Dear Rosalie,
Don't look for me I'm never coming back, I happily married to a monkey named Susan! I don't need anything in my life except my monkey husband, and toilet paper. I'm sorry I betrayed you, but I found out that I was gay in the monkey society! I have something that I have to tell you before I move on to my life as a gay monkey….
1-Jasper, Carlisle, and Sometime me, and guys in La Push and Forks, formed a group called man lovers, and we fell in love with Edward. We renamed the group Men who love Edward, and we made tee-shirts that say I heart Edward on it, and on the back we wrote man lovers!
2-We went to Port Angeles and we hooked up those guys who tried to attack Bella, and we had them join our group!
3-I was the one who broke your curling iron, and blamed it on Alice, because I liked it a lot. I used it to turn you on, because you like guys with curly hair!
4-I stole Bella red dress, and went night clubbing with Mike, because he's cute.
I'm Sorry…
You Ex-Husband,
Emmett
P.S. I don't have curly hair, I just use a Curling Iron!
P.S.S I replaced Edwards hair gel, with melted wax, when he was in the shower!