato-faced.

Harvey waved a hand brusquely. "I'll find some. Just give me six hours. You have time-the next High Council meeting isn't until tomorrow morning."

She bit her lips nervously, fiddled with her comlink, and glanced around for any potential eavesdroppers. He could almost hear the cogs turning in her mind, but wasn't worried anymore. He would get his way in the end, as he always did.

"All right." she conceded finally. " You win. I'm going to take you to my spaceship. Walk in front of me."

"Hold it right there, Numbuh 86!"

Fanny turned chalk-white, and Harvey could see why. Standing in the entrance of the Command Bridge room was Numbuh 65.3, in all his stiff-necked, nerdish glory.

"I have a message from Numbuh Five." he declared. "She wants to see you right now. She heard everything you've been saying. Numbuh 99, you're in charge now. Complete your squad's mission."

With that, Numbuh 65.3 strutted back into the Command Bridge room. Thankfully, Fanny's moment of terror had been brief. Looking ready for a good fight, she marched after Numbuh 65.3.

The four remaining guards surrounded Harvey menacingly. "It's over, Numbuh 363." said Numbuh 99. "Start walking."

At first Harvey complied, knowing it wasn't safe to talk in the Antechamber. They shuffled through the Antechamber's other entrance and into an adjacent elevator. Their stop was a corridor three floors below.

Once the group had gotten out, Harvey made his move. He crossed his arms, refused to move an inch further, and fixed Numbuh 99 in the eyes. "You don't have to do this, Alex. I can help you out with your schoolwork. I know you haven't been doing well in math class; I've seen your test results."

He saw the other boy's mouth open slightly, saw his drowsy eyes widen. But only briefly. In the time it took for Harvey to exhale slightly, Numbuh 99's face had hardened and he let out a feeble laugh. "Are you crazy? Why should I help you? It's completely against the rules."

"It is not. You heard Numbuh 86. My sentence can be overruled."

Alex said nothing, so he continued. "Come on, you know I'm an expert at algebra. And just think how much easier your life will become. No more forgeries, no more detentions, no more groundings. Plus, you won't have anymore trouble sleeping at night."

The Decommissioning Squad's second in command shook his head vacantly. "How do you know all this stuff? I haven't told anyone."

"Maybe not, but anyone could have figured it out. You've been eating spinach to make yourself smarter-it was on the Nightly News last month. My sources tell me you've been absent a lot in the past three weeks but you won't explain why. Plus, I saw you with a math paper sticking out of your pocket last week. Oh, and you look really tired."

Alex blinked foolishly, obviously baffled by Harvey's deductive feat. "Uh, right. Okay. I''ll admit it's tempting. I guess we could arrange a cover up. Let you go and tell Number Five that you've been decommissioned."

It's was Numbuh 91 turn to appear baffled. "Are you seriously considering this, sir?"

"You bet I am. Take off his handcuffs, Numbuh 91. He's free to go."

But Numbuh 91, that paragon of ruthlessness and duplicity, refused the order. "With all due respect sir," she observed, her voice silky and collected, "if we get caught, all of us will get decommissioned too."

"No we won't. We'll just say that we wanted to postpone Numbuh 363's decommissioning until the High Council takes a vote." retorted Numbuh 95 sharply. "Besides, who could decommission us? We control the process, remember? No one can stop us."

Alex's reaction was lightning-fast."I don't like your attitude, Numbuh 95. We have to be responsible for the sake of the Kids Next Door. And I don't want this deal, Numbuh 363. Sorry."

"Why not?!" repeated Harvey, incredulous. "How could any of you get caught?"

Alex's response was to motion to the walls. "There are six security cameras in this hallway, which are recording what we're saying. I don't want to end up like Numbuh 86."

"You don't even know if Numbuh 86 is in trouble. What is you're scared of?"

"I'm scared that if I go behind the Supreme Leader's back and she finds out, she won't trust me anymore."

"Then don't go behind her back! Ask her to postpone the decommisioning."

"He does have a point, Numbuh 99." added Numbuh 95 tactfully. "What do we have to lose by asking?"

