Disclaimer: I'm not the owner of "Sweet Valley" or any of its numerous
characters!
Summary: Conner goes to visit someone of the past, and finds something that gives him the courage to follow his heart.
A one-shot fic.
**
*
~ Invulnerable ~
*
** Twenty-three-year-old Conner McDermott turned off the main highway and continued on his way. The yellow lines of the road zipped past him in an almost hypnotic movement, and it was that movement that finally broke down the walls he'd built up in his own mind and allowed him to remember.
Her face swam into his inner vision and he clenched his jaw, angry at the ache that suddenly welled up inside him. Her bouncy hair, her slim, great body, her beautiful eyes . . . // Stop it, McDermott! //
Boy, but he'd screwed up big-time with her, and he knew it. He'd hurt her one too many times to expect anything from her ever again, and he couldn't afford to need her or want her because he couldn't afford to feel. He didn't want to feel a thing for her, because showing that he was vulnerable would only get him destroyed.
Which wouldn't happen. He was invulnerable. To her, most of all.
Yet his thoughts drifted inevitably to that last night he'd spent with her after graduation, and how completely beautiful it had been. The stars, the foam-frothing ocean, her body - his feelings as she lay in his arms, serenely asleep, had scared the hell out of him. He didn't want to lo - to care about her that much, he wanted to stay hard and walled-up!
And so he'd left . . . slipped out as the dawn broke over the coast and gotten into his car, never looking back. He hadn't gone back since, and although Megan had mentioned her a couple of times, he had never seen her again.
The pain had never quite faded, he reflected bitterly, if he was honest with himself. She haunted him in ways that no one else ever had or ever would and the only to get past her, to break free once and for all, was to see her one last time and say a final goodbye.
But even that terrified him, because he was afraid of what feelings she might evoke if he saw her again, and he knew that he could never let her in, never let her see how much he really felt - and he'd just have to hurt her again. And that killed a part of him.
Was he really about to do this?
It certainly seemed so.
Conner looked through his dark sunglasses at the sign that flashed past the old beat-up Mustang that he'd had from his high school days (a car he had never been able to give up because some part of him held on to the memories).
WELCOME TO SWEET VALLEY
"Yeah," he muttered softly. "Welcome home, Conner."
***
After seeing his mother and Megan for half an hour and then spending a surprisingly good hour with Andy and Evan at House of Java (which hadn't changed in five years), he felt better. He felt almost normal again, and realized how much he'd missed his friends and how much they really cared about him.
Slowly, he broached the subject of her.
Evan looked slightly awkward and Andy rubbed his neck. "Well, you know, McD, a lot of things changed after you left." Evan said slowly and carefully. "I don't think its up to Andy or me to tell you her entire story. You should probably see her."
Conner couldn't help but think about Evan's tone, even later. There was something definitely up, something - good or bad - had obviously happened to her -
He checked into the hotel and had a long shower. Emerging out of the bathroom, he found the phone book and looked up the number he needed. Megan had told him she'd moved out of her parents' house before college, and that her siblings were living out of town.
There it was. A small house in a good part of the town. She appeared to be doing okay; he felt a small pang of relief that she was all right. Was she living with someone? A guy?
His stomach clenched and he forced himself not to think about it. What was the damned purpose of coming here with the purpose of saying goodbye if he was going to feel crazy jealousy every time he thought of her with someone else?
Standing up again, he changed into a pair of jeans with a rip in one knee and threw on a chambray shirt haphazardly over his worn white tee shirt. He had to do this, if only to escape her haunting twines of inexplicable magic and prove to himself that he was indeed invulnerable.
***
The gravel path leading up to the door seemed to stretch on endlessly as Conner walked slowly up from his car, his hands in his pockets. He wondered if she was watching him from the window, whether she'd seen him -
He gulped and steeled himself angrily as he reached the door. He inhaled sharply and reached up to knock on the door.
After what seemed like years, Conner heard the door latch fumble and click and as it opened, he felt his heart slam into his rib cage.
But the person standing in the doorway wasn't her.
