Disclaimer: Do not own.
Author's Note: Sort of lost interest while writing this. Sorry. Please tell me what you think of it. I may rewrite it/write an adaptation one day.
Ichigo Kurosaki and Shuuhei Hisagi had been dating for six months.
Shuuhei was sure that Ichigo was unfaithful, despite wishing it wasn't so. He was usually 'out of touch' about once every two weeks, and more than once 'forgot' his cell either at their apartment or it was turned off.
When he finally asked why Ichigo was so unhappy with their relationship he laughed hysterically for five minutes.
It was 'family reunions' his father insisted on throwing about every other week.
Shuuhei's first request to go along was turned down flat.
It took him two months to wear down Ichigo until Ichigo finally threw his hands into the air and said he could come, though added "it's your funeral."
Shuuhei was pleased, though he was slightly wary at the exact wording.
Since Shuuhei was coming as the "special guest", Ichigo announced that his father had decided to invite everyone and throw a big party. Ichigo announced that it was his fault.
"How bad could it be?" Shuuhei asked, sending Ichigo a fond smile "so you've got a few weird aunts and other relatives, can't be that bad."
"Shu, you don't understand; they're insane" Ichigo said flatly "and I'm not even really related to half of them."
Ichigo had insisted on taking the train, muttering something about "using it as an excuse to leave".
They had been walking for about an hour since leaving the train when Ichigo agreed to tell Shuuhei everyone's names.
"Well, there's my sisters Karin and Yuzu, they're fraternal twins" Ichigo said "and my dad, Isshin, who's insane. He's crazy, Karin agrees with me" Shuuhei didn't ask about his mom; he knew Masaki Kurosaki had died years ago.
Shuuhei didn't say anything for a moment before saying cautiously "that doesn't seem so bad."
Ichigo rolled his eyes "I stopped bringing friends home during freshman year" he said mildly "my dad insisted on 'adopting' them. In order for his 'other sons' they are: Chad, Keigo and Mizuiro and Uryuu. His 'other daughters' are: Tatsuki, Orihime, Rukia, Chizuru and Nel. Keigo's sister will probably also be there; her name is Mizuho, but she doesn't come often. There's also Shiro, who's completely insane and not related to me in anyway despite the fact that we look really similar, he's an albino. He's dad's '7th' son. Kon is the '8th' son; he's not related to me either. He's also an idiot. He goes after boobs with Chizuru, who's openly lesbian. Last is Renji, who is Rukia's best friend, dad adopted him last when Rukia asked if he could stay with us."
"So, lots of siblings, that's not so bad" Shuuhei said nervously.
"That was only the beginning" Ichigo said flatly "Uryuu's dad probably won't come; he often finds an excuse for being unable to make it, usually because of a medical conference. Supposedly he and dad were friends, but everyone finds it hard to believe. On my mom's side of the family are her cousins: Kaien, Kuukaku and Ganju. Kuukaku's insane and usually carries explosives, as does Ganju, but that's because she bullies him into doing it. Kaien is also insane, but Rukia has him tamed, they're dating. Oh yeah, Tatsuki and Orihime are dating. Chizuru's also got the biggest crush on Orihime, thanks to her boobs as does Kon so Tatsuki always beats them up. Uncle Yama usually comes; he's dad's…uncle I think, or just his cousin. He'll probably try to recruit you to work for him. Then there's Zangetsu, who is dad's cousin. His son is named Tensa, and they're both weird though Zangetsu often acts like he's on drugs, he's not. Zangetsu also adopted Shiro a few years ago; he thought it was amusing that we look so similar. And I think he's dating Kuukaku, or at least she flirts with Zangetsu…a lot. Then there's Shunsui and Juushiro, who are dad's drinking buddies, though I think Shunsui might be related to dad somehow. They're also dating and have been together since they were kids. Shunsui is usually drunk most of the time. They both work for Uncle Yama. Then there's Yoruichi, who's another one of mom's cousins, though she's more closely related to Kuukaku. She's in a relationship with Kisuke, who is dad's cousin. Yoruichi's cousin Soi-Fon might show up, she idolizes Yoruichi and used to try to kill Kisuke. Kisuke will also bring his foster-children, and I can't believe that anyone was stupid enough to trust him around children. He's a mixture of Frankenstein and…a clown I guess. Don't eat anything he offers you or accept anything from him. His 'children' are Jinta and Ururu, and Jinta has a crush on Yuzu. If we're lucky Tessai will show up, he works for Kisuke. And Kisuke will most likely bring his 'cousins' who live with him: Shinji, Hiyori, Kensei, and Lisa. If Lisa comes, her girlfriend Nanao will tag along, which is lucky because she's Shunsui's assistant and can get him to behave."
