retrospectrum
chapter one
Wolfen: das Tier in Mir
"Let me taste your blood."
She doesn't bother looking back.
No point. Not really. She's a renegade now. She's defected from her 'group'.
Time changed her. It always does.
But she's always been a monster. A freak. A bad-tempered bitch. An outcast.
Once upon a time she used to be a human girl with a high reiatsu. Once upon a time she died. Once upon a time she used to be a shinigami. Once upon a time she gained her Hollow powers and became a criminal. Once upon a time she joined a 'group' that was just like her. Once upon a time she left. Once upon a time…
She doesn't live a fucking fairytale. There never was a proper 'once upon a time'. Not now, not later. At least not for her.
She was taught how to kill… how to destroy… how to rip the Hollow's souls apart and severe their limbs… how to torture… how to slay your ally if the action was required. She was taught how to save, but she saves things by destroying it. Piece by piece. The sound of blood singing delightfully in the air.
And he was there by her side. All the time.
She's had her own share of wars and missions and deaths. She's seen broken hearts and bitter tears; malicious love and tainted blood; gory injuries and damaged souls. She's heard the curses and distorted screams of Hollows and Arrancars and shinigami and Vaizard.
Her eyes have seen so many horrors. So many tragedies and 'what if''s and 'what could have been's. Too much blood and guts and decapitated limps and dead corpses… she can't be called innocent anymore. She never claimed she was.
She's not the only one, after all.
She's just a killing machine, both shinigami and Hollow.
She's become an outcast, once again. Because obtaining Hollow powers is wrong, even if it wasn't her fault, they still blamed her.
And neither shinigami nor Arrancar can trust her.
They fear her.
Her soul becomes darker.
Her smile becomes sadistic.
And her world has always been twisted.
Because she's always playing a game. Everyone is. They just don't realize it.
Want to play?
– x –
In game called 'C'est-la-Vie'… there must be lust.
A burning desire.
– x –
She arrives. They stare at her.
Quietly, shocked, they watch her walk towards them, a satisfied smirk on her face, striding with the glow of a glorious battle on her face. They used to like watching her fight. They liked the way the blood covered her. Hard work, they thought, but in reality it's hard work in trying to keep the Hollow alive just long enough to sate that sadistic pleasure.
It's the way that scarlet blood oozes out of her clothes, the way that scarlet blood slithers down her flushed cheeks, the way that…
Flaxen coloured hair…
Snow white skin…
Cherry red lips…
… drenches with blood. A new smell. A new flavour. A new victim.
And the way her eyes sparkle.
But it's the way she licks the blood off that they love the most.
She licks her lips, relishing the taste. She licks her sliver blade, her tongue tasting the blood skimming down the tainted surface.
And she smiles sinisterly.
She had licked his cheek once, her mouth barely touching him, her red tongue tracing the crimson liquid, running down his cold cheek.
'Sorry.' She said. 'Couldn't help myself.'
He had smiled darkly, a grim expression on his irresistible face.
– x –
Dark clouds and dark thoughts
The night of the full moon breaks my barriers
Greed builds up within me for animals
That I massacre
– x –
She learns how to love the taste of blood. Human, shinigami, Hollow, Arrancar, it doesn't matter whose blood it was. She enjoys the freshness, the juiciness and the bitter taste of copper. Loves the way it seeps out of her enemies' skin… her golden eyes gleam eerily at the mere sight of it. The taste, the smell and the appearance… even the sound it makes, she wants it all.
They knew when she was thinking about it.
Her aura would just have this element.
And she'd say, gold eyes glowing:
"Let me taste your blood."
– x –
I feel a lust for blood here and now…
Deep in the night of the twinkling stars
A sweet smell pulls into the distance
When I have completely seen the night
My desire is kindled and the hunter in me awakens…
– x –
It all ends with one fight.
Two blades clash, sparks flying.
There are two tired warriors… speaking only with their shattered swords.
And suddenly she slapped him.
He didn't move; he has had enough.
'Get out.'
– x –
It starts out easy:
something simple,
something sleazy,
something inching past the edge
of the reserve.
– x –
Three years go by.
And her life is fantastic.
It starts with just a song.
A smile.
A dance.
No… it wasn't that simple.
Life is never that simple.
It can be the sultry dance, or the damp atmosphere, but perhaps it is just the alcohol that takes hold of their minds. It can be the flashing lights that change from red to blue to yellow to green to purple to orange to anything. The sake that they serve in the bar is powerful, addictive… intoxicating. It's one of the reasons why the nightclub is so popular. It can make people feel, it can trigger certain memories… it can make them feel alive.
Because no one knows what will happen next.
That's what makes life so exciting.
– x –
In 'Cest-la-Vie' there must be no warning.
No telling of the future. It will stay unpredictable.
– x –
It might be the shade of blonde hair.
Not the tight-fitting red dress. Or the spooky smile, her heavy lids lowering over blazing eyes. It isn't anything to do with how much skin she's revealing, despite how petite she is.
Maybe it's just the alcohol, messing up his mind. It proves that he is a hot-blooded male.
While jealousy can make him dangerous, lust will drive him mad.
– x –
Strange thoughts, wild lust
The desire for the tender breast meat
I want to tear, I want to bite and shred withered flesh
I hunt my prey with lustful agitation
– x –
Sarugaki Hiyori.
