wonder where your heart came from

chapter 01: flickers in my head

At first, Chewbacca doesn't notice the twitching. It's when he's coming back from the kitchenette that his eye catches on Ben's shoulder jerking. The movement lurches most of Ben's upper body but the young man doesn't wake. Still, Chewie pauses in his progress because it's not been enough years since Ben stopped having nightmares.

The freighter they've rented for this job is bigger than their usual transports but Rathtars are better given a wide berth. Chewie wonders sometimes what Han is thinking when he takes some of these jobs. Although Han can't take the blame for this one by himself. It was some connection of Ben's that had gotten them the job from King Prana but both Solos had been eager to take it. Like father, like son indeed. And Ben was very much his father's son — he even slept in the same ungraceful sprawl.

Chewie watches Ben's twitching become steadily more violent as his sleeping face contorts. Ben's long frame spills out of one of the open bunks in the closest rec area to the cockpit, which is empty now that the rest of their crew has been, er, eradicated. When his left leg starts to kick, Chewie braces for what is coming. The Wookiee has seen this enough over the past three decades to know that trying to wake him would be useless. That knowledge does nothing to ease Chewie's concern.

Since Ben left Luke's training, he's mostly stopped having these kinds of nights. It's only when he's in that dark, uneasy headspace Chewie recognizes from watching Ben's shoulders slump since puberty that things get like this. It hasn't happened in years. It shouldn't be happening now because Ben had been fine before the jump to lightspeed. Maybe it was the Rathtars? Creatures like that — mindless and murderous — had to be a dark imprint in the Force. Chewie himself feels a deep uneasiness around them that isn't entirely because they can eat him. Ben should never have come on this trip.

Without warning, it happens:

Everything not bolted down in the room goes flying. The things that are bolted creak a little bit even so. The few pretty glass baubles that line one of the far shelves explode. Skywalkers and the Force, of course.

Ben's eyes are suddenly wide open, his breathing ragged, and his dark hair is lank with sweat. Chewie watches him sit up and survey the damage to his surroundings with a grimace.

"It's not too bad this time," Chewie intones in Shyriiwook. "Table's still in place."

Ben runs a hand over his face and looks up at Chewie with a remorseful half-smile. "Sorry, Chew. I wasn't expecting anything tonight."

Chewie shrugs the apology off. The nightmares aren't Ben's fault. Honestly, Chewie and Han are usually just happy that the kid can sleep. "Was it the Rathtars?"

Ben shakes his head. He frowns deeply, his face serious like Leia all of sudden, then says, "It was something else. I dreamt I was in the Falcon again, flying through a Star Destroyer. There was a… girl, I think?"

Chewie tilts his head in a vague 'oh really' kind of acknowledgement.

Ben blinks and his frown deepens, his voice going quieter, and Chewie hears an echo of a frightened boy left with his uncle because his father didn't know how to help him. He whispers, "I was in a desert."

Abruptly Ben's face twists petulantly and Chewie can almost recite what follows. Ben complains, "I hate sand."

BB-8 took a liking to Rey the minute she saved it. It's a generally amiable droid so it's a little surprising, even to the droid, that it doesn't like the man wearing Poe's jacket. It doesn't trust him at all because he says he's in the Resistance, but BB doesn't recognize his face from anywhere. Even so, the man—Finn, he calls himself—seems to earn Rey's temporary trust by promising to get the droid back to the Resistance. BB-8 goes along with it until the trio of unlikely companions find themselves hiding under the floor of a ship that rightfully should be classified as junk.

When the grating over their heads is hauled upward, BB-8 immediately recognizes the Wookiee roaring down at them. Finn and Rey panic, of course, because Chewbacca is a terrifying, giant, hairy thing that is almost as tall as the ceiling. BB-8 doesn't exactly know the Wookiee but it's hard to miss him the few times he's made an appearance at the Resistance bases over the years.

Then the human appears and BB-8 definitely knows him. It's about to chirp out a happy greeting when it notices Rey inhale sharply.