But almost immediately, Numbuh 91 shouted his disapproval. "No way, no way. We can't challenge dishonorable decommissionings. It would set a really bad precedent."

"I don't care about the future!" vociferated Harvey. "I care about myself." Numbuh 95 edged closer to him. She shook her head spastically, causing her sandy pigtails to bounce around like tentacles. "I can't let you do this, Numbuh 99. Each of us took an oath to treat our teammates fairly. This is not fair."

"We also took an oath to follow the rules." Numbuh 91 riposted coldly. "It doesn't matter how stupid or crazy they seem."

Numbuh 99 crossed his arms. "Are you challenging my authority, Numbuh 95?" Without waiting for an answer he surreptitiously dug into his pocket and produced a B.L.A.Z.E.R. Big mistake, for the pig-tailed girl imitated him. "Oh come on! Get off your soapbox Alex! I don't care how much of a jerk Harvey is. It's not his time to go!"

Numbuh 92, who had a well-earned reputation for being a nonentity, mumbled something about checking to see how Numbuh 86's meeting with the Supreme Leader was going.

"You need to shut up, Numbuh 92. I've got enough problems without you interfering." snapped Numbuh 99.

Perhaps Numbuh 92 had always been badly treated by Numbuh 99, and his patience had reached its limits, or maybe he was just a decent kid. In any case, he backed away from his superior, pulled out a B.L.A.Z.E.R., and took his place by Numbuh 95's side. Number 91 also extracted her weapon, but she was-predictably-working for the bad guys. Barely five feet separated the two groups, which only served to increase the tension.

"I'm asking both of you nicely." warned Alex tersely to the two rebels surrounding Harvey. "Put down your weapons, and complete our mission. Don't start acting all compassionate. We make this kind of sacrifice everyday, remember?"

"Not a chance." retorted Numbuh 92. "We won't go through with the mission, and we won't let you decommission Numbuh 363."

"You tell them, 92!" Harvey cheered him on. He couldn't have been more delighted by this turn of events. "Stand up to them. Fight them, if you have to!" Numbuh 95 aimed her gun at Numbuh 91, and soon all of them were essentially doing the same thing.

Then, surprisingly, Numbuh 95 lowered her B.L.A.Z.E.R. "All right." she uttered, sounding broken and weary. "You guys win. I'll follow my orders."

Numbuh 91 and 99 nodded at each other, smiling stupidly. "I knew you'd make the right choice, Martha." declared Alex. They proceeded to sheathe their weapons. Before Harvey could speak a word in outrage, however, Numbuh 95 struck. In two blindingly fast motions, she raised her B.L.A.Z.E.R again and fired four shots at Numbuh 91 and Numbuh 99's heads.

The two opponents never had time to retaliate. They crumpled to the floor, motionless. Thank Zero they weren't had been wearing their helmets, Harvey noted. Otherwise, Numbuh 95's gamble would have spectacularly failed.

Numbuh 92, trembling with shock, let his weapon clatter to the ground. "Oh no. No, no, no. What did we do? Martha, we're in so much trouble!"

But Numbuh 95 gave her teammate a firm clap on the back, although beads of sweat were falling from her brow."We won't get in any trouble, Peter. They won't tell what happened to the Supreme Leader, because if they do, it'll be my word and yours against theirs. Two against two."

"Does this mean I'm free to go?" cut in Harvey tartly.

"Yes." answered Numbuh 95 gravely, who was now busy shooting down the security cameras. "Run for it and never show your face to the Kids Next Door again. We'll take care of everything."

"But what about my handcuffs? Other operatives might suspicious if they see me running like this."

"No one else knows you were scheduled for decommissioning, pal." Numbuh 92 pointed out, as he checked his fallen teammates' pulses. "Now run!"

That was all the encouragement Harvey needed. He ran as if his life depended on it, as if he were being chased by a Were-Poodle or a Pound Cake. He would never again be Numbuh 363, and the heartbreaking realisation had only begun to set in, but at least he was free and unharmed. For the moment, it was all that mattered.