Yay! My first fanfic!

Disclaimer - I do not own South Park. Though, I do wish I owned Kenny...

"Dude, that shit's gonna kill you," Stan said as he walked into Kenny's apartment, just in time to see him light a cigarette.

Kenny looked up abruptly, surprised. His eyes fell on Stan and he glared at him.

"Like anyone would care," he said before looking back down at the book in his lap, and letting his messy blonde hair fall in front of his eyes. He was sitting on the coffee table Indian style.

"That is a good point, Kenny. Who would care if you died? You'd come back anyway!" Cartman piped up from his position on the couch. Kenny shot him a dirty look. "Where the fuck is Kyle?"

Finals started tomorrow, and, of course, none of the four boys had even looked at a textbook 'til then. Kyle, as the smartest, had agreed to help the other three. Unfortunately, he had yet to show.

Meeting at Kenny's had been Stan's idea. No distractions. There was some advantage to having a friend who didn't live with his parents anymore.

Just as Stan sat down, they heard feet pounding their way up the stairs. Kyle burst through the door and slammed it shut behind him. He was flushed and out of breath.

"What happened to you?" Kenny asked as Kyle through himself down on the couch, next to Cartman.

"Your downstairs neighbors are… well…" He couldn't seem to find the words. The fact that the two girls that lived downstairs had just asked him to sex with them was fairly disturbing.

"Sluts." Kenny stated rather bluntly, "Yeah, I know." He smirked at Kyle with a mischievous look in his eyes.

"Dude, you didn't." Stan was looking at him incredulously.

"Yeah. Both. At the same time." Kenny said, taking another drag of his cigarette.

"How the hell did you manage that?"

"You don't want to know."

"Who haven't you slept with?"

"The old couple down the hall. That's 'bout it."

"Even the guy across the hall?"

"Wasn't the best I've ever had, either."

"You are so gay!"

"Shut the fuck up, Fatass!"

"Make me!"

Kenny stood up, walked over to Cartman, and proceeded to punch him in the face. As Cartman yelled and started to have a temper tantrum, one that wasn't very becoming to an 18-year-old I might add, about the fact that he could have broken his nose, Kenny went, very nonchalantly, back to his original place on the coffee table.

"For God's sake, Cartman, if you don't shut up I will break your nose!"

Cartman instantly silenced, mumbling something about Kenny being a "fucking fag".

"Anyway," Kyle began, "how do you do it?"

"Uhh, Kyle, I thought we already went over this. When a man loves a woman very much-"

"Not that! I mean getting all the girls and stuff. No offence, or anything, but you're not the most charming person in the world."

Kenny cocked his head to one side and looked a Kyle inquisitively.

"What Kyle's trying to say," Stan jumped in, "is that you're a complete asshole, and he's wondering why a girl in her mind would want to go out with you."

Kyle pointed at Stan. "Yeah, what he said!"

"I don't know how I do it, I just do. It just kinda… happens."

"He doesn't get all the girls. I know of a couple of chicks who would much rather me over him."

Kenny snorted at this. "Yeah, right, Cartman. I could get any girl I want."

"Yeah? Bet you 500 bucks you couldn't."

"You are so on."

Comments & suggestions would be greatly appreciated!

- thedemonspawn 0