Conner found himself staring at a small boy, standing barely above Conner's knees, unquestionably adorable, in baby blue pajamas. The boy was rather with and had a very engaging, startlingly familiar smile, light brown hair and deep green eyes that focused up on Conner innocently and trustingly.
"Hi." He greeted cheerfully, sounding as small as he looked.
// Oh God, no // Conner felt something inside him shout. This couldn't be - there COULDN'T have been a guy! How could -
"Hey there." He managed weakly with a half-smile. "Is - is your - uh - mom here?"
The boy smiled. "Sure she is!" he said.
// Jessica's son, // Conner pleaded silently to himself, // Please be Jessica's son! I can't take the thought that she's married, I can't! //
"So - what's your name?" the boy asked innocently.
Conner swallowed. "Conner." He said. "What's yours?"
"Johnny," the little boy grinned. "Johnny W - "
The boy abruptly stopped as footsteps approached the door, and Conner stiffened as he heard that familiar, light, airy voice call, "Who is it, Johnny?"
"Conner for you, Momma!" Johnny called back.
Conner's heart plummeted. It was her son.
A moment later, she appeared the in the doorway behind her son, her aqua eyes incredulous. She looked as gorgeous as ever, slender and glowing, with that same shiny hair and beautiful smile that Johnny shared.
"Conner?" her voice was hoarse as she stared at him, looking as though she didn't believe it.
He somehow managed a weak smile. "Hey, Liz."
***
Her house was attractive and well decorated. Her mom had decorated it, she said, as she gave him a mug of coffee and sat down on the couch opposite him. Johnny flopped down next to her and snuggled up next to her. The sight tore at Conner's heart.
"So," he cleared his throat. "You've been - uh - busy."
She smiled rather wryly. "Yeah well, writing and taking care of a four-year- old son keeps you pretty busy, I guess."
"He's a great kid." Conner said sincerely, winking at Johnny, who winked back with a grin.
Elizabeth didn't miss the exchange; she smiled, but Conner couldn't help noticing there was a slightly sad touch to the smile. "Thanks, I know." She responded. "Johnny, why don't you go and bring down your building blocks and give Conner and me a minute to talk, all right?"
He gave her a mock-pout, then bounded up and dashed out of the room.
"Where's your husband?" Conner asked, cringing inwardly at how strained his voice sounded.
Her eyebrows lifted. "My husband? I don't have one, Conner, I've never been married, and at twenty-two, I should hope that's pretty obvious."
"But, you have a - " Conner was startled.
"A son? Yes, I'm well aware of that fact, thank you." Her eyes brimmed with a touch of anger, making them sparkle, and Conner felt a terrible surge of desire and it only made the ache in his heart grow heavier.
He had to stay strong.
"So this was what Evan meant," he muttered. "He and Andy told me things had changed."
"They've been a big help. I don't know what I would have done without them or Jess around to save my butt a heck of a lot of times. Single mom is a full career."
"Who was he?"
"Johnny's dad?" Elizabeth asked, smiling slightly. Conner noticed a photograph on the coffee table. It was of Elizabeth and Johnny, and there was a birth certificate lying next to the photograph.
Conner nodded, forcing himself to meet her gorgeous eyes again. "Yeah. I mean he is Johnny Wakefield after all, isn't he? So you obviously didn't keep much of a tie with the guy."
"Johnny's middle name is his father's first." She told him.
Once again, Conner looked down at the birth certificate. The name read 'John C. Wakefield'. He frowned and looked back at Elizabeth, fighting the urges inside him. "C?" he questioned, his voice growing a little harsh because of the jealousy and desire he was struggling to quell. "What does that stand for? Carl? Chuck?"
"Conner, actually." She snapped.
He froze, not quite sure he'd heard right. "Pardon me?" he croaked.
She shook her head. "I've only slept with one person in my lifetime, Conner, and we both know who that is. Apart from that, only you can be thickheaded enough not to notice Johnny's eyes and features and rakish manner - they're classic Conner McDermott!"
"I - I have a son?"
"Apparently."
"But why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.
She snorted. "Sure, Conner, I was going to find the number of the same guy who walked out before I could even open my eyes one morning and never bothered to tell me why. That seems like a great role model for a son!"
