All she wanted was it all to end. The voices, the name calling and the threats. It was a constant battle of blocking everything out every single day and she didn't think she could hold it in much longer.
Valandez Hollows had selves of notebooks. The notebooks were different from what you would expect. Journals, stories, school essays...her notebooks were a little different. The notebooks were filled page after page of different ways to die. She included graphics, instructions and supplies to follow through that death. She even marked which ones were her favorite. For this obsession of death she was considered a freak, she didn't fit in anywhere and people were frightened of her. But on top of all that she hated the voices. The whispering, evil voices that came and went through her head like they owned her. Those voices she couldn't stand to listen to but at the same time had the temptation to listen and bring those words into actions. All the strength she possessed she used to block out those voices but it wore her down. The voices were the worst at night, appearing in her head right when she was about to fall asleep. They whispered, screamed and shrieked for hours on end arguing with her about her decisions, her daily life and what to do next. It was so bad she kept a drawer full of sleep medicine just so she could sleep at night. You never knew when the voices were going to appear. They came and went and all Valandez knew was that being diagnosed with schizophrenia sucked and she wanted it to end.
The old janitor's closet was musty and dank; cobwebs covered every corner on every wall. Old mops and broken brooms leaned against the wall and it smelt like an old antique shop from 1983 but it wasn't being used at all and if Valandez wanted to escape from classes she went there. It wasn't the greatest place in the world but it was better than listening to repeated lessons on history. The closet always seemed the perfect place for her to pick out which way she was going to rid herself of the world. It was here that she went through her notebooks and narrowed down which death she wanted to use.
The voices creeped into her head as she pulled out a notebooks to look through.
"You should get revenge on those people...the people who hurt us." the voices whispered.
"They hurt me, not you, besides there's no need for revenge. I have plans and I'll be gone by this Thursday," Valandez responded to the voices.
"You can't turn against us, we are your only friends," the voices crackled and dissolved in her head before returning once again.
Valandez payed no more attention and returned to examining her notebooks. Her top three choices being drowning, hanging or bleeding to death. Drowning appealed to her as a dark, joyful death. She liked to refer to it as "Dying under the water" which made it sound even more enjoyable to her. The second choice wasn't as appealing to her but was just a backup solution if anything were to interrupt her plans unexpectedly. Her third choice was bleeding to death, a popular one and probably the one most commonly used among other people looking for a way out. She could easily slit her wrists and let the blood flow but from her perspective it seemed like a tortuous slow death. She did not appeal to that kind of death unlike other suicidal people who found that the easiest way out.
The voices in her head still whispering and swirling through her thoughts dissolved and nothing was to be heard. For only a moment it was quiet and peaceful but they instantly came back and spoke even louder. Valandez struggling not to listen to the voices in her head hurriedly shoved her notebooks into her bag and slipped out of the closet. She had to get out, she hated the school and the people in the school but she didn't want to injure anyone, especially if the only reason she could give the police department was "voices told me to". Then her plans would be ruined and more frightened looks would be cast towards her everywhere she went. She sprinted through the hallways not caring if anyone spotted her. She had to get out, and she had to get out now. She reached the back doors of the school and then made her decision. She would go on a little walk, to the only place she would be missing when she was gone. The only place she really liked and since she felt daring enough she moved the whole plan to tonight so she wouldn't have to suffer through another horrible day like every other day in her life. But what she didn't know was that someone was going to follow her to that place she was going to and she didn't know that they were going to try and stop her, because after all who would want to stop a frightening schizophrenic freak like her from killing herself.
The meadow was foggy and quiet. It was heavily scented of lilacs and you could practically taste the flowers. The grass here was so tall you could get lost in it, lilac trees lined the perimeter of the meadow and if you traveled far enough and you reached the direct center of the meadow the grass thinned out and a stunning clear blue pond stretched thirteen feet wide in a flawless circle. This was Valandez's favorite place and this was where she so desperately wanted to end her life.
