Author's Note: Hi everyone! Hope you all enjoyed your New Years and it was a safe one for all of you. If you were previously reading Her Regrets you will have noticed that I took it down, reason being I just wasn't satisfied with it (at all) and I know I'm capable producing better. Which is where As Time Goes By comes in. I always thought about what took place during those eight years the boys were back home and decided to use that as a base for when I do re-write Her Regrets. Some chapters may contain some adult contain in the future (though I haven't completely made up my mind yet). Anyway leave some thoughts on your way out and stay tuned for more.

Year One

Kinda hard to believe it's been close to a year since we last saw you, let alone spoke with you. Hopefully you've gotten at least some of the letters we sent…Smecker says he's been giving them to ya but thinks you're just being too damn stubborn to write us back. Hate to say it but I have to kinda agree with the man; you were always a stubborn one, kinda like Ma actually now that I think of it.

She still asks about you every now and then when we see her but for the most part I think she's just happy to have us home. She's been doting on us since we walked through the front door. Actually, that didn't happen until after she gave us both a proper beating. Should've seen the beating she gave Da after she tanned our hides! I was more than pleasantly surprised she kept our room the same as when we left…a sty. Told us if we wanted fresh sheets on the beds that we were grown and we could do it our fucking selves.

Can you believe it? Our Ma using that sort of language with us? Her own charming, sweet boys and she turns on us by calling us bastard spawn of the Devil himself! I'm sure you're asking yourself why I'm telling you all of this, huh? Truth is, Ma wants you here with us. Not just to meet you and help keep us in line but she says the two of you are kindred spirits. Had a late night fireside chat with her a few days after we got home and she was telling me about how you remind her of herself when she was a wee lass.

She was telling me that even though the two of you had never met in person and had only ever talked on the phone that she knew you were something special to us. She says that we always need someone to look out for us and the way you took care of us when we were hurt, she really appreciates that it was you and not someone else. 'Sounds like she's got a firm but gentle hand' were Ma's exact words. And it's true, you do have a firm but gentle hand. Ma thought it was fucking hysterical when I told her about the time you slapped us around and blamed us for the way your apartment looked when you came home after Christmas.

Not really sure what else I can say at this point, maybe I'll set this aside for a few days and see what else comes to mind. There's so much that I want to tell you about but sometimes after a night of drinking the details get a wee bit fuzzy. Much like right now, I've only gotten this far and I'm about four beers in. How about I just ramble on for a bit and see where it leads too, aye? I know you've gotta miss our midnight ramblings especially after a few pints and we'd wind up back at your place for some moonlight madness. That horny bastard I call me brother woke me up the last three nights in a row moaning your name. Ma thought it was the real thing and came barging in while the little shit had his hand down his pants. Funniest fucking shit I ever seen in my life! Ah well, we got shit to do in the morning so I guess I'll set this aside for a few days and hit the hay (here's to not being woken up for a fourth night…)

Well it's been close to a week since I've picked this up, after reading through it the first couple of times I almost threw it out to start over but if I did that you wouldn't have been able to read those first few ramblings. We had our 28th birthday a few months ago and we know yours was back in April, just a fucking shame we couldn't have spent that day with you or you with us on ours. Ma got us some new clothes, says all that time in America made us fat and nothing we had at home really fit us anymore and if it did it was bursting at the seams (her words, not mine). She's got a point though, all that time we spent at the diner fattened us quite a bit but I think your cooking may have played a hand in it as well; you always made enough to feed a small army and made us take some to work with us so we didn't have to spend money.

Ma still won't tell us who came out first; Da stopped by the house to wish us a happy birthday as well, we tried to gang up on him to find out but he was really no help, says it was whoever got his ass popped cause he didn't come out crying. Da bought a sheep farm a few hours away and is asking us to move out there with him; he says it's quiet and after everything we've been through that the quiet would do us some good. Ma doesn't see it that way but says if we do move out there with Da that she'd rather us be a few hours away versus a few thousand miles.

I had a dream about you a few nights ago, don't know why I'm telling you about it but figured there's no harm in letting you know that I still think about you. Was dreaming about one of the nights Murph was in the hospital, he was awake so you were finally spending some time at home with your cats and not worrying about him so much. Not sure if you remember or not but you had gotten real snappy with one of the nurses and in a cruel turnabout I ended up getting called to bring your cranky ass home (usually they're calling you to take me home, remember?)

Anyway, I came and got you even though you were putting up quite a fight over it, Murph promised to stay out of trouble for the night and that he wouldn't go running down the halls flashing those sweet old ladies. I got you home and settled in, your cats were more than happy to see their Ma home for a change, the one with the blue collar (can't remember his name) was all over you like a dog, the other just laid in your lap and fell asleep all cuddled up. I made your tea just the way you like it (with a healthy dose of whiskey, of course), put on one of your favorite movies, and left you to your own devices.

I remember a few hours later I had fallen asleep in my bed wondering if and when Murph was coming home; admittedly I hated falling asleep alone knowing that my brother wasn't in the bed across from mine. Had to have been almost 2-3 in the morning when you snuck in and started getting a wee bit frisky. I've had some girlfriends that would wake me on occasion with a blowjob every now and then but you get bonus points for creativity on that one. Never thought I'd wake up in the middle of finishing and never even knew how it all started. I honestly thought the whole thing was one big wet dream until I heard you whispering my name, completely unaware that I was fully awake.

I remember you were so lost in getting yourself off that you never felt me sitting up in bed and laying you on your back; your eyes were closed and your hair was covering half your face but I could smell how strong the whiskey was on your breath. I probably shouldn't have gone as far as I did but you were practically begging for a release. I remember hitching your leg up over my hip and just driving into you; the way you were keening, how you kept encouraging me to go hard, deeper, faster…

I've never told anyone about that night, not even in confession although it was damning enough that I probably should've. Murph doesn't even know about it although he does pester me from time to time wondering what happened. Sometimes one of the only downsides to being a twin is that we know when the other is hiding or holding something back. We used to never keep things from each other until you came you along. Me and Murph are still very open with one other about you but there are just a few things we keep solely for ourselves; only a few moments of sentiment that mean everything to us as individuals.

Guess I'll wrap this up by saying that we both miss you. I know you must've read those words more than a dozen times considering we both write it in every letter we send. I managed to scrounge enough money together to get you just a little something (because it is Christmas). Not quite as old as the Book of Kells but it was one of things I came across in an old, musty bookshop. It's got an authentication certificate with it so I figured it must be the real deal and if not at least you'll have a good story to tell.

Connor

P.S. I know it probably won't happen but we would both love to hear from you, even if it's just a single line telling us you're okay.