"I - " Conner felt a terrible guilt well up in him. "Liz, I'm so - so sorry. I didn't - I couldn't - "
"Can you tell me why now, Conner?" she asked quietly.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I was scared." He admitted, his voice so husky and soft that it didn't seem like he was speaking aloud. "I couldn't handle feeling what I felt - what I feel - for you, and escape seemed to be my only sanctuary, my only safety."
"Your only hope of keeping the walls up?"
"Yeah." He mumbled.
Elizabeth stared at him for a moment and then stood up. "And what do you feel for me, Conner?"
He thought about her, and about what he really wanted. And he thought about his son, an amazing, smart little kid who had already hit Conner in a place where it hurt the most - his heart. Finally, that little glimmer of hope gave way to what he realized later was courage.
"I love you, Liz." He said, walking over to her. "I love you more than anyone I've ever known, and I haven't been able to get you out of my head for five years. So if you ever decide you can forgive me for screwing up and hurting you the way I have, I'll be waiting. For you and Johnny."
He turned around and was about to head for the door when her voice stopped him.
"I don't want to make like Renee Zellweger in 'Jerry Maguire', Conner, but I forgave you the moment I set eyes on you again today."
That was all he needed. The next moment, he had his arms wrapped around her and he was kissing her with every fiery cell in his body, yearning and aching and finally feeling both their pent-up longing come out into what they could only call magic.
They only broke away when they heard Johnny's voice:
"Eewww!"
Conner and Elizabeth glanced at each other and they both laughed. "Come here, scamp!" Elizabeth reached for the boy and he raced into her arms. "I think you need to meet someone."
"Hi, Daddy." Johnny said, reaching over Elizabeth's arms to give Conner a hug that surprised him and made the last of his pain dissolve into nothing.
He found that he couldn't speak.
Elizabeth looked and him and gently leaned up to kiss him. "Kids have the best instincts, don't you think, Daddy?" she teased softly. "I think he knew you weren't quite so invulnerable long before I did."
**
THE END.
**
A/N: This is my first Sweet Valley fic, so please review and let me know! Thanks!
Summary: Conner goes to visit someone of the past, and finds something that gives him the courage to follow his heart.
A one-shot fic.
**
*
~ Invulnerable ~
*
** Twenty-three-year-old Conner McDermott turned off the main highway and continued on his way. The yellow lines of the road zipped past him in an almost hypnotic movement, and it was that movement that finally broke down the walls he'd built up in his own mind and allowed him to remember.
Her face swam into his inner vision and he clenched his jaw, angry at the ache that suddenly welled up inside him. Her bouncy hair, her slim, great body, her beautiful eyes . . . // Stop it, McDermott! //
Boy, but he'd screwed up big-time with her, and he knew it. He'd hurt her one too many times to expect anything from her ever again, and he couldn't afford to need her or want her because he couldn't afford to feel. He didn't want to feel a thing for her, because showing that he was vulnerable would only get him destroyed.
Which wouldn't happen. He was invulnerable. To her, most of all.
Yet his thoughts drifted inevitably to that last night he'd spent with her after graduation, and how completely beautiful it had been. The stars, the foam-frothing ocean, her body - his feelings as she lay in his arms, serenely asleep, had scared the hell out of him. He didn't want to lo - to care about her that much, he wanted to stay hard and walled-up!
And so he'd left . . . slipped out as the dawn broke over the coast and gotten into his car, never looking back. He hadn't gone back since, and although Megan had mentioned her a couple of times, he had never seen her again.
The pain had never quite faded, he reflected bitterly, if he was honest with himself. She haunted him in ways that no one else ever had or ever would and the only to get past her, to break free once and for all, was to see her one last time and say a final goodbye.
But even that terrified him, because he was afraid of what feelings she might evoke if he saw her again, and he knew that he could never let her in, never let her see how much he really felt - and he'd just have to hurt her again. And that killed a part of him.
Was he really about to do this?
It certainly seemed so.
Conner looked through his dark sunglasses at the sign that flashed past the old beat-up Mustang that he'd had from his high school days (a car he had never been able to give up because some part of him held on to the memories).
