Driving Miss Crazy

spacegypsy1

Warnings: None – maybe unrecognizable references to Unending. Not Spoilers.

Daniel tries unsuccessfully to teach Vala to Drive. Everybody gets involved and Jack shows up in dress blues …what's that all about? Romance, humor, a touch of angst. D/V a little S/J.

Chapter One: Her Baby

When Vala walked into Daniel's office he looked up, "What are you eating?"

"Lunch."

"What is it?"

"A peanut butter and dill pickle sandwich."

He grimaced, hearing the crunch of dill pickle.

She stood over him, crunching and staring at his work.

"What do you want?" He raised his eyes, wary.

"You said you'd teach me to drive."

"I said when I have time."

"You do."

"No I don't."

"Yes you do, I just checked."

"Checked? Checked with whom?"

"General Landry. He said you were free for the next three days."

He stared off across the office. In his head he heard the steel prison bars clank shut. How do I get out of this one? "Look, Vala, I have work to do."

"No. I checked. Nothing on your schedule. No one's waiting for some alien translation, no foreign dignitaries to impress with all your languages. No macho man training. I'm sure. I checked. Really. You're free."

There was only one way to get rid of her, "Okay, fine. One hour. That's all I can spare."

"I'm sure that is all I'll need." She popped the last of her bizarre sandwich in her mouth and smiled while chewing.

He stood, and then suddenly he remembered and grinned with joy. "I can't," he said happily. "My car's in the shop."

She shrugged a shoulder, "that's okay, I have one."

"You have a car?"

"Yes, I bought one yesterday. The man delivered it this morning. It's in the parking lot." She dug the keys out of a pocket and tossed them to him.

Mouth open, Daniel did the slow motion blink. "How'd you buy a car?"

"I have money. I bought it off of e-bay."

"You bought a car off of e-bay! Vala, do you know anything about the car?"

"Silly, well of course I do. I checked all the references. And as it turns out, the car belonged to Captain Rowe, who worked a rotation right here at the SGC. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Yeah. Alright, let's go, you have fifty minutes left."

"That's not fair Daniel, the hour shouldn't start until we are in the car, you teaching, me learning."

"Fine," his hand at her back pushed her along. He wanted to get it over with.

Sam came out of the elevator.

"Sam you have to come see the adorable little car I bought and Daniel's going to teach me to drive." Vala scrunched her shoulders up in giddy happiness.

"You bought a car?' Sam looked from Vala to Daniel.

Daniel held the elevator door open. "She bought it off of e-bay." He rolled his eyes.

"I bought it from that nice Captain Rowe, you remember him?"

Sam stared aghast. "You bought Jim Rowe's sixty thousand dollar Porsche?"

Daniel let go of the door. Vala had her back to him; she bit her lip and tried to see him out of the corner of her eye.

"Well, I got a really good deal. I only paid fifty two for it."

"Fifty-two thousand dollars? For a car!?" Daniel was right beside her, looming large and menacing. "Sam, can you call this Captain Rowe guy, we need to straighten this out." Daniel pulled Vala towards Sam's lab.

"You can't!" Vala tugged herself free of his grip and slammed her hands on hips. "I paid him cash. He just got called overseas, left this morning, that's why I got it so cheap."

"Oh boy, I'll be in my lab if you need me." Sam scurried away as fast as she could.

"Vala, you don't have fifty-two thousand dollars!"

Again, she chewed her lip, "I've been saving?" There that should be plausible.

He moved his head forward, eyes squinted and silently threatened her.

Mitchell came around the corner and spotted Daniel, "Holy jumpin' Jesus! Jackson, you should see the beauty sittin' in the parking lot, a 1960 Porsche 356, Roadster! Whoa, is it a doozie. Red convertible. Fully restored, you just gotta see it." Mitchell was walking backwards, towards Sam's lab. "Man, the guard said some hot chick was sittin' in it this morning, damn, I need to get up close and personal with her." He disappeared into Sam's lab.

Wide toothy grin, eyes batting, Vala waited.

"Where'd you get the cash?" He took hold of her sleeve again and led her back towards his office.

Once in Daniel's office, she answered his question. "I cleaned out my bank account."

"You didn't have that much money in your bank account, I know, I have to help you do your bank statement every month."

Daniel was worried. He gently pressed her into his office chair. "Vala?"

She took a deep breath, "I sold something."

He perched on the edge of his desk. He knew. He knew the only item she had that she could sell for that kind of money. Something he thought she would never touch again, let alone, sell. "You sold your necklace. The Qetesh necklace."

"Yes," she was looking at her hands in her lap. "To that nice old museum man you introduced me to. You said he was trustworthy."

He lifted her chin. "Vala," his voice was soft and caring. "You said you never wanted to see it again. And if you did, it was money for your retirement. You had Landry lock it up."

She looked into his eyes. "I loved that little car, Daniel. I just HAD to have it. So I asked the general for the necklace and I took it, still wrapped in the silk, and I sold it. I never looked at it. Something good should come out of all that. Besides," she perked up a little bit, "I have a 401K now."

"You bought a fifty-two thousand dollar car?"

"Yes, Daniel, you said that. Now can we go and actually drive it?"

"Sure. Why not."

~*~*~*~*~*~

In his head, Daniel could hear Jack's voice, "Sweet." And the car was all of that and more. "Vala," he shook his head, "this is the nuttiest thing you have ever done. Number one, it's a manual shift. Number two, the insurance is going to be … way high. The maintenance will cost a fortune, and I can't even speculate on the gas mileage."

