This particular fanfiction is a rewrite of an extremely dated fanfiction that I wrote in my younger years. I took the time to completely reorganize and rewrite it, but it still has much of the main "plot" (if you so choose to call it that...) intact, and even some new little dodads for you to chuckle over (yet again, if you so choose to, which you shall.) This fiction features a terribly confused and simple Sora, a defective Kairi, and a deviant Riku, along with a host of Disney characters that are constantly being ridiculed. Enjoy dumplings! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Obviously I am not World Overlord, and that means that I am not a member of Disney nor Squaresoft, and none of these characters belong to me. I do enjoy toying with them though.

Sora was always considered to be a simple child. He enjoyed gluttonous snacking, idle daydreaming, and frolicking about the island's sandy beaches with his closest friends. Yet lately, Sora had gone through some changes. And not normal changes such as puberty or a sudden psychotic break, but unnatural, concussion induced changes. For Sora had recently become the victim of a horrible Coconut Accident.

Yes, you heard correctly: a Coconut Accident, the type of accident that is without a doubt universally known as the most brutal and injurious sort. It is also the stealthiest, often striking from nowhere at the most unexpected of moments. No one is truly safe, and this is the power that the Coconut Accident holds over the world. Or at least over Destiny Islands.

All unnecessary explanations aside, this life-changing event occurred one bright and cheery afternoon while Sora, Riku, and Kairi were knee deep in the lighthearted labor of raft building. Though at the moment, Sora was huddled under a palm tree, attempting to remove a splinter lodged in his right index finger. It was a very large splinter, and he was having quite a bit of trouble with it. To make things worse, he had a childish intolerance for pain, and couldn't help but let out a series of loud whimpers every time he touched it (the splinter's aura, that is.) And considering that it was lodged within his finger, he found it impossible to not touch it.

Consequently, Kairi too had taken a break from the project to offer her support to Sora. She tried to be accommodating and make comforting emotional connections with him by telling stories of her family's own splinter related experiences. She went about it all in a very lighthearted tone, yet the stories she told always had something to do with horrible infections that led amputations, and really only made Sora feel worse. She hadn't seemed to pick up on this yet however, and continued ceaselessly, even when Sora fell into a fit of uncontrollable sobbing.

Riku glanced over at the two, a bit concerned. He debated whether or not to go over and simply pull the splinter from his friend's finger himself. It would be the merciful thing to do; and his crying was a bit irksome to Riku, embarrassing even. For a wimpy, crying best friend would only hurt the image that he was trying to project to the world.

Riku was bold…

Riku was ruthless…

Riku was… "Gangsta."

These were the words he had personally spray painted on the door to his room, much to his parents' protests. Yet Riku knew he was too cool to conform to the wishes of others, and even to the wishes of himself! That's why he had to be… out of the box! And that was why he had decided let rogue radiobroadcasts from the outside world form his character. No one else was doing this at the moment, so obviously it had to be nonconformance! This was what flawed logic told Riku. And the only rogue radio broadcast he could tune into clearly told him that he had to be "Gangsta" to be "Happenin' ", and "Happenin' " was all that there was to be in "'da Hood."

And thus, the Raft Project was born! During the past two weeks, Riku discovered that he knew, in his heart, the only place he could ever feel at home was in 'da Hood. He could never feel at home and do what his heart told him to do (without getting arrested) while living in a stifling island community such as this one. So he had shared his desire to travel to far off worlds with his two closest friends, Sora and Kairi. They were very supportive, which was partially due to the fact that he had made no mention of 'da Hood specifically to them. He would speak of the particulars when they docked at foreign shores, and see where that took them. But for now, both friends remained in an enthusiastic bliss over the future travels. Well, not at the immediate moment, due to Sora's splinter dilemma.

Little did anyone know, Sora's misery would soon be put to a halting stop in the most violent way possible. Yes… It was now time for the Coconut Accident. Actually, the real, initial, very first cause of the Coconut Accident occurred that morning, at about ten o' clock. A young seagull made its first attempt at flight from the nest yet fell and broke its poor little neck. Investigating the scene was a medium sized rat, who rolled the bird's corpse over with its nose and displaced a small piece of gravel lying upon the ground near it. Young Tidus, hearing this noise, awakened from his slumber and leapt through the glass of a second story bedroom window, breaking an ankle on impact. Amazingly this did not faze him, and he rushed into the forest on almost all fours in pursuit of his prey. Finally reaching the target, he snatched the live rat up with one hand and shoved it down his throat kicking and screaming. He swallowed, and walked calmly back towards the house he had come from to pay for the damages, for he was actually sleeping over at Wakka's at the moment.

Now, at the same time as Sora's splinter predicament, Selphie was sitting under a shady palm tree writing a scandalous fanfiction with Riku as the star, when Tidus walked up to her. He then promptly vomited a half digested rat corpse onto her head, completely on accident of course, and rushed off into the jungle never to be seen again. Selphie panicked in feminine disgust and threw her work in progress at Wakka, who was kicking around a blitz ball in the general area. Wakka was sent off balance, and glanced over at the currently unhygienic Selphie, and then to the object that had been flung at him. As soon as he caught glimpse of the words: Riku, lipstick, bellybutton, tambourine, and flapjack all in one sentence he bolted in the opposite direction of the papers in disgusted horror. He ran, ran, and ran without stop until he had made his way to the other side of the island, which was the side of the island that our trio was currently building their raft upon. He bolted straight into the tree that Sora was huddled under, and fell backwards unconscious. Oddly enough, a small fish jumped out from behind Wakka's eyeball and hit a coconut on the tree, dislodging it, and sending it hurtling straight towards Sora's head. The tropical treat hit its mark, and Sora too, was out cold.