Swiveling its head around to see what's wrong, BB finds Rey blinking up at the new human presence, wide-eyed and confused. The emotion on her face is difficult for the little droid to process as every rapid twitch of her features flickers a new expression in and out of life. Beside her, the jacket thief seems to have noticed Rey's odd reaction too and bristles in what BB-8 has catalogued as jealousy.

Rey scrambles out of their hiding place first and BB-8 watches from where it's being propelled by Finn into Chewbacca's legs as she talks to Ben Solo. Because Poe is who Poe is, BB-8 has spent years analyzing the behavior of humans both male and female specifically to determine their attraction to their conversational partner. The interaction between General Organa's son and BB's scrappy desert savior is subtle but the angle at which the tall man leans over to question the scavenger is one degree too far to be entirely disinterested.

But maybe that's just the height difference. Ben is a considered a very tall human, BB understands from listening to some people at the base talk. They've used words like broad and solid and distracting. There are others though who don't quite use specific words but still manage to communicate that Ben is utterly intimidating at times and, to some, terrifying. By comparison, Rey is a very small human.

"You're the pilot," Ben murmurs and it's not quite a question.

"I'm the pilot," Rey admits in the face of a blaster casually waved in her general direction and the full intensity of the Skywalker stare on her face. It earns her a dismissive scoff although the jacket thief finding his feet beside BB-8 seems to fret at the comprehensive once-over she gets to accompany it.

From his spot above the replaced grate Chewbacca moans a question Rey jumps to answer. It surprises both BB-8 and Finn that she understands Shyriiwook and Finn's outburst of disbelief is interrupted by Ben's offence on the Wookiee's behalf.

Ben twirls his blaster in a lazy circle before training it on Finn in a gesture that results in the same kind of anxiety as though Ben had marched forward and pressed it to the other man's temple. "That thing can understand you perfectly. Watch it, lurdo."

Both Finn's nodding and his confused mouthing of 'lurdo' goes unheeded. Ben turns his attention to Rey once more, eyes narrowed. He asks, "Where'd you get this ship?"

"Niima outpost."

A roll of his eyes and Ben glances beyond Rey to Chewbacca with a smug smirk. His tone is full gloating when he says, "Remind him that I'd said to double check to Western Reaches. Make sure he knows it was in a junkyard."

Chewbacca shrugs nonchalantly in response.

"Who had it?" Ben's line of questioning abruptly continues, "Ducain?"

"I stole it from Unkar Plutt. He stole it from the Irving Boys, who stole it from Ducain." BB-8 registers that Rey is speaking very quickly.

Ben exhales a creative expletive then says sharply, "It doesn't matter. Tell whoever that the Solos have taken back the Millennium Falcon. For whatever it's worth."

And all of a sudden Rey brightens. She rushes to follow Ben as he moves deeper into the ship. "This is the Millennium Falcon? Han Solo's Millennium Falcon?"

Even BB-8 can recognize the sardonic twist as Ben responds out of sight, "The one and only."

Suddenly Finn interjects, "Han Solo? The Rebellion general? Isn't he supposed to be a lot older?"

Pausing mid-step, Rey looks back at him incredulously. "No, Han Solo: the smuggler. But yeah, probably."

"Wasn't he a war hero?" Finn asks, and all three escapees turn to regard the Wookiee in their midst. Chewie makes a noise that equates to something along the lines of 'erm…'.

Still, Rey's excitement can't seem to be contained as she calls out, "This is the ship that made the Kessell Run in fourteen parsecs?!"

"Twelve!" comes the immediate correction from the cockpit followed by another vehement expletive in Huttese and: "Why is there a kriffing compressor on the ignition line?"

BB-8 rolls along and fits right outside the cockpit, watching Rey watch Ben examine the ship. She says, "I told Unkar not to do it. It—"

"—puts too much stress on the hyperdrive," they finish simultaneously.

