title: where the sun don't shine
summary: all your words are pretty lies (don't you ever tell the truth?) AU
notes1: I found that quote by Alex G. and I thought 'yes, this is it. this is gamzee.'
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"Though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for I am the evilest motherfucker in the valley"
― Alex Garland
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His face turns an interesting shade of blue. An indigo sort of color and pretty as it is he still isn't dead yet. The hardest part about killing someone, Gamzee thinks as he tugs harder on the string, is killing someone. Equius-the aforementioned someone-makes choking, spluttering sounds as he struggles to breathe. But that's the whole point of strangulation-to make sure that the person being strangled can'tbreathe. Otherwise what would be the point?
Equius goes slack and Gamzee lets him fall onto the floor.
He smiles even as the front door of the apartment opens and Equius' best friend walks in.
(it's important, you know, to stay unfazed in situations like this)
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He is not crazy.
He is not a killer.
He is the messiah.
He is the Grim Reaper. Gamzee is death and this is what he is supposed to do.
(the more he says it the more he believes it. this is how religion works)
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Killing Nepeta is just a little bit more difficult than killing Equius. She's smaller-a lot smaller-but she's faster, moving with a cat-like grace and speed that ticks him off just a little bit because every time he thinks he has her she slips away at the last minute.
She also manages to slice him in the face three times with her pocket knife and that's what gets him angry, fills him with rage because how's he supposed to explain this, this looks suspicious, people will ask questions-
And then he's got Equius' metal bat in his hands and Nepeta's high-pitched screams are filling the room. He stops when she does. She isn't dead yet though, she's bloodied and broken but not dead. Nepeta sucks in a breath and opens her mouth. Last words. He thinks he'll allow her that.
"I never trusted you," she says and her voice is this hoarse, raw thing, "You psychotic asshole."
Gamzee bends down, leans in real close to her face and smiles.
"Ain't no mothafuckin' news to me chica." He straightens up and raises the bat again.
Three strikes you're out.
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Gamzee stands in the middle of the apartment and stares at all the blood and the two bodies on the floor.
A giggle bubbles from his throat.
And then he's full-out laughing and he can't stop.
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"The fuck happened to your face."
The way Karkat says it doesn't even sound like a question. He stares at Gamzee from his position on the sofa, eyes squinted and nose scrunched up. Gamzee closes the front door to their apartment, shrugs off his jacket and lets it fall to the floor before joining his roommate.
"You know that stray cat that always hangs 'round th' corner deli? Turns out she's pretty fuckin' fierce. Think I've learned my motherfuckin' lesson."
It's so easy to lie. Especially to the people who are supposed to be his friends because they trust him so much more. It's so fucking easy to deceive.
Karkat laughs. "Fuckin' karma shithead. Probably payback from that time you accidentally stepped on her tail," he says and then pauses. "But then again that cat pretty much already hated your fucking guts."
Gamzee nods in agreement. "Ain't that the truth brotha."
They fall into this silence as Karkat returns to watching the television. There's a horror film on that Karkat seems to enjoy but Gamzee thinks looks pretty boring and lame (they just don't make horrors the way they used to nowadays).
"Terezi's coming over tonight," he says, eyes never leaving the screen. Gamzee doesn't say anything.
(he doesn't stick around either though. he doesn't really like to be there when terezi is)
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"Have you seen Nepeta?" Kanaya asks, stopping him in the hallways just before he's about to walk into BioChem. Gamzee shakes his head and Kanaya deflates.
"I'm supposed to be having a slumber party tonight. She's supposed to be there. We talked about it-the girls and I-nearly a month ago," Kanaya explains. She frowns. "Now that I think about it, I haven't really seen Nepeta for a week now. Did she say anything to you?"
Gamzee offers an apologetic smile. "Sorry," he says, "We were never really close."
"Right," she says almost distractedly, "Thanks anyway." She walks away to her own class and the smile slips off his face.
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It doesn't occur to Kanaya that Gamzee slipped up, until it's too late.
He referred to Nepeta in the past tense. "We were never really close." Two days after the slumber party, Kanaya's walking home alone after teaching a sewing class at the local community center and she's thinking about Nepeta's disappearance.
What he should have said, Kanaya thinks with a deepening frown, is "We aren't really close." He knows something. Or he's involved somehow. Kanaya isn't sure what.
She never does find out.
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He stays low for another month. People are talking. Whispering about a serial killer. The city's scared and it's enough to make him want to laugh.
He watches Karkat play an intense game of Call of Duty, screaming and yelling at the t.v. screen, nearly throwing a tantrum and the game controller.
His hands itch and Gamzee stares at Karkat and thinks that it would be too easy. It wouldn't be the first time he thought that. Instead though, Gamzee sits on his hands so they won't itch so much and thinks, not Karkat. He's his best friend and it would be too easy.
