Author's Note: Background: This story takes place about a few years after the Battle of Hogwarts. Ron was killed in that battle when he pushed his brother Fred out of the way and the wall fell on him instead. Hermione left for Australia to retrieve her parents after the battle, but found that she was unable to reverse the Memory Charm. When she returned, broken hearted, to England, she was offered a job teaching Charms at Hogwarts. I don't own Harry Potter, any of the characters, or storylines.
The screams woke her up, just like they did every night. Hermione sat straight up in her bed, sweaty hands clutching her quilt. It always took a moment before she realized that the screams were coming from her own mouth. She gasped for air, twisting and flailing on the mattress, until she felt the last image of her nightmare fade from the room. And then she was alone in the darkness, the night quiet save the pounding of her still racing heart.
"Good morning Hermione!" A singsong voice called out cheerily as she wearily made her way into the familiar building.
"Good morning Winky." Hermione greeted the house elf. It had taken Winky a long time to agree to address her by name, but now the elf used it freely. Small steps, she had to keep reminding herself. Small steps.
"Oh dear! You haven't slept well, have you?" Winky's brown eyes were filled with worry as she took in Hermione's appearance. Reminding herself to stop in at her office and apply some magic concealer before her first class, Hermione smiled wryly.
"I'm fine Winky. Really."
The elf was not convinced. "Hermione...don't you think...it would be better to live here? In the castle? You might have better luck keeping away your demons if you slept within these walls..."
"I'm fine!" Hermione snapped, her tone harsher than she had intended. She recovered quickly and put a hand on Winky's shoulder. "I just stayed up too late...correcting papers. I'll be okay, really." Winky shrugged and attempted a smile.
"If you need anything..."
"I'll be sure to let you know." Hermione finished, and hurried up the stairs to her office. She knew that everyone thought she was being silly, keeping her small apartment when luxurious living quarters were provided within Hogwarts for professors, but she was not ready to make that move. Too much had happened within these walls...too much had been taken from her. She didn't mind working here, in fact it was therapeutic and gave her mind a much needed challenge, but there were days when she was thankful for her own space far away from the memories of what had taken place here.
"Hi Hermione." Neville passed her on the stairs. He never commented about how she looked or what had happened, but he couldn't hide the concern in his eyes. Hermione stopped and smiled at her friend.
"How are you today, Neville?"
"I'm good...how about yourself? Do you need anything?" He started to put a hand on her arm, and then changed his mind and slowly drew it back.
"No, I don't think so." Hermione answered briskly. "Possibly a good cup of coffee, but I can conjure one up in my office. Anything going on today that I should know about?" She managed a smile as she tried to steer the conversation to work matters and off of herself.
"Yes!" Neville brightened. "Don't you remember? The new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is starting today! I can't wait to find out what the big secret is, I don't know why none of us were allowed to find out who it is."
"That's right!" Hermione answered, leaning against the bannister. "The only thing I can think of is that its someone famous or high profile and Professor McGonagal didn't want to disrupt everything by making it public."
"Well, I know its not Harry Potter." Neville replied with a wink. "I'm sure you would know about that, right?" Hermione lowered her eyes. "I haven't kept in touch in touch with Harry as much as I should have." She said softly.
"Oh." Neville's smile faded and he sounded stricken. "I'm...I'm sorry Hermione...I thought..."
He took a step back and wrung his hands. Hermione forced the smile back on to her face.
"Neville, its okay...please don't be so uncomfortable...I'm fine..." She wondered if she should create a charm that would keep repeating that phrase so she didn't have to.
"I know you are." Neville said, looking right into her eyes. "But...Hermione...I don't want to be the one..." He stopped and looked as though he had said too much. Hermione laughed nervously.
"Don't worry Neville, nothing you say is going to send me back to St. Mungo's. I spent some time in that...that ward...because I was having trouble facing everything that happened during the war, but I'm all right now. Really. Its behind me. I work here, which is a big step forward for me. Please don't worry, I'll let someone know if I can't deal with things." She did not wait for his answer and hurried up the stairs. She knew that Neville was probably wondering why she was going this way, taking the long way around, but even though she was able to be in the castle, having to go past where IT had happened was just too much.
Hermione turned the last corner and headed for the far stairs that would take her down to her office. She knew that if she told Headmistress McGonagal that she couldn't walk through THAT corridor, the Headmistress would change her office immediately, but her pride was preventing her from doing that. Hermione had never liked to show weakness, and now was no different. The extra walk was good for her, and she left it at that.
She was lost in thought about her day's lesson and collided with someone coming up the stairs.
"Hey there..." A pair of strong arms caught her and kept her from falling.
"Thank you." Hermione felt her face redden. "I'm so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going..."'
"So in other words, some things never change?" Hermione looked up in shock at the familiar drawl.
"You! What are you doing here?" She stared at him in disbelief. Draco Malfoy grinned and leaned arrogantly against the wall.
"I could ask the same of you, Granger. I work here...you're looking at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts professor."
"What?" Hermione's eyes opened wide in horror. "You? You're the new teacher? What is the Headmistress thinking? Hiring a former Death Eater?" Draco shrugged and gave her a wink.
"Thanks for the warm welcome, Granger. I take it you work here now, too?"
"Of course I do." She replied haughtily. "What someone like you could possibly offer the students here, I can't imagine." She started to move past him, but he blocked her way. Hermione whipped out her wand faced him, eyes flashing angrily. "How dare you Malfoy! Get out of my way!" Draco, who had also taken out his own wand, shook his head.
"Not until we get something straight, Granger. Whether you like it or not, I do work here now and you will treat me with respect."
"You haven't earned it, you disgusting Death Eater scum!" She hissed back at him. Her body was shaking with anger, but on some strange level, the emotion felt comforting. She had been keeping everything inside for so long...trying to stay in control of herself for so many months...the pressure had reached an apex and was ready to burst. Draco eyed her with disgust and moved to the side.
"Calm down, Granger. Wouldn't want to land yourself back in the crazy ward, now would you? Maybe I will speak to our Headmistress about the stability of some of the staff here..." Hermione fought for control, whispering a calming spell to herself. She felt the familiar soothing waves settle over her.
"Just stay out of my way, Malfoy." She moved past him and went quickly down the stairs, not stopping until she was safely in her office. She slammed the door behind her, locked and soundproofed it with a hastily spoken spell, and finally allowed herself to sink to the floor and weep.