For a moment, everything goes quiet as they blink at each other. Finn almost trips over BB in his rush to join them.

"Alright," Finn begins bravely, shoulders squared for a confrontation with the taller man, "who are you? You're too young to be Han Solo."

Ben turns around and leans a hip against the captain's chair; his mouth tilts cruelly. "Aren't you a sharp son-of-a-bantha?"

Rey's calf collides with BB as she takes half a step backward. Ben's brows furrow at the motion and he ducks his head to look away through the transparisteel at the hanger surrounding them.

"I'm Ben Solo," he offers flatly. He jerks his chin toward the Wookiee behind them all adding, "That's Chewbacca."

He takes a moment to swallow and his next admission is reluctant but sounds as much like an admission of guilt as Rey's quick, clean confession minutes prior.

"Han Solo is my father."

Things start to click together in Finn's head as he and Rey take time to process their captor's identity.

"Wait. If you're Han Solo's son…," Finn starts slowly but as more history holos come rushing back, his confidence grows, "Han Solo married Princess Leia Organa. General Leia Organa is the leader of the entire living Resistance!"

He meets Rey's eyes with a growing sense of dread in his stomach. Conversely, she immediately brightens as things snap into place for her. At their feet, BB-8 chirps loudly. They turn as a trio in sync to utter a discordant chorus of, "Oh damn," and "We need your help!" and a series of happy beeps.

It should be insulting that Ben Solo's eyes go straight to the droid on the floor. Finn is instead just a little relieved that Solo's attention isn't pivoting back to Rey or stopping on him because his cover is effectively blown.

"BB-8?" Solo asks like he's just now noticing the little droid. "Where's Dameron?"

The mention of that name is a dagger in Finn's heart. He hadn't meant to cost a man his life; he'd honestly hoped to save him. Finn opens his mouth to say all of this but what comes out is, "He's dead."

BB-8 makes a miserable sound and that's when Solo's head jerks in his direction. It quickly becomes obvious that this is the first time Solo is really looking at him because the taller man's jaw goes tight as he finally registers the jacket Finn is wearing. Solo's voice, when he speaks, is low and calm and the most dangerous thing Finn has ever heard despite growing up in the First Order.

"Who are you and why are you wearing his jacket?"

It's Rey who answers for him, half-stepping in front of him like he needs protecting from Solo's suspicion.

"Finn is with the Resistance and we need your help," she states firmly. Solo opens his mouth—to refute her claim most likely—but she barrels on. "This droid needs to get to the Resistance base as soon as possible."

As Han Solo's son, Ben must know the importance of what Finn reveals next: "He's carrying a map to Luke Skywalker."

Solo's head spins toward Finn so quickly it's amazing it hasn't dislodged from his neck. The look on his face is so dark that any further comments Finn thought to make die behind his teeth. Luke Skywalker is Leia Organa's twin brother, the two children of Darth Vader himself, so why does this nephew look like he's been struck with the lightning at the sound his uncle's name? The tension is thick and uncomfortable as Ben Solo turns away from them, shoulders tense and chest heaving.

Finally, the Wookiee articulates something in a low, concerned tone. It annoys Finn to no end that he's the only one in the room who can't understand what's being said. Eventually, Solo turns around although nothing indicates that he has relaxed one bit.

"Throw them in a pod, Chew," Solo's tone is clipped. "We'll drop them off at the next inhabited planet."

BB-8 chirps up immediately, beeping frantically at Solo's heels as he walks off the ship and into the hangar of his own craft. They all follow Solo as he leads them wherever he's headed. Probably toward the escape pods since his hairy friend wielding the huge, deadly bowcaster brings up the rear without protest or alternative direction.

Whatever BB-8 is saying seems to sit well with Rey as she nods along, and Finn has no choice but to trust in that. Finn looks around as they march forward; takes stock of the ship they're on and tries to spot an escape route. It's a freighter; obviously a much larger one than they'd stolen, but Finn isn't so versed in ships that he can tell what model it is.

