Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts!

Author's Note: Warning, this may be a bit confusing. This story did not end up how I thought it would. Please enjoy.

Hayner didn't remember how it started, or when. All he did know was that he was on his knees, Seifer's dick in his mouth as the older boy tugged on his hair.

Hayner knew he shouldn't have participated in the Struggle Tournament. As usual, he had lost. Seifer had gone on to win the tournament, and Hayner had been forced to watch as his rival was given the prize.

And then, after the congratulations, he had been dragged away by his rival. They hadn't gone to the Usual Spot, they never did, that place was…special. Hayner didn't want to taint it with this. So instead he would allow Seifer to drag him to wherever he wanted, often the Underground Concourse since it was rarely used. He would then allow the older boy to push him to his knees and watch as Seifer unzipped his pants, before opening his mouth and letting the older boy in.

He wondered if he wasn't supposed to feel so empty while doing this.

Olette's books spoke of happiness when doing this.

They must have lied.

It was just a blowjob.

It wasn't anything important.

Hayner was late. It had gotten more common for that to happen, for Seifer to refuse to let him go; for Seifer to insist on dragging it along. Often it was because Seifer would drag him over looking for a place where no one would see (he worried about his reputation, not Hayner's). Or it would take longer than usual to get Seifer to orgasm…or to him to force Hayner to stay on his knees for another round.

Hayner cautiously opened the door and crept in. Maybe he hadn't…

He winced as he heard a crash in another room.

Too late…

Hayner winced as Seifer grabbed his wrist and dragged him away. It was his own fault. He had been the one to make the challenge. And Seifer had calmly, almost savagely, beaten him. He had ignored Olette and Pence's protests as he proceeded to drag him away. Fuu and Rai had followed, not expressing great surprise.

Seifer had dragged him to the Sandlot and forced Hayner to his knees, ignoring his protests. Hayner had burned with shame, knowing that Fuu and Rai knew what was going on, could see if they turned around from where they were keeping watch.

Seifer dragged his head away, coming all over Hayner's face.

Hayner gazed at Seifer's smirk, his face full of confidence.

And at that moment he felt something inside him break.

"Practice for the next match lamer" Hayner taunted "it's useless anyway."

Hayner got to his feet, wiped his face and stormed off. When he was out of sight, he threw up.

There were screams, they were cries. There was begging, there was pleading.

Hayner gazed dully at the chaos, and then let his eyes close.

He didn't care anymore.

It was different being outside of Twilight Town, Hayner decided. He had lived there for his entire life, until…recently. He still didn't remember what had happened the night everything changed.

Or at least changed in that he moved.

He now lived in Traverse Town. It was certainly different. Struggle was popular, but here he didn't have to compete. He could pretend that he didn't know how to, and he didn't have to worry about the taunts.

In a way, it was a relief.

So he just remained a part of the crowd, watching as the competitors improved, and then left him behind as their skill surpassed him.

And only rarely did he think of those times he spent on his knees.

It was well-known that Hayner disliked Struggle. And everyone had heard of the time when he ignored Roxas when the other boy insisted on giving him lessons.

However, despite claiming to hate it, Hayner never missed a match Roxas competed in.

In part it was because initially Namine had not understood the rules at all, so Hayner would explain to her.

But now, Namine was proficient in the rules, but luckily Hayner hadn't been asked for his excuse yet.

Roxas had been his first friend when he had come to Traverse Town. He had tried to end it when he learned that Roxas was the top Struggler, but he found himself unable to completely cut himself off from his past entirely.

Roxas soon became his best friend. Or at least had been.

Namine was Roxas's best friend, and supposed girlfriend. Only Hayner guessed that he knew the truth. Roxas and Namine had dated, but it was an on-and-off relationship. And Hayner had heard about Roxas's ex, Axel.

Hayner hated him. In part, because he was the excuse Roxas used to ruin their friendship, and Axel had started how the friendship fell apart. It had been at a party, Roxas had been drunk. He had tried to give Hayner a handjob and he had freaked as memories had assaulted him. Axel had watched, and laughed, before taunting the 'prude' and taking Roxas on the bed in front of him. Hayner had huddled in a corner, shaking, unable to watch.

But Hayner was happier, kinda, than he had been in Twilight Town.

Then things fell apart.

Then the Struggle match occurred.