"But it's so, ME!"

"That it is." Daniel got into the passenger side. "Come on, get in. I can't believe you bought a fifty-two thousand dollar car."

She rolled her eyes and settled in the driver's seat. "Okay, what now?"

Daniel shuffled through the glove box, not the least bit surprised to find the original manual. People were fanatic about vintage cars. He handed the book to her. "Read this. Cover to cover." I can't believe she bought a fifty-two thousand dollar car.

Vala opened the manual and started reading.

"Not now. But read it." He handed her the keys, "Okay, ready?"

"Yes!"

"Go ahead, put the key in the ignition."

She turned her head, looked at him oddly.

Not good. He reached over, pointing, "right there."

Vala fumbled with the keys. "Oh, I knew that, I'm just a bit nervous. Silly me."

Daniel reached across and separating the keys, held up the correct one.

"Which motor does it start?"

He turned his head, looked at her oddly, opening his mouth to speak, then closed it. He looked back longingly toward the entry into the mountain. Everyone knew, at least most everyone from earth knew, Porsche's motor was in the rear. "It only has one motor."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes, Vala, it only has one motor."

"Well, Mr. Know It ALL, there's an extra one in the trunk, I know because I was going to leave my bag in there and I looked." She jerked a thumb to the rear of the car.

If he didn't laugh he would cry. Obviously, Vala had never been introduced to the madcap world of rear end motors. He removed his glasses, rubbed his eyes. He took the keys from her. "Why don't you go look at the other one," he pointed to the front of the car, where the trunk was, handed her the keys, the correct one held between his fingers. "Use this."

Lips sealed and eyes squinted, head slightly turned, she watched him a moment, before getting out of the car and going to the front. "Is it because people steal them?"

Hands in the air, shaking his head in bafflement he asked, "steal what? Porsche's?"

"Motors."

"Motors?"

"Yes, they lock one up and keep an extra one?" She looked at him over the windshield as serious as Vala MalDoran could be serious.

"Did she just say what I think she did?" Mitchell appeared, standing next to the passenger door.

"Yep."

Mitchell shook his head to clear the Vala debris. He whistled, moved around the back of the car, inspecting every detail.

"You know, Mitchell, I can fix you up with the hot chick that owns this car." Daniel looked back at Mitchell, who continued his appraisal of the vehicle.

"Not for a mothership load full of them."

Vala was bending down trying to fit the key into the lock.

"Don't scratch it!" Mitchell surprised Vala and she dropped the keys. "Here, let me show you." He unlocked the boot and handed the keys back to her, indicating the hood in Vanna White fashion.

She looked up to Daniel who still sat in the car smirking idiotically at her. She found the latch and opened it. Surprise! Clean, empty, except for a bundle of non-descript plastic. Lowering the hood a bit, her eyes met his, hers thoroughly bewildered. She raised the hood again and looked inside, lowered it again and looked at Daniel.

Shutting the hood, all she said was, "Oh."

When Vala got in the driver's seat, Mitchell leaned on the door. "Hold on there, little missy, and let me move my truck." Before he walked away he gave Daniel an 'I'm feelin' your pain,' kind of look.

Rubbing her palms together a moment, Vala took a quick glance at Daniel, found the proper key and put it into the ignition. "There. I'd like to drive to the mall."

In the ten seconds before he responded he had the distinct feeling he was being pulled into the wormhole. "We're not going anywhere; you need to understand the pedals, learn their functions, and practice a while."

Her sigh was long and discouraged. "This could take forever."

"Yes. Left foot on the clutch, right on the brake, press the clutch all way down, while moving the right foot to the gas pedal." He was watching her feet.

When nothing happened he looked up. Shoulders straight ahead, chin down, head slightly skewed sideways, Vala's eyes stared blankly in his direction.

Daniel leaned over, removed the key, grabbed the manual and got out of the car. "Come on." He started back towards the base.

"Daniel, it hasn't been anywhere near an hour! I wanted to learn today. Daniel? Daniel! I need to drive to the mall, today, there's a really big sale. I have cash left over from the necklace; I need to spend it! Daniel?"

When she finally caught up with him, he was waiting for her at the elevator. Handing over the manual he told her, "Read it. Look at the diagrams, get in the car, match them up, learn their functions. You are a smart woman Vala, but this is all new to you. You flew the Prometheus, figured it out and hauled me clear across the galaxy. You can do this. When you're familiar with everything, come back and we'll try again. When I have time."

Disappointed, she knew he was right. If her cute little car required Naquadah, she'd already be flying to the moon.

"And you need to put the top up and lock it." The elevator arrived; he stepped in, "now."

The door slid shut between them and Daniel smiled, shaking his head.

Vala opened the manual while returning to the car. She located the 'lock the doors section', read it, and moved on to 'putting the top up', and read that until she reached the car. She smiled lovingly at her little red convertible, performed the top up function without a hitch, and without having to reread a thing. She rolled up the windows and locked the doors, careful not to scratch the paint. Walking away, she remembered something she'd seen in the 'trunk' and returned. Carefully opening it up, she retrieved the car cover, secured it over her baby and entered the mountain.

STOP! WARNING - DRIVING MISS CRAZY - S P O I L E R S BELOW!!!

Next on Driving Miss Crazy- Chapter Two: Maybe One Day -Lesson One, and I'm not talking about driving. Powershifting and grinding gears. Daniel drives the car. Daniel drives Vala crazy. Daniel makes a promise.