The pain wasn't anything he had felt before, it started with the intense denial; it couldn't be true no they were lying to him. It couldn't be true, he couldn't be gone. It wasn't even something horrific that he had failed to protect him from. The day had been just like any other, get him up, take him to school and wait for later when he could sneak in to his room after his mother wasn't conscious. But this time there had been no one there, the house had been eerily quiet. It wasn't until later that he would know the ominous feeling in the pit of his stomach was correct. Death. It was never happy, but for one so young, it seemed to hurt so much more. How could this have been allowed to happen. It just wasn't right.
After the abject denial came the screaming all consuming agony, just to move hurt, knowing that the child would never move again. He couldn't think without the hurt consuming him. He had lost a part of himself and he would never get it back. His hands shook as he realized all he had was memories and they weren't going to last forever. And there was nothing, nothing at all. Just empty agony. The eternal torment of nothing. Nothing could describe how little there was in his life now. It just seemed...pointless. People all around him continued with their lives unaware that a light had gone out. His world was collapsing around him; everything reminded him of what he had lost.
The pain didn't seem to be leaving, so he became numb, nothing mattered; there wasn't anything that carried any weight with him anymore. It was a better way to be, not to think, it stopped the never ending flow of tears. Sometimes though, something got through the barrier and the pain spiked again. But he shut it down. Even though it became harder each time. Eventually it was the pavement that did it. He looked down at the cracks remembering the game the child had played with him about standing on as few as possible. The wave of misery that hit him forced him to his knees; it was a physical barrier between him and anything ahead. He let out a keening sound of pure torment as the truth of his life was laid before him, there wasn't any light on the horizon, and there was just bland emptiness to look forward to.
Everything hurt; he was suffering in silence on the pavement as uncontrollable tears streamed down his face. He didn't have the power to move his hand to wipe them. This was it. The endless anguish. The never ending hurt.
Pure undiluted grief.
A/n based off my feelings. Dedicated to Harlow. A 12 year old boy whose life support was switched off this Wednesday following a hockey accident at school on Tuesday. Never forget what you have or what people mean to you, they can leave you too fast.