Roxas had been talking about it for weeks, but Hayner had never realized that it would be Seifer. He had seen Setzer, of course, the older man hadn't seemed to catch sight of him as Hayner hid in the crowd. But Seifer was staring straight at him. And he knew that Seifer had seen him as Hayner, as he almost clung to Roxas.

Seifer had looked at him before smirking and lifted his Struggle bat as they always did before a match.

And Hayner watched as Roxas lost…terribly.

Roxas had been complaining, loudly, ignoring as Namine attempted to comfort him.

And then Seifer had appeared. He had ignored the stares as he stormed over to Hayner, lip curling as he caught sight of the drugs and alcohol. He grabbed Hayner and dragged him from the room.

Hayner wondered if he had expected better, as Seifer took him harshly against the side of Roxas's house, in full sight of anyone who wandered by. Hayner just leaned his forehead against the side of the house, and wondered why it still hurt inside.

Olette had spoken of having your 'first time' be happy, with the one you love.

Hayner wondered how you were supposed to love someone.

He didn't twitch as teeth bit into his neck.

It was rather hard to feel.

Instead, he felt the marks, the scars, hidden under his clothes burn.

He refused to remember what had been caused by them.

Seifer was waiting at the gate. Hayner ignored Roxas's protests (and demands for a rematch from the older blond); walking to Seifer's side and following him silently.

Or at least tried to. Seifer regarded him with a strange expression, causing Hayner to blink at him.

Hayner shrugged inwardly and led him to one of the out-of-sight alleys before turning to face the taller male. He blinked when, as he knelt, his hands were battered away when they began to unfasten the other male's belts.

Seifer had grumbled and called him stupid, an idiot, someone could see.

He grabbed Hayner's shoulder and dragged him up. Gripping his elbow tightly, he brought Hayner to the hotel. He had never done this before. The one time that they did…what they did, in a different city due to their school being invited to a match, Seifer had dragged him to a fast-food joint and grabbed the bathroom.

Hayner was removing his wallet when Seifer dragged him by the desk, up the stairs.

The hotel room was nice. Hayner could see the older male's bags resting against the wall.

That was new.

Maybe they were doing it in the shower? They had before after practice.

Of course, he had gotten sick afterward, since he had had to walk home in wet clothes.

He decided to ignore the suitcase; wondering what to do with his own bag, he kept it on in favor of reaching for Seifer's belt once more.

There was a flash of surprise and…something else…in Seifer's eyes.

Hayner brushed off the hands touching him, in favor of dropping to his knees, taking Seifer into his mouth.

He ignored Seifer's words, as usual; and then the hand. Unlike before, Seifer's hands rested on his hair, almost stroking his hair. They didn't pull his hair, nor did they hold his head still as Seifer thrust inside him. He remembered the first time, when Seifer had done that. He had beat Hayner mercilessly when, they first time he thrust, Hayner choked and bit. Almost unconscious and in pain, Hayner had been forced to finish the job. He remembered waking up on the ground, where Seifer had left him, alone.

He was unsure what to do about the softer grip, the almost gentle hold.

This was not usual. Maybe he was doing something wrong?

Finally Seifer came, Hayner swallowing easily, well-used to the act, practiced. Seifer had been furious when Hayner spit it out, forcing him to always swallow, and then clean up that not in his mouth.

Gripping his collar, Seifer dragged him up, staring at him intently. Hayner found his face turning red despite himself, forcing his gaze away from Seifer's lips. Seifer was not going to kiss him.

And then, hands were unfastening his belt.

Hayner turned stiff as memories assaulted him; but he forced himself to remain still.'

Despite himself, he loved Seifer. He did this, because it was the only way Seifer would touch him.

He tried to focus on what he felt for the other blond, not the memory of the pain.

He flinched when Seifer got to his knees; his knees almost buckling when Seifer's mouth closed around him.

His hands clutched at his shirt, unsure of what to do, what to hold.

Seifer had never done this before, except for one time when Seifer took Hayner in his mouth and then bit, to teach him a lesson.

It didn't hurt. Hayner bit his lip, raising one hand to cover his mouth as a gasp slipped from his lips as he felt Seifer's tongue stroke him.

There was nothing to hold, he knew that he wasn't going to be able to stand.

He looked around desperately—nothing.