Valandez walked through the meadow knowing exactly where she was headed. She liked the itchy feeling of the grass brushing against her face and arms and she loved the scent of the lilacs that grew stronger whenever the wind blew. Everything would be perfect if the voices weren't screaming inside her head telling her to turn around and leave the meadow. Valandez ignored the voices and pushed through the rest of the thick grass and smiled a beautiful rare smile no one would ever encounter. She stood completely still and stared longingly at the pond where she knew that later tonight she would be laying on the bottom of that pond with no one to disturb her and no voices to scream at her constantly. She could so strongly fantasize the freedom that if she hadn't heard that twig crack behind her she would have jumped in that lake right then and there. Instantly she spun around and came face to face with Rudley Horton.
If you were to describe Rudley Horton it would be creepy and obsessive. He was always in someone's business and had a keen interest in people. He took pictures, notes and listened intently to them. Rudley would follow anyone anywhere to see how they lived their life and by the end of one day you could have a whole notebook dedicated to you. Everyone tried to avoid him but sometimes that failed and he noticed you.
Valandez's eyes flashed in anger and her tangled black hair flew into her face. Her hands clenched into fists and she backed away from him towards her pond.
"What are you doing here?" Valandez screamed in rage.
"I've been watching you, I know what your plans are," Rudley replied like this was a normal conversation he was used to.
She couldn't believe this was happening, her whole body was shaking with anger and she wanted him gone. "Go away you stalker!"
"I can help you." He responded.
Instantly the voices streamed into her head and started screaming and for once she chose to listen them and for once she didn't try to block them out, her strength had finally run out and she wanted Rudley to leave. Now.
"Don't trust him, we are your only friends, no one can help you," the voices screamed and shrieked in her head. An ongoing alarm that wouldn't stop until she followed through with what they were saying.
"I will never trust him," Valandez announced to the voices, for once she didn't care if Rudley witnessed her talking to herself. She was going to be gone in a few minutes anyways so what did it matter?
"Leave me be Rudley, I mean it,"
"No, don't listen to the voices, I can help you I know I can" He held out his hand and gave her a pleading look, something he normally would never do under any circumstance. Obviously this situation seemed to be an exception for him.
Valandez glared at him and then slowly unclenched her fists.
"Ive had enough of you people and these voices. My strength has run out, I have no more and if I get rid of myself I won't frighten people any longer and I won't have anything in the world to worry about. So leave Rudley," She looked him the eye giving him a warning look and then she turned towards the pond she so wanted to dive into.
"Don't worry, you won't ever have to deal with me again. I'll be free at last and there will be no worries, no voices and no more people. Just me at the bottom of that pond," Valandez spoke the the voices that were still screaming and cackling in her head.
Behind her Rudley gave her one more crazy look and then turned around to flee into the thick grasses so he wouldn't have to see her follow through with her plans.
Valandez inched off her jacket and her shoes still reassuring the voices that she would be gone any moment and then she would be free and they would be free. Cold droplets of rain started falling and hit the pond with a spectacular sound that made the beautiful pond even more inviting to her. She sat on the edge of the pond and slid her legs into the cool water feeling the weeds and fish swirl around her feet. Valandez whispered one more goodbye to the voices, the evil people and her whole life and then slid into the pond.
The pond was quiet and cool, weeds instantly started grabbing at her hands and legs. The fish swam a distance away from her and she floated to the bottom. She could feel her heart beating and begging for air in her chest. The voices screamed and pounded in her head.
"Go back. Kill him! Kill them all, they don't deserve to live," the voices screamed, shrieked and floated around her head until they slowly started to fade away into whatever darkness they had first come from. Valandez caught herself smiling and realized she was almost there, her chest didn't hurt anymore and for once it was complete silence. Extreme silence she had never experienced before, the voices had faded and nothing could be heard and for those few moments she had complete control over her mind. Those few moments of true happiness she had never experienced before caused her to smile and beautiful smile. She closed her eyes and she sank to the bottom entangled in weeds. Her dreams had come true and at last and she was claimed by the pond.