Karkat stares at him curiously and Gamzee grins like he's just heard the funniest joke in the world.
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When the month is over, Gamzee goes out again if only to give his hands something to do because the only person he's been around is Karkat and he doesn't think he can do it.
(well no, that isn't true, he can. it's just something holding him back).
He adds another outline to the floor and it still doesn't feel like enough.
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"Where the hell are all our friends?" Terezi says, "I feel like I haven't seen anyone in ages."
Gamzee spares her a glance. She's leaning on Karkat and he can tell they've probably just come back from some kind of sloppy makeout session because her hair is a little messy and Karkat's shirt is on backwards. Also, they'd just come out of his room at the same time.
He hates the both of them, a little bit.
He grins suddenly. "Well, technically you haven't seen any of our motherfuckin' friends."
She narrows her eyes in his general direction (and it's just a little bit weird how she just seems to know where everyone is) and gives him the finger.
"Piss off," she says.
Gamzee howls in laughter.
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Tavros' head is in his hands, the eyes are wide and unblinking. His body is about four feet away in the dumpster next to the bloodied axe. It is the middle of the night and Gamzee is sitting on the dirty, wet floor of an alleyway with Tavros' head in his hands and blood on his shirt and jeans.
Gamzee almost wishes he could take it home as a sort of souvenir.
But what would Karkat say?
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"I know what you did."
"Yeah?"
"You killed them."
In a flash, Gamzee's got her by the throat, pinned against the wall and gasping for air. He grins cruelly and gets close to her face. Terezi can feel his breath on her skin and it makes her sick.
"Now how the motherfuck do you know that, sister?" he asks. She thrashes for a moment but his grip doesn't give and so she stops.
"Tavros. I was there. I was staying with my sister who lives in the building where you did it, you fucking idiot. I heard him screaming. I heard you laughing. I heard it all and you are fucking sick."
"No one's gonna believe the motherfuckin' blind girl."
"Karkat would."
He squeezes her throat and she chokes, kicking and screaming and clawing at him. "I could fucking kill you," he says and his voice is eerily calm, "I could break your motherfuckin' neck. Wreck your shit so no one would ever be able to recognize you and toss your body in the motherfuckin' Hudson or some motherfuckin' sewer and let you fuckin' rot."
"You won't." He hated how calm she sounded. His fingers gripped her neck tighter. He wanted to hear her bones breaking. He wanted to feel her windpipe crush.
"I could."
Terezi let out a strangled laugh.
"So then do it you son of a bitch."
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In the end it's Karkat and Gamzee in an abandoned warehouse miles away from the city and one of them has a gun.
"You killed too many people Gamz," he says, "Before Tavros and Kanaya. Probably even before Equius and Nepeta." His finger is inching towards the trigger but his hands are shaky and the warehouse seems so much smaller suddenly. Gamzee just stands there, across from him with his hands at his sides and that stupid fucking smile plastered on his face like he hasn't a goddamn care in the world.
It's enough to piss Karkat off. Strengthen his resolve a little bit because he obviously has no remorse for any of it. (Fucking sociopath).
"I can't let you go on."
Gamzee stiffens and then-
"Oh-oh that's fucking rich," he says and laughs, "Mr. I-Fucking-Hate-You-All wants to save everyone. KARKITTY WANTS TO PLAY THE MOTHERFUCKIN' HERO HUH? THAT'S MOTHERFUCKIN' PRICELESS."
There's a wild sort of look in his eyes, dark and stormy and terrifying as he stalks towards Karkat. Karkat holds the gun up, instinctively. Gamzee hears the click of everything setting into place.
"So I guess that makes me the motherfucking villain, huh? I don't mind Kar-bro. You can play motherfucking Batman if you want to. I ALWAYS DID LIKE THE JOKER BETTER. MY MOTHERFUCKING IDOL, THIS IS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING DREAM COME TRUE."
The gun is pointed right in his face now. Between his eyes and he's still got a Cheshire grin.
"You were my best friend," Karkat says, trying to stay cool but inside there's so much rage and confusion and sadness and-you were my best friend.
"I know," Gamzee replies (and he's still grinning), "That's why I didn't kill you."
Karkat pauses for only a moment.
"It would have been too easy."
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A gunshot goes off somewhere miles away from the city.
(a young man loses his best friend).
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"Say it with me.
'You can't keep down the clown.' "
-Andrew Hussie
endnotes1: Gamzee is a crazy motherfucker. I tried to make him crazier.
endnotes2: I also tried to keep him in character but considering I've never written Gamzee before...WELP.
endnotes3: THE ENDING IS HOWEVER YOU INTERPRET IT.