WELCOME TO SWEET VALLEY
"Yeah," he muttered softly. "Welcome home, Conner."
***
After seeing his mother and Megan for half an hour and then spending a surprisingly good hour with Andy and Evan at House of Java (which hadn't changed in five years), he felt better. He felt almost normal again, and realized how much he'd missed his friends and how much they really cared about him.
Slowly, he broached the subject of her.
Evan looked slightly awkward and Andy rubbed his neck. "Well, you know, McD, a lot of things changed after you left." Evan said slowly and carefully. "I don't think its up to Andy or me to tell you her entire story. You should probably see her."
Conner couldn't help but think about Evan's tone, even later. There was something definitely up, something - good or bad - had obviously happened to her -
He checked into the hotel and had a long shower. Emerging out of the bathroom, he found the phone book and looked up the number he needed. Megan had told him she'd moved out of her parents' house before college, and that her siblings were living out of town.
There it was. A small house in a good part of the town. She appeared to be doing okay; he felt a small pang of relief that she was all right. Was she living with someone? A guy?
His stomach clenched and he forced himself not to think about it. What was the damned purpose of coming here with the purpose of saying goodbye if he was going to feel crazy jealousy every time he thought of her with someone else?
Standing up again, he changed into a pair of jeans with a rip in one knee and threw on a chambray shirt haphazardly over his worn white tee shirt. He had to do this, if only to escape her haunting twines of inexplicable magic and prove to himself that he was indeed invulnerable.
***
The gravel path leading up to the door seemed to stretch on endlessly as Conner walked slowly up from his car, his hands in his pockets. He wondered if she was watching him from the window, whether she'd seen him -
He gulped and steeled himself angrily as he reached the door. He inhaled sharply and reached up to knock on the door.
After what seemed like years, Conner heard the door latch fumble and click and as it opened, he felt his heart slam into his rib cage.
But the person standing in the doorway wasn't her.
Conner found himself staring at a small boy, standing barely above Conner's knees, unquestionably adorable, in baby blue pajamas. The boy was rather with and had a very engaging, startlingly familiar smile, light brown hair and deep green eyes that focused up on Conner innocently and trustingly.
"Hi." He greeted cheerfully, sounding as small as he looked.
// Oh God, no // Conner felt something inside him shout. This couldn't be - there COULDN'T have been a guy! How could -
"Hey there." He managed weakly with a half-smile. "Is - is your - uh - mom here?"
The boy smiled. "Sure she is!" he said.
// Jessica's son, // Conner pleaded silently to himself, // Please be Jessica's son! I can't take the thought that she's married, I can't! //
"So - what's your name?" the boy asked innocently.
Conner swallowed. "Conner." He said. "What's yours?"
"Johnny," the little boy grinned. "Johnny W - "
The boy abruptly stopped as footsteps approached the door, and Conner stiffened as he heard that familiar, light, airy voice call, "Who is it, Johnny?"
"Conner for you, Momma!" Johnny called back.
Conner's heart plummeted. It was her son.
A moment later, she appeared the in the doorway behind her son, her aqua eyes incredulous. She looked as gorgeous as ever, slender and glowing, with that same shiny hair and beautiful smile that Johnny shared.
"Conner?" her voice was hoarse as she stared at him, looking as though she didn't believe it.
He somehow managed a weak smile. "Hey, Liz."
***
Her house was attractive and well decorated. Her mom had decorated it, she said, as she gave him a mug of coffee and sat down on the couch opposite him. Johnny flopped down next to her and snuggled up next to her. The sight tore at Conner's heart.
"So," he cleared his throat. "You've been - uh - busy."
She smiled rather wryly. "Yeah well, writing and taking care of a four-year- old son keeps you pretty busy, I guess."
"He's a great kid." Conner said sincerely, winking at Johnny, who winked back with a grin.
Elizabeth didn't miss the exchange; she smiled, but Conner couldn't help noticing there was a slightly sad touch to the smile. "Thanks, I know." She responded. "Johnny, why don't you go and bring down your building blocks and give Conner and me a minute to talk, all right?"
He gave her a mock-pout, then bounded up and dashed out of the room.
