Story: Discovering Olivia
Fandom: Law and Order: SVU
Author: hippolover1326
Chapter: 1 (Mistake)

All characters belong to Dick Wolf.

Alternate ending for the episode "Legitimate Rape."

"No, you know what?" Olivia's face radiated defiance. "You know what? I'm done here!" She stalked through the precinct, presumably to either the bathroom or an interrogation room. This left me with Munch, Fin, and Amanda glaring at me.

I looked around at all the papers and file folders pushed to the floor (most by Olivia but a few by me) because of our argument. Munch grabbed my shoulder. "Nick! What the hell was all that about?" I sensed he wanted to say more, but he was keeping himself in check, unlike me.

"I know. I want to apologize to Olivia so many times. I was stupid…"

Olivia and Nick were in the precinct after Avery Jordan had run off with her baby.

"Remember when you asked about my father and I told you it was a long story?" Olivia said, more of a statement than a question.

"Yeah," Nick replied, not really seeing where this was going.

"It's not that long," Olivia continued quietly.

"So what, your mom was raped too or something?" Nick asked very sarcastically, not thinking at all.

"Yeah." Olivia said, looking Nick dead in the eye.

Stunned, he sat quietly for a moment.

"Liv…"

"Yep, I'm a child of rape. Anything else you want to know?" Olivia said just as sarcastically. She stood up.

"Olivia, wait –"

"No, you know what? You know what? I'm done here!"

"You know that Liv has a hard time trusting people. What is this going to do to her?" Amanda pointed out.

"She has to come around," I said.

"She's Olivia," Fin said, and those two words seemed to say a lot.

"I – I just –"

"Oh look, Nick the high and mighty, brought down from his pedestal," Munch sneered.

"I really stuck my foot in it," I admitted, which for me is huge. "I have to go apologize."

"Don't – not yet," Cragen warned me.

"But why not?"

"Nick, whatever emotional state she's in right now, she doesn't want any of you to see it," he said. "Trust me, I've known her a long time."

Their words barely registered as I rushed down the hallway to find Olivia. I wasn't sure what to say. 'Sorry I insulted your mom and your whole life,' didn't really seem like it would work in this situation. I got closer to the interrogation rooms. I figured that's where Olivia would go to be alone.

Behind one of the doors, I could faintly hear crying. I was surprised – I never saw Liv cry, so either my comment really got to her, or there was something else going on. I walked to the end of the window and looked in at an angle so I could see Olivia by the door. She was sitting with her back leaned against it, her hand over her mouth, shoulders shaking.

I couldn't believe it was my fault. I must be the biggest jerk alive. I didn't know whether to let Liv cry or open the door. Maybe I should have gotten Fin or Amanda to talk to her, but of course I didn't make the rational decision.

I pushed open the door. "Olivia?"

I heard a gasp as she stood up. She frantically tried to wipe away her tears.

"Yeah? What's up?"

"Liv…Olivia…"

"Nick, just don't," she said, fighting like hell to keep her voice from cracking. "I really don't – you're the absolute last person I want to be talking to right now."

I sighed. "Well…you're going to need to talk to someone."

"Just get out. Please," she said. A single tear escaped her eye. Damn. She brushed it away angrily.

I sat down in the chair next to the metal interrogation table. "Olivia, I just wanted to say how sorry I was. That was an asshole comment of me, and I know it. I can't imagine how hard it was for you, and then I went and insulted it. Please forgive me, Liv, or at least talk to me…"

"Fine. Fine, I'll get it out in the open. My father Joseph, raped my mother Serena. For reasons unknown to me, she decided to have the baby. That was me…From the time I was five years old, I had to learn to take care of myself. I remember once not seeing my mom for 3 days straight. I was six years old. Don't get me wrong, she was a lot of fun…when she was sober, which was never. She used to tell me that she hated to look at me because I reminded her too much of my dad.

"I'm a pretty emotionless person when I have to be, and because of my mom I had to be. When I was sixteen, I got engaged to one of the students at the college where my mom taught. She got so mad that we got into a fight. She came at me with a broken vodka bottle, and I pushed her against the wall. For a minute, I really truly thought I killed her.

"I made a vow that I was going to be nothing like my mother…I was going to be different, and instead of resenting her, I was going to help those people that were just like her. That's why I let Avery Jordan run away with her baby. I didn't want her to be reminded of the man that raped her, but a teeny bit of me wanted the baby, Theo, to never have to go through what I went through."

"Olivia…" I whispered. "I am so, so sorry…"

"Yeah, well, it's over now so there's no use sitting around crying about it," she said, eyes hollow looking.

"It's okay to cry sometimes, Olivia." I told her. "Every person has a breaking point, and you've been through so much…"

"I'm fine, Nick," she told me. "It's over." but this time, her voice broke.

Instinctively, I reached over to give her a hug. "I'm sorry, Olivia. I wish I'd known, I really do."

To my surprise, Olivia hugged me back.

"I trust you, Nick, I don't know if you know that but I really do. I'm glad you're my partner."

I smiled. "Me too, Olivia, me too."

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