Kairi jumped to her feet in horror, and tears began to well up in her eyes when she came far enough out of her shocked state to realize what had just happened; the horrors that had just befell their innocent group.

"Sora!" she cried, crouching down and shaking his shoulders frantically. "Sora! Speak to me!" A hysterical tone rung clearly in her voice.

Riku, who had been gazing off in the opposite direction of this event while brooding bitterly over his misplaced position on Destiny Islands, looked over in the direction of Kairi and Sora, and proceeded to stare. He got up and walked over, looking down at Sora, who now lay limp in Kairi's arms as she sobbed pitifully over this tragedy.

"What just happened?" he asked, wide-eyed and blinking. He glanced over at Wakka's unconscious form, and then back to Sora's.

"A… a… a…" In between sobs Kairi was having a difficult time getting it out. She finally shouted, "A Coconut Accident!!" before bursting completely into tears.

Riku stared blankly. "A what?"

"CO-CO-NUT!" she cried, sobbing louder still.

Riku made a small noise of uncertainty, crouched down, then placed a hand lightly on Kairi's shoulder in an attempt to comfort her.

"It's okay Kairi… I'm sure he'll wake up in-" he was curtly cut off by a powerful smack to the face.

After being sent back several feet forcefully, Riku pushed himself up off the ground into a sitting position and stared incredulously at Kairi, who was now on her feet. With Sora lying limp on the ground beside her, she flashed an accusing pointer finger and eyes filled with hatred distrust towards Riku.

"How could you let this happen Riku!?"

Riku blinked. "Wh-what?"

"HOW!?" she cried out, "YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE PROTECTING HIM!!"

"…Huh?" Riku was horribly confused at this sudden mood swing.

Kairi was now gazing distantly at the waters, a gentle ocean breeze blowing through her hair. A subtle, yet dramatic line of violin music played in the background. Riku's eyes darted about frantically in an attempt to find the source. Where was that coming from!? He didn't know anyone on the islands that even played the violin!

"I told myself that day… that I would never let it happen again…"

Kairi's vague spoken thought brought the focus away from Riku's confusion and utter lack of dramatic sense, and back towards herself. A second breeze, even more dramatic than the first, whipped her hair about her face. She sneezed, and then continued on.

"The accidents… the Coconut Accidents… they follow me everywhere I go…"

"Come again?" interjected Riku, any sign of confusion now wiped off of his face. At present he simply had on a look that suggested he was about to die of tedium.

"You know what I'm talking about!" said with passion in her voice, turning around to face him. "The birthday party, the photo shoot, the school cafeteria! All of them were because of me!"

Riku honestly had no recollection of any of this, but kept that little snippet of information to himself for the moment.

"I carry… the mark. The curse. The Curse of Kokonutt…"

"I'm leaving now," Riku said shortly as he stood up and dusted the sand from his trousers. He then began to travel towards his boat at the dock, deciding that his day was officially over.

"It's true… someday… you'll believe me Riku…" she uttered quietly to herself. "When it happens… to you…" As her angst filled eyes closed, a single tear rolled down her cheek.

All of it was true. Well, perhaps calling class photos a "photo shoot" was a slight exaggeration, yet regardless; it was still all very true. At least so far as the inside of Kairi's inflamed head was concerned. She, in her youth, had witnessed a multitude of tragic Coconut Accidents. Her mother, while on her deathbed in Destiny Island's Cuddle Warm Hospital told her that it wasn't her fault… but could Kairi really believe her words with all of the evidence now staring her right in the face? It was too much to be a coincidence; every time a Coconut Accident occurred, she was there! Even at the moment of her birth, their family's prized donkey Rolondo was struck to death with a rogue coconut, then hit with a bicycle.

She was too young to prevent it then, too young to be accountable for her actions, but now… now was different. She had the knowledge of the Kokonutt Curse within her massive head. Could she allow all those around her to be at risk because of her!? No! She could not! She turned back to Sora's vulnerable form and bit her lower lip. Could she do anything at this point? Could she fight against this horrible curse that had followed her since birth?

"Yes." She decided. "Yes I can!"

With much enthusiasm, she ran up to Sora, crouched, and spoke to him. "Don't worry Sora! I won't let you die! I'll go get help, you can count on me!"

With that, she stood up and did an about face towards the water. And from there she ran, she ran to get help.

Wakka had awoken from his comatose state at this point. He opened his eyes slowly, and his vision came into focus just in time to see Kairi as she waded fully clothed out into the ocean waters. A wade turned into a swim, and she began to make her way away from the shore. Wakka couldn't help but stare and wonder what she was doing…

Riku was at a half point between the two islands and saw the same thing as Wakka. He sighed and put down his oars in an attempt to wait for her to reach him, before she went and drowned herself by trying to travel the whole way. Why would she not take her boat like a normal person!? Some things just didn't make any sense… Riku shook his head in disapproval and continued to wait.

Quite short this chapter... If I get a few reviews, I shall post the next one, which will include a now delusional and gender confused Sora, along with a very disturbed and frightened Riku.