Up ahead, Solo finally responds to the droid with an irritated, "Alright, I'll get you on a ship home. We're still tossing them."

Rey seems about to protest when there's a thunk somewhere in the bowels of the ship. His next words take the dread from the pit of Finn's stomach and vomit it all over everything: "Don't tell me a Rathtar's loose."

What follows is an experience Finn never wants to think about again. Ever. No part of it. Especially not the part where he almost gets eaten by a Rathtar. Nope, never thinking about it again.

Their escape is the messiest mess Finn has ever been a part of: avoiding criminal blaster fire while blasting out of the hangar and through a Rathtar at lightspeed. Finn's barely managing to hold onto his internal organs and they still aren't in the clear. The ship is wailing complaints at them and Finn has his hands full as the giant hairball tries to kill him for offering medical assistance. Through it all, he can hear the commotion in the cockpit clearly from where he's basically being mauled for attempting to apply a bacta patch. Do these even work if applied over fur?

"The coolant's leaking!" Solo snaps.

Rey volunteers, "Try transferring auxiliary power to the—"

"—secondary tank, I got it!"

The incessant blaring of various alarms reduces just slightly. Then Solo hisses with all the indignity of a First Order officer ordered to interact with Stormtroopers, "If this hyperdrive blows there's gonna be pieces of us in three different systems!"

Finn glances back to see Rey on her knees beside the console, head angled and one arm completely lost underneath. Solo pauses, hand over a switch, to look at Rey as she presses one cheek flat against the metal and Finn can't tell if they're making eye contact or not. Then, suddenly, everything goes silent.

"What'd you do?"

Finishing up with Chewie's bacta patch, Finn doesn't look back at them, but he can hear the smile in Rey's voice as she replies, "I bypassed the compressor."

He turns around to see Rey beaming at Solo from the copilot's seat. Her expression falters; brows drawing together in confusion at whatever look she's receiving in return. Finn can't see Solo's face from this angle, but he sees his head turn away first, attention diverted to the controls in front of him. Neither exchange any words and Finn feels that little spark of jealousy flicker to life again.

Finn doesn't need a translator to understand Chewie's little huff of air behind him. It spurs him into action. He marches forward and inserts himself in the space between the seats. Solo glances up and him and prompts wryly, "So you're with the Resistance?"

Although quieter, Rey still beats him to the answering. "Finn's a big deal." She quotes him verbatim and he winces at the lie.

It's obvious Solo knows it's a lie. For whatever reason, he doesn't pursue it.

"And you?" His voice is softer, the wiry edge erased leaving only curiosity. Finn feels somehow shut out of the conversation again.

"I'm just a scavenger." It's a very matter-of-fact statement but for the first time since he's met her there's a hint of something else in Rey's tone, something that sounds like she's curling in on herself, something almost self-conscious. Finn doesn't like the way it makes her seem small.

"Luke Skywalker was just a farm boy."

Nothing else follows and Finn looks back and forth between Solo's staunchly impassive face and Rey's continued confusion before venturing, "What happened to him? To Skywalker?"

Whatever cloud had descended on Solo the last time they mentioned Skywalker returns but he seems prepared for it. His reply is terse: "He left."

"Where did he go?" the question pops out before Finn can stop it.

"No one knows. His Jedi temple burned down, and he disappeared." There's a bitterness in the words that can't be missed—except if you're Rey.

"The Jedi? The Jedi were real?"

"Were," Solo stresses.

Rey leans back into her seat and stares out at the stars rushing by in a blur of blue. Her voice is far away, probably back on Jakku. "I thought they were all made up stories. The Force, the Jedi, the dark side and the light."

Solo stands suddenly and glares at both of them. "I'm gonna check on Chew. Don't touch anything. We're gonna see a crazy old lady and get BB-8 on a clean ship."

As he walks past, Finn swears he hears him mutter, "Mom is gonna kill me if I don't."