"Okay, you have a large family" Shuuhei said weakly.
"Oh, that's not everyone" Ichigo rolled his eyes "if Kensei does come, Mahiro will insist on coming; she's his self-proclaimed best friend ever since she was vice-president when he was appointed president in middle school. They're also dating, I think; it's a bit hard to tell. But Nel will drag along her girlfriend Tia. And Shinji will insist that his boyfriend Nnoitra also come, probably Hanatarou will too since he's dating Hiyori, but he's more like her slave. Since Rukia is coming, along with Renji, Rukia's older brother will too, especially since he and Renji are dating. Riruka will come too. She was first invited by Chad, but now she's dating Uryuu. And probably Yachiru will come. Yuzu babysits her sometime, and she adores her. And if Yachiru comes so will her uncle Kenpachi. Whatever you do, do not fight him, agree to fight, punch him, yell at him, or get his attention. His subordinates Ikkaku and Yumichika will also come if he does; which is somewhat funny because Mizuho has the biggest crush on Ikkaku but he's dating Yumichika. Luckily Kenpachi's girlfriend Retsu can control him, and she'll come also because she's Hanatarou's aunt and sometimes works with dad. Then there's Lilynette, who's a friend of Karin from school, she might have a crush on Chad, who usually drags along her brother Starrk who is perhaps the laziest guy I ever knew. Oh, and Ulquiorra will come. Orihime invited him the first time and he's got the biggest crush on her even though she doesn't notice. And probably Toshirou will come. He and Karin were in the soccer club together, and they might like each other. If he comes so will his cousin Momo, her friend Izuru, and Rangiku who's his guardian and cousin too. If Rangiku comes, her best friend Gin will as well to drive them back. I'm hoping that he doesn't because he's really creepy. And there's the possibility that his boss Sousuke will come too. It's weird for them because Gin might be in a relationship with Rangiku, or Sousuke, and I think Shiro has sex with Gin from time to time, and Izuru might have and Momo admires Sousuke, so they might possibly be in a relationship" he paused "and before you ask, no, you can't change your mind."
When they reached the house, a strange man attempted to attack Ichigo. Ichigo nudged Shuuhei aside and delivered a roundhouse kick to the forehead of his "loving father" before locking him outside. Memories of the dinner were purposely forgotten as quickly as possible, though Shuuhei did remember an annoying albino who hit on Ichigo constantly. Unfortunately, when he did hit him, he got the attention of Kenpachi, who offered to fight. Luckily, Ichigo acted as distraction, and told Kenpachi that Shuuhei would fight him in the backyard (and privately told Shuuhei it would take at least half an hour for Kenpachi to find the backdoor if he didn't use a window). Ichigo then ended up locking his father in a closet with Karin's willing assistance.
They left soon after, Ichigo loudly claiming that they needed to catch the train. When they did, Karin was attempting to punch Jinta for asking Yuzu out and Tatsuki was beating up Shiro, Chizuru, and Kon for being perverts.
When Shuuhei received an official invitation to the next 'reunion', he requested that Ichigo send his condolences, but that he would be unable to make it due to work.
Ichigo was still laughing when he left for the dinner.
Shuuhei decided at that moment that he would listen to Ichigo in the future.