Look at what she's become.
The Vaizard.
Rejected by Hollows, criminals in the shinigami world, monsters to the human world.
What shall she do?
Where will they hide?
How shall they live?
How much destruction – protection – should she cause to prove she exists?
How many Hollows should they kill?
How high is their pride?
And how high are the destroyed – saved – souls' corpses?
Look at what she's become.
What they've become.
Aren't you proud… Shinji?
– x –
Such grace, such beauty
and lipsticks and callous
and fishnets and malice
– x –
She loves it.
It's her job.
She'll be damned if her past takes her away from here. If they recognise her, that is. Would they? Would they know the changed little blonde girl?
She wouldn't care, either way.
She doesn't need sandals; high heels are more deadly.
It's not the sake that's made her this way. It's the blood, the lust, the burning desire that consumes her.
She can kiss, she can drink, she can fuck because it'll be fun.
And she's legal.
Let the past come. See if she cares. See if anything will change.
If she dies, drowning in sins and burning in hell like a fallen angel, she'll smirk.
Her life right now is fun. And she won't regret it if it comes to that.
– x –
Such grace, such beauty
So precious, suspicious,
and charming, and vicious
– x –
She used to come to them, after her battles, dripping in blood and smirking back their cold smiles with a mocking malevolent smirk. Her menacing aura emitted from her reiatsu was so scary that they froze at her presence.
Here comes the monster.
Brought up with a hard life… killing… slaughtering… laughing… wreaking destruction in her wake.
Destruction that saves other people's lives.
( but aren't they the same ? )
( what makes them different ? )
– x –
Stand up!
Just when you think you're in control…
Fuck off!
Just when you think you've got a hold…
– x –
Concentrate.
Look.
Listen.
Think.
Act.
– x –
Do you still think that I'm nobody?
Do you think that I don't exist?
… am I a bloody beast?
– x –
She's become a monster to deal with her sins.
Her 'crimes'.
A demon… behind her once innocent gold eyes… behind her snow-white skin and flaxen hair… behind everything that seems superficial. She's turned into a demon that roams as an endearing, petite girl.
She's young, she's hot-tempered, but she's cute and a good kisser. She knows how to get what she wants, and as long as that works, she's fine. She can fuck and kiss; lick and moan; scream and use that small, plump cherry-red mouth to earn it. She might dress like a slut, talk like a bitch, fuck like a bitch, leaving you lusting for more, but there's far more important things that go through her mind.
Because once you take the bait, her sadistic smile widens, with the blush of recklessness and no regret on her pretty, freckled little mask.
– x –
'C'est-la-Vie' is a game that never ends.
It lies, it cheats, it backstabs you with a poisoned knife.
Live it. Play it.
And conquer it.
– x –
I'm not a beast.
I feel.
I cry.
I desire.
I dream.
And…
I love.
– x –
She doesn't care that the rest of her 'group' have kept their image pure, even if they've had scars and tears and turmoil in the past.
They're not her.
And she doesn't care.
All she cares about is a dance. Music. A live band and booming soundtracks with noise that threatens to make them deaf. All she cares about is the sensuous touches and the hot breath that her partner is giving her.
Caressing skin, suppressing moans, the hard bites that will leave bruises – it's all good for the blonde, golden-eyed girl.
She doesn't like it.
She's addicted to it; she can't live without it.
Because for her, dirty dancing, music, sex, lust and blood are essential.
And she loves what she's become.
– x –
'C'est-la-Vie' is a game.
It's a matter of choice.
– x –
Sake tastes great. No, in fact it tastes the best. She liked it instantly the first time she tried it. She asked for another one, a different type.
She's greedy and she wanted to taste every single one of them.
She's selfish and wanted to know the experience of being drunk.
She got offered a job and accepted.
And she gets to drink all the sake she wants.
She never claimed she was innocent.
She knew that she was tainted, corrupted by her mere existence. Her sanity is shattering, crumbling away day by day.
She's kissed. She's been touched.
It doesn't mean that she's been fucked.
She still dreams of being a virgin bride… perhaps the only innocence that she has left. But even that won't last forever.
Strawberry kisses and chaste touches.
Life isn't like that. Not for her.
It all begins one night. When Hirako Shinji visits the bar, unaware of what would happen next. Nobody would, but nobody cares.
Because the nightclub Las Caras Falsas lives on.
And Shinji will never forget it.
– x –
Glowing red eyes follow your trail
The weather leads me across far halls
– x –
"Don't make me break your heart."
– x –
I mutate into an animal, I am a creature of the night
I am the hunter of the moon until the morning comes
– x –
If you're older than eighteen, it's legal.
To drink.
To kill.
To fuck.
– x –
She's 'eighteen'.
She doesn't need hairclips or hairgrips or pigtails anymore.
Why bother when there's mascara and eyeliner and perfume and sake?
She's killed.
She's drunk.
But although she can, she hasn't fucked.
– x –
It is the animal in me
That awakens my greed for you
– x –
He let her go.
Aren't you proud, Shinji?
That you've created such a fiend?
She did this… all for you.
– x –
I would gladly devour you…
– x –
Congratulations.
– x –
… can you sense my desire?
– x –
You've made the perfect monster.
– x –
Disclaimer: neither the lyrics used, or bleach is mine.