I sat on the edge of the boat, looking out at the sky, thinking about the wrong things that's happened. I couldn't take it anymore. I looked down at my arms, covered with little scars and cuts, some from monsters, some from my blade in my cabin. I looked up and decided to climb up the mast.
I looked out from the top and took a deep breath. I held onto the mast, but looked down at the ground, far below. It was so tempting. All I had to do was let go and let myself fall to the earth. I felt weak, worthless, useless. Everything I did I ended up failing, and nobody was there to help. I pushed everyone away, thinking if I let anyone in, they'd let me go because of my secrets.
I didn't deserve to live. So why was I hesitating?
"Should I do it?" I asked to nobody in particular. I didn't get an answer, and I didn't expect to. For every mistake I have ever made, I took a step away from the mast and closer to the edge. Bianca is dead. I stepped forward. So is mom. I let go of the mast slowly. My dad hates me. My foot almost slipped, but I got balanced just in time. I can't face people. A few more feet and I'd be on the edge. I've caused to much pain. One more step. I was shaking and my breath was uneven. I already knew the last thing that would lead me to take that last step, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. "I let Kayla Rell's life slip through my fingers when I could have saved her." I whispered. I lifted my foot to step out into open air when I suddenly heard a voice from below.
"How do you know it was your fault?" the voice asked. I looked down and saw Logan. I bit my lip and stepped away from the edge, back towards the mast. I climbed down and turned to face him. He shook his head and looked down, then looked back up through his bangs.
"Were you planning on jumping?" he asked. I looked down, bit my lip, and shrugged. He sighed. "You don't seem like the kind of guy. I thought you'd be… better than that."
I sighed. "Well, I'm not, so get it out of your head. I'm not some saint, and I'm not some little kid who doesn't understand pain. I know better than anyone what pain is." I shook my head and walked away. "Just leave me alone." I walked to a dark part of the boat and walked through the shadows into my cabin, which was pretty much all I was strong enough to do. Short distances.
I flopped onto my bed on my stomach and buried my face in my pillow. I made sure nobody was around to hear and started crying silently. I couldn't stand the thought of having people see me, hear my like this. In some ways I'm glad Logan stopped me, because I don't think I would have been able to stop myself. But I was also disappointed in myself that I was willing to consider it. Bad things happened, and I just needed to learn to get over it. I'm the son of Hades. Nobody could accept me. That's the fact of my miserable life.