And then, Seifer did something with his tongue, and the next thing Hayner knew, one of his hands was clutching Seifer's shoulder, the other grabbing the older male's beanie as he choked back a sob, one leg draped over Seifer's shoulder.

Terror bit at him, and he began to straighten, removing his hands, when his vision suddenly turned white and he collapsed.

Hayner didn't remember falling; but caught the grimace that crossed Seifer's face. He couldn't flinch, despite the reflexive action, he felt boneless.

So that was what Olette's books were talking about.

He couldn't even speak, or even hear what Seifer said.

A strange expression on his face, Seifer pushed Hayner onto the bed.

It was different, this second time. Seifer's fingers had felt strange inside him, feeling cool, and almost sticky. Hayner had bit the pillow to keep from gasping when Seifer brushed against something, his entire body jerking as he did. Seifer had made a strange sound, but Hayner's attempts to keep his body from reacting failed.

Hayner clutched at the sheets, trying to keep his body still, but failing miserably. He pushed his face into the pillow, trying to muffle the sounds he made.

And then, he felt Seifer grip his waist, drawing him back. He jerked away when Seifer made to turn him over. And then Seifer's grip was tighter and he was inside.

Hayner's lip bled, as his teeth broke skin.

Seifer's mouth was next to his ear, his breath brushing Hayner's hair.

He let Seifer adjust his body, and then the older male began to move.

He tried to cling to the blankets, the pillows, not noticing when Seifer moved one hand to enclose Hayner's in his own.

And then, Seifer hit that same spot; and Hayner lost everything.

Hayner became aware of himself, when Seifer finally collapsed on top of him, one of Hayner's hands clutching Seifer's hand, the other clutching at the pillow. He had made a mess on the sheets; he wondered what his punishment would be.

He made to move away, and was surprised when Seifer wrapped an arm around his waist and drew him close.

Hayner waited, but nothing happened. Finally, he fell asleep.

He never felt almost hesitant, cautious, hands move his clothes; revealing the marks and scars hidden beneath them. The ones created during the foggy period and before.

He never felt the older blonde appear to tremble, almost shaking, before turning Hayner to face him, drawing him close, brushing his hair out of his face, before leaning in close and whispering in his ear.

Seifer's expression softened, and his mouth moved to form a promise.

Roxas was calling Hayner a traitor, a whore, a slut; screaming about the bite marks on his neck.

Hayner lay sprawled on the ground, not touching the new bruise on his cheek.

Roxas drew his foot back to prepare another blow…

Seifer sent him flying.

Axel, targeting Seifer's back, was dealt an automatic blow from a Struggle bat by Hayner.

Hayner froze, shocked by his own daring.

Arms were wrapped around him, drawing him against a firm chest; words were whispered in his ear.

And then lips were covering his own.

Roxas's groans were background to the whisper.

Hayner smiled.

Olette burst into tears when Hayner returned. Pence merely gaped at the driver, and the familiar car Hayner came out of before smiling weakly.

Hayner returned the embrace, and the smile.

Afterwards, he returned to the car, ending up falling asleep once more until they stopped in front of a building.

Hayner carried his backpack, scowling as the other, heavier, bags were confiscated (for his own good, supposedly).

The apartment where he'd never been before, was clean, well-kept, and Hayner was startled to realize that there were bits of his things (those left behind when he left during the foggy period) scattered around the place.

Seifer grumbled, muttering something about it being coincidence, that they were his, not his fault that Hayner had (surprisingly) good taste and some of their possessions were the same.

Hayner smiled.

That night, Hayner slept alongside a larger body, an arm wrapped firmly around his waist as he listened to the heartbeat.

The next match, he beat Roxas, accusations of being offered a spot due to being Seifer's whore in his ear.

Seifer smiled smugly and drew him into a kiss.

He never fought Roxas again. That match, Seifer was in the audience, watching proudly as Hayner won the competition. After that, Hayner (officially) retired; deciding to only play Seifer…usually.

Seifer ensured that Roxas never got past the preliminaries in any Struggle tournament ever again.

After each win, Seifer drew Hayner into a kiss.

The continued the bets for their private duels, and for the few tournaments that Seifer managed to blackmail Hayner into competing in.

The loser had to confess.

Hayner didn't mind, Seifer would always smile before murmuring back that he loved Hayner too.