"Where's your husband?" Conner asked, cringing inwardly at how strained his voice sounded.
Her eyebrows lifted. "My husband? I don't have one, Conner, I've never been married, and at twenty-two, I should hope that's pretty obvious."
"But, you have a - " Conner was startled.
"A son? Yes, I'm well aware of that fact, thank you." Her eyes brimmed with a touch of anger, making them sparkle, and Conner felt a terrible surge of desire and it only made the ache in his heart grow heavier.
He had to stay strong.
"So this was what Evan meant," he muttered. "He and Andy told me things had changed."
"They've been a big help. I don't know what I would have done without them or Jess around to save my butt a heck of a lot of times. Single mom is a full career."
"Who was he?"
"Johnny's dad?" Elizabeth asked, smiling slightly. Conner noticed a photograph on the coffee table. It was of Elizabeth and Johnny, and there was a birth certificate lying next to the photograph.
Conner nodded, forcing himself to meet her gorgeous eyes again. "Yeah. I mean he is Johnny Wakefield after all, isn't he? So you obviously didn't keep much of a tie with the guy."
"Johnny's middle name is his father's first." She told him.
Once again, Conner looked down at the birth certificate. The name read 'John C. Wakefield'. He frowned and looked back at Elizabeth, fighting the urges inside him. "C?" he questioned, his voice growing a little harsh because of the jealousy and desire he was struggling to quell. "What does that stand for? Carl? Chuck?"
"Conner, actually." She snapped.
He froze, not quite sure he'd heard right. "Pardon me?" he croaked.
She shook her head. "I've only slept with one person in my lifetime, Conner, and we both know who that is. Apart from that, only you can be thickheaded enough not to notice Johnny's eyes and features and rakish manner - they're classic Conner McDermott!"
"I - I have a son?"
"Apparently."
"But why didn't you tell me?" he demanded.
She snorted. "Sure, Conner, I was going to find the number of the same guy who walked out before I could even open my eyes one morning and never bothered to tell me why. That seems like a great role model for a son!"
"I - " Conner felt a terrible guilt well up in him. "Liz, I'm so - so sorry. I didn't - I couldn't - "
"Can you tell me why now, Conner?" she asked quietly.
He swallowed the lump in his throat. "I was scared." He admitted, his voice so husky and soft that it didn't seem like he was speaking aloud. "I couldn't handle feeling what I felt - what I feel - for you, and escape seemed to be my only sanctuary, my only safety."
"Your only hope of keeping the walls up?"
"Yeah." He mumbled.
Elizabeth stared at him for a moment and then stood up. "And what do you feel for me, Conner?"
He thought about her, and about what he really wanted. And he thought about his son, an amazing, smart little kid who had already hit Conner in a place where it hurt the most - his heart. Finally, that little glimmer of hope gave way to what he realized later was courage.
"I love you, Liz." He said, walking over to her. "I love you more than anyone I've ever known, and I haven't been able to get you out of my head for five years. So if you ever decide you can forgive me for screwing up and hurting you the way I have, I'll be waiting. For you and Johnny."
He turned around and was about to head for the door when her voice stopped him.
"I don't want to make like Renee Zellweger in 'Jerry Maguire', Conner, but I forgave you the moment I set eyes on you again today."
That was all he needed. The next moment, he had his arms wrapped around her and he was kissing her with every fiery cell in his body, yearning and aching and finally feeling both their pent-up longing come out into what they could only call magic.
They only broke away when they heard Johnny's voice:
"Eewww!"
Conner and Elizabeth glanced at each other and they both laughed. "Come here, scamp!" Elizabeth reached for the boy and he raced into her arms. "I think you need to meet someone."
"Hi, Daddy." Johnny said, reaching over Elizabeth's arms to give Conner a hug that surprised him and made the last of his pain dissolve into nothing.
He found that he couldn't speak.
Elizabeth looked and him and gently leaned up to kiss him. "Kids have the best instincts, don't you think, Daddy?" she teased softly. "I think he knew you weren't quite so invulnerable long before I did."
**
THE END.
**
A/N: This is my first Sweet Valley fic, so please review and let me know! Thanks!